


Beneath the Veilfire

by oxygenforthewicked



Series: Prompts and AUs [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Accidental Adoribull, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Dark Cullen, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fade Nerds, Fade Science, Fade Shenanigans, Fluff and Angst, Half of this shit I'm making up as I go, Hurt/Comfort, I really didn't plan for it, It just happened, M/M, Modern Thedas, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Research, Slow Burn, Solavellan Hell, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 115,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxygenforthewicked/pseuds/oxygenforthewicked
Summary: After being banished from her clan for a crime she didn't commit, Lana Lavellan is forced to rebuild her life from the ground up. When she begins her final year of graduate school, everything seems to be falling into place - until one night she finds herself pulled into the Fade. She doesn't know how, or why, and she is determined to find answers.But when Lana meets a visiting professor who specializes in the Veil, there is an undeniable spark – a spark that can only end in flames.***Modern Thedas AU!Most characters and situations belong to Bioware. No copyright infringement intended.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Solas, Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford, Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age), Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Series: Prompts and AUs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178135
Comments: 267
Kudos: 178





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My take on a modern AU! Some notes about this piece: 
> 
> \- Firstly, I want to put in a warning there is *some* emotional and sexual abuse in this fic. It is not prevalent throughout the entire piece, but I will put trigger warnings in the descriptions just in case. 
> 
> \- Secondly, this AU includes magic, the Fade, lyrium, and so on. It just also includes cell phones, cars, and indoor plumbing.
> 
> \- Thirdly, I will try to post an update at least once a week <3
> 
> As an added note: While this is not the central point of the fic, I started writing this as a way to process my own PTSD. It may not reflect everyone's experience so I will be mindful to tag potentially triggering content. If there is something that you find triggering, feel free to request a CW tag and I'll be sure to add it in.

Lana Lavellan watched as the city of Amaranthine glowed in the distance, growing smaller as the train sped along the tracks, taking her home. She tightened the scarf around her neck, shivering slightly. _They really need to start turning up the heat in the cabins. This winter is going to be chillier than it was last year._

She leaned her head back against the window, shutting her eyes. It was her birthday. Part of her just wanted to go home and sleep – today’s lecture had been particularly dry. But she knew her friends would never forgive her for not celebrating with them. _Not to mention Cullen._

He wasn’t usually big on celebrating things, but somehow her birthday was always different. They had been together for two years, but even when they weren’t he had been incredibly adamant to give her the best gifts. She sighed. _If only I had a talent like that… I’m so bad at gifts._

She instinctively touched the coin necklace he’d given her during Satinalia the year before. _It’s for luck,_ he had told her. Lana wasn’t much for superstition, but the coin had been so important to him – the only thing he had kept from his childhood before he left home to join the military.

The train came to a stop, and she made her way through the tiny station. The freezing air bit the exposed skin on her face, and she snuggled deeper into her large scarf. It didn’t do much to help her ears. The points poked out of her hair – not even her earmuffs helped. _They really need to make better earmuffs for elves._

Walking down the dark street, she took a deep breath and looked up at the stars that were just barely visible. _That’s the one nice thing about living away from the city. I love Amaranthine, but it’s too different from home._ She had grown up in the Free Marches, hours away from any sort of civilization.

The closest thing they had to a city was a town a few miles south that had a few stores, two restaurants, and one bar. She damn near had a panic attack the first time she went to Kirkwall. The bustling streets and constant threat of pickpockets certainly kept her on her toes, but if it hadn’t been for her brother, she would have probably ended up lost down some forgotten alley. Luckily, Amaranthine was a lot tamer than Kirkwall. It was still a wild city, but the people were a lot nicer and pickpocketing was less common. 

Lana reached her complex and climbed up the stairs to her flat. She would need to take a hot shower if she was going to go _anywhere_ that night. Her toes, though tucked away in thick winter boots, felt like they were about to go numb. Keying into her flat, she felt a rush of warm air. _Damn. Left the heat on again._ Dropping her things off by the door, she made her way down the hall to her living room.

As she turned the corner, she jumped. Cullen was standing before her, holding a plate with a single cupcake. _Right, I gave him the spare key._ She had forgotten that she’d given him a copy of her key two weeks before. It screamed “serious relationship,” to her, but they both knew that it was more for convenience with the long hours she spent at both the university and work. The candle atop the cupcake was lit, and his mouth spread into a wide smile, shifting the scar on the right side of his lip.

“Happy birthday, Lana,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek, his stubble brushing against her. 

She let out a small laugh. “You couldn’t wait, could you?”

He shook his head, his smile unfading. “Not a chance. I had to be the first one you celebrated it with.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re terrible.”

“I know,” he chuckled.

Lana closed her eyes and made a wish, then leaned forward and blew out the small flame, a trickle of smoke curling upward. 

“What did you wish for?” he asked, setting the cupcake down on the coffee table.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t come true!"

“And I thought _I_ was the superstitious one,” he chuckled. Stepping forward, he tucked her in his arms and she buried her face in his warm chest. He kissed the top of her head.

“I need to shower,” she sighed, pulling away from him.

“Do you _have_ to?” Cullen said, taking her hands and tugging her back into a deep kiss.

She laughed as she pulled away. “Yes, unless you want my feet to get frostbite out there.”

He leaned down, his lips touching her ear. “Want company?”

Her lips spread into a wide smile. “ _Not_ if we want to get to the bar on time.”

“We can always be late. It _is_ your birthday.”

She chuckled, shaking her head, and pulled away. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Wait,” Cullen said quickly.

She turned back and he handed her a small, square parcel wrapped in dark green paper. She smiled at him and tore the paper away, revealing a black box hidden beneath. Opening it up, she smiled brightly. It was a bracelet made of pure silver that had been shaped to look like an elfroot circlet, and small cuts of summer stone were embedded in the main band. Cullen beamed down at her.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” she smiled, shifting up on the balls of her feet to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

He picked up the bracelet and ran his fingers across it. “Summer stone is found by Honnleath, and elfroot grows in abundance up in the Free Marches. I felt like it was a symbol that connects us in a sense. Perhaps it’s silly, but, I thought of us when I found it.”

“It’s not silly,” she said as he placed it in her hand. “It’s sweet. I’ll wear it tonight.”

He smiled as she turned back around to head to the shower. Lana shut herself in the bathroom and shrugged out of her clothes. Looking at herself in the mirror, she grimaced at the bags under her deep, green eyes. _I really need to sleep more_. Her head was shaved partially on one side, her long, dark hair cascading down the other, framing her heart-shaped face.

She undid the braid tucked over the shaved area, several hairs snagging against the many earrings punched through her ears. She winced as she carefully pulled them away, and turned on the shower. The hot steam washed over her bare skin before she stepped into the tub. She sighed. She could have let Cullen join her, she supposed. It wasn’t as though they would have been horrendously late to her party. Some part of her was glad he didn’t press the issue, though. _It would have felt more like work than anything else._

It wasn’t necessarily the best attitude to have about sex, she knew - there had been a time when she truly enjoyed sex with Cullen when they first had gotten together, but lately it just never felt… _right._ She pushed her thoughts away and scrubbed her skin clean, ready for a drink. It had been a long week.

***

Stepping across the frosted parking lot, Lana and Cullen pushed through the doors of the bar that was just down the street from her flat. The inside of the bar was rustic-looking with most of the furniture, the walls, and the floor all made of dark wood. Their friends sat across the bar at a large, round table in the corner. A large smile erupted on her face as they waved them over.

“Happy birthday!” sang Dorian. He was looking particularly debonair in his dark sweater and button-up shirt, with his black mustache perfectly curled. He sprang up from the table and hugged her tightly, swinging her in a circle.

Lana laughed. “You’re acting like you haven’t seen me in forever.”

He set her down and crossed his arms. “Well, with you holed up in that study for the past week, I’ve had to put up with _Merrill_ every day. _Merrill._ With her insane theories on the ‘benevolence’ of _demons._ ” He rolled his eyes. “How that girl ever got into the program, I’ll never know.”

Lana chuckled. “ _She_ , at least, has a solid start to her thesis.”

He groaned. “Thank you for reminding me. That is probably the _last_ thing I want to think about right now. I need a drink.” 

“Get me one, too!” Lana called as he crossed the room to the bar. 

She turned back to see Varric already writing down their exchange, his eyes twinkling as he watched them. The dwarf was adamant to steal anything for his next novel. Cassandra sat beside him and scrunched her pretty face as she read what he was writing. She had short, dark hair and a scar across her cheek. No one ever asked her where it came from, but they theorized that she’d had a fight with a bear at one point and won.

“I did _not_ see Dorian eye Cullen lustfully,” she said, her brows furrowed.

Varric chuckled as they watched Cullen turn red. “Now you’ve embarrassed the poor man.” Cullen sighed heavily and pulled out a chair for Lana before seating himself beside her. 

“S’all good, Cullen,” Sera chimed in from the other side of the table. “Pretty sure Magey here looks at everyone like that.”

“She has a point,” Varric said, eyebrows raised.

“Who has a point?” Dorian said, setting a tall drink in front of Lana and sitting on the other side of her.

“That you look at everyone like you want to sleep with them,” Lana said simply.

Dorian waggled his eyebrows at her. She chuckled and playfully pushed him away. “In your _dreams_.”

“Only if my dreams swap you with your handsome brother,” he quipped.

Lana rolled her eyes. “Would you just ask him out already? I’m sure he would say yes.”

Dorian stirred his drink. “I’ll ask him out when he stops dating that poor excuse of a man, Frederic.”

Lana laughed. “He broke up with him last week, you know.”

Dorian’s eyes widened and he scooted up from his chair to make for the door. Lana caught the fabric of his sweater and pulled him back, snickering. “ _After_ we’re done. Besides, he’s hundreds of miles away, and I haven’t even finished my drink.”

“But _Lana_ ,” he whined.

“Now, kids,” Varric said, putting his hands up. “We need to focus on why we are all truly here. It is truly a special day, after all.” Lana raised one eyebrow as the dwarf’s mouth tugged upward mischievously.

“Go on,” she sighed, regretting it instantly.

“ _My new book_ , of course!” he said triumphantly. “It just came in, and I have signed copies for you all!” 

They all groaned. 

“Please tell me I’m not in it again,” Dorian said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Now, Sparkler, you should be _proud_ to be one of my muses.”

“ _Not_ when you pair me up with that ridiculous Qunari man we met in Val Royeaux. Oh, what was his name…. Sven? Saren?”

“Sten,” Varric laughed. “Yes, I know, it was an awful pairing. But it _did_ sell over five thousand copies.”

“Don’t remind me _,_ ” Dorian groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I had to spend two hours trying to convince my father that it wasn’t _actually_ true _._ ” Cullen chuckled softly.

“Yeah… sorry about that, Sparkler.”

Sera huffed. “ _Anyway._ ”

“Yes, Varric,” Cassandra said. “We are here to celebrate _Lana._ ”

Varric chuckled. “But of course. Here’s to Lana. Happy birthday, kid.”

Lana blushed as they clinked their glasses together. She sucked down the sweet drink Dorian had brought her, her cheeks heating as she drained the glass.

Dorian chuckled. “Long week, then?”

She set her glass down, silently reprimanding herself for drinking so quickly. “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve been tossing around ideas for a thesis and I just cannot come up with anything substantial _._ ”

“Ugh, are you lot talking magic again?” Sera scoffed. “We’re s’posed to be talking about _normal_ things, yeah?”

Lana laughed. “Alright, fine. No magic talk tonight.”

Dorian’s eyes scanned the table as it fell silent then turned to Lana with a grin. “So does anyone _have_ anything normal to talk about?”

Lana laughed. “I mean, I got a promotion at work.”

“At the coffee shop?” Varric asked. “I didn’t know they even _had_ promotions.”

Lana rolled her eyes. “They promoted me to assistant manager. Which means I will be doing everything I was doing before, just more often _and_ I’m in charge of the new hires – but they pay me more.” She eyed Dorian, who was fighting a laugh. “Not a word out of you.”

He gasped, clutching his chest. “Why, Lana, I am _appalled_ that you think I would say anything bad about your illustrious career.”

“Laugh it up, retail boy,” she quipped.

He smirked. “You’re just jealous that I get a discount at your favorite shop.”

She covered her face. “So jealous,” she moaned. 

They spent the next few hours that way, and Lana drank until she felt like her mind was swimming. It was a relief after everything not to worry for at least one night. She had tried desperately to be done with figuring out her life by that day, but that plan was already out the window. She would have to come up with a conclusion by the end of the weekend so she could have at least _something_ to bring to her advisor on Monday morning. It would be excruciating, but it had to be done.

Cullen practically carried her home, steadying her as she nearly slipped on ice three times. He pulled her up the stairs to her apartment and had her drink two large glasses of water before finally putting her to bed. He pulled off her boots and pants before tucking her feet under her blankets. As he turned to leave, she sat up. _If there were any other time to make up for my earlier thoughts, now is the time._

“You can stay here if you want,” she said.

He stopped in her doorway and smiled. “I would like that.”

After pulling off most of his clothes, he slipped beneath the blankets and pulled her close, his arms wrapped protectively around her before he kissed her forehead.

“Good night,” he whispered in her ear as he pulled her into him. As his breathing slowed, a feeling of emptiness coiled around her core. His arms had once filled her with a sense of peace and comfort. But in recent months, the love she’d had for him felt like it was dissipating, though she couldn’t place why that was. She closed her eyes, letting the blackness take her.


	2. Chapter 2

_Lana’s eyes opened in a bright field. The grass was tall and swayed in the breeze. As she stood, her eyes took in the rolling fields around her, the snow-capped mountains in the distance, and the cloudless sky above her, but no signs of civilization as far as the eye could see._

_There was a shimmer in the air around her. The sound of shifting grass behind her made her whirl, and a pair of golden eyes met hers. A large white wolf stepped through the grass toward her. She took a step back, her heart pounding in her ears._

_The wolf was as tall as she was. It sat as it noted her retreat, observing her curiously._

_She took another step back._

_The wolf lowered itself to the ground as if to show her that it wasn’t a threat._

_“You won’t hurt me?” she said to the wolf. She felt foolish for talking to a wild beast. But as if it understood – it seemed to shake its head._

_“You can understand me?” she asked. The beast nodded._

_She hesitated. Perhaps he was luring her into a false sense of security. And yet… a question remained._

_“If you understand, then can you tell me where we are?”_

_The wolf rose slowly and turned to walk away._

_“Wait,” she called. “Where are you going?”_

_It turned its head to her, as if telling her to follow. She sucked in a breath. Everything about this made her stomach tighten. But she ran after the wolf, falling in step beside it._

_The wolf led her to the edge of a cliff, the wind howling below them. Before them was a barren wasteland. But above it, in the sky, there appeared to be the remnants of an ancient city suspended in the air. It was entirely blackened, almost as though it had been burnt._

_Throughout the wastes, she could see shimmers of green, orange, and red. A strange hum came beside her. As she looked, she jumped back, falling in the dirt. It was a being, of some kind. It gave off an orange aura, but held no defined features of a corporeal form. But even without eyes, she knew it was looking right at her._

_She looked back at the wolf, who wasn’t phased in the slightest. She looked at the sky above her – a sky with clouds that seemed to swirl up into… nothing._

_“We’re in the Fade,” she said quietly._

_The wolf seemed to nod. It turned away again, leading her to a forest path. The forest path opened into a clearing, and at its center was a statue of an elf. Her delicate hands were outstretched, holding a strange object. As they neared, she saw the object was some kind of strange orb. The orb seemed to hum with energy._

_“How strange,” she said, reaching out to touch it._

_The wolf growled behind her. She stepped away. “Sorry,” she said to the wolf. “My curiosity got the best of me.”_

_The wolf nuzzled her hand._

_“What is it?” she said to the wolf, looking back at the orb. The wolf looked at her, its gaze intense. Afraid._

_And suddenly the world dissipated around her._

***

Lana spent her entire Saturday at the library, flipping through dusty textbooks on the Fade. She needed to find _something._ How had she appeared there? It must have been a dream, she supposed – and yet she knew it hadn’t been. It had been real.

As she turned page after page, she found more evidence that what she had seen was the Fade. Incorporeal beings - spirits - were the biggest indication. She turned another page and stopped, her fingers touching the sketch of a blackened castle. The Black City, it was called.

 _This has to be real._ There were myths about people who had been able to enter the Fade. Some myths claimed that elven monks could enter through dreams. Others mentioned the ability to enter the Fade physically by using dark rituals. But she hadn’t used a ritual, and she definitely wasn’t a monk.

She had to know more.

The Fade itself was hard to study, and most people didn’t bother, seeing its existence as a religious view than scientific fact. She sighed, frustrated, and flipped the book she was reading shut. She turned to her laptop and started typing in the search engine. She tried phrases like, “Fade Study” and “Fade Science.” She scrolled through dozens of new age-like articles on how the Fade affects spiritual energy and how the place of birth in relation to the Fade affects one’s personality. Suddenly, one article caught her eye.

_Measuring the Veil, by Dr. F. Harel._

The article was nearly fifty pages of evidence supporting the existence of Somniari, or dreamers, who could enter and manipulate the Fade at will. The author went on to discuss the potential for physically entering the Fade, and what that could mean in terms of advancing transportation as well as understanding the connection between the waking world and the Fade. 

He recalled the experience of entering the Fade by meditating and willing his subconscious to cross the Veil. In the passage, he described the shimmer of the sky, the tingling of magic on the skin, and the Black City floating in the distance no matter where you stood in the Fade. 

_This is it,_ she thought excitedly.

She went back to her browser and searched the author’s name, Dr. Harel, to see if he had any other articles, or an email she could write to.

News articles flooded her search.

_Dr. F. Harel's highly controversial take on the Fade has academics wondering how far is “too far” in the name of science_

_Dr. F. Harel fired from the University of Arlathan, an elf-only university, for the destruction of the Magical Lab_

_Dr. F. Harel’s work considered “fringe science” and regarded as being “unethical” in the eyes of the scientific community_

She frowned. Perhaps he was overly zealous about his research. The world wasn’t quite ready for something this big. _But perhaps the dreaming part could be studied._ The article had briefly gone through what occurs to get to the Fade, but had no information on what the physical state of the dreamer was in the waking world. She smiled and began writing down notes furiously.

***

By Monday morning, she had gathered enough information to present to her advisor – even if it was still a work in progress.

The university sat beside the Waking Sea and, with the semester just starting, was bustling with students. Fountains sprung up as she walked briskly across the main pathway to the Department of Magical Science. The building was tall and covered in wide, stain-glass windows. On the inside, the walls were covered in elaborate runic art, and with the natural light that flooded in through the windows, the images from the glass reflected beautifully against the white walls.

She stopped in front of her advisor’s door, clutching the thick folder full of articles and notes tightly. _Dr. Fiona Grey,_ the gold inscription on the door read. She took a deep breath before rapping on the door.

“Come in,” Fiona said from within.

Lana pushed the door open and halted slightly. Her advisor was not alone.

“I can come back later,” she said quickly, clutching the folder to her chest.

Fiona smiled brightly, the skin around her light blue eyes wrinkling and her pointed ears lifting slightly beneath her short, black hair. “No, please, do come in. May I introduce our new adjunct professor, Dr. Wolf. Dr. Wolf, this is Lana, one of my advisees.”

“Just Solas, please,” the elf said, his eyes locking onto her. There was not a hair on the top of his head, aside from his eyebrows, and below his high cheekbones, his angular jaw sloped narrowly down to his pointed chin. She took in his eyes, nearly holding her breath. It was as though there was a storm brewing within them. He smiled and stood up from the chair across from Fiona, and Lana felt herself go slightly weak as he practically sauntered toward her. He was much taller than she was, and slightly broader than a normal elven man. The buttoned shirt he wore clung tightly to his chest. Her throat bobbed as he reached his hand out to her, and she awkwardly shook it as she balanced the files she held against her. His hand was slightly warm against hers, and the contact alone gives her small shivers. Solas smiled brightly at her, as though waiting.

 _Oh, right._ “Nice to meet you,” she said quickly.

“A pleasure,” he said, something in his eyes twinkling before he retracted his hand and turning back to Fiona. “I appreciate you meeting with me on such short notice. I hadn’t anticipated being transferred so quickly.”

“Indeed,” Fiona said. “It is unfortunate that Irving had to leave, but I’m glad you were able to join us. I am sure you will fit right in with our department.”

“We can only hope,” he chuckled, nodding to her and Lana as he excused himself from the office. 

“So what is it that you have for me?” Fiona muses, motioning to Lana’s full arms.

“Right,” she says, flustered as she shuts the door behind her and carefully places her folder on the table. “I think I’ve finally come up with something.” She pushed the folder to her advisor.

“Oh?” Fiona says, flipping open the folder. She read through the first page. She frowned. “You are interested in the Fade?”

“Yes, and the concept of dreaming," Lana said, wringing her hands. “I understand that it is a controversial subject…”

“ _Highly_ controversial,” Fiona said, raising her eyes to Lana, “so much so that most in the academic community do not deem any research related to it to truly be science, but merely spiritual belief and fringe science. It would not be dissimilar to studying wormholes or astral projection.”

“Well, that’s exactly why someone _should_ research it,” Lana explained. “If there is no merit to Dr. Harel’s research, then let it be proven. But we cannot simply _decide_ that something is not true if there is no evidence to support either side, especially when there are so many pieces of evidence littered throughout history to suggest otherwise.”

There was a flicker of a smile on Fiona’s face before her expression became stern. “As your advisor, I must strongly advise against something that may stir up more controversy and potentially affect your career. But as a scientist, I believe you are right. However, if this is what you choose to do, I cannot be your advisor.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, you see, I have not studied this particular area as much as others. In fact, it is the subject I know the least.”

Lana’s heart sank slightly. _Back to square one, I suppose._

“But,” Fiona said, closing the folder. “There is finally someone here who can help you with your studies. And it just so happens that he was transferred here today.”

Lana’s face flushed slightly.

“I suggest that you contact Dr. Wolf about his own studies. Perhaps he will be able to give you some proper insight into the subject. More so than I could ever give you,” Fiona smiled and pushed the folder back to Lana. She wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or more nervous. _Hopefully I’ll be able to keep my head on straight next time._

Creators, she was a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: sexual coercion

The computer screen before Lana was glaring at her. The email was blank save for the email address that Fiona had given her. She rubbed her forehead. Part of her didn’t understand what the big deal was. _It’s just an email._ It didn’t matter that she had just _happened_ to find him attractive. It was perfectly natural to find people attractive, after all. Just because she was with someone didn’t mean that she couldn’t admit that someone was attractive? Right? She pursed her lips. _Fenedhis, I’m reading too much into this._ She filled in the subject line. _Studying the Veil._ Her mouse scrolled over the body of the email, and reluctantly she began typing.

_Dear Dr. W-_

_Wait, no. He just goes by Solas. Right._

_Dear Solas,_

_Hello, this is Lana Lavellan – we met yesterday when you were meeting with my advisor, Dr. Fiona Grey. I was wondering –_

_No, I have to be bold. Confident._ She tapped the backspace button aggressively. 

_Hello, my name is Lana Lavellan – we met yesterday when you were meeting with my advisor, Dr. Fiona Grey. I am currently working on a topic for my thesis and have an interest in the Fade. Dr. Grey mentioned that you specialize in that field and I wanted to know if you could give me some tips on where to start._

_Thanks,_

_Lana_

She drummed against her keyboard as she read over the email. Short, sweet, and to the point. She pressed _send_ before she could lose her nerve. Closing her laptop, Lana sprawled herself across her unmade bed and yawned. She looked over at her clock. _Nearly 10 pm._ Cullen would be by soon.

A knock echoed from the front door on the other side of her flat, and her stomach twisted. _Speak of the devil._ She rolled herself out of her bed. Stepping over to the door, she pulled it open and smiled brightly at the blond man who stood before her. He had managed to shower and slip into more comfortable clothes than his work attire – and was holding a bottle of wine.

“Oh, for me?” Lana said with a small laugh.

“Well I would appreciate a glass,” he chuckled and leaned down to give her a small peck. “But yes. I figured you would need it.”

She stepped aside to let him in and proceeded to her kitchen in search of a corkscrew. She had a feeling the wine was meant as a prelude for something else. It usually was. A lump grew in her throat. Opening one of the drawers beside the sink, she let out a gasp as a warm body was suddenly flush against her back. His arms twisted around her middle and he kissed the shell of her ear.

“Cullen,” she said abruptly, ducking out of his embrace. “I’m… not really in the mood tonight.”

His arms dropped to his sides. “Right,” he said.

She gave him a weak smile and returned to the corkscrew search. 

“So, when are you going to be ‘in the mood’?” he said abruptly. “We haven’t had sex in over two months, Lana.”

Lana froze, her skin crawling at the sound of his tone. “I-I’m not sure? When I feel it?”

He put his hands on his hips and laughed. “When you _feel_ it? So what… is that code for ‘never’?”

“No, I just…”

“It feels like you don’t want me anymore, Lana,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “like I’m not good enough for you.”

“What? No! That’s not it,” she said, her fingers curling into fists.

“Then what is it?” he said, his voice rising.

Her throat felt dry as panic grew in her chest. “I’m just really stressed out about my thesis. That’s it. Really. I love you, Cullen.”

His eyes softened. “I know, Lana. But I’m stressed too. I just think… sex will help alleviate that, you know? For us both?”

Her throat bobbed. He just needed a release. Maybe it’s all she needed, too. Maybe sex would fix it – fix this horrible feeling rising in her stomach. The feeling that he was going to leave soon. Her home, her lifeline… she couldn’t lose him. “Maybe,” she said softly.

Cullen smiled and slipped his hand around her waist.

  
***

Lana stared at the ceiling. A warm tear slid down her cheek. She felt shattered, but couldn’t make out why. Cullen lay asleep beside her, turned away as usual, but there. She felt almost a gaping hole grow in her chest. Shouldn’t she be happy? They’d had sex finally, for the first time in months. He was happy – perhaps that would last him a while before he asked again.

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep now. She pulled herself out of bed and into the dark living room. She wrapped the soft blanket folded on the chair around her and sat down.

Part of her supposed that this time, the sex had just been different. She hadn’t been into it as much as he wanted her to be. Maybe if she had communicated better? She sighed. She was sore and tired, but her brain wouldn’t shut off. She picked up her laptop off the coffee table and opened it. Several tabs were still open, one of them being the picture she’d pulled up of Revan. It had been the two of them several years ago at a clan festival. Both of them had bright smiles and rosy cheeks from all the summer wine. Revan had golden hair that always seemed to be in place and perfect, sun-kissed skin that wrinkled slightly whenever her laugh bubbled up from her throat. Lana’s heart ached as she flipped through more photos from the festival. Suddenly, the laptop dinged. Lana jumped.

 _An email? At this hour?_ She looked at the clock. 2:00 AM. She frowned and clicked on the tab.

_RE: Studying the Veil_

_Good evening Lana,_

_It would be a pleasure to share my work with you. If it’s not too late notice, I am free tomorrow – or, rather, today – at 11:00 am. I am holding my office hours in the coffee house by Thresher Hall then._

_If this time is not suitable for your schedule, please let me know and we can work out a separate time to meet._

_\- S_

Lana bit her lip and replied.

_Solas,_

_That time works just fine for me._

_See you tomorrow (or, rather, later today)._

_Lana_

She smiled to herself before reading it over again. _Maybe I should keep it more formal,_ she thought. Moving her mouse back down, the button accidentally clicked, and the email was sent. She pursed her lips. _Well, I hope he’s not too serious, then._

She flipped back to the other tab and began scrolling through more of her clan’s photos. She came across a very old photo of herself and her brother. They were both sitting at a clan meeting, bored out of their minds. Taelan was glaring at the camera, his eyes seeming to twinkle slightly even in the still frame. _He’ll be coming home from his trip soon._

The laptop dinged again. She blinked and flipped back to the previous tab. _He emailed me again?_ She bit her lip to keep herself from laughing out loud.

_RE:RE: Studying the Veil_   
  


_Excellent. I shall see you tomorrow, or rather, later today. Also, if you have a copy of what work you currently have, please bring it with you._

_\- S_

_P.S. I suppose a coffee shop would be most appropriate as well, given the hour it is now. Though I suppose it is the curse of academics to have such wretched sleeping habits._

So he wasn’t too serious, it seemed. Maybe it was the wine, maybe she was just lonely, but something impulsive in her pressed the _Reply_ button.

_I will make sure to do so._

_\- Lana_

_P.S. It is due to my wretched sleeping habits that I am an academic. After all, correlation does not equal causation._

_Send._ She had barely flipped through the next few replies when the laptop dinged again.

_Indeed. However, philosophizing at 2:30 AM about the causal forces behind your choice to follow academia would suggest that you were an academic to begin with._

_\- S_

_Point taken,_ she thought.

_Perhaps. Or, perhaps I philosophize to fill the dull hours before dawn._

_\- L_

She sent the email, her muscles feeling jittery. Lana watched her email for a moment, but he didn’t respond. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. _Well, it was fun while it lasted._ Sighing, she closed her laptop. Standing up, she stretched her arms up toward the ceiling. Sleep would claim her soon. She started to walk toward her bedroom when her phone dinged softly. Frowning, she picked it up and unlocked the screen. She had received an email.

_Ah, but it is the hours before dawn that the best ideas manifest. It is why I am awake at this hour. The veil is always at its thinnest in the time between the setting of the moon and sunrise. So perhaps your habits will be of use to you in the coming months._

_\- S_

_P.S. You should try to sleep, though. See you tomorrow._

Setting her phone by her bed, she fell back onto the mattress. She felt almost… giddy? How strange. Her eyes slid to the sleeping man beside her, and her smile faded rapidly. She used to be so happy with him. Now, she couldn’t remember when that had been – or what it had even felt like. Maybe it was just the rough patch they were going through. They would get it back soon.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I only planned on posting one chapter tonight but... here's another one. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Lana’s fingers gripped tightly to the warm mug in her hands as she scanned the café the next morning. She was grateful Solas had wanted to meet somewhere warm – even with her hat and scarf she was freezing. Glancing down at her watch, she bit her lip. It was 11:00. Drumming softly on her mug, she sat back. Why did she feel so anxious about this meeting? Frowning at herself, she pulled out the folder with all of her work and set it neatly on the table. _There._ She stared at it for a moment. Fear crept up her spine. _What if he thinks all of my work is stupid?_

“Good morning,” a gentle voice said above her, making her jump.

“Hello,” she said, smiling brightly at him.

Solas smiled back and sat down across from her. “Is this your work so far?” he said picking up the folder.

She nodded, already feeling a bit foolish, and watched as he leaned back in his chair and flipped through the pages of her proposal, skimming each page. Her nervousness grew with each second of pregnant silence.

Solas frowned and looked up at her. “You want to study entering the Fade?” 

“Yes,” she said, her shoulders slumping slightly. “I know it’s ‘highly controversial’ as Fiona says, but…” her voice trailed off.

“It is fascinating,” Solas said, placing the proposal back in the folder. “You and I have very similar theories. I have already begun a research proposal similar to yours, actually. It examines the effects the weak points in the Veil have on an individual’s magic. But I imagine that it may help us understand the potential for dreaming.”

“So you don’t think it’s completely crazy?”

He chuckled. “Whether or not it is ‘crazy’ is a matter of debate. What matters more is that you are interested in pursuing the truth in unanswered questions. Which could be used to prove whether or not dreaming is a ‘fringe’ concept. Most academics would advise against something such as this for your thesis, however.”

“Fiona said as much.”

“Fiona said as much, and yet she advised you to seek my help?”

“She’s not one to follow the crowd,” Lana replied. “Neither am I.”

“A true scientist, then,” he said.

She smiled.

“So, how have you been planning to conduct the research?” Lana asked.

“Well, the only way to start is by looking into the theoretical concepts and turning those concepts into measurable data and seeing if we can obtain any substantial evidence.”

She hesitated. She supposed she could tell him of her experience, but she wondered if he would think she was delusional – or had made the whole thing up.

“And if we find that it is possible?” she asked.

“That depends. If it is possible, then the only way to test it is to try to enter the Fade ourselves.”

She bit her lip. She didn’t want to say anything quite yet. Not until she knew for sure.

He chuckled. “I realize how strange that must sound, given your expression. It is not something most people attempt unless, of course, they are…”

“Hippies?” she replied with a sly smile.

“I was thinking of the term _hedge mage,_ but I suppose they both carry the same semantic meaning,” he smiled, leaning forward. “But yes, attempting to enter the Fade through dreams has been a goal of mine for a while. So much _history_ is laid bare, just ready for the taking. Weeks of historical research can be condensed into mere hours. You can witness the rise and fall of ancient kingdoms, the beginning stages of an entire civilization, and so much more.”

His gray-blue eyes were brimming with excitement, the storm brewing within them becoming a hurricane. It was then that she realized how close they were sitting. Her cheeks heated and she pulled herself back to a safer distance. His eyes flickered and he followed her motion.

“That’s amazing,” Lana replied.

“Indeed it is,” he said, the excitement dimming. “But as I was saying, our theories and interests are very closely aligned, and I am in need of a research assistant… if you are up to the task, of course. It would give you the research material you need for your thesis.”

“Of course,” Lana said, trying not to sound too eager.

“The university has also given me a budget, with a monthly stipend for a research assistant.” Solas checked his watch. “I am afraid that I am out of time, for now, as I have another meeting to attend. We can discuss the logistics soon. Will you be free this Friday afternoon? We can meet in my office, first.”

Lana smiled. “I’ll be there.”

“See you then,” he said, smiling back as he stood up and pulled his coat on and began to wrap his scarf around his neck.

Lana followed suit and held her hand out. “Thank you for meeting with me today Doc- erm, Solas.”

He slowly finished wrapping his scarf and chuckled. “You’re welcome,” he said, shaking her hand. She felt electricity shoot down her fingertips. “It was my pleasure.”

As soon as he had said it, he was walking across the café and out the door again.

***

"You find joy in the strangest things," Dorian chuckled later as they sat in the library. "It's a bit unfortunate that the new professor isn't more attractive. That would at least make your enthusiasm more understandable."

"Well, he's not _unattractive_ ," she countered quietly.

Dorian raised an eyebrow and sniffed. "If you're into that whole scholarly, tweed jacket with elbow patches thing."

Lana shifted and Dorian stared at her. He let out a laugh.

"Oh my, you have a crush! I never took you for a doe-eyed schoolgirl. Don't tell Cullen about that one. Maker knows how he would react."

Lana rolled her eyes. "I am _not_ a doe-eyed schoolgirl. And it doesn't matter, because I don't have a crush. I just enjoy talking to someone who cares about the same things I do."

"And is easy on the eyes, yes?" Dorian said with a wink. "Don't worry, it will be our little secret, dearest."

Lana sighed. "You're impossible."

"Impossible not to adore, you mean? I get that quite a bit."

She glared at him and he snickered.

"Speaking of which, how are you and dear Cullen? You seemed a little off last time we were all together."

Lana shrugged. "We're fine."

"You sound incredibly enthusiastic about it too," Dorian deadpanned.

She ran her fingers through her hair. She wasn't sure how much she should tell him. After all, Cullen was his friend, too. And all that was wrong with their relationship was because of her own shit that she had going on, anyway. It wasn't Cullen's fault that she was disinterested in being with him. "We are _fine_. Things are just complicated right now.”

“If you say so,” he said, sipping his coffee as he turned back to his textbook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we had a major power outage yesterday and my laptop was completely out of battery, so sorry for posting this a day late. I'm really trying to keep myself on a good schedule :) 
> 
> Something I want to note, though - this is not a fic that is going to disregard the toxicity of relationships that have an imbalance of power, so if you're worried, this will definitely be addressed. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

_Lana opened her eyes to the colorful shimmer of the Fade. The field around her was just as serene as the first time she appeared here. Spirits floated off in the distance, and though she still felt uneasy about them, they didn’t startle her as much. Dreaming was deemed impossible by so many, but here she was yet again. Soft footsteps came from beside her. She turned to see the wolf, its golden eyes seeming to smile as it sat beside her._

_“I don’t suppose you know how this is possible?” she asked the wolf with a chuckle. The wolf tilted its head to the side._

_“No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” she sighed. She wondered if the wolf was some kind of spirit. It would make sense, she supposed. But it was so corporeal, unlike any other spirit she had seen._ Maybe I’m overthinking it, _she thought. Standing up, she looked at the forest across the field and began to walk. The wolf fell in step beside her. Stepping through the trees, she felt the same hum of magic that she had before near the strange orb. Biting her lip, she walked in the opposite direction._

_“It’s so peaceful here,” she said to the wolf. “But I wonder, is there a place you enjoy being? I can’t imagine that you spend your whole existence in that same field I found you in.”_

_The wolf eyed her, its eyes full of something like laughter. “Alright then, will you show me where you like to go?”_

_The wolf led her through the forest until they reached the edge. The trees opened up to a large ruin. It looked like it used to be some kind of keep. The stone was withered, and most of the walls had fallen, either from war or simply time._

_The wolf began to walk toward the gate. She smiled as she took a step forward._

_“Lana,” she heard someone whisper in the distance. She stopped dead, turning toward where the voice came from._

_“Lana,” the voice whispered again, drawing out her name. It was coming from the forest._

_The wolf growled as she stepped toward the voice. But she had to go – had to see. The voice sounded familiar somehow._

_She stepped through the brush, twigs and leaves cracking beneath her feet. She heard the wolf following close behind her, but she kept going. Finally, she came upon a clearing. She sucked in a breath as she took in the brightly colored aravels of a Dalish encampment. Elves were walking around the camp, engaging in lively conversation, the air full of laughter and joy. She stepped into the camp, her heart full. These were people she had known, grown up with. These were the people she’d had to leave behind._

_She felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see bright green eyes of a female elf staring at her, bewildered. “Lana?” she asked._

_“Revan,” she sucked in a breath._

_Revan’s mouth spread into a wide smile as she flung her arms around Lana, squeezing her tightly. “I’ve missed you so,” she said._

_“I’ve missed you, too,” Lana said as she pulled away. “But how are you here?”_

_“What do you mean?” Revan said, tilting her head to the side._

_“We’re in the Fade,” Lana said with a frown. “Can’t you tell?”_

_“No, we’re not,” Revan chuckled. “Did city life scramble your brain or something? We’re in the Free Marches. You’re home.”_

_Lana stepped back. The wolf appeared beside her, its golden eyes looking into her own. Its gaze seemed to ground her. “Revan, this isn’t real,” she said. “No matter how much I want it to be.”_

_“Of_ course _it’s real!” Revan said. “Come on, let’s go join the others!”_

_Revan grabbed her hand, but Lana pulled away. “No, none of this is real,” she said, tears filling her eyes._

_“How can you say that?” Revan frowned._

_“I was banished, Revan,” she said. “I’m not allowed to return to the clan. They would kill me on sight.”_

_Revan shook her head. “It doesn’t have to be like that anymore. I can help you.”_

_Lana stepped back. “How can you help me?”_

_The wolf growled, stepping forward. Revan snapped her head toward the wolf, her eyes ablaze with anger. “Call off your beast, Lana,” she said. “He doesn’t belong here.”_

_“No,” Lana said. A lump grew in her throat._

_Revan stepped toward her, reaching for her hand. “Come on, Lana –” she said as the wolf stepped in between them._

_“Get out of here, wolf,” Revan said. But her voice had… changed. It was distorted, otherworldly. The wolf lunged, biting her on the arm. She recoiled, and suddenly the entire encampment disappeared._

_And Revan wasn’t Revan anymore. A horned being with grey skin stood before her, its horrible eyes glaring at the wolf. “You’ve ruined my fun,” the being hissed at him._

_The wolf growled again, stepping toward her. A voice, or something like a voice, seemed to enter her mind and whisper a single word. “Run.”_

_She hesitated for a moment until the wolf lunged at the being, knocking it back. Lana took off for the woods, rushing through the trees and the brush. She could hear the screeching in the distance, but she didn’t stop._

_Her muscles ached and her lungs burned as she reached the edge of the forest. She collapsed in the grass, trembling as she tried to catch her breath. The sound of running water rippled nearby. She struggled to walk over to the stream, cupping the water in her hand as she took a drink. Odd, it seemed like she was still experiencing the same physiological effects in the Fade as she did in real life. That gave her pause. I wonder what else is the same in the Fade, she wondered. Could she use magic? A twig snapped behind her, and she whirled._

_The wolf stepped into view, his muzzle red. He limped toward her, and she looked down to see blood on his front leg._

_“You’re hurt,” she said, kneeling down to observe the damage. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”_

_She rinsed his leg as he drank from the stream, washing away the blood from his fur. She ripped a piece of fabric from her clothes, which she realized was some kind of Dalish garb. She frowned as she dressed his wound._

_“I should have known,” she sighed. “All of it was wrong from the beginning.”_

_The wolf eyed her sadly. She gave him a small smile. “A story for another time, I think,” she said. “I don’t think I can relive any more memories today.”_

_The wolf laid his head on her lap, and she stroked his head. Looking up to the trees above, the sunlight glittering through the leaves, and though the pain still gripped her heart, she felt at peace._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short, but another one is on the way. I might be skipping a week with this fic but I'll be sure to add one soon. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and any comments/critiques are welcome!


	6. Chapter 6

Lana's eyes opened, and she untangled herself from her sheets. She looked at the time. 3:00 AM. Stepping down her hallway, she rubbed her forehead. Her dream would be harder to get rid of this time. The sound of the thing's voice... the demon, she assumed... still echoed in her ears.

She stopped in front of the mirror hanging on the wall and paused. Dark circles marked the skin below her eyes. She sighed and sat on her couch, curling her legs into herself as she opened her laptop. Part of her enjoyed being in the Fade, but if it meant encountering dangerous beings, she was going to need more information. And perhaps a way to protect herself. She bit her lip and began to type.

The being had indeed been a desire demon, Lana found on a website about Thedosian mythos, but it was the best lead she’d had. She found nothing on the strange corporeal wolf, though. She rubbed her temples. The dream had replayed over and over in her head, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t shake it. She typed in the search bar. 

_[Using magic in the Fade]_

Her search results gave her nothing substantial. She opened her email and started typing.

_Solas,_

_I had a thought and I was hoping you would have some ideas. How much of the real world do you think exists in the Fade when someone is dreaming? For instance, do you think a dreamer would be able to use magic? – Lana_

She hit send and sighed, tilting her head back. Maybe she should try to sleep more. But if she did, who was to say that she would be able to stay out of the Fade? Her journeys had been completely random so far.

She began to close her laptop when she heard it ding.

Opening the screen up again, an email appeared.

 _That was quick._ She wondered if perhaps he somehow lived on his laptop, even in the middle of the night.

_Lana,_

_It is difficult to say, with how little we know about dreaming. However, since dreaming seems to spring from one's affinity for magic according to some scholars, and magic itself is a product of the Fade, I would venture to guess it is certainly possible to utilize magic in the Fade._

_Wards and other protective spells would come in handy to prevent dangerous spirits if it is possible. - S_

Wards would have certainly helped, she thought. But what about the physical connection? If she had been hurt, would she have felt it?

_That makes sense - but what if you did get hurt by a dangerous spirit? Do you think it would affect your body in the real world? - Lana_

_You ask interesting questions so late at night. I do hope you get enough sleep. But to answer your question, it is difficult to say. It may depend on what happens while you are in the Fade. The Fade can be dangerous, according to the research, but if one is careful, they may be able to avoid such confrontations with spirits. - S_

His answers felt oddly specific, but she felt a little less nervous about her experience. Perhaps the wolf from the Fade knew the area enough and tried to prevent her from going too far off the beaten path?

She felt a small sense of guilt. The wolf had been hurt, and it was her fault. It was a strange sense of kinship with the spirit, but she hoped she could make up for it in time. She continued to type.

_Interesting questions keep me up at night. As for whether or not I get enough sleep, that is debatable. Do you think there are some spirits that aren't dangerous? Helpful ones? - Lana_

_I believe that there are many helpful spirits. Spirits embody values, and so if their entire purpose of being is compassion or wisdom, they are going to stay true to their original nature. I imagine that spirits, when turned from their original purpose, become what the Andrastian Chantry would call "demons." But spirits, by their original nature, would not be malevolent. A book that may interest you is Fade and Spirits Mysterious by Brother Ferdinand Genitivi. He has some interesting theories. You should try to get sleep, though. If I remember correctly, there is a presentation being held in the morning. I would hate for you to miss it. - S_

_Aren't you the one presenting? - Lana_

_That is beside the point. -S_

_Don't worry, I will be there - even if I do show up as a zombie. - Lana_

_I will be getting coffee at the cafe where we had our first meeting around 7:00 if you would like to join me. -S_

Her heart lept.

_I have a feeling I'll be needing it. See you then. - Lana_

She laid back and closed her laptop, and she felt a flutter within her core. _Ugh._ _This is the second time we’re getting coffee together. It’s nothing new._ But part of her kept thinking back to how his face lit up when they talked about the Fade. There was a beautiful kind of wonder in his eyes that would be just so easy to get lost in.

Closing her eyes, she sighed. After feeling so numb for so long, she was just happy to feeling something more than this stale gray nothingness that gripped her heart. 

Revan's face flashed in her mind. She had wanted so badly for the dream to be real. It had been so long since she had seen her - but the demon had it right, she knew. Lana didn't know what she would have done if the wolf hadn't been there. If he hadn't defended her. She would likely have become a prisoner in her own mind. Or worse.

***

Lana opened the door to the cafe. She knew she was early, but she couldn't stand wandering around her apartment anymore, being stuck in her own head.

"Lana? What are you doing here so early?" a woman with dark hair and bright blue eyes popped up from behind the counter.

"Oh, hey, Bethany," Lana said. "There's a presentation this morning for the department of magic."

"Brutal," she said shaking her head. "You want your usual?"

Lana nodded and pulled out her wallet to pay.

"Oh no, it's on me," Bethany said, waving the cash away.

"Then use it to cover my professor's drink,” Lana smiled. “We're meeting here in a little bit before the presentation."

Bethany nodded and started on the drink. "What does he look like?"

"Professorial. Bald elf. Can't miss him," she said with a grin.

Bethany laughed. "I'll be sure to keep an eye out."

Lana sat at a table by the window, looking out at the sunrise peeking over the horizon. The bell at the front door chimed and Lana's heart jumped. A group of three students piled in, ordering various drinks with way too much sugar. She sighed. She really needed to get a hold of herself. This was ridiculous.

The bell chimed again. The butterflies in her stomach betrayed her as Solas stepped through the door. Their eyes met and he gave her a soft smile, a smile that felt like it was just for her. She shivered. As he stepped up to the counter to order and pay, Bethany waved the card away and started the drink.

Sitting across from Lana, he smiled. "Do I have you to thank for that?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said innocently.

He chuckled. "Well, thank you. Did you happen to sleep at all before coming here?"

She shook her head. "I have to take the train to get here anyway, so it's better that I was awake."

"You live that far from the city?"

She nodded. "It's more affordable."

"Of course," he said.

"Do you?"

"Hm?"

"Live in the city," she said with a smile. She could tell by the bags beneath his eyes that he hadn't gotten much sleep either.

"Ah. Yes, I do," he said.

Bethany walked over and slid a cup of coffee in front of him. He thanked her and Bethany turned to Lana, giving her what appeared to be some kind of knowing smile.

_Whatever that meant._

"I apologize if I am not very good company," Solas said. "I was hoping to arrive before you did so that I could be awake enough for casual conversation."

"It's alright," she said with a smile.

"So, enlighten me," he said after taking a sip. "What was it that kept you awake, if you don't mind me asking?"

Lana bit the inside of her cheek and stirred her coffee. "Just... just a bad dream," she said, focusing her gaze on the swirling foam.

“Interesting,” he said.

“Hm?” she lifted her gaze.

He was staring down at his own cup as well. “Troubling dreams often keep me awake at night as well.”

“That is interesting,” she said. “Considering what we are planning on studying.”

He chuckled. “But that is the point, yes? Walking the Fade instead of suffering uncontrollable dreams?”

She sucked in a breath. “What if… what if we ever accidentally entered the Fade? Without trying?”

“It would be quite unusual, but not unheard of,” he said. “If one is sleeping where the Veil is particularly thin, and they have an affinity for dreaming, I imagine it would be easy to slip into the Fade without knowing.”

“Without knowing? Wouldn’t you be able to tell that you were in the Fade?”

Something like curiosity sparkled in his eyes. “Theoretically one might know that they were in the Fade, if they knew what to look for.”

“Like what?”

He laughed. “Well, the world being a bit off, for one. Some scholars have suggested that if you focus on the differences from our world and the Fade, it may be easier to not only recognize the Fade, but manipulate your surroundings.”

“So you’re saying you would land in the same place where you fell asleep?”

“Possibly, I think it depends entirely upon where you are. The Fade holds an enormous amount of history, so you may not wake up in your bed, for instance, but rather what used to exist there.”

“I see,” she said.

“Why do you ask?”

She flashed him a smile. “Just a thought,” she said.

He smiled and looked down at his watch. “Ah, we should be leaving. It is almost time.”

***

They walked into the lecture hall, and Lana suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. Several people came up to Solas to greet him, and Lana took that as her cue to leave. But as Solas shook hands with another professor, there was a flash of something white wrapped up to his wrist. _A bandage?_

He caught her gaze and quickly turned away, and she bit her lip as she took her seat.

"Did I see you having coffee with the new professor?" Dorian whispered, suddenly seated next to her.

"Stalker much?" she whispered back.

"Hah! As if I would need to. We see each other too much as it is."

"Please, you would be bored without me."

He chuckled. "Of that, you are correct. But you will need to fill me in later."

"We just happened to meet, it's no big deal," she replied.

"Hush, I'm trying to pay attention to this clearly very important lecture that they required the whole department to attend."

She smiled and shook her head.

The overhead lights dimmed and the spotlight illuminated the stage. Solas spoke for nearly an hour on Fade magic and its uses. Most of the audience seemed rather bored towards the end. Lana was the exception, but she supposed it made sense, as it was the area in which she was well-versed.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed. Her cheeks flared red as she silenced it instantly. But before she could put it away, she saw a single message from an unknown number.

_[Lana, it's Revan. Please call me as soon as you can.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psych! I posted a chapter anyway. I would just like to note that I wrote most of this on my phone while riding the bus. XD
> 
> Thank you for reading my nonsense! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! Sorry for the wait - I have had the worst writer's block. But through the power of Spotify and pure spite, we have a new chapter!

Lana gripped her phone as she stood outside, the cold morning chilling her to the bone. Her thumb hovered over the "call" button. They hadn't spoken in over a year. How had she gotten her number? No one in the clan had spoken to her since she had been kicked out. No one but Revan would want to speak to her, anyway. The demon version of her friend flashed in her mind. She shuddered. Sucking in a breath, she pressed her thumb down, pulling the phone to her ear.

It rang once. Twice.

 _"Lana,"_ Revan said on the other line. "I'm so glad you called.”

“Of course I called,” Lana said with a weak laugh. “But how did you find my number? Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine… sort of. I got your number from a friend of a friend. Merrill, I think her name was?”

Lana sighed. _Merrill. Why are you giving out my number?_

“Anyway,” Revan continued. "It’s… Nethrien," Revan said. Lana’s throat dried. "I think he has something planned for Arlathvhen but I'm not sure yet." 

"Arlathvhen? What could he possibly...?"

"He’s been talking about us going early this year. Which is harmless, but the way he talked about it gave me a bad feeling. He was talking about how we would help lead the ceremonies, and how it was such a great honor and that the other clans were looking up to us. It felt like total bullshit. Everyone knows that no one clan is above anyone else. So the other night I saw him sneaking out of camp so I followed him, and saw him talking with shems who were armed to the teeth. He has something planned but… Lana, I can’t fight against him alone, but no one in the clan will believe me.”

"You want me to come to Arlathvhen?"

"I know it's a lot to ask, but there's no one preventing you from going - there's just no one from the clan who's allowed to speak with you."

Lana bit her lip. She knew she couldn't leave Revan to fight back against Nethrien alone. But to see him again after everything… her gut clenched.

"I'll be there," Lana replied.

"Thank you," Revan said, smiling through the phone. "I have to go, but I'll be in touch." 

Lana’s hands were shaking as she lowered the phone, staring at the blank screen. She steadied herself on the handrail. She couldn’t handle seeing Nethrien again. It would break her in ways that she didn’t even want to think about. Tears started to well in her eyes.

"Lana?"

She turned her head to see Solas standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry I left your lecture early. I had a... um..." she looked away, trying to will the tears away.

"Do not worry about that," he said gently. “Are you alright?

"Yes. I just had a... family issue." She gave him a weak smile. He didn’t look very convinced, but he didn’t press her further.

She pocketed her phone. "Are you headed to the magical department as well?" 

He nodded. "Yes, I have to prepare for a class in a couple hours.”

"Another lecture? Don't you get a break?" she said as she walked with him down the stairs. 

"This is my break, in a way," he said. "But to be truthful I never tire of discussing theoretical magic. Though my students may not always feel the same." 

"Your enthusiasm tends to shine through, though," she said with a smile. "The best professors are the ones who are passionate about the subject." 

He barely glanced in her direction but a small smile crept across his lips. "Tell me, Lana," he said, and she shivered at the sound of her name. "What is it you wish to do after you graduate?" 

"I want to be a researcher," she replied without skipping a beat. "Finding the truth for unanswered questions is important to me." 

"A noble pursuit," he said as they turned the corner to the department building. "One I share as well." 

As they stepped into the warm building, Solas turned to her. "Thank you for accompanying me. I will see you this afternoon, yes? For our first research meeting?”

She nodded. Part of her felt jarred by how his tone seemed to change, but she pushed the thought away. “I’ll be there.”

He smiled as he turned and headed up the stairs. As he left, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Pulling it out, her heart jolted as she read the text from Cullen. 

[When are you done today?] 

She bit her lip and replied. 

[Probably not until late. I have a research meeting. Why?] 

He replied immediately.

[Just asking.] 

She frowned. He was up to something, but she didn't have time to question his motives. She needed to get to her seminar.

***

Lana’s fingers splayed out over the open page of the textbook before her. She had read and reread the same paragraph nearly fifteen times. She kept thinking of Revan and everything that she had said. She sighed as she checked the time.

It was the first day of research, and she was going to be completely sidetracked.

As she walked to the magic department, she tried not to let her thoughts overwhelm her. It was taking everything she had to block that part of her life. Hearing from Revan had ripped the bandage from the gaping wound inside her, and it was going to take a while to come back from that. She’d kept everything in a nice, neat little box in the back of her head – but if she saw Nethrien again, all of it would flood out of the box, never to be stuffed away again.

Lana was suddenly standing in front of Solas’s office. She raised her fist to rap softly on the door. She waited for a moment, the eerie quiet climbing across her skin.

“Come in,” she heard him say from the other side. 

His office was huge. The walls were covered with bookshelves, filled to the top with thick texts. Two adjacent windows connected together on the opposite corner of the room, with a perfect view of the fountain in the courtyard below. Solas sat at a mahogany desk positioned toward the window, typing vigorously. The desk was covered in papers, with his laptop nestled between _The Complete Record of Geographical Anomalies Vol. II_ and _The Great Battles of Thedas, Vol. III._

“Let me just finish writing this down and we can begin,” he said, not tearing his eyes from the screen. “You can hang your coat on the coat rack by the door.”

“Okay,” Lana said softly, closing the door behind her. She slipped out of her thick coat and hung it up on the rack. The air smelled of coffee and something… almost herbal. She stepped toward the bookshelves, eyeing a photograph that was hung in between them. It looked as though it were some kind of painting on stone from a ruin. At the top was a dark sphere with light, faded streaks coming down from it. Below was what looked like some kind of mountain in between a mountain range that appeared to be lit up by the beam. The angles and faded colors made it hard to make out exactly what was depicted, but she assumed it was from one of his many travels. In the photo, she could see the beginnings of two paintings beside it. She looked around at the other walls, wondering if he had the other two hanging up as well. The rest of the walls were blank. She frowned. Solas stopped typing.

“And… finished. Apologies for making you wait,” he said, turning to her with a smile.

“No need to apologize,” she said. “I was admiring this photograph. The painting must have been lovely in person.”

His smile dimmed. “It was,” he said. “It was part of a mural I found in a ruin while traveling through the Frostback Mountains. I have pictures of the rest of it buried somewhere. I can bring the others once I find them, if you like.”

“Sure,” she said. “I would like that very much.”

“Then I shall do so. For now, however, let us begin our first research session. What have you brought with you?”

Lana unfolded her arms around the folder she was carrying. “These are just notes on recorded areas where the Veil is thinnest, along with the corresponding elevation, air pressure, and how each responds to different elements including those produced by magical means,” she bit her lip. “Unfortunately there were only a total of seven sites found, all located several thousand miles from here.”

Solas raised his eyebrows.

“But the records provide more than just air pressure and basic observations,” she said quickly, opening the folder. “It also gives tips for how to approach each site, and what to be wary of – namely things like the occasional disruption in magic, and…” her voice trailed off, her cheeks heating up. _Creators, he must think I’m an idiot._

Solas chuckled and stood up. “While I appreciate having those on hand, you needn’t worry about those for now. Our research will begin here, in one of the labs.”

Lana frowned. “One of the magic labs? Won’t we need to be where the Veil is thin?” 

“That was a theoretical assumption by most,” Solas explained. “But there are theories that also suggest if the conditions in the area do not interfere with one’s concentration, you may be able to enter the Fade.”

He motioned for her to follow him. “As I spoke of before, a born Dreamer can walk the Fade at will without prior knowledge or training, and usually from a very young age. To know how to do it on command, however, is an entirely different task altogether. As for those who are not born a dreamer, yet have an affinity for magic, they may be able to do it in time. They just lack training and resources.”

They made their way down the stairwell, their footsteps echoing against the bare walls. At the bottom of the staircase, there was a locked door with a keypad on the wall beside it. Solas typed in the code and opened the door for her. She stepped into the dark room, and the light switched on.

“But I will tell you a secret,” he said, closing the door.

Lana turned to face him.

Solas crossed his hands behind his back, a smile emerging on his lips. “All elves possess the affinity to walk the Fade when they dream. It is a gift that has been long since forgotten and dormant, but has not disappeared.”

Lana frowned. “Even elves who show no sign of magical affinity?”

“Yes,” he said. “They can shape their environment and walk freely through the Fade, though they will likely never be aware of it.”

“If all elves have the ability… how is it that we have no knowledge of this?”

Solas pressed his lips together. “Time erases many things. And the truth is, many do not even realize that it is a gift they possess and pass off their experiences as strange dreams.” He motioned to the other side of the room.

Two large white circular devices were pushed up against the wall. It had no labels or distinctive markings, except for a single handle on each that looked to be some kind of hatch.

“Is that…?” Lana began.

“A sensory deprivation tank,” Solas finished, walking towards it. He lifted the hatch open to reveal dark, still water.

“To create the perfect environment for entering the Fade,” Lana said. “No distractions, no outside stimuli.” 

“Exactly. We will use it for our attempts. It is a stable environment that will also allow us to utilize equipment that will monitor how our magic is effected, if we are able to successfully enter the Fade.”

She crossed her arms. She could still hear the demon’s voice, echoing in her ears. “So… we’re just going to go straight into it?”

“Not yet,” Solas said, closing the hatch. “Only when you are ready. I would not ask you to participate in something you are not comfortable with.”

“I mean, I’m not… uncomfortable, but…” she started. “I didn’t realize…”

“We would be making our attempts right away?”

She nodded.

“I understand. It is a lot to take on at first, “ he said. “Using literature and studying different findings will help in the coming days, but we will need to attempt to enter the Fade in order to study its effects. My plan for this meeting was merely to give an overview of how I plan on conducting my research. If you have different ideas or wish to approach it differently, you may feel free to give suggestions.”

Lana shifted, her eyes wandering around the lab. Several tables and chairs filled the center, with several desktop computers pressed against the wall. A couple different instruments used for testing magic were sitting atop the counters. It reminded her of her undergraduate classes in a way. The technology was more advanced, and the equipment was newer, but it still gave her the same feeling of excitement. _Hopeless nerd,_ Dorian called her whenever she talked about her science classes. She looked back at Solas, who was waiting patiently for her reply.

“Your methods sound reasonable to me, so far. My research may require more concrete, quantifiable data, though.” 

Solas smiled. “Excellent. Our findings will be quantifiable, if that eases your mind. As I mentioned before, we will be recording brain and magical activity as we make out attempts. And, if we do end up entering the Fade, we will have the ability to test its impact.”

Lana nodded. “Of course.” Her eyes dropped back to the sensory deprivation tank. She reached out and touched the smooth, white surface. “How will it work? Entering the Fade, I mean.”

“I have read that it takes concentration. Some need herbs and teas to reach the optimal mental state if they are not a natural-born Dreamer. The sensory deprivation tank allows the body to relax on its own, but the biggest task you will undertake is calming your mind. Once you enter the Fade, there are beings that may attempt to compromise your will.”

“Demons, you mean.”

“Spirits,” he corrected, “but yes.” He folded his arms behind his back and stepped around to the other side of the tank. “It will be dangerous. If you keep your wits about you, however, we shall be fine.”

“And what of possession?”

“There will always be a risk, but we can find ways to protect ourselves.”

She nodded. “If we can use magic as you mentioned before, we could set up wards.” 

“Indeed. When we enter the Fade, we will need to keep a record of what areas affect our magic this most. Once we have marked these areas, it would also be good to keep track of what event occurred in each area.”

“And what sort of mental activity occurs, from this side,” Lana finished.

He nodded. “We can make connections based on those observations. Pinpointing areas where it is thinnest – and thickest – will allow us to determine the differences in mental patterns and physical responses to each. It may take us a while to find two stable points, but this is the first step. For now, we will need to prepare journals so that we may record the information as soon as we wake up after each session – as to keep track of locations and observations we have. In addition, it will be important to research the places that will theoretically have the most activity so we can begin there rather than searching the entirety of the Fade. You have begun this part already, but as the Fade has a tendency to carry geological imprints from our world, we may also want to look into historically profound locations.”

“One of my friends is doing his thesis on ancient Fereldan battles – he may have some ideas of where to start.”

“Excellent. I will also need you to read a few articles that I will email you later tonight. You may have prior knowledge of how dreaming works, but you may learn something new. Once that is all done, we can begin.”

***

As they left the department building, Lana felt a deep thrum of something like joy inside her chest. There was so much that she would be able to learn – though she worried what would happen if she could only enter the Fade while she slept. Either way, she couldn’t ignore how much she enjoyed Solas’ company. He was her professor, true, but some part of her felt like they were quickly growing to be friends.

“By the way,” Solas said, pulling his coat on as the stood at the edge of the front steps. “Do you have any plans for Satinalia?”

Her heart leaped. Why was he asking? “I’m probably just going to go to the festival downtown with my… friends,” she said, hesitating. Somehow, it felt weird bringing up Cullen now.

“Ah, that sounds enjoyable.”

“Why do you ask?”

“There is a department party in the early afternoon that day. I was hoping to know someone other than Fiona there.”

She bit her lip. As much as she wanted to go to keep him company, she knew that Cullen would be mad if she skipped out on him – Satinalia was his favorite holiday. “I might come but if it’s anything like last year, Dorian will be panicking and asking me to help with prepping for the festival. So I might have to leave early but I’ll try to come,” she said. 

“Dorian Pavus, yes?”

She nodded.

“Well, I hope to see you there, but if not I hope you have a happy Satinalia,” he said, turning toward the parking lot. 

As she walked to the train stop, she couldn’t help the smile that was creeping across her face. The joy that swirled within her gave her pause. Maybe it was just that she felt she could talk to Solas about anything – they could talk about theoretical magic for hours and she never felt like she had to tone down her enthusiasm. The only other person she could talk to like that was, well, Revan. Her heart clenched.

Arlathvhen was only two months away. She would see Revan again, but it wouldn’t be the same. She wrapped her arms around herself. Even though she wasn’t tied to that life anymore, it still felt like she could be dropped back into that reality at any moment.

She approached the small brick train station. It looked like it was calming down from a normal Friday night. An elderly dwarf was sitting on one of the benches outside, his eyelids drooping as he clung tightly to his briefcase.

“Lana.”

She whirled to see Cullen, smiling as he leaned against his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as a side note, I know that in the Dragon Age universe, Arlathvhen (which means "for the love of the people") takes place every ten years - but as this is a modern universe and they have things like planes and cars, it's an annual gathering for the Dalish. :) 
> 
> Also thanks for reading my absurd take on mixing Dragon Age magic and the scientific method. XD 
> 
> I have a few more chapters lined up, so you should expect a new chapter next week! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Slight verbal abuse

Cullen’s lips curled into a crooked smile, a few stray gold locks hanging carelessly to the side. She turned on her heel and stepped lightly over to him. “Hey, what are you doing here?” she asked.

He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I wanted to surprise you by taking you home.”

“You didn’t have to,” she said, “I don’t mind taking the train.”

He laughed. “But I wanted to. Come on, we can go back to my place – I can make you something to eat?”

She had been hoping to go home to relax but – she supposed she could use some company instead. Being alone was probably a bad idea. “Alright, but I can’t stay out too late.”

Lana and Cullen climbed into his large, four-wheel-drive car. It smelled brand new, and the seats were stiff. He’d purchased it several months prior after he’d been promoted. He’d offered to give his old car to Lana, but she refused to drive. After growing up essentially in the wilderness, she hadn’t been particularly interested in owning something that just felt unnecessary when she could just use public transit.

As he drove down the highway, though, she watched other cars pass by and wondered if maybe she should invest in her own car, after all. She didn’t particularly like it when Cullen acted like giving her a ride was something special. If she had her own car, it wouldn’t matter. She could stay in the library as late as she wanted, leave places when she wanted, and would never need to call him for help if the train broke down.

She looked over at Cullen. The top few buttons on his white shirt were undone, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. But something about him was off, and she couldn’t place why. His face was completely neutral, and he was in a relaxed position with one hand on the wheel, the other resting to the side. But his shoulders… were very tense, she realized. 

“What’s on your mind?” Cullen asked suddenly. She blinked and looked away quickly.

“You look a little tense,” she noted. “Was work stressful today?”

“A bit. Meredith has been running us a bit ragged on a new case. Something about some unregistered mage in the area. They apparently got through the sensors at the university, but the administration has been fighting us at every turn to begin the investigation.”

“Does she know if they're dangerous?”

“Well, the sensors outside the university are used to scan anyone that comes in for magic, bombs, or other weapons, right? Not to criminalize, since it's technically a private institution, but to prevent anything particularly dangerous from getting through.”

“So you say,” Lana replied. She had been particularly floored by how heavy the security had been when she first came to the city. It was as if _she_ were the bomb. The university hadn't been much better.

He sighed. “They’re not perfect, of course, but the intention is to keep the peace. About a week ago, a mage slipped by the university sensors without being stopped, and they were carrying some kind of magical object that was off the charts.”

“Why weren’t they stopped?”

“Apparently one of the dispatchers was involved. We apprehended them, but so far we haven't learned anything. We have no idea where the individual is now, much less where the object is. We have a port of entry on campus and a blurry video to go off of.”

She crossed her arms. “Why haven't we been told?" 

“Like I said, the university is fighting us at every turn. We have no way to investigate it if they won't let us look beyond what the security footage gives us.”

“Wonderful.”

“I don’t mean to scare you or anything,” he said. “But you should probably be careful until we catch them.”

“If you catch them,” she added.

He grimaced. “Let’s hope we do.”

***

Cullen’s house was rustic, yet simple. The roof of his house rose to sharp peaks, with stone walls and lanterns on either side of the doorway. He walked her in and took her coat. The empty feeling coiled around her again, this time tightening as she watched him pull out a bottle of wine and pour two glasses. Handing one of the glasses to her, he kissed her temple before he started cooking.

“How was your first research meeting?” he asked as he sliced several peppers and threw them in a sizzling pan.

“It was good,” Lana said. “It’s going to be a bit interesting working with the professor as I haven’t known him for too long, but I’m positive we’ll be able to collect some interesting data.”

“What was it you were researching again? Something having to do with magic and the Veil?”

“It’s a lot of different things, though it boils down to measuring the physical connection we have to the Veil and the Fade.”

He frowned as he added pasta to a boiling pot. “And how does one measure that?”

“Well – you can only do so much from studying this side of the Veil, unfortunately. So, we’ll be studying it through Dreaming – collecting data from inside the Fade.”

Cullen froze. “You’ll be _entering_ the Fade? How? All of the records for those rituals have been destroyed. Not to mention the ritual itself is outlawed altogether.”

Rituals – he thought they intended to use lyrium, as mages in the past had to enter the Fade. She’d read about it while she was an undergraduate. Nearly one hundred years ago, it was a rite of passage for mages to enter the Fade and prove they were good enough to join the ranks of mages in what was called a Circle – _or better described as a mage prison_ , she thought. They did it to prove they couldn’t be possessed. If they were possessed, they would turn into some kind of demonic monster and be killed on the spot.

But when they realized how inhumane the practice was, and mages fought for freedom so they would no longer be treated like prisoners, the practice was banned.

“We won’t be performing a ritual, Cullen.”

He frowned.

“We will be Dreaming – or trying to, anyway. We’ll be essentially meditating in a quiet environment until we can enter the Fade. It’s an ancient technique developed by elves.” 

He laughed. “I suppose you’ll also be trying to see the future in tea leaves and crystal balls, as well?”

Her hands clenched into fists. “Don’t mock me.”

His laughter died out. “I just have a hard time believing the whole thing.”

“Well believe it. I’ve already done it twice, by accident.” She bit her lip as the words came out. She hadn’t intended on telling him.

His face hardened. “You’re joking, right?”

“No. I was just asleep and then… I was in the Fade.”

He raised one eyebrow. “And you are sure it wasn’t just an extremely lucid dream?”

“It wasn’t. I know what I saw. I read accounts afterward of mages who had been forced into the Fade by Templars, and it all fits. There was a wolf who guided me through it, and I met a spirit-”

“A demon, you mean.”

“I suppose, but it didn’t hurt me. It didn’t do anything but look at me. But I saw something there – a black castle… something called The Black City?”

“What?”

She sighed. “At least I think that’s what I saw. There was a sketch of it in one of the journals I read. Is that an important place or something?”

“It used to be the Golden City, the seat of the Maker, before it was tainted.”

“Tainted?”

“Yes – the Chantry teaches us that ancient mages entered the Fade and walked into the Golden City, tainting it with dark magic. As a result, the Maker abandoned the City, sealing it forever. If that is truly what you saw,” Cullen continued, “I don’t think I like this. You’re messing with things that are entirely over your head. Even if the whole idea seems far-fetched, messing with the Fade is bound to leave you vulnerable to demonic possession.”

She sighed. She’d forgotten how religious he was. It had never bothered her, especially since he didn’t judge her for her beliefs, but sometimes it was just very clear that they had very different views on the world.

“Yes,” she replied, “but we will be perfectly safe. We have equipment to analyze certain areas that might be more dangerous than others. And I have my magic…”

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. “Lana – it doesn’t matter if some areas are more dangerous than others. The Fade is the Fade – and demons do not care if a place is meant to be safe. They will do as they please.”

“I know what you think but – I’ve done a lot of studying in this area, and Sol-” she stopped herself. “Dr. Wolf has extensive knowledge of the practice. We will be fine.”

He turned to her. “And what happens if you are possessed? Do you remember what happened last time someone in the department dallied with demons?”

Lana crossed her arms. “Professor Orsino was doing _blood magic._ Of course he turned himself into a damned abomination.”

“Blood magic is only _one_ of the ways that can happen. Surely you aren’t dumb enough to not see the danger in this situation.”

Her blood was boiling. “I am _aware_ of the danger.”

“You aren’t understanding the gravity of what you are dealing with.”

“Just because you grew up listening to sermons about magic and demons doesn’t mean you know more about it than mages themselves.”

Cullen sighed, and silence curled around them, the tension from the room reverberating through her bones. Her eyes stung as she fought back angry tears. “Let’s not fight about this,” he said after a moment. “I just wanted to have a peaceful evening with you.”

Lana’s jaw tightened. _Typical Cullen, brushing things off when the argument doesn’t go his way._ With a nod, she sat down. “Fine.”

She watched him finish sautéing the vegetables and prepare the chicken. It felt so cold in his house, so stale and lifeless. The two ate quietly, with only comments regarding the food and the weather to fill the silence.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Satinalia Party: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to completely rework this chapter - I had to split it in half and add in a few things, so I apologize for the wait!

Satinalia arrived, and Lana stepped into a pair of black heels and straightened her dark red dress, assessing herself in the mirror. The dress, cut low in the front, hugged her curves and plunged to her waist in the back. Dorian had picked it out the night before and told her she absolutely _must_ wear it to his party. _But it might be too much for the department holiday party_ , she thought. She wouldn’t have enough time to change into it later.

Lana flipped through the other dresses hanging in her closet. She paused. Some dark part of her curled its lips into a smirk at the thought of how fun it might be to attend the party as she was. How exciting it would be to feel bold, sexy, _powerful._ To let Solas see this part of her – the thought of his gaze, trailing along her bare skin… she bit her lip.

She wondered if it made her a bad person. It wasn’t as if she was trying to seduce anyone, but she knew she shouldn’t be having these thoughts. Not with Solas being her research advisor, not to mention Cullen. Her brows furrowed. She had hardly spoken to Cullen since their dinner the other night. Not that she wanted to speak to him right now, anyway. 

But she had to respect their relationship, even if she was mad at him. He didn’t deserve to be treated like an afterthought. Pulling a cardigan from her closet, she shoved her arms into the sleeves. It didn't cover the front, but at least she could appear to be somewhat modest. 

She snorted. The Dalish were never modest the way they were here in Ferelden. It came as a huge shock to her when she arrived. People looked at her as though she had deeply offended them. She supposed it was the weather here that made them so uptight.

Turning once more in front of the mirror, she swept her lips with dark red lipstick. A knock came at her door. Crossing the room, she swung her door open, and Dorian flew through the threshold.

"I _cannot_ believe you talked me into this," he said. "Department parties are always so... dull."

"It's just to make an appearance," she said. "We aren't staying very long."

He clicked his tongue. "What's worse is that your brother won't even _be_ here tonight. Everything is disastrous already."

"It's not his fault his flight was delayed," she said, sticking her lipstick inside her purse.

Dorian assessed her for a moment. "What's with the cardigan? Don't tell me you’ve become modest all of a sudden."

She pressed her lips together. "I don't want to show too much skin."

"Don't you though?" he said with a mischievous wink. “Not even for a gorgeous set of elbow patches?”

She shook her head. "Let's go, Dorian."

"Oh, I see! You're going for the _mysterious_ angle. Leave it all to his imagination, let him wonder what's beneath all that fabric, right?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"I'm ignoring you," she said, pulling him out the door.

***

The low roar of conversation filled the air as Lana and Dorian stepped into the warm dining hall. The magic department, being the largest at the university, always had their holiday parties here. However, though it was the largest department, it usually only had faculty members in attendance.

The wooden ceiling arched high above them, twinkle lights strung up along the rafters. Most of the dining tables had been pushed to the side of the room, and were covered in food and drinks. A small woman with enormous green eyes skipped over to them, beaming. _Well, there is always at least one student,_ Lana supposed.

“You’re here!” she said excitedly.

“Hello Merrill,” Dorian said politely, just barely hiding his disdain.

“Oh, I’m so glad the two of you came,” she said, taking Lana’s hand. “We were going to take photos in a few minutes – I was worried I was going to be the only student!”

“We can’t stay very long,” Lana said as Merrill dragged her toward the rest of the group.

Dorian was biting back a snicker as Merrill led them to a group of faculty members toward the center of the room. Solas was standing among them, dressed a little more formally than the rest of the professors beside him, holding a glass of red wine. Merrill tapped on his shoulder.

“Dr. Wolf!” Merrill said. “Would you mind taking a photo of the three of us?”

Solas turned, his eyes catching Lana’s instantly. She could feel herself blush as Merrill pulled them closer. Solas’ eyes dropped to Merrill and he frowned.

“Solas, please,” he corrected.

“Oh, sorry professor,” she said. “It just feels so informal, I sometimes forget.”

“It’s alright,” he said. “But yes, we were just going to start group photos anyway.”

Merrill beamed and bounced off to a wall that was decorated with twinkle lights for pictures.

Solas turned to Dorian and Lana. “I am pleased you were able to come,” he said with a smile. “I hear you planned something for tonight, Dorian?”

Dorian snorted. “‘Planned’ is putting it loosely. It is supposed to be a party, but it’s more like herding a pack of miscreants long enough to have a few good drinks without things getting too out of hand.”

Solas let out a soft chuckle as his gaze lowered to his glass, swirling his wine. Lana wondered if he was overwhelmed yet. She got the sense that he preferred to be alone.

“How are you enjoying your first department party?” she asked.

“It is not as dull as I expected,” he said, looking up from his glass with a soft smile. The warmth of his gaze sent a small shiver down her spine. 

“Are you coming or not?” Merrill said behind them.

“Yes, Merrill, we’re coming,” Dorian said, barely veiling the annoyance in his tone.

She led them across the room and wrapped one arm around Dorian and Lana as Solas positioned the tripod and camera to take the photo. 

“Ready?” he said, looking up at the three of them.

“Yes, let’s get this over with,” Dorian grumbled.

“Oh, Dorian, don’t be so grumpy,” Merrill scolded him.

“Grumpy is the only thing I know how to be, I’m afraid,” Dorian replied.

Solas smiled, and the camera flashed.

“Okay, now you should join us Dr, W- er, Solas,” Merrill said. “It would be a shame if you weren’t in any of the photos.”

“Oh, I don’t think –” he started to say as Fiona approached them, shaking her head.

“Oh, come now, Solas,” she said. “Go stand with your students, I’ll take the photo. The admissions office has been asking for more photos with faculty and students, anyway.”

Solas sighed as Merrill excitedly pulled him over to the group. “Okay, you should stand on the end,” she said, positioning him beside Lana.

“There,” she said, beaming. She resumed her place in the middle, wrapping her arms around Dorian and Lana.

Fiona positioned the camera and frowned. “Solas, you’re a little out of the picture – try moving a little closer.”

Solas took a small step closer to Lana, and she sucked in a breath.

“No, close- here,” Fiona said, crossing over to them. She took Solas by the shoulders and positioned him closer. “Now, put your arm around Lana… good.”

Lana’s skin tingled slightly as she felt his arm around her back, his hand hovering slightly over her waist. He was warm, and she could smell something like a mixture of embrium and pine trees. She knew the blush was returning to her cheeks, but she did her best to relax her expression.

“Dorian, you as well. You’ll need to scoot closer together to all be in the photo… there you go.”

Dorian stole a glance at Lana, and she could have hit him for the devious look in his eye.

Fiona stepped behind the camera again and smiled. “Much better. Smile, everyone!” she said. She looked up again. “Lana, you as well.”

She swore she felt Solas straighten. Lana blinked and gave her best smile as the camera flashed. Fiona smiled and nodded. “Perfect.”

Solas pulled himself away from Lana almost instantly. Merrill stepped over to Fiona, peering over her shoulder to see the camera screen. “Oh, that photo is lovely,” she said with a grin. “Lana, come see!”

Fiona turned the camera for Lana and Dorian to see. Lana bit her lip. Lights twinkled behind the digital rendition of the four of them – Dorian, looking as handsome as ever, Merrill beaming brightly, and… Solas. His smile was always beautiful, but something about seeing them side-by-side made her heart flutter.

She smashed the thought into the back of her mind. _Nope. Not going there._

Dorian stepped over to Lana and linked arms with her. “Let’s go get some wine, shall we?”

“Yes, please,” she said.

As they made their way over to the table of wine, Dorian let out a soft chuckle. “You do realize that you were blushing like mad, right?”

“Thanks for pointing it out,” she winced, pouring herself a glass of wine and draining the glass.

“You really are supposed to sip wine, you know.”

She shook her head. “I’m a grown woman. I can do whatever I please.”

“If you say so. Come on, let’s go mingle.”

“I thought you didn’t want to stay long?”

“You do realize we haven’t even been here for ten minutes?” he said, raising one brow.

She grimaced.

“Besides,” he interrupted, “it is a little entertaining to watch you squirm around your professor.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’m leaving now.”

He smirked and linked arms with her. “Not a chance. This was your idea, after all.”

“I regret bringing you,” she grumbled.

***

For the next half an hour, she mindlessly swirled the wine in her cup, taking small sips as she pretended to listen to Fiona rant about the new policies implemented by the new president of the university. Something about putting new restrictions on certain areas of magic, while insisting that they focus more on others. Solas stood silently beside Fiona, his brows furrowed.

She felt her thoughts drift, a mixture of things blending together into a messy painting in her mind. Her gaze shifted from her glass to Fiona’s, and she caught Solas’s brief gaze. She quickly looked back to Fiona, hoping desperately that the blush wasn’t showing on her cheeks anymore. Or maybe people would think it was the wine.

“Why would he want us to be focusing on red lyrium, of all things?” Dorian said beside her. She blinked, her attention snapping back to reality. “It’s not even really an area of magic.”

“I am not certain. There are magical components to it that make it technically our area of expertise, I suppose. But the danger of studying such a thing is far greater than other subjects. Save, perhaps, the Fade,” she said, smiling at Lana.

“In theory, I suppose,” Lana said with a smile.

“Danger is always a potential in studying any school of magic,” Solas chimed in. “It is different when you are dealing with a largely untested substance, however.”

“That is true,” Fiona replied. “Which is why I am nervous. I don’t want what happened a couple years ago to happen again to any one of our students.” 

“Red lyrium has been studied here before?” Solas asked.

Merrill’s eyes saddened. “Yes – my friend was studying it as part of her thesis. It took her six months to recover after prolonged exposure. The doctor’s said she was lucky she survived.”

“Oh, yes, that was Varric’s friend, right? Hawke?” Dorian said.

Merrill nodded. “Yes. She’s fine now, but she couldn’t return to school after what happened. Red lyrium doesn’t just make you sick – it gets into your head, makes you think things that aren’t true.”

Lana bit her lip. She had heard of Hawke in passing from Bethany - Hawke was her older sister. But Bethany never mentioned that her sister had been a student, much less involved with red lyrium.

“How awful,” Dorian said.

“Perhaps with more precautions, the effects of prolonged exposure could be avoided,” Solas suggested.

“That is our hope. The next challenge will be finding students actually willing to be a part of the research,” Fiona sighed.

“ _Not it_ ,” Dorian said to Lana under his breath. She resisted the urge to elbow him. “Well, Lana and I unfortunately must be off. We have other parties to attend before the night is over.”

Fiona chuckled. “Naturally. We do appreciate that some students decided to show up at least for a little while.”

“We couldn’t very well miss out on free drinks,” Dorian smiled.

“The party has been lovely, Fiona, thank you,” Lana said. 

Fiona smiled. “You’re welcome. Though you should really be thanking Solas – he planned most of this.”

Lana smiled at Solas, whose eyes were warm, as they had been all night. _So this was why he asked me to come._ “Well, thank you, then,” she said. Part of her didn’t want to leave, but she knew if she stayed, Dorian would never let her hear the end of it.

“I am pleased you enjoyed it,” he said with a smile.

They said their goodbyes and left the department building, stepping out into the chilly evening air.

“Alright, now it’s time for a _real_ party,” Dorian said. “But I have one rule before we get started.”

“What’s that?” Lana said with a frown.

“Absolutely no cardigans,” he said with a wink.

She didn’t resist her urge to elbow him this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note: I'm trying to stick to a better schedule but sometimes my job gets a bit hectic. I have a writing buddy who's helping me get on to a better posting schedule, so fingers crossed that we can go back to weekly updates! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! And to everyone who has commented - I appreciate your kind words! They keep me going <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satinalia: Part 2
> 
> TW: Verbal abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I'm sick and stuck at home, so here's a new chapter <3 I tried to break it up but it didn't really work, so have a long one. XD

Music reverberated through the walls of Dorian’s condo in the city. The walls and tables were decorated with whites and golds, a canopy of lights across the ceiling dimly lighting the room. Dozens of guests stood around chatting, various mixed drinks in hand. Lana sipped her wine slowly as she leaned against a wall away from everyone else. Her thoughts were still wrapped around the strange unsettled feeling quelling in her chest – perhaps it was simply that it was so crowded here.

Yet she knew that it had to be more than that. _It’s just a stupid schoolgirl crush_ , she told herself. _It’s not as if he even looks at me that way._ She bit her lip.

“Fancy seeing you here,” a low voice said beside her.

She jumped, nearly spilling her drink.

“Sorry,” Cullen chuckled, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You got off work early,” she noted. 

“Yeah, Meredith cut me loose,” he said. “There were plenty of volunteers to cover tonight, but I’m on-call just in case.”

“Well, let’s hope nothing comes up,” she said with a smile.

“I’m going to go say hi to Dorian, I’ll be right back,” he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Watching him walk away, her heart sank. There was still a part of her that loved him, but she felt hollow whenever he was around, but she couldn’t place why. Some part of her wondered if the hollow feeling inside her chest was from her relationship with Cullen, or if it was something else entirely. After the other night, she assumed she was just mad at him for being insensitive, but she couldn’t find herself to be angry about it. Honestly, she couldn’t feel much of anything about it. Maybe she’d gotten used to Cullen not really caring about the things she did, or understanding that the world wasn’t as black and white as he had made it out to be in his head. She looked around at the crowd, and a familiar set of golden-brown eyes found hers. Varric smiled and crossed the room to her. Resting on the wall beside her, he took a sip of his drink.

“How’re you holding up, kid?” he said, looking up at her.

“I’m fine,” she said.

He chuckled. “You know, ‘fine’ can mean a lot of things, from being content with life to just barely scraping by. Care to specify your definition of ‘fine?’”

“I’m good, Varric,” she said with a smile. “I have absolutely nothing to complain about.”

“Having nothing to complain about doesn’t always mean you’re fine.”

She wrapped her arms around herself.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said. “Just know we’re here for you if you need us.”

“Thanks, Varric.”

“I hear you finally figured out your thesis project?”

She nodded. “Studying the Fade and how it interacts with magic. It’s… boring for most people.”

Varric shrugged. “But not for you.”

She smiled. “No. It’s honestly the one thing keeping me sane right now.”

He cocked his head to the side. “It’s not every day you hear someone say that their thesis is keeping them sane.”

“No, but there might be something wrong with me,” she laughed. “School has always been a safe haven from the rest of the world.”

“Well, to each their own,” he said.

“LANA,” she heard Dorian yell from the kitchen. “EMERGENCY IN THE KITCHEN.”

“I better go put out whatever fire he’s started now,” she huffed.

“Good luck,” Varric laughed.

She pushed her way through the silver fringe curtains separating the kitchen from the rest of the party to find Dorian standing with his hands on his hips, staring at an empty plastic bag.

“What’s going on?” she frowned.

“We’re out of ice,” he said. “And vodka, surprisingly.”

She rolled her eyes. “You said _emergency._ Ice is not an emergency.”

“Yes it is,” he said. “And vodka _definitely_ is.”

“I’m guessing you want me to go to the store to pick up some more,” she sighed.

“Oh _thank you_ Lana, I’m glad you offered. I made you a list of what we need. Be sure to get the good stuff, too.”

He handed her the list and she frowned. “I like how you think I can afford this much alcohol.”

“Here, use my card,” he said. “I’m not that cruel.”

She shook her head. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“You’re the best!” Dorian called.

She made her way to the front door, and pulled her jacket from the front closet. Cullen crossed the room and leaned on the wall beside her. 

“You’re leaving?” Cullen said as she slipped on her jacket.

“Dorian needs more alcohol. And ice,” she said.

“I’ll come with you. It is a little late,” he smiled. “Wouldn’t want you to be out there alone.” 

Part of her wanted to be alone for a little while, maybe regain her sobriety before coming back to the party, but she nodded. “Sure,” she said. “I could use the help carrying it all back, anyway.”

***

They walked down the snowy streets, string lights were draped beautifully over the lanterns that lined the main road. Most shop windows were darkened, and small tents were set up in the distance. The sound of live music grew louder as they made their way towards the main square.

“I love it here around this time of year,” Cullen said. He wrapped his arm around Lana. “Don’t you?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Fewer people to bump into you.”

He laughed. “Ever the introvert at heart.”

She smiled. Maybe the night wouldn’t be so bad. She curled her arm around his waist, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Where is the store we’re supposed to go to again?” Cullen said

“It’s across the street from the tavern on the end of this road,” she said.

“You just have to wonder how an entire kitchen full of booze is emptied before the night is even over,” Cullen said as they neared the square.

“I guess Dorian and a few others were drinking earlier today before the parties,” Lana said, shrugging. “You know how he is this time of year.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “The anniversary of his departure from Tevinter. I remember. Well, hopefully he won’t get too sloshed. You know how he was last year.”

“Didn’t we find his boxers on the ceiling fan?” she said, giggling.

Cullen laughed. “Yes! He never even took off his trousers. We still haven’t been able to figure out how he managed that.”

 _Maybe I was wrong about tonight,_ she thought. _Maybe we can…_

“Lana?” a smooth voice said in front of them, bringing them to a halt.

“Sol- I mean, Dr. Wolf?” she said, absentmindedly stepping away from Cullen.

He was still wearing his black suit with the dark gray button-up shirt and holding what appeared to be a bag of groceries. The top button of his shirt was undone. She shivered. _Why did he have to be this attractive_ now _of all times?_

“Meeting with your friends, I assume?” he said, a warm smile emerging on his face as his gaze drifted to Cullen. She had expected him to correct her for switching to calling him something more formal, but he seemed to understand somehow.

“Yes,” Lana said, her voice feeling rough. She blinked and realized how awkward she was being. “Sorry, Cullen, this is Dr. Wolf, my research advisor. S- Dr. Wolf, this is Cullen, my… boyfriend.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Solas said, his smile unfaltering, but she could see a flicker of something behind his eyes. Lana expected him to shake his hand, but he didn’t. She looked over to Cullen, whose face was stonier than expected.

“Nice to meet you, too,” he said flatly.

“I was just on my way home, so I won’t keep you. See you next week, Miss Lavellan,” he said as he stepped away. “And happy Satinalia.”

“You, too,” she said, her voice soft as he continued walking down the road. 

She bit her lip, half-expecting Cullen to yell at her.

“That’s him, then?” he said, continuing to walk down the street.

“Yes,” she said.

“Well, he certainly looks like a professor of the Fade.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know. Scrawny, clean-shaven. I’m just surprised he wasn’t wearing thick glasses.”

She chuckled hesitantly. “Yeah, you’re right.”

He looked at her, with a small smirk on his face. “You have a crush on him, don’t you?”

She let out a small laugh. “No? Of course not. He’s not my type.”

“Are you sure?” he said, using a teasing tone. But his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

It felt like a trap.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she said, her smile fading.

He paused for a moment, searching her face.

“Good,” Cullen said, stretching his arms out and draping one back around her and continued on down the road. “I was nervous there for a second when you got this doe-eyed expression on your face. And what was that about with him switching from calling you Lana to Miss Lavellan?”

“He uses both,” she said. “But I introduced myself as Lana. Miss Lavellan is so… I don’t know.”

“Professional?” he said. “It’s what he should be calling you. He’s your professor, not your friend.”

Lana frowned. “I’m his research assistant, and he treats me like a colleague. I’m okay with him calling me Lana,” she said. “I don’t like it when people use my last name, anyway.”

Lavellan was the last name she had to give when she came to Amaranthine, so they could keep a record of her. But all it did was remind her of everything she’d been forced to leave behind. She liked that Solas never used it – but after that exchange, she realized it may have been a conscious decision on his part. 

Cullen frowned. “No need to get so defensive, Lana. I was just giving my opinion.”

“I’m not trying to be defensive,” she said. “You’re acting jealous over my professor using my first name.”

“No, I’m getting jealous over the way you looked at him.”

“And what way was that, exactly?”

“You know _exactly_ what way I mean.”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t.”

He sighed. “I just don’t think you’re being entirely honest with me, Lana.”

She stepped away from him. “Really?”

“Well?”

“It doesn’t matter what I tell you, you’re just going to think I’m lying anyway.”

“So you admit that you’re lying?”

She clenched her teeth. “What _is_ it with you? Fine. I have a small crush on him but it _literally_ means nothing. He’s my professor, end of story. Nothing can happen, nothing is going to happen. I am with _you._ ”

He rubbed his jaw. “Wow.”

She crossed her arms. “What?”

“How am I supposed to trust you now? You lied to me so easily at first about it – how do I know that you haven’t lied about anything else?”

She took a step back. Her throat felt so dry. “I have been _nothing_ but honest with you our entire relationship,” she croaked. “You know everything about me, more than anyone el-”

“Clearly not,” he cut her off. “You lie about your feelings for him, you get defensive about it when I ask, and honestly with how little you actually want to have sex with me, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re fucking him already.”

She shook her head. “Absolutely unbelievable. You’re so _fucking_ paranoid.”

“Am I?” he said, taking a step toward her.

She took a step back. “If you think for one second that I would do that to you, clearly you don’t know me at all.”

He sighed. “Look, Lana, I’m just trying to reach you. I feel like we’ve been drifting apart for so long, I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

Her jaw locked, tears welling in her eyes. She knew he was overreacting, but she felt so guilty. She hadn’t been a good partner to him. But everything about this just felt so wrong. He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. 

“Let’s just… go get the vodka,” she said.

 _Bad night after all, I guess._

***

As the night dulled to an end, Lana stared down at the amber liquid still in her glass. The music in the background felt like it had faded along with her sobriety. The condo had started to empty, and soon the only people left were Dorian, Varric, and Cassandra, who were fighting incoherently about something in the kitchen, Sera, who was completely passed out on the couch across from her, and Cullen. She sat at the table in the dining room, and Cullen sat across from her, tapping his thumb lightly on the table. They hadn’t spoken much since their fight.

She wondered how long it would take for him to decide to leave without her. She held her fingers over the glass and set the surface on fire. She could feel Cullen’s gaze on her. The flames danced beneath her fingertips, fire licking her skin lightly.

“Are we planning on leaving anytime soon?” Cullen asked.

She didn’t look up from the glass. “You can go home if you want.” 

“And leave you to get home alone? I think not.”

She closed her palm, and the fire snuffed itself out. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“You’re drunk.”

She shot a look at him. “I can take the train. You don’t need to be one hundred percent sober to take a train.”

He raised his hands. “Fine. Get yourself home.” He shoved the chair into the table and whipped his jacket over his shoulder. She heard the front door open and slam shut.

Lana leaned back, sighing deeply. The last train home would be leaving soon, but she couldn’t find the will to move from her chair. This night had been complete shit, Satinalia or not. She could remember Satinalias in the past, with her clan. Revan had always woken her early in the morning to begin preparations. They would decorate the common areas with twinkle lights, red ribbons, and crystal grace while Lana's mother baked sweet bread for everyone. The clan hadn’t ever celebrated Satinalia before her mother joined the clan. She’d celebrated it growing up in the city, and explained how the city elves had made it more elven. It took a while for the clan to agree to hold festivities, but since her grandmother, Deshanna Istimaethoriel, was the Keeper at the time, she viewed the whole affair as a way to bring the clan together, and end the infighting. At least that was before she died and her apprentice, Nethrien, became the new Keeper. He didn’t have as much respect for other races as Deshanna, and ended the tradition that was only a decade in the making. She reached for the glass and downed her drink, wincing at the bitterness.

She stood up and grabbed one of the bottles of whiskey on the table, taking a few swigs before sticking the bottle in her purse. She pulled her jacket over her as she made her way to the front door.

“Lana? Are you leaving?” Dorian said, emerging from the kitchen.

“Yeah, I’m going to catch the last train,” she said with a smile.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just crash here?” he said.

“No,” she said, “I need some air, anyway.”

“You have been drinking, though,” he said.

“I’ll be fine,” she smiled. “I feel pretty sober, anyway.”

He pressed his lips together. “Fine, but take my scarf. It’s freezing outside.” He wrapped a dark blue cashmere scarf around her neck a few times.

Pushing the door open, she found a fiercer cold outside than she’d expected. Snow had packed on the ground, smooth and slippery to walk on. She walked steadily down the road, her ears burning from the cold.

Her phone began to ring. Huffing, she pulled her phone out and felt her stomach drop. She flipped the phone open.

“Revan?” she said, her voice sounding breathless.

“Lana,” a small voice said on the other end. Revan was crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t talk long. I-I’m leaving the clan. Tonight.”

“What? Why?”

“He knows I saw something. About the thing in the woods…” she could hear her breaking down into tears.

“Rev. Come to Amaranthine. Come live with me.”

“I’m going to the city to get help. I have nothing, Lana. Nethrien… he’s going to come after me. I don’t know how far I can go. I just had to tell you before…”

“I’ll come get you.”

“I have to go, Lana. Don’t go after me, I don’t want you getting caught up in this.”

“Wait, Rev-”

“I miss you. Happy Satinalia.”

The line went dead.

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she threw her phone into the snowy streets. Her vision was spinning. Her knees buckled and she sat down on the front steps of a café, breaking into a sob. Nethrien would stop at nothing. He would keep going until her whole family was destroyed. There was nothing to stop him, now. All the hope they’d held had died with Deshanna. Not even their father knew the truth. Everything felt like it was swelling within her, the darkness creeping up, trying to swallow her whole.

She didn’t hear the footsteps in the snow. She didn’t hear fingers picking up her cell phone from the snow, and brushing it off. She didn’t see a figure kneeling down in front of her, wrapping her in another coat.

Hands were pulling her up from the steps, steadying her as she stumbled. Opening her eyes, she looked up to see Solas, staring down at her with worried eyes. “We need to get you out of here before you freeze to death,” he said.

A stray tear ran down her cheek, but she felt calm. “Okay,” she said.

***

Solas led her down the road for about a block or so. She couldn’t keep track. They reached a door, where he punched in the code and opened the door, leading her inside. They walked up the stairs, where she stumbled several times. He opened the door to a clean apartment that had boxes stacked up against the walls, with few pieces of furniture. He brought her over to a couch, where she nearly collapsed. Her ears were ringing.

He kneeled down in front of her and took her boots off before reaching behind her for a blanket that he wrapped around her. His eyes still held the same concern that they’d had before. He rushed over to the kitchen, and when he came back, he was holding a glass of water.

“Drink,” he ordered.

She looked up at him, and she felt like she was underwater. “First lesson women learn,” she said with an awkward laugh, “is to never drink something you didn’t pour yourself.” 

He sighed and took a drink of the water and then handed it to her. “Better?” 

She took the glass and downed the water, feeling as though she’d never had water before in her life. 

“Good. I will make you some coffee. Just wait here a moment.”

She nodded, still holding onto the glass. She peered around his apartment. No TV, no stereo. He just had a few paintings and bookshelves set up. Everything was neat, despite him still unpacking his things. She sat back, warmth settling back into her body. Several minutes later, Solas returned with a mug of coffee. He handed it to her.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I just put a little creamer in it,” he said softly.

She stared at it. He laughed.

“What a wretched world we live in, where the first thing you need to be worried about is being drugged.” He took the cup from her and sipped it before handing it back. She chuckled.

“I’m just being careful. I am drunk, after all.”

“And I’m not that kind of person,” he said with a smile.

She took a drink, the liquid warming her up instantly. “Thank you, Sol- Professor.”

“As I have said before, I prefer Solas.”

“Cullen doesn’t like it,” she said softly.

“And you have to do what he says?”

“No,” she said sharply. “It’s just that… he said it was really informal and in a sense, he’s a little right but… I don’t know. This night has been complete shit and adding more drama than necessary seems to be counterintuitive.”

“Do you mind me asking why you were out there alone? I thought you were at a party with your friends? And I suppose it’s not entirely expected of him, but you would think Cullen would have taken you home, given your state.”

“I sent him home,” she said, not looking up at him. “He was… not himself tonight and I didn’t want to…” she cut herself off. “Anyway, I just needed to sit for a second.”

“Your phone was on the ground and you were crying.”

She pressed her lips together. “My friend called me.”

“Where is your friend tonight?”

“I don’t know, now.”

“Meaning?”

Lana huffed. She shouldn’t talk about it. Not with him. But in looking at him, some silly part of her that felt like something buried down deep was rising to the surface. Her gaze flicked down to his soft lips, and part of her wondered… She realized suddenly that he was waiting for an answer. “She left our clan. Well, her clan. It’s not really mine anymore. I was banished. She took my place as the First, but the new Keeper is a horrible person. Now she’s leaving, but I can’t go after her, even though he’s going to be hunting her down and…”

“You feel helpless?” he replied.

“Helpless, trapped… Like there’s no point. I have all this stress, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“It can be frustrating to try to help those you care about when your hands are tied in more ways than one.”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice trailing off. Suddenly, her eyes widened. “Sorry, I kind of unloaded a lot of that onto you.”

His eyes were unreadable, but he paused for a moment before replying. “Don’t apologize. You are clearly overwhelmed. I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share this with me.”

 _Exactly what a mentor should say to his student,_ she thought. Her cheeks reddened. She was so foolish. She laughed nervously. “It won’t interfere with the research, I assure you. I’m… fine.”

His eyes seemed to sadden. “You needn’t worry about that right now. If you ever need to take time to go to your friend, you are more than welcome to. Our research doesn’t necessarily have a time limit. The Fade is flexible that way.” He smiled at her. “Take all the time you need.”

A warmth filled inside her chest. She blinked and looked away. “I appreciate it,” she said, sipping the coffee.

“For now, though, we should try to get you home.”

Lana nearly spit out the coffee and stood up. “Shit, what time is it?”

“It’s nearly two in the morning.”

“Fuck,” she said, sitting back down and covering her eyes. “The last train left twenty minutes ago.”

“Where do you live?”

“An hour out of town,” she said miserably. “It’s fine, I’ll just call a cab.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Solas said, standing up. “The rates will be horrendous, especially with the weather. I’ll take you home.”

He led her out of the apartment and down to the garage, where his car was parked. It was a modest car, black and nondescript. He helped her into the car and took off down the road. Within several minutes down the road, the car began to heat up. She stared out the window, her mind blank. She didn’t want to think about Revan, or her strange feelings for Solas, or Cullen. She just wanted to go home and sleep.

“So tell me,” he said gently. “What exit should I take?”

She thought for a moment. She should go home, and yet… all she knew was that she needed to feel some semblance of comfort. “Take exit 232,” she replied.

Solas nodded, and didn’t say much for the rest of the trip. She wondered if he sensed her desire for quiet. Or if he enjoyed the silence. She leaned her head back, and looked at him from her peripheral vision. Maybe it was the fact that she was drunk, or maybe it was the fact that the night had been such a wreck, but she couldn’t help her eyes wandering to the way his hands gripped the steering wheel. Her heart skipped a beat. _I’m so dumb,_ she thought miserably. _He’s my professor, and I’m getting turned on by his damn hands._

When he took the exit off of the highway, he stayed silent as Lana directed him the rest of the way. The road thinned and winded down several hills, until they turned into a neighborhood and pulled up to a small house tucked away in trees.

“This is where you live?” Solas said.

“No, but it was closer than my apartment.”

His jaw locked. “Cullen’s house, then?”

“My family lives here,” she said. _Or what’s left of them._

“I see,” he said, his face lighting up. “You will be safe, then.”

She nodded. “Thank you for everything… Solas.”

“You are welcome, Lana.”

She smiled at him, and their eyes locking for what felt like an eternity. His expression was more intense than usual. Her smile faded, as her stomach began to twist. “Well, good night, then,” she said, scrambling out of the car. _Creators, I must look like the most awkward person to him._

“Good night,” he said. His voice sounded almost morose. She waved and shut the door, making her way to the front door. Her cheeks were still burning when she reached up and knocked on the thick, wood door.

_Why had he sounded so sad?_

She waited for a moment, and turned back to see that Solas’ car was still in the driveway. He looked like he was typing on his phone. _Oh, duh. GPS. He needs to get back home._ His eyes flicked up to her, and she whipped her head back around. She knocked again, and the handle turned from the other side.

“Lana?” a familiar voice said as the door opened. She looked into green eyes that matched her own. A face that almost matched her own. Her eyes started to fill with tears again. She had gambled that he would be home by now, but she’d never been so happy to be right.

“ _Taelan.”_


	11. Chapter 11

_When she awoke in the Fade, she remained still for what felt like hours. The sky seemed duller, the sky darker. Not even the wind seemed to move the grass around her._

_The grass shifted beside her, and the wolf peered down at her. She lifted herself slowly and offered a hand out to the wolf's leg._

_"I am sorry I went off like that the other night," she said. “It was my fault you got hurt.”_

_The wound was mostly healed, but it still looked raw. She lifted a hand and took a deep breath. Healing magic poured from her fingers easily, and the wound closed entirely. Not even a scar remained. The wolf tilted its head to the side._

_She chuckled. "Surprisingly, healing was the one thing I took to the most when I was discovering my magic. I was my clan's primary healer for such a long time."_

_Tears welled in her eyes, and she looked back up at the sky. "Do you ever wonder what the point of the Fade is?" she asked. "Is it a place for us to retreat to? Where our souls are meant to rest?"_

_She looked at the wolf, who seemed to be contemplating the question. But no answer came._

_"I suppose you wouldn't have an answer for me," she said. "Even when I'm not alone I feel so... empty."_

_The wolf stood up and went to her side, warming her arm with his thick fur. She leaned into it. The wolf continued to look at her, as though he wanted her to continue._

_She smiled. "I talked to Revan today – she left the clan, and is on the run. The keeper... he is a wicked man. I was originally supposed to be made Keeper after Deshanna died, but... he framed me for something. After I wouldn't... submit to him. I tried so hard to get the elders to see but they decided to cast me out. I was forced to leave. My brother tried to fight them on it, but just for defending me, they cast him out, too. We were on our own for a while until we got into college. But Revan was made his First and... I had to leave her with him. She couldn't leave her family, couldn't get out without leaving them all at his mercy and..." she was shaking._

_The wolf curled its tail around her. She took a deep breath, tears sliding down her cheeks, and felt her spirit relax. She looked up at him and smiled. "I wonder what stories you could tell if you could."_

_The wolf seemed to smile down at her. She leaned against him and looked up at the swirling sky._

_“Lana,” a voice whispered in the darkness._

_Lana pulled herself up onto her bare feet, peering around. The field around her changed into one that was very much like the one she played in as a young girl. The wolf stood up beside her. In the distance, she could see Dalish aravels being pulled by halla, the sails taut from the breeze. Her heart ached. Her feet pulled her forward into a jog. She knew she was banished but maybe… just maybe…_

_“Lana,” a female voice said behind her._

_She stopped dead in her tracks and whipped around. “Revan?”_

_Revan stood before her, golden locks swaying in the breeze, her forest green eyes lined with red rings from crying. Her clothes were shredded, bruises covering every inch of exposed skin._

_“What has he done to you?” Lana breathed, closing the distance between them. Revan burst into tears, and Lana reached out for her. As she did, her hands went straight through where she had thought Revan was. With a flash, the girl was gone._


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana begins her search for Revan, and gets a little help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Discussion about trauma

When she woke up, she was covered in a knitted blanket that smelled of jasmine and Andraste’s grace. The smell of home. She could hear the clinking of dishes in the kitchen, and the boiling of water. She moaned at the headache pounding heavy on the sides of her temples. She sat up and rubbed her eyes that still burned from crying the night before. And then she remembered why. The hole that had worked its way into her chest felt like it was growing wider.

One thing was for certain, though. She had to find Revan.

Her brother stepped lightly from the kitchen to the living room, two cups of steaming hot tea in hand. His hair was shaved on either side, the hair on top of his head hanging to one side, long enough to reach his brow. She laughed internally. Somehow, his haircut made him look more devious than he already did.

“You cut your hair,” she noted.

“It was getting in the way,” he said as he smiled down at Lana and handed her one cup, sitting down beside her. “I added a little elfroot to yours to help with the headache.”

“Thank you,” she said, blowing the steam from her cup.

“So, what happened last night? You just showed up drunk on my doorstep with no explanation.”

She sipped her tea and winced at the scalding water. “I had a fight with Cullen. When I tried to get home, I got a call from Revan.”

“What?” he said, his brows furrowed. “I thought no one in the clan could have a phone.”

“Well she got a hold of one somehow. I talked to her on the phone the other day, and everything was fine. Or, rather the chaos was more contained…”

“What did she say?”

“She found out that… N-Nethrien has something planned for the Arlathvhen this year. Possibly something bad.” She felt her hands tremble.

“Does she know what he has planned?”

“Not yet,” she sighed. “But last night, she called me and…” Her heart clenched. 

This wasn’t right. She couldn’t just sit here having tea with her brother. 

“I-I have to go,” she said, putting the cup down. “I need to leave today.” She grabbed her coat from the side of the couch.

“Wait, hang on a second,” Taelan said, standing up. “Go where? El, what are you talking about?”

“To the Free Marches,” she said, picking her shoes up from beside the table and shoved them on her feet.

“Hey,” Taelan said as she stood up and pulled her jacket on. “Lana, stop.” He stood up and grabbed her shoulders.

“Let me go,” she said, trying to shirk out of his grip.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on,” he said, his brows furrowed.

She let out a frustrated sigh. “Nethrien knows. He knows that she’s on to him, that she’s trying to put a stop to whatever he has planned. She called me last night to say that she was running away from the clan.”

Taelan dropped his hands. “Do you know where she’s going?”

“No, but I have a few guesses. Starkhaven, maybe. I don’t know. With the clan moving around so much, there’s no telling where she ended up.”

Taelan sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s the day after Satinalia. Even if we could get a flight out there, it would be a nightmare just getting to the airport.”

“He’s going to come after her,” she exclaimed, tears welling in her eyes again. “I need to go, regardless of traffic or delays or fees. I can’t just leave her alone out there.” She wiped them away angrily. _Always with the fucking crying._

“Can’t we just call the police?” he sighed.

“You know as well as I do that they don’t give a damn about our people. What makes you think they’ll drop everything for one missing elf?”

Her brother sat back down on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his face. She knew he cared about Revan as much as she did. She also knew he was often more practical than she was. She grabbed her purse and slung it around her. “I have to go,” she said, resting one hand on his shoulder before turning toward the door.

“Wait.” Taelan stood up. “Let me get dressed.”

“You don’t have to–”

“She’s my family too, Lana,” he said gently. “Just let me pack a bag. We’ll look at plane tickets and head out as soon as possible. She can’t have gotten that far.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Lana murmured. She ran her fingers through her hair. Even if there was a chance that she was in Starkhaven, they’d have no way of knowing where to start looking. Or how long they would be gone. She sat down and held her face in her hands. _I just need to find a way to look for her, even if it’s just a place to start._

She stilled.

_Of course._

“Taelan, hang on a second, I have an idea.” She picked up her phone and searched through her emails. At some point, he had given her his phone number in the event of an emergency. She had no idea if he was even awake, or if he would give her the answers she needed. All she knew was that this was her only hope. She held the phone up to her ear, listening as the line rang. After several rings, she grew nervous. _Please pick up._

“Hello?” Solas answered on the other side.

“Hey, it’s Lana. I’m sorry to call so early, but I need to know if it’s possible to use the Fade to find a missing person.”

***

Solas and Lana stood in the lab in front of the sensory deprivation tanks. She bit her lip. Solas had humored her, but she was nervous about this whole thing. She’d been to the Fade several times now, but never on purpose.

“Are you sure you want to try this?” he said, his arms crossed. “We’ve gone over theories, but since we never practiced this and your emotions will be heightened in the Fade, you may be more at risk of attracting demons.”

“I’ll be okay,” she said.

“How can you be certain?” he frowned.

“Because… I’ve been traveling the Fade while I dream at night,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to mention it before because I wasn’t certain that any of it was truly real, but it _has_ to be. I don’t have complete control over it yet, but I’m getting better each time.”

She stole a glance at Solas, preparing for his anger for her deception. But his eyes were alight with interest.

“Fascinating. I had a hunch you were a Dreamer based on all of your questions, but I didn’t want to press the issue until you were ready.”

She blinked. And then she broke into a laugh. “I guess I had no reason to hide it at all.”

He shook his head. “It is alright, you needn’t worry yourself over it. All good things come with time.”

Lana looked at the door that led out to the hallway. She could hear Taelan on the other side, speaking to someone on the phone – likely squaring everything away with his job.

Solas walked to the table and picked up a square of folded fabric. “Here, you will want to put this on. It will be much more comfortable.”

She unfolded it to reveal some kind of suit.

“There is a changing room just down the hall,” he said. “We can begin whenever you are ready.”

***

Taelan was waiting with Solas in the lab when she returned. She had a jacket on to cover herself until they were fully ready to begin. Lana felt strange dressed in a bodysuit that made her almost feel more naked than actually being naked.

“Are you ready?” Solas asked as they stood in front of the tank.

“Yes,” she said, fidgeting with the sleeves of her jacket.

“Good. Just remember,” Solas said, his arms folded behind him. “You will need to keep your thoughts focused on Revan. Your instincts will lead you to her. As she is a mage with an inherent connection to the Fade, it should be easier to locate her.”

“How long do you think it will take to get to her?” she asked, her voice wavering.

“Well, seeing as you are not going alone, it should not take longer than an hour.”

“Wait, you’re coming with me?” she turned to him, her eyes wide.

He smiled warmly. “While you are a dreamer, I still cannot ethically leave you to do this on your own.”

She realized that he was wearing a plain sweater and jeans, with what appeared to be the neck of a black bodysuit peeking out from his collar. So this had been his plan all along. _Was he nervous to wear that in front of me, too?_

“But what if you can’t make it to the other side?” she said, her mind turning in a way that she didn’t have time for at the moment.

“We will cross that bridge when we get to it,” Solas said with a smile. 

“So,” Taelan said, crossing his arms, “what am I supposed to do while the two of you are napping?”

“It is not napping,” Solas said with a sigh, “but I will need you to monitor your sister’s neural frequencies on the monitor here,” he said, walking over to the computer screen beside the tank. “If these lines begin to spike abnormally, make a note of the time and frequency. If there are too many in succession, be prepared to wake her if it lasts more than ten seconds. If the screen flashes red, you will need to wake her immediately. There is a possibility that we could run into some trouble during this particular trip, and even with my theoretical knowledge, I might not be able to respond in time.”

“It won’t hurt her to wake her up?”

“It will hurt her more if she stays,” Solas replied. He handed Lana a strange metal cap that had various metal points around it. “Put this on. Do not worry, it is waterproof,” he said, noting her worried expression. 

“What causes the monitor to flash red?” Lana frowned, placing the cap on her head. It was snug – odd. 

Solas met her gaze. “Demons.”

She swallowed hard. “Ah.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you get possessed,” Taelan said, patting the metal cap on her head. She glared at him.

“You’d better not.”

“We had better get started,” Solas said, stepping over to one of the tanks. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready,” Lana said weakly.

Her cheeks reddened as she pulled the jacket off and set it on one of the tables. After admitting her budding feelings for him with Cullen last night, being around him – sober and half-naked – felt nerve-wracking. As far as she knew, Solas kept his eyes trained to her face – though she sincerely doubted he would ever even think about her in that way. And yet, it didn’t change her desire to fold her arms across her chest.

“Remember, you can wake up and open the tank at any time. When you enter the Fade, look for me.”

She nodded, and he opened the hatch. Lana stepped into the water and let herself slide inside the tank. The water sloshed as she settled herself in, her body floating in the lukewarm water that seemed to match her body temperature. Her ears settled just below the water’s surface, already muffling sound. She looked up at Solas, who smiled. “Is it alright?”

She nodded, willing herself to relax. 

_I’m coming, Revan. Only a little bit longer now._

“See you soon,” he said, closing the hatch.

Dark. Silent. Lana stared up into what felt like oblivion. The air smelled almost sterile, and the water around her seemed to disappear. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to relax her mind. _Focus on the task at hand._

She steadied her breathing, and tried to focus. The literature had suggested that if you go into a meditative state with the intent to cross over, you could.

Nothing happened.

She huffed. _Of course when I_ want _to go, I can’t_.

She relaxed her muscles and went back to focusing on her breathing. At this rate, she might just fall asleep. _Maybe it isn’t such a bad idea, though._

Shaking the thoughts away, she focused her mind. She thought of her wolf in the Fade, with its kind eyes that never judged her, waiting for her in the field each time she slept.

Her breathing slowed, and she could feel herself slipping deeper, and deeper, until…

***

She opened her eyes, the light of the Fade swirling above her. She sat up quickly, to find Solas beside her. Lifting her head, she found herself in a field, as she usually did. But ahead of her were floating rocks that rose upward. Her eyes followed them until –

“Is that ruin upside down?” she said to no one in particular. It was like a castle, hanging precariously overhead.

She heard a familiar chuckle behind her, making her heart leap. Her head turned to see Solas, standing with his arms behind his back. He was no longer wearing the sweater and slacks as before. Here, he looked almost Dalish with a simple knitted gray shirt, pants, and footwraps barely covering his bare feet. “Indeed. Our reality is not always an exact copy of what exists in the Fade. Most of the geography is the same, and some of the buildings have made such an impression that they exist here as well. It is… fascinating.”

She stood up quickly, nearly tripping over the rocky terrain beneath them.

“Steady,” he said, carefully balancing her.

“It didn’t take you very long to get here,” she frowned.

He shrugged. “Beginner’s luck, I suppose.”

“So why is it that you look different?”

He shrugged. “I read that it is possible to change your appearance slightly. As free movement is important in the Fade, I felt it necessary to make a small alteration. Even if it is only an image, it helps free up the mental restrictions one might have.”

“So I could wear anything I want as well?” she said, looking down and grimacing that she was still wearing the bodysuit that showed off every curve that she had.

“In theory, yes. Though sometimes it takes people time to –”

A flash of light appeared, and Lana found herself standing in a loose Dalish garb, rich greens and browns covering her skin. Bodysuit gone.

Solas laughed. “I stand corrected. You are a natural.”

“Now I am ready,” she said, beaming.

“Let us move on then,” Solas said, his laugh still lingering in the air. She bit her lip as he turned, taking in the landscape before them. Her skin felt as though it were tingling, and her heart as though it were about to burst. Her emotions would be heightened here, he had said.

_Great._

“We should hurry, we only have an hour,” she said, pushing her thoughts away.

He chuckled. “An hour on the other side. Here, it will feel much longer. But we will be able to find her, and hopefully determine where she is headed. That will help you find her on the other side. Now, close your eyes, and see her face in your mind.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. She pictured Revan, dancing in the summer sun, waking her early in the morning to go hunting, crying in her arms after Deshanna had died. She felt a tear slide down her cheek. Fade winds picked up, and she felt the wind almost reach up to her face, carrying the tear away. She pushed the thought away, pulling Revan’s face back to the forefront of her mind.

“Remember to keep yourself calm,” Solas murmured.

Suddenly she felt a pull that started in the pit of her stomach, almost as though it wanted to lead her. She opened her eyes and turned her face to the right.

“She’s… far. But I feel like we need to go that way.”

Solas nodded. He held his hand out to her. She frowned. “Trust me,” he said with a crooked smile.

She raised an eyebrow and reached out, taking his hand. Heat flooded her cheeks. She swore she saw his eyes trail down her blushing face as he took a step forward, pulling her closer to him. She barely had time to take in the heat growing deep within her before he was launching them forward. _Fade stepping… in the Fade?_ Green magic danced around them as they flew, wind roaring in her ears. The line tugging at her abdomen seemed to loosen.

“Wait,” she shouted.

He slowed them, the wind still carrying as they floated down to the ground below. Lana felt breathless as she let go of Solas’s hand. She nearly doubled over. “It’s that way,” she gasped, pointing to the left. “But not as far as before.”

“We can walk, then,” Solas said, folding his arms behind him as he began to walk.

“Thank the Creators,” Lana huffed, pulling herself up and jogging after him until she was walking at his side. “How did you know you could do that?”

“I didn’t,” he replied. “But after our discussion about using magic in the Fade, it was worth a try.”

“You do like to gamble, don’t you?” she said with a smirk.

“Only when necessary,” he chuckled.

“You’re a braver person than I am.”

“I don’t believe that’s true,” he said, looking over at her. “You were willing to risk your life by going into the Fade alone to save your friend.”

She crossed her arms. “I’d call it desperation more than bravery.”

“Desperation is your motivation. Bravery is merely your response to it.”

She smiled. “Thank you for coming with me.”

He returned the smile and shifted his gaze forward. “Tell me, Lana, about the Dalish. What are they like?”

She shrugged. “They’re like any community I suppose, just on a smaller scale – and they don’t really adhere to any laws other than their own, which pisses some people off.”

“I heard that they live mostly outdoors? In tents?” he said with a frown.

She laughed. “No, that’s usually only if there’s a festival happening. The Dalish mostly live in mobile homes that they cart around from place to place.”

“That must be exhausting.”

“Not really,” she sighed. “It’s convenient. We didn’t pack up and leave an area very often. Once we found an area that didn’t mind a bunch of elves living in the woods, we would stay for a couple years or so. But something always makes us leave.”

“Like what?”

She shrugged. “People would charge too much for rent, or force us to leave because they wanted the land for building more houses, there were so many reasons. Sometimes the keeper just wouldn’t like the area we were in because of the people nearby. We came across a lot of racists.”

Solas grimaced. “But your clan never sought to find somewhere permanent to live?”

“No,” she said. “After the fall of the Dales nearly two hundred years ago, it’s been in our creed that we never settle down in a place where humans have power over us, which is kind of everywhere. Well, I guess it’s more _their_ creed, now.” 

His eyes softened. “If it’s not too much, do you mind me asking why you were banished?”

She bit her lip. “It’s a long story.”

“We have a long journey ahead of us. But do not feel pressured to talk about it if you don’t wish to.”

Lana met his eyes, and contemplated. Something about him was different here - almost as though he had let his guard down more than before. His eyes were piercing her own, as if he were trying to read her just as must as she was trying to read him.

She knew she could trust him at this point – everything he had done had proven that. But it was nerve-wracking sharing so much of herself with him when they had only just met.

And yet it felt like she’d known him longer than that.

“Okay,” she replied. “About eight years ago, when I was still living with my clan, we had a Keeper, Deshanna. She chose me as her First, to learn our heritage and the old ways of magic… that sort of thing. Since magic was no longer outlawed, we were allowed to have multiple mages in our clan. There were still very few, though. Me, Revan, and a man named Nethrien. Nethrien came to the clan after years of living as a city elf with his parents who had abandoned the Dalish way. He was seen as a prodigal son of sorts by everyone in our clan, except for our Keeper, Deshanna. She saw him for what he was – a power-hungry mongrel. ‘Spawn of the Dread Wolf himself,’ she would tell me.

“I saw how much he hated me, too, for being the First. He was older, and in his mind, that made him more qualified for the position. He had learned outsider’s magic, and he still thought that made him more qualified. He tried to get me to step down, leave, or whatever. Naturally, I told him he was out of his damn mind and needed to back off. When I refused…” she felt herself shake. The memory was still too raw, too much. She could still feel his hand around her neck, shoving her against the wall, whispering threats in her ear.

She pushed back the tears, her mouth dry.

“You do not have to continue if it’s too much,” Solas said.

“It’s fine,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded. “About a year later, Deshanna passed away,” she continued. “She was old and sick, and not even my healing magic could have prevented it. I wasn’t quite eighteen yet, I didn’t even have my vallaslin, so naturally, Nethrien took the opportunity to try to convince the elders to make him the interim Keeper until I came of age. They agreed, since he had also worked closely with Deshanna, despite her disdain for him. That’s when everything changed.

“One night, I was taking a walk in the woods, trying to clear my head from everything that had happened, when I stumbled upon this weird glyph on the ground in the woods. It looked like it had been painted with blood. There were candles and various weird herbs on the ground. I spotted a dagger on the ground, and when I picked it up, I realized that it was Nethrien’s knife, the one he’d brought from the city. None of us had a knife like it.”

“So he was a blood mage,” Solas said.

She nodded. “I heard the crackling of magic, and a monster appeared in front of me. An envy demon, I think. I tried to fight it off…” she winced at the memory, the screaming green creature that chased her through the woods. “Nethrien stepped in to save me. He beat back the demon and killed it. Little did I know, the elders of the camp had come to the clearing as well. Nethrien accused me of being a blood mage. And they believed him,” she said, shaking her head.

“I was too overwhelmed to defend myself, and not even Taelan nor Revan could back up the truth – though that didn’t keep them from trying. Nethrien convinced them that it would be better for me to live with what I had done, but I didn’t deserve to live under the rule of the shemlen. ‘It is against everything we stand for,’ he told them. 

“Taelan was livid, and called him out on his bullshit, trying to force him to admit he was lying – he knew there was no way I was a blood mage. The elders warned Taelan that his actions could cause him to be banished with me. He spat at their feet and told them that they didn’t need to banish him, for he would be joining me anyway. We were escorted off the property with only the things we could carry, without being allowed to even say our goodbyes.

“After that, we only knew what we read in letters. Revan wrote to me shortly after we’d made it to Kirkwall, saying that Nethrien had officially been made Keeper, and he had made her his First. At first, she seemed fine, despite the fact that Nethrien was a monster. But then, her messages became more and more infrequent. We barely heard from her. One day, I got a text from her,” She paused, a knot growing in her throat. “She found him with some kind of group of humans in the woods. They were armed and… and she suspects that he plans to do something at Arlathvhen this year, based on how he’s been talking about it.”

Solas frowned. “Arlathven?”

“It’s the annual meeting of all the clans,” she explained. “Basically a giant festival to celebrate the elven way and reconnect with other clans.”

“I see.”

“Revan has been trying to find something, anything, to stop him,” she continued. “She’s been scrounging for evidence, and has considered framing him for something, but can never bring herself to do anything that he would do. And it would still be his word against hers.” She swallowed, her mouth completely dry. “But he found out that she knew about the humans in the woods,” she croaked, coming to a stop. Solas stopped as well. “And now she’s running for her life.”

“Why didn’t she just leave before?” Solas asked. “When you and your brother left?”

“She couldn’t leave her mother – she’s been sick for a long time, can barely move on her own. I can’t even imagine how worried her mother is right now.”

Lana stopped, her gut twisting. “I shouldn’t have told you all of that,” she said, realizing how much she had just unleashed on him. “That was way too much, I’m sorry.” 

“That is too much of a burden for you to carry alone. You don’t need to feel ashamed for telling me.”

She could feel herself shaking, the swirling void inside her spinning out of control. She had opened the box, too quickly, too much, too soon. The air around them swirled, the wind picking up pebbles as it formed a weak cyclone.

Solas stepped in front of her and held her arms gently. “We will find her, Lana,” he said, his voice soft. “You are safe, and she will be, too.” His breath felt cool against her skin. His blue-grey eyes were locked on hers, their intensity growing the longer they stood there. Tremors rippled across her skin, her heart beating so hard she could almost hear it. She could feel the gentle wave of spirit magic wrapping itself around her, easing her nerves steadily.

Her cheeks warmed. They were standing so close to one another, and for a split moment, she wondered if maybe the feelings she felt weren’t entirely one-sided. The air around them stilled, the pebbles dropping to the ground.

“We should continue,” she said, in a voice barely above a whisper.

He released her, taking a step back. “You are right.”

She focused on the invisible rope pulling at her, trying to gauge how far it would be. They made their way over several rocky hills in complete silence, but she could still feel Solas’s spirit magic reaching out to stabilize her. The magic felt intimate. Most of the time, when someone used healing magic on her, she thought nothing of it. But this was different. _Perhaps it’s just the Fade_ , she thought.

A _thrum_ came from deep within her chest.

“What was that?” Solas said, stopping in his tracks.

She blinked and looked around. “We’re here. I’m… standing right where she is.”

Solas knelt down and placed his hand on the ground, closing his eyes. He knelt there for what felt like hours before standing up. “We are several miles east, in the Vimmark Mountains.”

“How do you know?”

“It is a feeling,” he explained. “And I’ve been keeping track of how far we have been traveling. Can you tell which way she’s headed?”

Lana thought for a moment. She could feel Revan’s presence. It was overwhelming. “She’s making her way southwest. She’s going to Kirkwall.”

“Are you certain?”

“I’d stake my life on it.”

“Good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am sad to report that this isn't the end of the angst. More angst with these nerds to follow soon XD 
> 
> _
> 
> As you can tell, I've had a little time on my hands, so I'm posting what I can to make up for all the long breaks in between chapters for the last month or so! 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana arrives in Kirkwall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Verbal abuse

_Gold curls whipped in the wind. She was running through the trees, her arms scraped from the branches flying by. Her bare feet were bloody and bruised as she jumped over rocks and roots. Lana took a step toward her, wind whistling past her ears as she faded in and out of existence, appearing mere steps from Revan. She tried to call her name, but no words came to her. She reached out, but as she did, her feet stopped at a cliff’s edge, and Revan began to fall into a pit of darkness._

_Lana’s throat was sore, as though she was screaming, but no sound left her lips. She sobbed as she knelt beside the rocky edge, staring into the eternal blackness before her._

_There was a soft pad of feet that crept close to her. She whipped around to see her wolf. His gold eyes bore into her own, both frightening and comforting. The wolf lowered itself to the ground beside her. It looked at her with a strange sense of sadness, then turned to the abyss before them. She leaned against the wolf, its warm fur offering comfort as the wind howled around them. The wolf curled its tail around her, and her breathing began to steady._

_Words whispered with the wind. “We will find her.”_

***

“El,” Taelan said softly.

“Hmm?” Lana opened her eyes. They were on the plane, night drifting outside the small window. Dim lights lit the cabin, but still felt too bright. Taelan had managed to pull some strings to get them on a cheap flight out of Amaranthine, but it meant traveling in the middle of the night. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, her mind still feeling muddled with images of white fur and golden eyes. When she’d gone to the Fade before, the wolf and the field had felt more like a dream. Now it felt like there was a gaping wound inside her, and the Fade was all too real. She grimaced at the dull colors of the plane’s cabin. Even the abyss felt more alive than this world at times. She looked at Taelan, who was smirking.

“We’re here, sleepyhead,” he said with a chuckle.

She looked outside, the world slowly growing below them. The city of Kirkwall looked golden and magnificent, but its beauty made Lana feel sick. Though it was mostly known for its party scene and infamous red-light district, the city carried a dark past that had continued on, even if they called it by a different name. Slavery was illegal, but chains were replaced with prison bars. The gaps between the classes were just as jarring, and being poor or homeless was criminalized. She bit her lip, unsure why Revan would choose Kirkwall of all the places she could have run to. Even if she were able to go to the police, they could easily be bribed to turn a blind eye.

“You okay?” her brother said, breaking her free of her thoughts. She unclenched the fists she hadn’t noticed she’d made, red fingernail marks embedded in her palms.

“I’m fine,” she said with a smile.

The city rose up around them, and the plane landed with a jolt. She sighed as the world slowed. Somewhere, in this city, Revan was hiding. She didn’t even know where to start. Solas had attempted to help her pinpoint the closest place within the city, but she couldn’t quite make out more than just the city. He had suggested that she attempt to dream while she was in the city, though it would be harder than entering the Fade in the lab.

“You’ll have to quiet your mind – go to a quiet, safe location – and then focus on finding yourself in the Fade,” he had said after they had woken up. “Even if you can only access it for a short period of time, it should be enough to feel where she is.”

He had stared at her with the same intensity that seemed to echo the look he gave her in the Fade. But, as though he remembered himself, he had withdrawn his gaze, replacing it with a stoic mask.

Her phone sounded in her palm, and she flipped it over.

[Let me know when you land. I have some documents to send to you. – S]

Her heart skipped a beat, but she pushed the feeling away. He just wanted to send articles she could look through while she was away. She had told him he could text her, but she hadn’t expected him to.

“Did he text you?” Taelan asked.

“Yeah, he just wants me to let him know when I land so we can discuss research.”

Taelan raised one eyebrow. “That’s some dedication to a project.”

“It’s not just a ‘project,’” she said, “it’s our research. My thesis.”

“And a family emergency means nothing to him?”

“No, it’s just…”

“It’s just that he wants an excuse to text you and make sure you’re okay.”

“You are reading way too much into this,” Lana said with a sigh, shoving her phone into her bag. “And even if he does just want to know if I’m okay, he’s probably just doing it to be supportive. I’m his only research assistant.”

He chuckled. “Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t even know what you’re suggesting, anyway.”

“Of course you don’t,” he said, unbuckling as people started to get up. “All I’m saying is don’t text him back. See what happens.”

Lana sighed. Maybe it was weird, but… there was a definite connection between them. That much she couldn’t deny. But it probably wasn’t whatever Taelan thought it was. She looked at the message again. It was purely academic. They had similar interests, similar goals. Her small crush meant nothing. His piercing gaze flashed through her mind, and her heart leaped.

She shoved her phone away. She wouldn’t text him back. 

***

They checked in to a hostel for the night, as it was cheaper than a hotel. The small room they received felt almost clinical, with white walls and a tiny bunk bed adjacent to the large window, but it was enough. They didn’t need much more than a shower and beds, anyway. As soon as Taelan had set down his bags, he crawled up to the top bunk and was instantaneously asleep. Lana chuckled softly as she dimmed the lights. She rummaged through her things for her toothbrush, her fingers sliding across the screen of her phone.

She stopped short. _I shouldn’t text him back. I should wait and see. Then I can prove to Taelan that it’s really nothing. Nothing more than a dumb crush._

She found her toothbrush and made her way to the sink. There was no way Solas would really care more than was appropriate, anyway. He was her professor, and he had more things to worry about than her safety. Scrubbing her teeth, she heard a ding come from her phone. She rinsed her mouth and set her toothbrush down. It was probably just Dorian. She hadn’t really told anyone she was in Kirkwall, other than Solas. Not even Cullen. _Especially not Cullen._ Dorian knew she was going out of town, but she couldn’t tell him why. She knew he would try to help… and she just couldn’t deal with that right now. She just wanted to find Revan and bring her home.

Picking up her phone, she swiped the screen open.

[If you need, I also have a contact within the city who may be able to help you. She works with shelters who offer safe havens for abused women and children. It may be a good place to start. – S]

She snuck a look up at Taelan, who was already snoring. She looked back at her phone. _He’s just trying to help,_ she told herself. _And it’s none of Taelan’s business, anyway._

[We landed just a little while ago. Feel free to send me those documents, I brought my laptop with me so I can work while I’m away. - L]

 _There,_ she thought. _A decent, professional response. This will prove Taelan wrong._ She continued.

[And starting at shelters would be a good place to start. Thank you for the tip.]

Pleased with herself, she pressed _send_ and set her phone down. She sat on the bottom bunk and crossed her legs. The city was loud outside, and her brother’s soft snores could be heard from the bunk above her, but she knew she should at least try to enter the Fade. Pinpointing exactly where Revan was in the Fade would make it feel less like finding a needle in a haystack. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Relaxing her breathing, she sank into a deep meditation, letting the sounds around her fade away. She grasped at the darkness circling within her mind, looking for any sort of opening to the Fade. But there was nothing. Just the abyss. She sank deeper into breathing, and–

Her phone dinged.

She sighed and opened her eyes. _So much for that plan._

[I did not mean for you to work while you were away. I am only sending you documents on the theorized ways to enter the Fade without the use of any devices. As a Dreamer, you should have no issues going into the Fade, but controlling it may be a little more difficult. But do not worry, I would not force you to work under circumstances such as these. I apologize if that was implied. – S]

She frowned. The phone dinged again.

[And my contact’s name is Arianni. If you would like, I can reach out to her for you. – S]

 _Maybe he really is just trying to help._ She began to text back, but her stomach twisted in knots.

[Thank you for being so patient with all of this. And I would like that – to hear from her, I mean. – L]

Not knowing what else to say, her finger lingered over the _send_ button. There were so many things she wanted to type, but all of it felt like it was crossing the line – the line that seemed to grow thinner and thinner by the second. After telling him all that she had, she knew their friendship was growing quickly, but…

It was a dangerous balancing act.

But maybe she had to be reading too much into it. Maybe there was some part of her that longed for something substantial and _real,_ that she had just made it up in her own head. Maybe all those looks he gave her were just that of a professor concerned for his student. She pressed her lips together and hit _send._

Several minutes went by, and he didn’t respond. She stepped over to the window and sat on the surprisingly wide windowsill, and looked down at the city below.

Her phone began to ring, the noise startling her. She stepped lightly across the room and through the door, closing the door behind her. Looking down at the caller ID, she frowned.

It was Cullen.

She didn’t want to answer. And yet… it had been a day since they had spoken. She bit her lip and pressed the _Answer_ button.

“Hello?”

“Lana? Why aren’t you answering your door? I’ve been out here knocking for nearly ten minutes.”

“I’m not home,” she replied.

There was a pause. “It’s nearly two in the morning. Where are you?”

“I’m out of town. There’s something I need to take care of.”

“You’re _‘out of town’_? So, what, you just leave town without telling me now?”

“It’s complicated. There isn’t a lot of time…”

“No, no, I completely understand,” he snapped. “You’ve been making it perfectly clear how you feel about us. I hope whoever’s bed you’re warming makes you happier than I could.”

“Cullen, I…” The line went dead. She sighed and leaned back against the wall. _When did he become so fucking possessive?_ She supposed he’d always been this way, she’d just never noticed it. He just would get jealous sometimes, and it was never an issue. She shook her head. She wasn’t cut out for someone holding her down, controlling her.

She shivered, pushing the memories away. It was getting harder and harder to keep them at bay.

Her phone dinged again. Twice.

“ _Now_ what?” she hissed. Two separate texts flashed over her screen.

[I will speak with her tomorrow, then. Or rather, today. I hope Kirkwall is treating you well. – S]

She softened at their inside joke and looked at the second message. Dorian.

[Are you okay? Why are you out of town, anyway? Cullen has been texting me nonstop asking about you. He’s going a little insane.]

She sighed and hit the _reply_ button.

[I left town to find my friend Revan, but Cullen seems to think I’m sleeping with someone else. I don’t even know how he drew that conclusion. I tried to tell him otherwise, but lately he’s just been so paranoid about everything, it’s hard to even talk to him. I find it easier to sift through volumes of dry reading on the theoretical ties between the Fade and the archeological makeup of the world than trying to figure out what’s going on in his head. I don’t know, maybe we should just break up. My head’s been in a weird space lately, anyway, and every second I spend working on this project, the more I realize he isn’t the person I want.]

 _Send._ Maybe Dorian would understand – maybe he wouldn’t. All she knew was that she was tired of all this, and she needed to find Revan. She walked back into the room and crawled onto the bed. She would try one last time tonight to enter the Fade. She turned her ringer off and set it far away from her. No more distractions.

She laid down, curling herself around the thin blanket, and silenced her mind. The abyss crept up quickly this time, and she could see small fractures of light perforating through the blackness. She reached out and pulled the light closer, and it felt as though she were swimming upstream in mud. It felt like she was lingering there for nearly an hour. She knew there was a possibility that this wouldn’t even work – but she needed to find Revan. That’s all that mattered. Her fingertips reached for the light, almost close enough to touch the other side–

The Fade exploded into existence around her.

Trees towered above her, and the radiant green of the forest was nearly blinding. She smiled widely. _I did it._

It didn’t look like Kirkwall, but she didn’t expect it to. The ocean, or what she assumed was supposed to be the ocean, crashed wildly against the cliffside that was a fair distance away.

Biting her lip, she walked on. She knew she shouldn’t be traveling alone, but what choice did she have? She wished her wolf was here, so she could at least have some sort of backup if the demons found her.

“Strange.”

She whirled around to see Solas standing behind her.

“You’re here,” she said, and her brows furrowed. “Wait, how are you here?” 

“I… am not entirely sure,” he admitted.

“You just ended up in the Fade?”

“It is like I said before, elves are innate Dreamers, whether they know it or not. I theorized that if that is the case, I could try focusing on the Fade while I slept… and I suppose it worked. As for why I am _here_ specifically… that I do not know.”

Part of her was unsure how this was possible, but… “I suppose I do remember reading that it is possible to end up in another person’s dream,” Lana replied. 

“If you are focused on entering another’s dream, yes,” he said, contemplating it for a moment.

“But you weren’t attempting to come here,” she stated. 

“No,” he answered. “But it is possible that due to our earlier excursion, that connection could have resulted in me accidentally ending up in your dream.” 

She bit her lip. “So you’re saying I pulled you here?”

“That is possible,” he said. “I do apologize for the intrusion.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “To be honest, I was trying to see if I could find Revan’s exact location, if you wanted to help me.”

His face was unreadable. “I suppose it would be better that you not to search for her alone, especially with… the clear stressors that have been plaguing you.” 

She nodded. “Although, you would think that Revan being on the forefront of it all would help me find her faster.”

A flicker of confusion flashed across his face, but he nodded. “Possibly, though any major stress from outside sources can attract all manner of demons and spirits, as well as preventing you from finding what you are looking for.”

“Noted,” she said looking through the wood and taking a step forward. That tug was there still… but it was so muddled in everything else, she could barely make out a direction. She lowered herself to the ground and closed her eyes, attempting to sense anything.

Nothing.

“I can’t sense her,” she sighed, standing back up. “Maybe I spent all of my energy getting into the Fade, and there’s nothing left to find her.”

Solas held out his hand. “Perhaps together we can find her.”

Lana took his hand slowly, her skin tingling as their fingers touched. Her muscles relaxed, and it felt as though a weight were being lifted from her shoulders. Their magic felt as though it were blending together, weaving in and out of a strange tapestry.

The tug grew stronger, and Solas seemed to feel it this time, too. Her eyes locked on the way forward, but Solas had already started moving in that direction. His hand had dropped from hers, but the connection wasn’t severed. It was as though their spirits were tied together.

As they walked, Solas was silent. He was walking ahead of her, leading her through the Fade. She bit her lip as they walked. More and more she wondered how strange it was how easily Solas traversed the Fade, understood it, even. Maybe it was something he just did instinctually?

She could sense Revan more and more as they walked, until they made their way across a river, to find her curled up in a patch of green leaves. Pink flowers fluttered down from the trees above, dancing in the breeze. Revan’s hair was in disarray when she lifted her head, her eyelids barely opening when they approached.

“Her spirit is tired,” Solas said softly as he knelt beside her. “She can barely move, even here.”

Lana was frozen. She looked as she had in her nightmares – dark circles under her eyes, her clothes torn and dirty.

“Speak with her,” Solas murmured. “It may give her enough strength to tell you where to find her.”

She knelt down beside Solas and brushed Revan’s hair back. Revan’s chin raised weakly.

“It’s me," Lana whispered. “Please, tell me where you are?”

Revan’s mouth opened slightly as though to speak, but her eyes flicked behind them and widened. She pulled herself away from Lana, and she and Solas both looked to see an elven man with long, dark hair, his thin, angular face turned into a terrible sneer.

_Nethrien._

Lana felt fear jolting through her body. Fear, and something like anger.

 _Lana, get Revan out of here,_ Solas’ voice echoed in her mind. He stood up and threw a magical shield up, guarding them.

She picked Revan up and fade-stepped, the world swirling around them. They would only be able to travel several yards at a time, but it was faster than running. _How the hell did Solas travel so far before?_

Revan’s eyes were wide as she clung to Lana, her hands shaking.

 _Hang on,_ she thought as she traveled further away.

When they had finally reached a distant glen, Lana laid her friend down in the grass, holding her hand. She wasn’t sure what happened with Solas, but she pushed the thought to the back of her mind.

“Where are you?” Lana whispered.

“Lowtown,” Revan whispered. “At a safe house. I-I think I’m being woken up.”

Her friend faded from her arms, leaving her alone in a silent forest.

Her jaw locked. Anger spread around her like a fiery aura, and she barely thought before she vaulted from the glen, running back to the place where she left Solas. Her mind was numb, her thoughts spinning like a hurricane.

But when she reached the river, she found only Solas, staring across the water, his face like stone.

“Where is he?” Lana demanded.

Solas turned to her, his arms folded behind his back. “He is gone.”

“Where did he go?”

“Lana, that wasn’t him.”

Lana’s fingers curled into balls at her side. “What do you mean it wasn’t…” she stopped. _Oh._

It hadn’t been Nethrien at all.

His eyes softened with something that looked like sympathy. He took a few slow steps toward her, his face turned down to hers. Her fingers loosened.

“Lana, if you let your emotions take control of you here, you will attract demons like that one. If you are possessed, then there will be no stopping him. He will win.” His voice was soft, almost intimate. A strange feeling curled up her spine. But she let her shoulders relax, and took a deep breath. He was right.

A hot tear slid down her cheek, the last of her anger releasing itself.

“Did she tell you where she is?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He nodded and turned away, starting down the path behind her, and fading away with the wind.

She blinked.

So easily, effortlessly he had entered the Fade, and just as easily, he had disappeared.

 _What aren’t you telling me?_

***

Lana came to, and blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Her skin was still crawling as her phone lit up beside her. She rubbed her forehead and picked it up, wincing at the bright light of the screen.

Dorian (2:44 am): Lana? Are you still there?

She frowned. _Didn’t I send him that long message?_ Scrolling up, she saw no record of the paragraph she had sent him. She switched back to the conversation log, and her cheeks grew hot.

“Oh fuck,” she hissed as she stared at her conversation with Solas.

_I sent that to the wrong person._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've avoided switching POVs for a while, but from here on out I'm going to be switching back and forth.

Solas opened his eyes, the plain white ceiling overhead dimly lit by the lamp across the room. The silence was deafening. It was always this way after he returned to this world from the Fade. This _reality_ seemed stale and cheap in comparison. He had to be careful most nights that he did not get lost in dreaming, for fear he would never wake up. He sat up, his bare feet landing on the cool wooden floor.

Opening his phone, he stared at the message she had sent to him. It wasn’t for him, he figured, but part of him wondered – or perhaps hoped…

 _No. I must remain focused,_ he thought. It was one thing to connect with her over a common goal, to establish a friendship, even. Yet the closer they became, the more he felt his resolve slipping. Still, nothing could come of it, regardless of how he felt. 

He rubbed his face with one hand before standing up and walking down the hallway to his kitchen. Pouring amber liquid into a glass, he took a long sip. He stepped out to his balcony, and rested against the railing, watching the lights of the cars drift slowly down the snow-covered road. He liked this part of the night - when everything felt more like a dream. Reality was often too harsh, too jagged.

His only reminder that he hadn’t just imagined everything in the Fade was the tingling feeling lingering across his skin. Her magic had been particularly powerful tonight – she was getting the hang of it a lot quicker than he had anticipated. His mind drifted to the feeling of her soft hand beneath his fingers. Her touch had been electric – it made him feel alive for once in a very long time.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. _This is bad._ It would be better to take a step back from her. He couldn’t afford to let his feelings get in the way. 

A sharp ring from his pocket pierced the night air. Pulling his phone out, he frowned.

“Yes?” he answered.

“Some new developments came up, with that lady you mentioned before,” said the voice on the other line. “We found her snooping around the museum, in the office of the old head curator. It seems she’s after him, too.”

Solas closed his eyes. _There was always something._ The last thing he needed was for her following too close behind.

“Leave her clues, then,” he said with a sigh. “If she is going to play detective, let her find something _noteworthy_ but altogether useless. That should keep her occupied for a while. But keep a close eye on her. And, while I have you…”

He paused. He shouldn’t even be considering it, but… “I would like you to look into something for me.”

“What is it?”

“I’d like you to find everything you can on a man named Nethrien.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! >:) 
> 
> Sorry my posting has been a little irregular - with working in the healthcare field and dealing with all the COVID-19 stuff, life has been a little stressful as of late. But I'm working from home now, so I should (theoretically) have more time to write. 
> 
> Also, my original plan was to put out two chapters since this one is extremely short, but I had no such luck. I'm still working on the next chapter but you should get another update soon!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana and Taelan begin their search.

Lana ran her finger around the rim of her coffee cup. She and Taelan had found a cozy café in the center of Lowtown to meet Arianni. Soft grunge music played low in the background, just barely quieter than the lull of casual conversation. The café was filled entirely with elves – not a human or dwarf in sight. They were close enough to the Alienage that there wouldn't be much of anyone else, she supposed.

She sighed as she checked the time. “Any minute now,” she said under her breath.

“No need to get antsy,” Taelan said. “She was kind enough to meet us this quickly. The least we can do is be patient.”

She snorted. “You sound just like Deshanna.” 

The front door swung open, and an elven woman with golden hair pulled back in a bun stepped through. She met Lana's eyes and crossed over to the two of them. Lana frowned as she realized the woman wore _vallaslin_ – Dalish facial tattoos to commemorate the creators. She had never received hers – they were only given to clan members who had reached adulthood, and she had been banished before she came of age. She remembered daydreaming about elegant lines curling around her eyes, tree branches that stretched from her nose to her forehead. 

“Lana?” the woman said, pulling her back to reality.

“You must be Arianni.”

“I am.”

The elven woman sat in front of them and folded her hands on the table. “Now, who was it you wanted to ask about?”

“My friend, Revan,” Lana said. “She came to Kirkwall to escape our… well… _her_ clan.”

“Not your clan anymore?”

Lana shook her head.

“Have you heard from her?” Taelan asked.

“No, I do not know a Revan,” Arianni sighed. “I am sorry.”

Lana bit her lip. “She might be using an alias. Here, I have a picture of her.” She pulled out her phone and showed an old picture – Revan laughing in the sun on a summer afternoon in the grass.

Arianni frowned as she took the phone in her hand. “I have not met her but… I may have seen her.”

“Where?” Lana said.

Arianni returned her phone and sat back, crossing her arms. “Near a nightclub, just a few streets down. I saw her leaving out of the employee exit on the side of the building and she got into a car. I don’t know where she went from there.”

“What club is it?”

Arianni shifted in her seat. “ _Bellanaris_ ,” she said quietly.

Lana frowned. An elven club, no doubt. But it wasn’t one that she had heard of – _it must be new,_ she supposed. She hadn’t visited Kirkwall in years. “Is there anything you can tell me about it?”

Arianni shook her head. “I do not know very much about it – only that you should avoid it if you can. It can be harmless as far as clubs go, but… the people your friend was with would suggest she was there for more than just a night out.”

Lana looked at Taelan, who looked lost in thought.

“Well, we have a place to start. _Ma serannas_ , Arianni,” Lana said, the elvish words feeling strange on her tongue.

“Of course, _da’len_ ,” she said with a smile. “But… be wary. The crowd there isn’t exactly kind to newcomers.” 

“Understood. _Dareth shiral_.”

Lana and Taelan left the café, and he let out a sigh. “What in the Void has she gotten herself into?” he said, shaking his head.

“I don’t know,” Lana said. “But we have to help her.” 

“I know,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “I just don’t like where this is headed.”

“ _Bellanaris,_ ” she said, shaking her head. “Eternity. Sounds like some kind of drug den.”

“We _are_ in Kirkwall,” Taelan said, crossing his arms. “Anyway, we’ll have to come back tonight. And I’m guessing there’s probably some kind of dress code.”

Lana pressed her lips together. “Great – just the scenario I _didn’t_ pack for.”

***

“You’re going into _where?_ ” Varric said on the other end of the phone.

Lana turned in front of the mirror, examining the new black dress they’d managed to find earlier in the day. It was tight, but modest. “I assume you’ve heard of it, then.”

“Yes, and it is exactly the _wrong_ place for your friend to end up. You’ve heard of the Kirkwall gangs, right? The Sharps Highwaymen, Invisible Sisters…?”

“Yeah?”

“These guys are _worse._ ”

“But they have to know something about where she is, right?”

Varric sighed. “Okay, kid. I can make a few calls and see if I can pull any strings to get you in.”

“Any tips?”

“Other than avoiding the place altogether?”

“Varric, this is serious.”

“Fine. I’ll see if one of my old contacts would be willing to help out. If there’s anything you’ll need in there, it’s protection.”

“For the Creator’s sake, Varric, you’re acting like we’re about to go get drinks with the Carta.”

“If only,” he said.

_Click._

“So, exactly how fucked are we?” Taelan said, crossing his arms. He wore a black button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and black pants.

 _Nondescript_ was the vibe they had been going for. _Unfortunately for him, he always looks like he’s about to start a fight,_ she thought.

“Very, if Varric’s this nervous about it,” she replied, turning back to the mirror to finish her makeup. “But he said he knows someone who might be able to help.”

“Good thing you have friends in high places,” Taelan smirked. “Speaking of friends – you texted your professor, didn’t you?”

Lana’s cheeks heated as she finished the second eyeliner wing. She pursed her lips. “Why do you care so much?”

Her brother laughed. “Probably because you’re so defensive about it, not to mention the awkward tension between the two of you back at the lab.”

“It wasn’t awkward.”

Taelan pressed his lips together to stifle his laugh. She glared at him and he shrugged. “If you say so.”

They could hear the music before they could see the front of the club. The energy alone seemed to reverberate down the street – terrifying and inviting all at once. Lana didn’t go into clubs very often, except when Dorian dragged her along on nights when everyone else was busy.

The line to enter the club stretched all the way down the street – elves, mostly, but there were some humans and dwarves in the mix. Most of the people wore studs and heavy makeup, but others looked elegant and refined. They finally reached the front of the line, which had been blocked off by silver barriers. The building was painted black on the outside, with a glowing sign overhead that spelled out _Bellanaris_ in elegant cursive. 

“Varric said he would pull some strings,” Lana said. “I hope he works his magic quickly.” She pulled her phone out and texted him.

[Update?]

Lana bit her lip as several seconds went by. Nothing.

She suddenly got the feeling that she was being watched. She looked up quickly, and her eyes rested on an elven woman who was leaning up against the brick building. She had auburn hair that was pulled back into a low bun and wore a long, dark blue dress with a plunging neckline that just barely reached her navel. The woman held eye contact with Lana for a moment, holding a cigarette to her lips, and blew smoke in her direction. There was sort of a dark elegance about her that made it feel impossible for Lana to look away. The woman winked at her before turning on her heel and disappearing inside.

Lana blinked. _Now is not the time to be questioning my sexuality._

She turned her attention to the human bouncer at the front. _Strange to have a human working here,_ she thought. He looked – frightening, in a word. He had dark hair, with long streaks of silver on either side of his head, and a thick beard that reached his collar. An elven man stepped out of the club behind him – he was slender, but just as mean-looking, with stark white hair that hung in front of his face. His eyes searched the crowd, and finally landed on them. His eyes darted between the two of them and he strode over, pulling the barrier back.

“Lana, yes?” he said, his voice low, and it sounded more like a growl.

“Yes,” she squeaked.

He motioned for them to follow him. He led them through the front doors and into the dark club.

“I take it you know Varric?” she said as they stepped up a flight of stairs.

“Indeed,” he said. “My name is Fenris. Shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate all of you! <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas has a chat with Fiona.

“As you can see from the above diagram,” Solas said, pointing to the screen at the front of the classroom, “when we initially draw magic from the Fade, it is – in its purest form – spirit magic. It is not until it is shaped by the will of the caster that it is channeled into another form, such as primal magic, or even entropy. Creation magic, used primarily for healing, is the closest form to spirit magic. Can anyone tell me why that is?”

He looked out at the classroom full of students with glazed-over expressions. Only a couple seemed to be diligently taking notes. He eyed the clock, which was two minutes away from the end of class. He smiled. “It appears we are out of time. Ponder that tonight, and take a look at chapter seven to find the answers.” As he was speaking, the students had already begun to close their notebooks and stuff them in their bags. As they filed out of the lecture hall, he packed up his briefcase and pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

Lana hadn’t texted him yet. She was capable enough to handle this, he knew, but he worried all the same. Kirkwall was riddled with crime – if her friend had ended up lost there, it was only a matter of time before Lana would be putting herself in danger.

He wanted to do something, help her in some way – but anything he could do would pose a greater risk than he could take.

A small knock came from the door. Fiona smiled from the doorway, her arms folded. “How was your class today?” she asked. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and closed his briefcase, and pushed the thoughts away.

“It went well,” he said, “or, as well as one could expect. The theory of magic is a difficult subject to get students engaged in.”

She chuckled. “That is very true. Most would rather spend their time learning hexes or fire spells than know how they can conjure it in the first place.”

“Indeed,” he said, following her out into the hall.

“But while we are on the subject, there is something I wished to discuss with you.”

“Of course,” he said.

She smiled up at him, and he got the strangest feeling for a moment – almost as though they had met before. He had been at the university for months – _how did I not realize it before?_

“As you know,” she said, “the new president of the college wishes for us to begin studying red lyrium once again.”

“A rather foolish endeavor without the proper tools, which I’m told we do not possess.”

“Indeed,” she said. “But nonetheless, he has stated that he and the school board will stop funding future research unless we investigate the effects of it, and find the ways in which it can be used.”

He didn’t like the sound of that.

“Do we know why they are so invested in red lyrium in the first place?”

They walked into Fiona’s office and she shut the door, motioning for him to take a seat. She sat at her desk and folded her hands in her lap. “As you know, the University of Amaranthine is one of the top schools in the nation,” she said. “We house one of the leading departments of magical research. However, we are the only university that has dealt with red lyrium in the past – publicly, at least.”

“Which ended poorly,” he said. “Why would they choose to recreate the program when it poses such a risk?”

She took a deep breath. “The Ferelden military wishes to use red lyrium. We don’t know what for, or even _how_ , but they have reason to believe that it could be useful if we can understand it.”

Solas frowned. “They wish to create weapons, then.”

“I do not know to what extent they wish to use it. However, what I do know is that of all the members of the Magic Department, you are one of the most qualified to conduct such experiments.”

“I highly doubt that,” he chuckled. “Theory and studying the Fade is not the same as studying a substance with magical properties.”

"Do you truly believe that?" she asked. 

"What do you mean?"

Fiona sucked in a breath before she sat forward and folded her hands on the desk. “You did a good job hiding your past,” she said. “But not as well as you thought.”

He stilled. “I’m sorry?”

Fiona sighed. “I, too, have been hiding from what I once was,” she said. “But I know that you were a professor at the University of Arlathan, and I know that you went by a different name. I know what you were able to accomplish there, and why it cost you everything.”

Solas sat back, folding his hands in his lap. So they had met before.

“When I was a member of the Wardens,” she continued, “we were tasked with seeking out any threat to international security. We arrived shortly after the explosion of the lab. The school board called us in to investigate what had happened. You were being escorted from the premises, if I remember correctly.”

He was silent for a moment. “And yet you allowed me to begin teaching, and even sent one of your own students to conduct research with me.” 

“I did,” she said. “Because regardless of your reputation, only a handful of us really know what happened that night. When we investigated the lab, I found the notes that you had left on the purpose of the experiment, and how you intended to achieve it.”

His jaw locked.

“What you found was absolutely _extraordinary_ , and utterly terrifying,” she said. “To think that red lyrium contains…”

“The world is not ready for what I found,” he said, cutting her off.

She gave him a sad smile. “They never are, I suppose.”

“But they are ready for weapons of mass destruction. For war and discord,” he said. “My research has never been about that.”

She sighed. “Yes. But your research did uncover the hard truth about red lyrium, and how our ancestors used it.”

“Another unfortunate truth they would prefer to remain covered up.”

“I know what I am asking. However, if what you found is true – I cannot allow it to be handled by an amateur. I know what it could do to a single person, I do not want to imagine what it could do on a grand scale. We cannot allow that to happen.”

He tilted his head to the side. “If you truly do not wish for that to happen, why are you allowing the research to take place?”

“My hands are tied,” she said. “If we don’t handle this situation ourselves, they will find someone else willing to do it – someone who will not exercise caution or restraint. Someone who could get a lot of people killed.”

 _Though I suppose that may be the point_ , he thought darkly. He stood up and folded his hands behind his back. “I will consider it. If nothing else, I am willing to share my findings with you, to ensure the safety of those willing to study the substance.”

“I suppose that is the best I could hope for. Thank you, Solas,” she said with a smile as he left the office.

It pained him to consider agreeing to such a thing, but with Fiona aware of his past, he could not afford to have her reveal such information to anyone. It was possible she wasn’t planning on blackmailing him, but he couldn’t take that chance. He needed time to think – and plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So I've been going over plot things more and I want you to know that I changed the first part of chapter eight. I don't have a beta and this piece kind of blew up to be a lot bigger than I had originally intended. 
> 
> Sorry to have retconned the smallest detail in the story, but I promise it will make sense later. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! <3 <3 <3


	17. Chapter 17

The pulse of the bass rattled Lana’s bones as she followed Fenris to the landing at the top of the stairs, which opened to a balcony that wrapped around the entire dancefloor. Lana looked over the rails at the sea of people that moved in time with the beat, the smell of sweat and thick perfume emanating from their bodies. A massive glass chandelier hung overhead, the red and gold lights around the room glinting off it. Along the sides of the room were little nooks couches and chairs, each filled rosy-cheeked groups talking and singing along with the music. _Dorian would have loved to come here_.

They followed Fenris around the balcony to another staircase that led up to the third floor. They stepped into a smaller room, lit up with blue and purple lights. The music was lighter here, almost quieter, making it easier to hear. There were still people dancing in the center of the room, some of them having casual conversations as they danced. 

“Wait here,” Fenris said, walking away to the far side of the room to a dark curtain. He disappeared behind the fabric, and Lana turned to Taelan.

“Well?” she asked, looking around. “What do you think?”

“I think…” he said, running his fingers through his hair, “that I am _definitely_ going to need a drink.” 

“Get me one, too,” she said. He nodded and slipped between several people and over to the bar. Lana crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, chewing on her lip as she waited.

An arm suddenly wrapped around her, and she nearly jumped as a man sidled up to her, his breath reeking of beer as he smiled down at her.

“Hey, you wanna dance with me?” he slurred in her ear, barely able to stand as he leaned against her.

“Not interested,” she said, trying to duck out of his grip, but he held her tightly to him.

“Come on, we’ll have fun!” he said.

“ _No,_ ” she said as she tore herself from him.

“But,” he started.

“Symon, please leave,” a sultry voice said beside her. Lana looked to see an elven man with long, dark hair, wearing a black suit. He waved the drunken man away. “You can come back when you learn some manners.”

The drunken man looked slightly dumbstruck as he stumbled away.

“Thank you,” Lana managed as she turned to look up at the stranger. 

“It’s no trouble. We have had trouble with that one in the past,” the man said. “He is fairly harmless, but sometimes he needs to be reminded of how to be a gentleman.”

“And how to not literally wrangle women on the dancefloor,” Lana said, rolling her shoulder. 

The man chuckled.

“So, you work here?” Lana said, the words sounding ridiculous as they left her lips.

“On and off,” the man replied. “My name is Anaris. I have not seen you here before – are you a new member?”

Lana’s cheeks heated. “I’m Lana. I'm here with my brother. We’re just in town for a few days.”

“Visiting Kirwall?” he said, flashing her a smile. “Now tell me, what brings you here of all places? Surely not the sights and the rich culture.”

_Oh no. Is he flirting with me?_

“We're visiting an old family friend,” she said, feeling slightly guarded as he leaned against the wall beside her.

“And you figured you would try out the nightlife while you were here?”

“It is one of the few good things Kirkwall is known for,” she replied.

“Did you travel far to get here?”

A loaded question. A warning in the back of her mind told her to give as little information as possible. “Ferelden,” she said simply. “My brother and I are both students at the University of Redcliff.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Oh? And what is your area of study?”

“Magic,” she replied. Something about him rubbed her the wrong way. He was too charming and _far_ too interested in asking her questions.

“That’s rather vague. Magic is a rather diverse field.”

She bit her lip. “Fade science, specifically.” 

He raised a single eyebrow. “An unusual area – what made you interested in that?”

“The Fade is the central source of magic,” she explained. “To understand the magic directly tied to the Fade is to understand how all magic functions on a deeper level than other areas of magic.” She nearly bit the inside of her cheek as she spoke – she knew she had said too much. _Damn it, now is not the time to be a Fade nerd,_ she silently cursed herself. 

“A beautiful way to put it,” he said with a smile.

_Okay, he is definitely flirting with me._

“I have dabbled in several areas of magic myself,” he continued, “though the Fade always seemed like a rather dull topic. So much is unknown that the majority of the field is primarily theory.”

She sucked in a breath and nodded. He continued looking at her, smiling as though he knew something she didn’t. It was unnerving.

“What areas have you studied?” she asked, trying to turn the conversation away from herself.

“Quite a few,” he said. “But none were quite as interesting. How does one study the Fade, exactly?”

Of course he would push the conversation back to her.

“That, I’m afraid, is a trade secret,” she said with a smile. _Fuck. I didn’t mean to flirt_ back.

“And what danger could there be in telling a random person you’ll never see again in a club across the world from you?” he said, leaning closer to her.

“Quite a lot, actually,” she answered, leaning away from him. He laughed. _Creators, this is bad. I have to get Taelan over here._

As if by magic, Taelan approached them, drinks in hand. He looked at Anaris, assessing him as he wordlessly handed Lana a drink.

“Anaris, this is my brother Taelan. Taelan, this is Anaris.”

Anaris smiled. “Well, I’ll take that as my cue to leave. It was a pleasure to meet you, Lana.”

She nodded as he turned and walked away into the crowd.

Taelan raised an eyebrow at her.

“It’s not what it looks like,” she said.

“So you _don’t_ have a gaggle of elven men following around you at all times?”

She bit her lip. “No.”

“Oh, okay, so it’s just your professor.”

“Taelan, let’s just find Revan and get out of here,” she said, sipping her drink and looking across the room to the curtain Fenris had disappeared behind. 

Taelan leaned against the wall beside her. “Sorry, El, I’m not trying to push your buttons. I’m just worried about you. You just seem so distant and unhappy.”

She looked at him and gave him a half-smile. “I’m alright.”

He chuckled. “I’d almost believe you if I didn’t know you were lying.”

As she opened her mouth to speak, Taelan pushed himself away from the wall. Fenris approached and waved for them to follow him.

They made their way to the dark curtain Fenris had previously disappeared behind. The bouncer nodded at the three of them as they approached and pulled the curtain back to reveal a set of stairs. Lana swallowed as they climbed up the steps, the music from below beginning to fade as they made their way up. A different tune – a darker song with a heavier beat – flooded her ears. 

The space they stepped into was large, but intimate. Dark lighting glinted off the smaller chandeliers that hung over the bar on the far wall, and round red velvet sofas lined the sides of the room, each sectioned off with sheer golden curtains. Most everyone was sitting and chatting, only a few swaying with the music. The VIP section, she assumed. Nothing had been labelled, almost as though everyone in the club did - or should - know where everything was already. 

Fenris led them through the room to a nook in the corner. He pulled the golden curtain back to reveal a woman sitting on the sofa inside, her knees crossed in front of her, the blue fabric of her dress glittering against the dim light.

It was the woman Lana had seen outside the club.

The strange woman’s lips quirked up as she saw them. She set down her martini glass and sat back.

“You must be Varric’s friends,” she said. Her voice lilted in an accent that almost sounded Orlesian. But not quite. She motioned to the seats beside her. “Please, sit.”

Lana eyed Taelan again, and they both sat beside each other, noticeably uneasy. Lana gripped her drink tightly, as though it was an anchor for her nerves. 

“Thank you, Fenris,” she said.

He nodded and closed the curtain as he left. Lana resisted the urge to bite her lip as she turned her gaze back to the elven woman.

“My name is Briala,” the woman said, leaning back. “I understand that you are looking for someone.”

Lana clamped her hands together. “Yes,” she said. “Our friend, Revan. We were told she was last seen leaving the club. We… we were hoping someone might know something about her whereabouts.”

Briala gave them a smile. It didn’t reach her eyes. “As you might have already seen, many people come and go here. Perhaps she simply wished to escape, much like the rest of our guests.”

“We don’t believe this is the kind of escape she was after,” Taelan said.

Briala’s eyebrow quirked. “Oh? What kind of escape was she after? Running away, perhaps?”

“You could say that,” Lana interjected. “But regardless of her reasoning, she isn’t safe. We need to find her as quickly as possible.”

“That sounds like a dire situation, indeed. I may just be able to help you. Do you have a photo of your friend?”

Lana nodded as she pulled up the photo and showed her. Briala looked over the photo and gave Lana’s phone back.

“I can ask around and see if anyone has seen her,” she said.

“Thank you, I appre-”

“But you must do something for me, first,” Briala interjected. Lana quieted as the elven woman sat back and crossed her knees. “Here at _Bellanaris_ , we do things a little bit differently. Information is precious, we cannot give it away for nothing. You do something for me, and I will return the favor.” 

Lana eyed Taelan. He _definitely_ didn’t like where this was going. “What do you need me to do?”

She smiled – this time it sent a shiver down her spine. “Just a small errand.”

“What kind of errand?” Taelan asked.

“There is something of mine at the Viscount’s Keep in Hightown, in the museum. I want you to retrieve it,” she said.

“Why is it in the Viscount’s Keep if it’s yours?” Taelan asked dryly, not looking up.

“Well, I suppose ‘mine’ is a relative term. Regardless, if you want me to find your friend, you will need to retrieve it for me.”

So she wanted them to steal something for her. _What kind of operation is running this place?_

Lana pressed her lips together. “What is it?”

She smiled. “A very old book.”

“You say it’s in the museum at Viscount’s Keep… do you know where, exactly?” Taelan asked.

“Likely in the museum’s library, where they keep all of their dusty old books,” she said simply, taking a sip from her martini.

“What is the name of the book?” Lana asked.

“It doesn’t have a name,” she said as she set her glass back down. “But don’t worry, it should be easy to find. It’s bound in black leather with a sun etched on the binding. You won't be able to miss it.”

 _That’s not ominous at all,_ Lana thought.

“That’s all we have to go on?” Taelan asked.

Briala shrugged. “I have a very interested buyer. If you want information on your friend, I’ll need to know it’s worth it to you.”

Lana clenched her teeth. “Fine,” she said.

Taelan’s eyes met hers. _Something is wrong about this_ , his eyes seemed to say. But she held firm. “We will get the book for you,” she said.

“Good.”

“Do we have a way in?” she asked.

“There is a back entrance to the keep – through the old servant’s quarters. If you can make it into the gardens, you should be able to sneak in that way. Just be careful of the cameras – and the guards. I hear they’re armed.” Briala stood up, and they followed her as she lifted the curtain to leave.

“Understood,” Lana said as they stepped back into the main room.

“Briala! How good it is to see you.” Lana looked to see Anaris strolling over to them. He leaned down and kissed Briala on the cheek. She smiled as she pulled away, giving his arm a squeeze.

He turned his gaze to Lana and winked. 

“I did not know you would be here so soon,” she said. She turned to Lana and Taelan. “This is Anaris. You could say he is a… benefactor for the club. Anaris, this is-”

“I believe we have already had the pleasure,” Anaris interrupted, giving Lana a smirk. “But you’ll have to forgive me, there are a few things I need to attend to. Will you be available soon, Briala? We have much to discuss.”

Briala nodded and turned back to Lana. “This is where I leave you. I wish you luck.”

“Thank you,” Lana said with a smile, and she and her brother started to leave.

“And Lana?”

Lana turned back.

“Make sure you get it by tomorrow night. My buyer is very eager to get his hands on that book.”

“We will have it,” Lana said. She swore she saw Briala smirk as they left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am so, so sorry for how late this update is. I had a family emergency, and trying to write and edit these last few weeks even after everything settled down was absolute nightmare. Don't worry, though, I'll be updating in the next couple of days as well!
> 
> Also, you can find me on tumblr at oxygenforthewicked.tumblr.com :)
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana decides to get creative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments <3 You keep me going!

Lana watched as Taelan stared out the window of their room into the night. Her mind was still spinning after coming back from _Bellanaris_. So many questions swirled around in her mind about Briala, Anaris, and what exactly went on behind the scenes. One thing was clear, though – whatever Revan had gotten herself into was a lot worse than she had originally anticipated. If her judge of character was even remotely reliable, there was no way someone like Briala would even speak to them unless she saw something to gain. Which means she knew a lot more than she was leading on. 

“What the hell are we going to do?” Taelan said, breaking the silence. “The odds of us making it out of there alone, much less finding the thing?”

“I know.”

“How could you _agree_ to that?” he said, turning back to her.

“She knows where Revan is. She’s playing with us because she knows.”

“Or she doesn’t know anything and she’s completely fucking with us.”

Lana pressed her lips together. “We’re not getting anywhere by speculating.”

He sat on the bed. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he groaned.

“I hope so, too,” Lana said, biting her lip. “I just worry about going in blind.”

“Well, can’t you just find the book the way you found Revan?”

She shook her head. “I have a connection to Revan, and I used that to find her. I don’t have a connection to the book. I don’t even know what it looks like. All we have to go off of is a vague description.”

He shrugged. “You could always try.”

“I suppose, but even if I could, I don’t know that I could get the exact location. Although…” she frowned. “I might be able to get a layout of the Viscount’s Keep at the very least. It’s a historical landmark, so it might hold a better imprint than a book,” she said as she laid down. “I can probably find a good way for us to get into the library.”

Taelan nodded. “Stay safe.”

“I’ll try.”

***

The Fade was just as she had left it, with the rolling hills, the distant sea, and the shimmering leaves that danced in the wind. She bit her lip. The Fade always brought her back to rolling landscapes and vast wilderness… but there were ruins from buildings and echoes of battles long past. If the Fade held imprints of landmarks and places of historical significance, there was a high likelihood that Kirkwall also held an imprint.

That was the theory, anyway.

Lana looked up at the sky. The Fade could bend to her will, right? Maybe the imprint from the waking world wouldn’t show her exactly what she wanted to see, but perhaps she could get close if she focused hard enough. She closed her eyes and imagined the Kirkwall she knew - the brick buildings, the hard pavement, the neon lights.

The sun dimmed from the other side of her eyelids. Her eyes flew open. She was at the center of Lowtown. _Modern_ Lowtown, at night. Stepping forward, she twisted around as she took in the scenery. It was an _exact_ replica. _But how much of it is an echo, and how much of it is my memory?_

“Only one way to find out,” she muttered to herself.

Sucking in a breath, she pushed forward, fade-stepping through alleyways and up, up, up to the center of Hightown, the gates of the Viscount’s Keep before her.

This was definitely _not_ just from her memory. She had a good memory, sure, but not this detailed. Even if her mind was potentially filling in the blanks of what she thought should be there, she had never been close enough to the keep to even form the general outline in her mind.

The architecture must have been centuries old. She stepped lightly through the gates and up the steps. If she was correct and this was a true imprint of the waking world, she had a shot finding the right entrance into the keep. She could probably find the library first and work her way backward to find the easiest route.

She fade-stepped again until she was standing at the main set of doors that towered above her. Pushing the door open, she stepped through the threshold and found herself in the dark foyer. Stone pillars towered above her lined each side of the room, stretching to the arched ceiling above. 

Her steps echoed as she made her way to the staircase on the far side of the room. There was something in the air here that made her feel uneasy, like something was off but she couldn’t pinpoint the reason. She climbed the steps and noticed paintings of older men and women in regal attire lining the walls. Each of them wore a solemn expression and had the same simple silver crown adorning each of their heads. As she walked, their emotionless eyes looked like they were following her. It was an artist’s illusion, she knew, but it didn’t cease to make her shudder. _As if this whole room weren’t already creepy enough._ Moving past the portraits, she suddenly felt a strange tug from somewhere in the back of the building. It felt like the same thread of magic that brought her to Revan – but seemed much stronger than before. She reached a large wooden door at the back of the building. Pushing against the wood, the door creaked open.

The great hall. The throne of the viscount, perfectly preserved, towered high above the dais. Moonlight shone through the glass windows above, illuminating the room with an eerie yet ethereal light. The tug came again, this time to her right. She followed the tug to a set of doors on the side of the throne room. She pulled on the door handle, and it slid steadily open.

The library. The first section of the room was an open space, the smooth floor covered in an elaborate design of the world, the entire continent of Thedas etched in great detail from The Kocari Wilds to the Anderfels. She stepped lightly across the carved world toward the bookshelves. Thousands of books were stuffed tightly onto each of the shelves all the way up to the ceiling. Each book was unique in size, color, and binding. She sighed. There was no way they would be able to find the book they were looking for.

But she could try – if the book even made it into this version of Kirkwall in the Fade. 

She walked past the rows of books, imagining what Briala had described. She traced the bindings with a single finger, pulling out every black book she came across in that row. Nothing. She wondered if perhaps Briala had sent them on a wild goose chase.

But that begged the question – if she did know where Revan was, why would it matter this much to her?

Her reputation was a possibility – but neither Taelan nor Lana were anyone of note, so that seemed fairly pointless. Ultimately, if Lana found nothing, it would presumably mean that she intended to get rid of them. Then they would be back to square one, this time with _many_ more obstacles than before.

The tug of that strange tether came again, pulling her back. She turned around, following the pull down the row. _Where was it leading her?_ The thread grew stronger as she walked. She turned a corner to the back of the library, the thread now feeling more like a rope, pulling her closer. She stepped down the rows of books until suddenly – she stopped.

On a shelf in the back rested the black binding of a book, with a golden sun etched on the binding, just as Briala described. She stood in front of it and hesitated. The book seemed to glow with dark energy. Frowning, she reached up, her fingers hovering over the leather. It felt… wrong.

She tried to take a step back, but the tether wrapped itself tightly around her, pulling her closer. She tried to get away by pushing her palms against the shelves, but the rope held itself firm.

“Do it, girl.” The whisper echoed in her ear as though someone was speaking directly into it. 

Lana froze. _Demon._

But she couldn’t see it. Was it _possessing_ the book?

Gritting her teeth, she pushed _out_ with spirit magic. A blast exploded from her, throwing her back and away from the book. She stood up quickly and fade-stepped away from it, toward the exit.

The doors slammed shut.

She turned and her mouth dried. The dark energy that had pulsed around the book was spreading through the room like smoke. In the open area near the door, the smoke gathered and swirled until it formed a shape of a horned woman.

_Another fucking desire demon?_

But something about this demon felt… different.

The demon’s mouth spread into a wicked grin as she crossed the room. Lana swallowed taking a step back. Forming a swirling ball of fire in one hand, she chucked it at the demon. The demon waved her hand, tossing the blast of fire aside like it was nothing. Lana dropped to the ground and drew three haphazard glyphs in the ground with her index finger. _What I wouldn’t give for a staff right now,_ she thought. The fire had earned her mere seconds, but it was enough.

The demon lunged, and Lana stumbled backward. The glyphs activated, and the demon was frozen in place. _Ice it is, then,_ she thought. She wasn’t as well-versed in most of the elements, but her ice magic was better than the rest, and could at least slow the demon down. Lana scrambled up and took the opportunity to try to blast the doors beside her open. The wood shifted, but they remained shut. She turned back, and sharp fingers wrapped around her neck.

The demon slammed Lana against the door, holding her tightly. The invisible rope wrapped itself around her once more, holding her arms at her sides.

“A little Dreamer has come to play, I see,” the demon purred. “So many desires I see. You’re practically _teeming_ with them.”

Lana gripped the demon’s arm, trying to get out of her grip. 

“I could help you, you know,” the demon went on. “I could help you find her if you wanted. You wouldn’t need that elf’s help. I could even give you the power to overcome that dark shadow of a man that you could never truly be rid of.”

Her breaths came out in shallow gasps. She could feel the claws of fear gripping the back of her head, filling every corner of her mind with thoughts and memories of…

Tears welled in Lana’s eyes as she clawed at the demon’s fingers.

 _“Stop,”_ she pleaded.

The demon smirked, and it was as if the claws in the back of Lana’s mind were pulling back. “So many delicious desires are bubbling inside you. Some are so loud it’s hard to hear the rest. But I can hear the ones creeping under the surface – the ones you pretend not to hear.” She clicked her tongue. “I could give him to you, you know. You wouldn’t have to hide that part of yourself anymore.”

Lana stared hard at the demon. “No,” she said through gritted teeth.

The demon sighed. “You are making this so much harder than it needs to be. It’s really not as bad as they say. You’re a woman of learning. Do you really believe all those religious fanatics?”

Lana looked away. She didn’t, but that didn’t mean that she was unaware of the threat it posed.

The demon seemed pleased, as though she heard her response. “Then why bother denying what you want so badly?”

Warm gray eyes flashed in her mind, and her heart leapt.

“Don’t you want to know how he feels about you?” the demon said in her ear.

Lana shoved the images away. If Solas was right and she could call him here to her dream, she would need to do everything in her power to keep him away. The last thing she needed was to bring in another person into a mess that she had created.

Revan was a living example of what that looked like.

“ _Yes,_ ” the demon smiled. “If only you had been strong enough to save her from that man and the mess _you_ made. I could _give_ you that strength, that power. All I want in return is a way out of this place. That’s all it takes.”

The demon could see Lana’s willpower draining. She was playing with her mind and would keep on doing it just to see her break. In order to get out, Lana would need to clear her mind, if only for a moment.

She closed her eyes. She couldn’t wake up until she was far enough away from the demon that it wouldn’t try to follow her into the waking world. All she had to do was step.

Her body became incorporeal, and she stepped out of the grip of the desire demon. She launched herself forward, the wind whipping her hair back. She slammed against the wall on the opposite side of the room and she looked back at the demon, who was amused at the display.

“It’s no use trying, darling,” she said with a laugh. “Just give in, it will feel so much better in the end.”

The demon stepped closer and Lana threw a blast of ice. The ice hit her arm, turning her gray skin white. The demon smirked and threw a cloud of purple smoke. Lana fade-stepped away, but not quickly enough before the smoke touched her skin, burning like acid. She clenched her teeth as she made it to the wall adjacent to the door. She drew several glyphs on the ground in front of her. The demon threw another blast of smoke, and Lana formed a shield of spirit magic around herself.

The demon scowled. “That won’t keep you from me forever.”

She stepped closer and Lana fade-stepped to the other side, quickly tracing three more glyphs on the ground behind her. The demon whipped around, throwing her hand in the air. Lana tried to put up another shield, but she couldn’t put it up quickly enough. A fiery blast hit Lana in the abdomen, searing her skin as she was thrown back against the wall.

“You are a powerful mage,” the demon smirked. “But you could always become more so. We always have room to improve.” She sauntered over to Lana and held out her hand. “Come now, we don’t have to fight.”

Lana felt lightheaded as she reached for the shelf above her, pulling herself up. Her legs felt like lead. She clutched her side where she had been burned, willing ice to cover the area. She could not stop. Not yet. She launched herself forward once more, stepping again and again as her legs screamed in pain, tracing glyph after glyph until the demon was surrounded.

The demon’s grin turned into a wicked grimace. “Fine,” she said. “If this is the game you want to play, so be it.”

She raised her delicate hands, and the Fade curved and swelled around them. Lana could almost _feel_ the spell forming at the demon’s fingertips.

Without thinking, Lana reached her hand up and pulled the magic toward her, twisting the energy and wrapping it around the demon. The demons face twisted in confusion, and Lana yanked the magic downward, slamming the demon into the ground. The demon hissed as she lifted herself back up.

Lana stared at the demon, and then her hand. She didn’t even know what kind of magic that _was_. But she would have to figure that out later. Taking a deep breath, she willed ice to wrap around her fingertips and up her arms. When the ice had nearly covered her, she stepped forward, careful to dodge the glyphs as she flew through the demon, again and again, until she had encased the demon in ice. Lana turned around and threw a blast of ice, shattering the demon’s frozen encasing, sending shards of it flying in every direction. The demon bared her teeth, struggling to move forward as she prepared another attack. Lana could feel the strange power ripple around her once more. She twisted the magic of the Fade around her fist, tendrils of gold and green wrapping around her arm over and over until it felt overwhelming. It needed to be released. She clenched her teeth and thrust it forward, the magic knocking the demon back as it connected. But this time, the fade magic wrapped itself around the demon, crushing her to the ground. A vicious laugh bubbled from the demon’s lips as she looked up at Lana.

_“The wolf will always come for the halla. But she would be a fool to believe she was anything but prey.”_

A chill ran down her spine. The demon’s body sublimated into a cloud of smoke, swirling overhead until it dissipated. 

The doors unlocked from the other side of the room, the doors slowly creaking open. Lana sank to the ground, her breathing hard. What had the demon meant by that? Hallas and wolves – it like some sort of Dalish folk tale.

Could it be she was referring to Solas somehow? With his last name, it would be an easy association, she supposed. But it didn’t make any sense.

None of this shit made any sense.

Footsteps came from the door and she whipped back to face the door, throwing a blast of residual magic from the Fade. Solas lifted his arm as he appeared, and the blast ricocheted off his spirit shield. Her heart jolted.

“Lana?” He crossed the room and knelt beside her. His eyes scanned the room, taking in the fading glyphs, and the pile of ice on the floor that had already begun to melt.

She fell forward on her hands, taking deep breaths as she tried to calm her shaking limbs. His fingers reached for her face, but he stopped short.

Her cheeks heated. She looked away and tried to lift herself up, but her muscles wouldn’t move an inch.

“What happened?” he said, his brows furrowed.

“Demon,” she rasped.

He looked back at the puddle in the center of the room. “And you defeated it, I see?”

She merely hummed in response as she leaned against the wall for support.

“Are you injured?” he asked. 

“It’s nothing,” she said, her voice sounding broken. 

He wasn’t convinced. “May I?”

She nodded.

He carefully lifted her jaw with gentle fingers as he examined her neck. “You have several contusions here – are you bleeding at all? Does anything feel like it is broken?”

“No,” she said softly.

He nodded. “Come, we should leave this place – the death of a powerful demon can lure others that might be close by.”

“No. I have to find-” she hissed, the pain cutting her off as she pulled herself up. “I have to find the route inside.”

“What?” he asked.

She stood up, wincing as she nearly doubled over. Solas pulled her arm around his neck and wrapped his arm around her back, stabilizing her.

“Lana, you can barely stand,” he said as she hobbled forward.

“I don’t have a choice,” she said. “I _have_ to find the way in. We need that book.”

“What do you mean?” he said.

She stopped, letting herself lean into him more. “We have to get the book to a woman named Briala if we want to get Revan back.”

She swore she saw his expression darken. “What book is it?”

Lana bit her lip. “I don’t know what the book is, but it was carrying that demon inside it.”

“And you need to retrieve this demonic book for her in exchange for information on Revan?”

She nodded. “But first we have to steal it. I was trying to find the book and a way inside so we wouldn’t be caught.”

He nodded. “I would have advised you against making a deal with such a woman, but if it is Briala that Revan is involved with, I can understand why you wouldn’t have much of a choice.”

Lana frowned. “You know her?”

“In passing,” he said simply. “I do not know her personally, but I know who she is.”

“And who is she exactly?”

“Not someone to be trifled with, or so she would have you believe,” he said with a smirk. “If we are to find the best route for you to take, we will need to tend to your injuries. You cannot be defenseless in the Fade.”

“I’m not defenseless,” she said, nodding to the place where the demon used to be.

“Not normally, no,” he agreed, “but you would not be able to defend yourself in this state. I will do what I can to heal you, but preferably away from here. And I do apologize, but we will need to get out of here quickly. Do you trust me?” 

She nodded. It was foolish, but she trusted him more than she cared to admit.

His arms curled under her knees and behind her back, and he lifted her off the ground. He carried her from the room, holding her tightly as he fade-stepped forward through the keep. The scent of pine trees and embrium seemed to envelop her. Her eyes drifted up to the curve of his jaw, the small indent in his chin, the light sprinkle of freckles that graced his cheekbones. His eyes flickered down to her and she ripped her gaze away.

Suddenly she remembered the text.

_Oh fuck._

Given the circumstances she didn’t expect him to say anything, but fear coiled inside her. She didn’t want to imagine what he thought of her now. Part of her wondered if she should talk to him about it, but if she didn’t say anything would he assume it was just a careless mistake? She wished she could crawl under a rock.

She closed her eyes. _This is ridiculous._ There were more pressing issues to worry about. They had to get their hands on that book. She hadn’t wanted Solas’s help, but she was still glad of it. Part of her wondered if, despite her efforts, she had called him here.

Another part wondered if he came on his own.

Reaching the center of Hightown, Solas set her down gently and sat beside her. He steadied her as she clutched her ribcage.

“If I may?” he asked gently, motioning for her to shift back. She looked up at him, and she nearly melted at the concern in his eyes. _Creators, girl, pull yourself together._

She looked away and nodded as she laid on her back.

In an instant, spirit magic was at his fingertips. She closed her eyes, humming softly as she reveled in the cool tendrils of energy that curled around her, easing the burning heat.

After what felt like hours passed, the tendrils slowly pulled away, and she opened her eyes to see him stand abruptly, turning away from her toward the keep.

“Thank you,” she said, carefully standing up. Her legs tingled slightly as she walked to his side, but they no longer hurt.

“You are welcome,” he replied absentmindedly as he examined the keep. “If you are to find the best way in, we will need to be quick about it. The spirits have already begun to stir.”

She looked at the keep and then back at him. There it was again. That strange feeling in the back of her mind that he wasn’t telling her everything. “How can you tell?”

“I can feel their energy rippling through the Fade,” he said, turning his head toward her. “In theory, you should be able to as well.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Why do you say that?”

He turned to face her fully. He towered above her, the silver moonlight lighting up his features. Her breath hitched slightly as his eyes searched her face. “The spell you cast when I entered the library. Have you ever done that before fighting the demon?”

“No,” she replied.

“But you remember how you did it?”

“It was… a feeling,” she said. “I could feel how the Fade was moving and I just pulled it towards me. Kind of like spirit healing, I suppose.”

He looked back at the keep. “And you have never been able to do that before?”

“Not that I am aware of – but I have also never fought a demon before.”

He pressed his lips together. “The magic is unusual. I will need to do some digging as to why such a thing would manifest so suddenly.”

“Do you know what it is?”

“It is a form of powerful spirit magic that pulls more directly from the Fade than spirit. It is usually triggered by a rift in the Veil, but we have no such rifts in the waking world,” he replied. 

“Are we sure of that?” she said, her brows furrowing. “Could it even be a possibility?”

His expression hardened. “If that is the case, then we are in danger. But one matter at a time. We can look at the possibilities of rifts once you have found your friend. We should hurry while there is still time. Spirits do not rest.”

She sucked in a breath as she watched him fade-step toward the keep. There was a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew he wasn’t telling her everything – that much was obvious at this point. But what she couldn’t understand was _why._ She had shared so much about what she knew, what had happened – and yet here he was, expertly dodging her questions, like how he knew who Briala was. The words the demon had uttered before lingered in her mind as she watched him climb the steps.

_The wolf will always come for the halla._

He turned back to her, waiting for her to follow.

_But she would be a fool to believe she was anything but prey._

She didn’t understand what the demon could possibly mean by that, or if the demon was even _referring_ to Solas. But it would indeed be foolish to ignore such a warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr! I released a couple sentences from a future chapter for the whole rose game thing. XD https://oxygenforthewicked.tumblr.com/


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana and Taelan go to the museum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone - I apologize for being so terrible about posting. To be honest, with everything going on this past month in the world and with my own health, it's been really hard to write. I'm going to try to have some chapters ready soon, but I want you all to know that I haven't forgotten this fic, and I plan on updating as much as I can. 
> 
> I appreciate all of you, and I thank you so much for your patience <3 
> 
> Enjoy!

It didn’t take long for Solas and Lana to discover an easy way in and out of the Viscount’s keep through the servants' quarters. But even with the path laid out before her, she couldn’t push away the sense of unease. When Lana came to, she found Taelan standing over her, his brows furrowed with worry.

“Thank the Creators,” he said pulling her into a hug. “I thought for a second that you had been attacked by a demon.”

“Funnily enough, I _was_ attacked by a demon.”

He pulled away. “What?”

“The book Briala wanted us to get – it was possessed by a Desire demon,” she replied. 

Taelan looked away, mulling over her words. “What happened to it?” he asked, carefully assessing her. 

“I killed it,” she said smoothly. “So you can stop looking at me like I’m going to turn into an abomination.”

“You can’t fault me for being wary,” he replied. “How did you kill it, exactly?”

“Magic,” she replied.

“Cryptic,” he chuckled. “So Briala sent us to get not just any book, but a _possessed_ book.”

“Maybe she didn’t know it was possessed,” Lana said. 

Taelan raised a single eyebrow. “I doubt that’s the case.” He stood up and crossed his arms. “Did you find a way in?”

“I did. We’ll need to go around to the gardens on the eastern side of the keep and get to the old servant’s entrance. From there we just have to make it through the barracks – it won’t be easy getting from the barracks to the library and back… but it’s our best shot.”

He nodded. “While you were sleeping, I looked into the museum. They have tours throughout the day, and their last tour goes until 7:00 pm, so if we play our cards right, we could stake out in the gardens and find the servant’s entrance by the time the museum closes. That way we won’t have to scale the wall getting in – though getting out is going to be a bit of a pain.”

“We’ll need to take a look at it ahead of time and make a plan. I don’t want to do this if we don’t have an exit strategy.”

“Don’t worry, El,” he said with a grin. “We’ve made it out of worse. You remember the time when we were at Arlathvhen and we snuck into old Master Hawen’s aravel and left a bucket of dead fish under his bed?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I remember that was you and Mahanon, and you were _definitely_ caught and forced to clean the latrines for a whole week.”

He laughed, wiping a tear from his eye. “It was still worth it to see Hawan’s face turn eight different shades of red.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I hope tomorrow you’re less inclined to get caught.”

He gave her a crooked smile. “Don’t worry. I’m much better than I was at twelve years old.”

“Good.”

***

Lana fidgeted with the strap of her purse as they walked through the Viscount’s keep. It looked different from what she had seen in the Fade – but not by much. They followed the guide as she rambled on about the Viscounts who took part in ending the slave trade in Kirkwall, while casually leaving out the details of forcing the city’s former elven slaves to live in the slums and being the home of one of the most inhumane Circles of Magi in all of Thedas.

She perked up slightly as they made their way back through the courtyard and to the eastern gardens. The group of maybe fifty people walked through the gardens as the guide driveled on about Kirkwall’s high society and the garden parties that had taken place there. Lana’s eyes scanned the walls, looking for something even remotely useful…

_There._

A row of trellises rested against the far wall, crystal grace flowers weaving through the wood. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely better than trying to run through the front gates. Lana looked at Taelan, who had noticed the same thing she had. His eyes met hers to acknowledge it, and then he continued with the group.

The tour guide led them through the servant’s entrance around the back of the keep, to Lana’s surprise, and they walked down a set of steps until they reached

As the group started to turn the corner, Taelan tugged Lana’s sleeve. She turned to see him pointing at an old painting of a tree on the wall. Underneath the tree, someone had painted the word _Mythal’enaste._ Mythal’s blessing.

“I suppose that narrows down who the servants were here,” Lana said quietly. It wasn’t a secret that elves made up the majority of servants and slaves historically – but many people went to great lengths to act like that wasn’t the case.

Taelan nodded, his eyes darting to the crowd that was leaving around the corner.

“This way,” he said. He led her down a small hallway and to a supply closet. He jiggled the handle. Locked.

Kneeling, he pulled out a lockpick and got to work.

A strange hum – a low, eerie sort of noise – seemed to float through the air behind Lana as she watched her brother.

“Do you hear that?” she asked.

Taelan glanced at her and shook his head, returning back to the lock. She frowned and turned toward the humming, following it to a room just across the hall from them.

The humming seemed to be coming from inside one of the closed-off rooms across the hall. She turned the golden doorknob and it clicked open, the sound growing louder as she pushed open the door. It was a storage closet, with old dressers and chairs that had white sheets draped over them.

But on the other side of the room, she could _feel_ the source of the sound. There was a tall object, also shrouded by a plain white sheet, leaning against the far wall.

Lana crossed the room to it, her heart racing as her fingers reached for the sheet. She lifted the cloth to peek at what was beneath it. She saw a flash of gold and glass. _A mirror?_ She began to pull the fabric back when –

“Lana,” Taelan said just outside the room.

She jumped, dropping the sheet. Turning back to him, he motioned for her to follow him. She nodded and jogged back to the doorway, turning back once to frown at the strange, humming mirror.

_More questions about this place that will probably go unanswered, I guess._

Taelan held the supply closet door open for her, and followed her inside, locking the door behind them.

The supply closet was big enough for them both to sit, but still felt cramped. The air was dusty and stuffy, and smelled faintly of some kind of cleaner. 

“We have about thirty minutes before they begin lockups,” Taelan said, sitting cross-legged on the ground. “We’ll need to be careful moving through this area, but I doubt we’ll have much trouble until we get to the barracks.”

“What’s your plan if we get caught?” Lana said, biting her lip as she sat against one of the shelves. 

“Just stay low and leave it to me,” he said, pulling out a laptop from his backpack.

“What are you doing?”

“Hacking into their server,” he said. “I’ll need to note the camera locations – plus it’ll make it easier to know where the guards are at and how many are here.”

She nodded and tilted her head back as she listened to the tapping of keys.

“Where did you learn all this?” she asked suddenly.

He looked up at her and shrugged. “I’ve been around. Picked up some skills along the way.”

She stared at him. Her eyes narrowed. “You’re not involved in anything illegal… right?” she asked.

He chuckled. “Well right now I most _definitely_ am. But you don’t need to worry about me, El.”

“I always worry about you,” she replied.

“And… I’m in,” he said, scanning the screen. “It looks like we have about… six guards to worry about, not including the one in the dispatch office.”

“Really? That doesn’t seem like a lot.”

He shrugged. “Most places don’t want to hire that many patrol officers, especially not for a night shift. This place is actually well-guarded, believe it or not.”

She raised an eyebrow.

He sighed. “I have a friend in security. It’s not a crime to know things.”

She raised her hands, forfeiting, and he returned to the screen.

“My guess is that it will take them about an hour to secure the perimeter. Once that is done, we’ll just need to wait long enough for one of them to take a break – that should give us enough time to get in and out with the book.”

“And we’ll go over the garden wall, right? Using the trellises?”

He nodded. “We’ll have to be careful, though. The cameras have a small blind spot in the garden – we’ll need to make it there without being seen by the cameras or a guard. If we can do that, there’s a high chance we’ll make it out just fine.”

“What about the barracks and the main floor? Are there any blind spots there?”

“Not many,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’ll be tricky, but if we can make it to the servant’s hallway on the other side of the barracks, I can easily take out that camera long enough for us to get in and out.”

“Won’t they try to fix it?”

Taelan tapped two buttons and chuckled. “Probably not. I found a camera in the dispatch office – the night shift has barely begun and the dispatcher is already falling asleep.”

Lana frowned. “This is already starting to feel a lot easier than I thought.”

“Don’t let your guard down,” Taelan said, looking up. “These guards are armed. I don’t want you getting shot.”

She bit her lip. “Right.”

Taelan rubbed the back of his neck. “This would have been so much easier if we had earpieces or something. Then one of us could just stay here and watch the cameras.” He sighed and leaned back.

Lana’s phone lit up, and she swiped it open. A message from Dorian.

[What are you up to?]

“Is it one of your many admirers?” Taelan asked.

“Nope, one of yours,” she said as she typed back to him.

[Not much. Kirkwall is boring.]

It wasn’t really a lie to the average visitor, she supposed. 

“One of mine?” her brother frowned.

“Dorian,” she said. “You know he’s practically in love with you.”

Taelan looked away for a moment. “I didn’t know that, actually.”

Lana raised her eyebrows. “He makes it so obvious, though.”

Taelan shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s just kidding or if he means it. Plus, I think the last time I saw him I was with my ex.”

She nodded. “Do you mind me asking what happened?”

He shrugged. “We didn’t want the same things, I guess. He was controlling, needy, and kind of a wreck.”

Lana grimaced. “I get that. More than you know.”

Taelan looked up at her sadly. “Are you going to break up with him?”

“I don’t know,” she said, fidgeting with a ring on her middle finger. “I think… I think I need to. It’s just not healthy anymore for either of us. I can’t give him the relationship he wants without losing myself in the process. But…”

“But?”

“Leaving him scares me. I don’t know what I would do, or what he would do. When we started dating, he was in the middle of detoxing from lyrium. I just worry he’ll relapse.”

She had been his rock during the recovery process. At first, she had just been his friend through it all, encouraging him that he could live without lyrium, and didn’t leave him on the hard days. Then one night, he admitted his feelings for her. She’d been oblivious to his feelings, so his admission felt like it had come out of left field. But she realized how much she had grown to care for him, too. _You make the nightmares bearable. I feel like I can finally be myself again._ He’d told her that before kissing her for the first time.

And now? Now it just felt like he didn’t care what nightmares haunted her. Not that she really cared to talk about her ghosts, anyway. That was a part of her that she didn’t share with anyone, save for a select few.

 _Like Solas._ Her cheeks heated. 

“It’s not your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t relapse,” Taelan said gently. “Especially not if being in the relationship hurts you.”

Her shoulders sagged. She knew he was right, but she felt so guilty. She felt guilty for not wanting him the way he wanted her. And after everything that happened in the Fade the night before with the demon – she knew the demon had been right, about everything. At this point, it was not fair to him to keep it going, even if she never planned to act on her feelings. No one deserved that.

But she would have to end it right, and end it in person – which would just make it harder.

Nearly twenty minutes went by before Taelan closed his laptop. 

“I think they’ve finished lockups,” Taelan said. “We should go.”

She nodded and pulled her hood over her head and pulled up her face mask, and Taelan did the same. Stepping out of the supply closet, they made their way down the hallway and through the servants’ quarters. Climbing up the stairs to the door that led to the barracks, Taelan looked at Lana to confirm that she was ready. She nodded.

He pushed the door open slowly, peering out carefully before he stepped into the room. This part of the barracks was filled with antique armor pieces on display. They crossed the room, their footsteps barely a whisper across the floor. Making it the wall, they both leaned against the wall as Taelan glanced around the corner to check the main room of the barracks. He held up his hand for Lana to hold, and a flash of light shone on the other side of the main room. She held her breath as they heard the guard walk through the room, and then back up the stairs. Taelan looked to her for where to go next. She bit her lip and carefully led him across the main room to a thin door on the far side. The old servant’s passage. It was the way Solas had said would be the best way to avoid detection. And it was a shortcut.

Lana turned the doorknob slowly, and pulled Taelan inside with her, clicking the door closed. “Stay right here and don’t move,” Taelan whispered as he pulled out his laptop. Lana looked up to see a camera in the corner just above the door, facing the door at the end of the hall. He typed quickly, but minutes went by as Lana waited, her mouth dry as she listened for footsteps. Taelan shoved the laptop back into his bag. He stood up and they walked quickly down the hallway and through the door on the other side.

The door opened up to the throne room. Lana nodded to the door to their left, and they crept to it, hugging the wall as they went. The heavy door was shut before them. Lana bit her lip as Taelan started to open the door. The aging hinges began to creak.

_Fuck._

Taelan froze, and Lana’s heart thundered in her chest. They stood like that for a moment, listening for any sign of someone coming.

Silence.

Lana loosed a breath. Taelan pushed the door open a little more, just barely enough for them both to squeeze through, one at a time.

As they stepped into the library, Taelan nodded for her to go find the book while he waited just inside the doorway, keeping watch. Lana walked down the rows of books until she reached the back where she had found the book in the Fade. Her eyes locked onto it, knowing it instantly, and she grabbed it and shoved it in her bag.

She didn’t want to know what would have happened if she hadn’t killed the demon attached to it. Even still, the moment her fingers touched the leather, she got a sickening feeling in her stomach. Like some lingering energy remained inside of it, even now. She stepped lightly back to Taelan and nodded, before they slipped out of the library.

Taelan froze, staring ahead. Lana’s heart stopped as she followed his gaze.

A woman with short red hair stood on the other side of the throne room, her eyes locked on them. She started walking toward them, and a light shone from the hallway into the room.

“Hey!” they heard a guard shout. The woman moved forward, and Taelan pulled Lana back through the servants’ hallway, closing the door behind them as they ran. The door on the other side opened, and a guard stepped through. Taelan sprinted forward, leaping up and taking down the guard in a single motion.

Lana stared after him in disbelief, before he whipped his face up to her.

“Go!” he hissed at Lana. She jumped around them and through the open door, racing through the barracks. The sound of guards yelling echoed in the rooms behind her. She launched herself into a fade-step down the stairs to the servant’s corridor. She hid in one of the rooms, her breath heavy as she pressed herself against the wall, listening carefully for any signs of being followed. _Who was that? Maybe someone else was after the book, too?_ Whoever it was, from the lack of footsteps headed in her direction, she had likely distracted them. But Taelan was still up there.

She couldn’t leave without him. She decided that she would wait a moment longer, and then go back for him – consequences be damned. It was her fault he was here, anyway.

Her heart began to race as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She readied ice in her hand. As the person grew closer, she raised her hand to strike with ice. The person turned the corner into the room. She pushed herself off the wall and sprang towards them

“Wait, it’s me!” Taelan said, raising his hands.

Lana halted, her eyes closing as she relaxed, the ice receding from her fingers. 

It was then that the alarms started going off overhead.

“Come on,” Taelan said. “That woman blew any chance of us getting out easily.”

They ran up the other set of stairs to the servants’ entrance to the garden. Lana held back as they peeked around the corner.

“Shit,” she said under her breath. Two guards were running through the garden, toward the servants’ entrance. Toward them.

“We have to go,” Taelan said, jolting forward.

“ _Taelan,_ ” Lana hissed as he took off toward the guards.

Lana gritted her teeth as she reached out with her magic. She wasn’t in the Fade anymore – but maybe the power was still with her. The air swelled around her as she pulled the Veil’s magic around the guards, throwing them across the courtyard and knocking them out cold. Taelan staggered a little bit, but continued running toward the wall. Lana willed herself to fade-step forward, launching herself at the wall. She climbed up the trellis after Taelan. She winced as she looked at the height – and the concrete that waited below. 

And jumped.


	20. Chapter 20

The ground came to meet Lana all too quickly. She gasped as she landed hard, the concrete knocking the wind out of her. She clutched her side as Taelan pulled her up and led her down the road, staying out of sight as they made their way out of Hightown.

They slowed only when they reached the edge of Lowtown, and Lana held up her hand as she rested on the side of the building. “Hold on,” she gasped. “I just need a minute.”

Taelan rested on the wall beside her and nodded.

“We made it,” she breathed. “That may be the craziest thing I’ve ever done.”

Taelan laughed, his voice hoarse. “We really need to get you out more.”

“Nope, never again.”

“Suit yourself,” he said, shaking his head. “Let’s go give Briala her damn book.”

“Good idea.”

When Lana and Taelan arrived at _Bellanaris_ a while later, they hadn’t bothered getting dressed up again. Lana just wanted to get in, get the information they needed, and get out.

_Simple enough._

They approached the club to find Fenris already standing outside, his arms crossed. He saw them and motioned for them to follow him around the back. He led them through the back entrance and up a set of stairs, the low rumble of bass in the distance.

He walked them down a long hallway until they reached a glass door. Fenris opened it and motioned for them to go inside.

Briala looked up at them from behind her large, wooden desk. She was wearing a flowing crimson dress today, her lipstick matching the color perfectly. She smiled brightly. “You are back. Do you have something for me?”

“Information, first,” Taelan said, crossing his arms. “Have you found anything on Revan?”

Briala smirked. “Such hostility. Show me the book, and I will give you the information you need.”

Lana stepped forward, pulling the book from her bag and showing it to Briala, just out of arm’s reach. Briala’s smile only grew. 

“Very well. Your friend is here, actually.” She looked up at Fenris, who was still by the door. “Bring her here, please.”

“You – you have her here?” Lana said, stumbling over her words as it sunk in. _Here. She’s here._

Briala then held her hand out to Lana, expectantly. Lana hesitated.

Briala sighed. “ _You_ asked me to help you _find_ her, not bring her to you. That was our agreement. I held up my end of the bargain by telling you where she was, and I even took it a step further to bring her here. Now, book?”

Lana pressed her lips together and set the book on the desk, grimacing at the dark feeling of it that was still lingering inside her.

“I must say, I am rather impressed,” Briala said, picking up the book and turning it over, running her fingers across the binding. “Not many can get in and out of such a place so easily.”

She tossed the book on the bookshelf beside her nonchalantly and leaned back in her chair. Lana’s brows furrowed. _She’s being so careless for something she needed desperately._

“You must tell how you managed to achieve such a feat,” Briala went on. 

“Pure luck,” Lana replied.

Briala’s lips quirked. “Fair enough.”

“Did you know that it was possessed?” Lana asked, crossing her arms.

Briala raised her eyebrows. “It’s possessed?”

“ _Was_ possessed,” Lana corrected. “The demon is no longer attached to it.”

Briala seemed to mull the information over. “Well, my buyer did not mention anything about the possession, but I am glad not to have a demon in my office, I suppose.”

Lana still couldn’t imagine what kind of buyer would want a book like that – but she supposed she didn’t really want to know. And with the demon gone, it hardly mattered.

Her heart leapt as the door behind them clicked open. Fenris stepped through, and she held her breath as a small elven woman stepped into the room. _Revan._

She was older, but still as vibrant and beautiful as Lana remembered. Her blonde hair was pulled back, save a few stray ringlets, and she was wearing a dress very similar to Briala’s – except it was green, like her eyes. Revan’s eyes filled with tears as she took in Lana and Taelan. Lana ran to her, pulling her into her arms tightly.

“I told you not to come,” Revan said in a voice that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh.

“You know I never do as I’m told,” Lana laughed as she pulled away, taking in her friend’s face. There were signs of faded bruises on her eye and cheekbone beneath her makeup and the light lines of her vallaslin. _She chose Dirthamen as her patron god._ Lana pressed her lips together as she lifted her hand, calling spirit magic as the bruises on her friend’s face faded away.

Lana turned back to Briala. “Thank you for finding her for us,” she said.

“Finding me?” Revan said, her eyes darting from Briala to Lana. “What are you talking about?”

Taelan crossed his arms. “She said she would help us find you.” 

Revan looked to Briala, confused. “But I was here? I mean, I wasn’t the other night, but…”

“You knew where she was,” Lana said, turning to Briala, “and you sent us to get your book anyway?”

Briala shrugged. “I needed to know how much it was worth to you. It is as I told you; here, nothing is given for free. And your friend had a debt to repay. Luckily for her, you were able to pay it back in full.”

“What do you mean, a debt to repay?” Lana said, turning to Revan.

Her friend swallowed. “When I arrived at Kirkwall, Nethrien was still after me. I wasn’t going to be able to hide on my own so… they hid me. There was a price to pay but… anything to avoid having to go back to him.”

Lana looked back at Briala, who was sitting again – looking bored.

“While I appreciate reunions, I do have things to attend to,” she said. 

An elven man suddenly appeared in the doorway behind them.

“Briala,” he said, his voice nearly frantic. “It’s Mr. Amladaris. He’s demanding to see you immediately.”

“Well, he’s going to need to be patient,” Briala snapped. “He doesn’t get to march in here and make the rules. Lana, if there’s anything more you need, you can let Fenris know. Otherwise, our business here is concluded.”

Taelan wrapped one arm around Revan and led her out, and Lana followed close behind. As they walked down the hall, her gaze landed on a very tall man standing near the doorway in a business suit. One half of his face had burn marks that trailed down his neck. His eyes narrowed as he saw Lana staring. She swallowed and quickly looked away, following after Taelan and Revan.

***

Solas stood in front of a statue in the gardens on the southern part of the university, his arms folded behind him. The gardens were covered in snow, as was the statue of an elven woman in front of him. She held her hands out, as if holding something.

The previous night had been… frustrating. He had wanted to tell Lana that it was foolish to make deals with someone like Briala – especially putting herself at risk the way she was. But he could tell that she understood the danger. Understood it enough to be cautious, but would do it regardless, because she knew it had been her only option. She would endure much to save the people she cared about.

They were more alike than he had previously thought.

From behind him, he heard footsteps in the snow that stopped at his side.

“You know, I find it strange that of all the statues around campus, this is the only statue of an elf,” the mand beside him said.

Solas’s jaw locked. “It isn’t strange,” he said, his voice clipped. “The elven lands were conquered and stolen, and thus most of the art and architecture were torn down. There are small reminders, but not enough to remember an empire that once controlled the entire continent.”

The stranger chuckled. “You are right, of course. And yet the elven people endure, even after all this time.”

“It is not enduring if everything from your culture to your language has been forgotten,” Solas replied bitterly, his jaw locked.

Solas turned to the stranger and smoothed his expression. He was a middle-aged man, the receding hairline on the top of his head shaved short with stubble along his chin. His face was suddenly familiar. The new president of the university, Gereon Alexius.

“I do not believe we have met,” the man said, his brown eyes glinting with almost amusement. “You must be Solas, the new Theory of Magic professor, correct?”

Solas smoothed his expression. “Indeed, I am. I apologize, Mr. Alexius, I did not realize it was you.”

The man chuckled. “Please, call me Gereon. Don’t worry yourself, I appreciate the candidness. I prefer that to meaningless pleasantries, to be perfectly honest with you.”

“We are of one mind on that,” Solas replied with a slight smile.

“While I have you, I wanted to discuss the future of research in the Department of Magic. Walk with me?”

Solas nodded, and walked beside the president down the garden path.

“I have it on good authority that you have experience researching magical objects – specifically red lyrium. Is that true?”

“It is,” Solas said, willing his mind to be calm.

“And what sort of research were you conducting with it? Did you discover anything interesting?”

“Only that it is dangerous to those who come into contact with it. We were researching objects that had come into contact with the red lyrium, observing how the magic within each object was changed.”

“Fascinating. And you are right – it is rather dangerous to experiment with. But, as I’m sure Fiona has informed you, it has become necessary for the department to study it, as a need has arisen,” Gereon said, stopping suddenly and turning to him. 

“She did mention that, yes,” Solas replied, halting as well.

“Fiona mentioned that you were on the fence about assisting with the research,” he said. “Which, in all fairness, is understandable. But as much of our funding is dependent upon donors who believe in this university’s mission, we have an obligation to show just how essential our research is to the people of Ferelden.”

“Of course,” Solas said. “It is always necessary to push the field where we can.”

“I’m glad you agree,” Gereon said with a smile. “But because of the danger, we would be risking a great deal if we put inexperienced researchers in charge of something this important to the future of the university. As such, I would like to offer you a full-time position here as an associate professor, if you would be willing to assist us with our research. We will even continue to fund your other research project as well, so long as it does not get in the way of our work.”

Solas swallowed. It was a good offer, but he couldn’t push away the uneasiness in the back of his mind. And yet, he knew it may even be beneficial for him to be a part of the research and glean any information on the purpose behind it.

Not to mention the fact that it would allow his own research to continue. 

“I will consider it,” he said simply.

“Good, yes. Think about it,” Gereon said, clapping Solas on the shoulder, “and get back to me by the end of the week. We’ll draw up a contract for you to sign and send it to you.”

Solas nodded and watched as Gereon walked off, back toward the school. He rubbed the back of his neck,

He was getting rather tired of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning***
> 
> This chapter contains emotional and verbal abuse (including profanity), and slight physical/sexual abuse. If this is triggering for you at all, I have marked the section with asterisks (***), and it will be loosely explained after that. Please take care of yourself and don't read it if it might distress you. <3 <3 <3

Lana, Revan, and Taelan flew out of the Kirkwall the following day. As they drove down the familiar highway, streetlights flew overhead, the stars becoming brighter the further they drove from the city.

“Something you never told me,” Lana said suddenly, turning down the radio. “How did you get involved with Briala in the first place?”

“When I first arrived in Kirkwall, it was the middle of the night and everything was closed – so I wound up in some kind of tavern. I just wanted food and to get warm. I didn’t know what my next move would be, and I was terrified. Suddenly this guy was calling me over to his table. He was… charming, powerful, and he offered a way for me to stay safe,” she said, fidgeting with her bracelet. “I didn’t know what to do, or where to go. I knew I shouldn’t have gone with him, but he brought me to Briala who offered me a place to stay just above the club. In exchange, he just wanted me to go with him to several events – be eye candy, I guess. I went with him to a couple of parties, doing nothing beyond smiling and…” she held her face in her hands. “I felt so stupid. But I didn’t know what else to do. If they hadn’t found me, Nethrien would have and…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Lana said, twisting back in the passenger seat and placing a hand on Revan’s. “You were desperate. I understand.”

Revan gave her a weak smile. “So… where will I be staying?”

Lana bit her lip. “I only have one room, but my couch is comfortable enough.”

“Or you can stay with me,” Taelan said. “I have a spare bedroom. You can stay until you find a place. Or you can stay forever, I don’t really mind.”

Revan laughed. “I’ll probably want to get my own place eventually. I’d like to stay with you, Lana, but I wouldn’t want to be a burden.”

Lana shook her head. “You’re never a burden. My apartment isn’t much, but we can always look for a bigger place later.”

Revan’s smile grew. “I’ve missed you,” she said suddenly.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Lana said, her eyes watery.

“Glad to know I’m not missed at all,” Taelan jabbed playfully.

Revan giggled.

Lana’s heart felt so warm – warmer than it had in a long time. 

***

Taelan dropped them off at Lana’s apartment, and they made their way up the staircase, Revan’s laugh lifting through the still night air. When they made their way to the landing by the door, Lana stopped. 

Cullen stood there, leaning against the door. He looked up, his brows furrowing.

“Lana,” he said. “Varric said you were finally on your way home. I wanted to stop by to see you… who is this?”

“Revan,” her friend replied, raising an eyebrow.

“This is Revan? From your clan?” he said, relaxing. “I thought that… you didn’t tell me that you were going to get her.”

“You didn’t give me a chance to,” Lana said coolly.

His eyes darkened. “Well, I was hoping that I could speak to you – alone, if that’s alright?”

Revan looked at her, and Lana nodded as if to say _I’ll be okay_. She handed her the keys and Revan let herself into the apartment.

Now alone, heat rose to Lana’s cheeks as she looked up at Cullen. The cold night air was warmer than the space between them. His eyes were hard.

“Why didn’t you just tell me where you were going?” he said. “You just took off for Kirkwall without saying a word.”

“After you left Dorian’s on Satinalia, she called me and told me that she left the clan and that the Keeper was after her. I didn’t exactly have time to call you and give you all the details.”

“You could have at least texted me.”

“Would that have really made it better?” Lana said, crossing her arms. “Or would you still have assumed I was ‘warming someone’s bed?’”

He glowered at her. “Well you don’t exactly warm mine anymore, so it’s hard not to draw conclusions.”

“Creators, Cullen,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’ve _told_ you. I’m stressed out, and I'm just trying to survive my last year of school and finish my thesis.”

“You always say that,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “It just feels like you don’t care about me or my feelings anymore.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it, though?” he snapped. “Lana, all you ever do is hide, defend, and distance yourself from everyone. You don’t want to let anyone in, especially not me. And you don’t care how it affects me. Ever since I’ve known you, you just look out for yourself. It’s like all you do is carry around the baggage of what happened with your clan and you won’t _fucking let it go._ ”

“So, what – I just need to get over losing my home? My family?”

He shook his head. “You need to do something other than stew in your own bullshit all the time.”

“And what about you?” she snapped. “I don’t get upset when you talk about the lyrium, or your life back at Kinloch, or Kirkwall.”

His jaw locked. “You do like to throw that back in my face, don’t you?”

“No,” she sighed. “I just mean that we’ve been there for each other through the hard times, and I’m still dealing with what happened to me, just like you are. You have no right to judge me.”

He shook his head. “I’ve _tried_ to be there for you. You won’t let me. You would rather be in pain for the rest of your life than get over it.”

She shook her head and turned to her door. “I’m done with this conversation.” 

“ _Lana_ ,” he said. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

She tried pulling out of his grip. “Let me go,” she said.

“You might be done, but I’m not,” he said.

“Cullen, you’re hurting me.”

But he didn’t. He pushed her back against the wall. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said softly. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

Panic shot through her. _Hands trailing up her arms, grabbing her neck… trapped. Helpless._

She tried to push him off, but he wouldn’t budge. “Get off of me,” she said, and she pushed again – spirit magic pulsing from her hands.

He shot back, catching himself on the railing. He looked livid as he pointed one finger at her. “We agreed that you would never use magic on me.”

“And you promised you would never try to force yourself on me, either,” she said, venom lacing her words.

He stared at her and sighed. “Look, I’m sorry Lana–”

“Stop,” she said, cutting him off.

This was a game to him. A wicked game that she would never be able to stop playing. No way to get out, or say she was through. At that moment, it was all too clear what the future held for them. She would be stuck in this forever, this cycle of walking on eggshells and dancing around his feelings, never letting herself feel anything until the day she could curl into her grave and be free of it.

“We’re over, Cullen.”

Her words hung in the air as he slowly processed what she said, his face shifting from shock to anger. “What?”

_No backing down now._

“We are done. I’m breaking up with you.”

“You’re just going to give up everything we have – just like that?” he said.

“Yes,” she replied, then held out her hand. “Please give me my key back.”

His cheeks reddened as he dug his keychain out of his pocket. As he thumbed through the keys, he stopped. “You are fucking him, aren’t you?”

“Gods damn it all, Cullen,” she seethed. “ _No._ Not that it’s any of your business now.”

“You’re a lying whore,” he said, ripping the key off the ring. He threw the key at her and stormed down the steps to his truck. Lana picked up the key from where it had fallen, and gripped the cool metal in her hand, as though it would anchor her to the ground. She closed her eyes as his truck door slammed shut. She took deep breaths, trying to calm down. Panic, fear, anger, and grief circled in her mind like a hurricane. Tears welled in her eyes, but she refused to shed them. She would not cry. She could not break. If she did, that meant he had won.

But in a way, it felt like he already had. He made her feel exactly how he wanted her to. He had manipulated and controlled how she felt like she was a marionette, and he was her puppeteer. Her fist tightened around the key, the metal edges digging into her skin. Turning back to the door, she sucked in a breath and let herself inside.

***

The quiet of the apartment seemed to wash over her, and she realized that she was still shaking as she pressed her forehead against the door, focusing on her breathing.

Revan touched her shoulder softly, and Lana jumped. Her friend took a step back.

“Was that your boyfriend?” she asked.

“Not anymore,” Lana said quietly. 

“What happened?”

Lana tried to speak, but the words didn’t come out.

Revan took her hand. “Come sit with me.”

She pulled Lana over to the couch and sat her down. “Wait here for just a minute, I’ll be right back.”

She disappeared into the kitchen for several minutes. Lana stared into space, her mind blank. She was feeling everything and nothing, all at once. She felt like she was breaking apart over and over again, with no reprieve. She laid her head back.

Revan returned, carrying two mugs with her. She handed one to Lana. The smell of chocolate curled up into her nostrils. She smiled weakly. “Thank you.”

“I figured you would have hot cocoa,” Revan laughed. “Your one weakness.”

Lana smiled weakly.

The marshmallows were slowly melting with the heat, and Lana watched as they became white splotches against the creamy brown hot cocoa.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Revan asked softly.

“We fought and broke up,” she replied simply. 

Revan’s eyes grew dark. “Did he do anything?”

She tried to stifle the panic in the back of her mind. “He accused me of sleeping with someone else and…” flashes of being pushed against the wall made her swallow hard, “he called me a lying whore.”

Revan pulled her into a hug. “What an asshole. I'm so sorry, Lana." 

"Thanks." 

They both sat in silence for several more minutes until finally, Revan spoke again. “You’re not a whore, or a liar, you know. Just because he said it doesn’t make it true.”

“I know,” Lana sighed. “But I feel guilty, still.”

“Why?”

“Because,” she sighed, “I haven’t felt anything for him in a while. I cared about him, but we didn’t want the same things. But I was so afraid to hurt him that I let it continue on for a lot longer than I should have.” 

Revan placed her hand over Lana’s. “You did the right thing,” she said. “You can’t always control your feelings, and I’m glad you were able to be honest with yourself and him.”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice trailing off as she clutched the mug tightly.

“There’s more to it, isn’t there?”

“I also feel guilty because while we were in Kirkwall, I realized that I have feelings for someone else.”

Revan cocked her head to the side. “Who? Not that I’d know them, I suppose.”

Lana’s cheeks burned. “Just someone from school.” _Not technically a lie._

Revan frowned. “Are they nice?”

“He is,” Lana said softly. “And… I can talk to him about anything. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

Lana sucked in a breath. There was no point in lying Revan, much less herself, anymore. “He’s my professor.”

Revan’s eyes were wide. “Lana!”

Lana covered her face with her hands. “I know, I know, it’s so stupid.”

“No, it’s just… does he know? Your professor, I mean.”

“No,” Lana said, biting her lip. “But I accidentally sent him a text the other day that kind said that I didn’t want to be with Cullen anymore, and kind of implied that I wanted to be with someone else. It was meant for my friend but…”

Revan laughed. “You are absolutely hopeless. I feel like I stepped out of the clan only to walk into a soap opera.”

“Hey, it’s not that bad. No one has died and come back to life,” Lana said, holding up one finger.

“ _Yet,_ ” Revan said with a smirk.

Lana laughed hoarsely, but that pang of guilt was still lingering in the back of her mind.

She thought about all of their mutual friends. Cullen would tell them the story of how they broke up and probably paint himself as the victim. She would be the whore who lied to him, the bitch who took all his love and threw it down the drain. In his narrative, she would be the bad guy. And if she ever acted on her feelings? He would be proven right.

But she wasn’t sure she cared anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! More chapters are on the way <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana returns to the University of Amaranthine, and library shenanigans ensue.
> 
> Edit: Fanart now added! 😍

The next day, and for the following week, Lana threw herself into research and work. She tried to ignore the nagging fear in the back of her mind that she would run into Cullen at some point during her day. The worst part was, Solas still hadn’t contacted her about a meeting by Thursday morning. Lana sat in the library, reading through books on the Fade and taking notes.

Her eyes darted to her phone. She unlocked it – no new messages.

She sighed and rubbed her temples. _I’m reading too much into this._

But maybe he didn’t know that she wanted to meet? She had sent him a text, but he’d never responded. Maybe an email was better.

[Hello,

I wanted to reach out to you to see if we were planning on meeting this week. I found a few books in the library that may be of use to our research – they go over the history of veilfire. I know it’s not much, but we could use it to investigate any fluctuations in the Veil around Amaranthine.

Let me know if we can meet this week,

Lana]

She sighed and hit the send button.

_I’m such a mess._

After about an hour of switching between reading and checking her inbox every few minutes, she felt her stomach sink. No reply. She bit her lip and shut her laptop. _He’s probably just busy with other classes._ Standing up, she gathered the books sprawled around her in her arms, along with her laptop. Making her way to the front to check out her books, a familiar bald head caught her eye in the library’s café.

Solas was sitting at one of the tables by the window, smiling as he spoke to an elven woman with short dark hair. They were leaning into the clearly striking conversation they were having. Her cheeks heated as she watched him casually sip his coffee, clearly at complete ease with this woman. The woman laughed, her delicate hand covering her mouth as she did. Her eyes slid back over to Solas, just as his eyes flicked toward her direction.

Lana dropped her eyes quickly, heat rising up to her cheeks as she quickly walked toward the door.

“Miss?” a woman said from behind the counter, almost a little too loudly for her liking. “Aren’t you going to check those out?”

Lana stopped. _Shit, I forgot._

“Yes,” she said, turning back to the counter. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

The elderly woman in front of her pursed her lips as she scanned Lana’s library card and all three books. “Due back in three weeks.”

She nodded and gathered the books in her arms before bolting for the front door, keeping her head down as to avoid any more awkward eye contact. She had barely made it a few steps before she slammed into something hard. The books went flying. She quickly dropped to pick them up out of the snow. Slender fingers picked up two of the books.

“Are you alright?” Solas said as they both stood up. He brushed snow off one of the books.

“I’m fine,” she said, her hands shaking slightly. “I was just… in a hurry.”

“Of course,” he said, handing her the books. The sun was peeking through the clouds, causing him to squint in the light. “I won’t keep you, then. I just wanted to check in with you – the last time we spoke, you were in Kirkwall and… not doing so well. I wasn’t sure how soon you would be ready for another meeting.”

Lana clutched her books tightly to her chest, as though they would shield her from the awkwardness of this whole situation. “I sent you a text message about it, did you not get it?”

Solas frowned as he pulled out his phone. “Apparently not. I apologize, I’ve been meaning to get a new phone. This one has been acting up lately. Did you manage to find her?”

Lana’s mind eased slightly, and she nodded. “We brought her home, so everything has calmed down a bit.”

“I am glad to hear it. And… the other situation?”

 _Fuck. He would ask in person._ “Resolved,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry I sent that text message to you. It was meant for my friend.”

 _Figures he would get_ that _text message and not my other one._

“I assumed as much,” he said with a smile. “No need to worry. It has happened to me on occasion. In any event, you were on your way. Are you available tomorrow evening?”

She nodded and gave him a weak smile as he turned back to the side door that led to the café. Taking a deep breath, she marched forward.

***

“A girlfriend? With how much time he spends on ‘research?’ Highly unlikely,” Dorian said later as he sat with one leg crossed over the other on her couch, sipping red wine.

Revan sat on the floor, sipping some kind of Dalish whiskey she’d managed to take with her from the clan. Lana sat down in between them, holding her third glass of wine.

“Besides,” Dorian continued, “the only sort of woman who would ever be even _remotely_ interested would be some bookish nerd with no life.”

Lana sipped her wine, not making eye contact with him.

He gave her a knowing look. “Does that sound like anyone we know?” He winked at Revan, who tried not to laugh. 

Lana shot him a glare. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Even if… even if he did have feelings for me, which he doesn’t, neither one of us could act on it.”

“Ah, the lure of forbidden love,” he said, staring off into the distance with a smile. He looked back at her with a grin. “Even _you_ can’t resist. I imagine he wouldn’t be able to, either.”

Lana rolled her eyes. “You’re out of your mind.”

“Yes, and as I have said before, you are a doe-eyed schoolgirl who is hot for teacher. Both of these statements are true. Another true statement is that you wouldn’t be drinking your weight in wine if you weren’t jealous of the elven minx he seemed to be sidling up to.”

“I’m _not_ jealous,” she said firmly. “Crush or no crush, he can date whoever he wants – or not date them. I don’t care.”

Dorian shrugged. “That may be, but you can still be jealous of the attention someone is giving to another person – or the happiness that they share with another person.”

“Your point?”

“My point is that you may crave his attention or the happiness that you think you saw in that moment. Those are all normal feelings. But _I_ think there’s something deeper here.”

Lana ran her fingers through her hair, exasperated. “Let’s talk about you instead, I don’t like the direction this conversation is headed.”

“I couldn’t agree more!” he said with a wink. “Now, I absolutely _must_ tell you about my plans to ask your brother out.”

She groaned and hid her face in a throw pillow. 

As she listened to Dorian and Revan laugh, part of her felt relieved that Dorian didn’t really ask her about Cullen at all after she had told him about the breakup. The last thing she wanted was for it to get in the way of their friendship. Dorian had been his friend first, after all. Yet still, he was here, being there for her the way he knew how.

She wondered if Cullen had said anything to him, but she didn’t let herself get too far with that train of thought.

***

Lana sat in the library the following evening. Solas had texted her several hours before that their meeting would take place there this time. _No Fade today, I guess._ To be honest, she hadn’t been looking forward to going into the Fade with him. Ever since Kirkwall and everything that happened with Cullen, her dreams had been nothing but nightmares. Demons threatened the walls of her mind in a way that she hadn’t experienced since she’d left her clan. But back then, only fear demons attacked her at night. Now, wrath and despair demons had been her nightly companions.

He didn’t need to see that.

The change in her hadn’t gone unnoticed by Revan, either. The circles under her eyes were dark, and she was having a hard time concentrating on conversations. But she would try her best for Solas. She wouldn’t risk halting their research.

Sitting at one of the study tables, she looked over her notes that she had taken after reading another one of Dr. Harel’s papers.

She wondered sometimes if his name was given to him or if he chose it as some kind of pen name. Though, if it were given, she wasn’t sure if anyone would like to keep “trickster” as their last name. _Unless they’re particularly pretentious_.

But pretentious or not, he was brilliant. Everything that they had discovered so far held up with Dr. Harel’s theories. She wondered if the University of Arlathan just didn’t want his research associated with them, especially since much of their funding relied on the Ferelden government, which was largely made up of Andrastians. She sighed.

 _Religion and science; getting along well as usual, I see._

“Oh, good, you’re already here,” Solas said beside her.

She nearly jumped out of her chair.

He chuckled. “ _Ir abelas_ , I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She took a deep breath and smiled. “It’s alright,” she replied. “I’ve just been a little jumpy ever since Kirkwall.”

He nodded. “That is understandable.”

“So why are we meeting here today?” she said, standing up. 

“There is something I wish to show you,” Solas said with a smile, and started toward the other end of the library, to a door Lana had never really noticed before. 

The door led down a set of winding stairs that grew steeper as they descended deep below the library. As they reached the bottom, Solas led her through a dark room and conjured fire in his palm. The room was relatively large and looked as though it had been built decades prior, before the rest of the university. The walls were lined with bookshelves – _and sconces?_ Dusty tables filled the space of the room, and on one end was a large globe, the lines of Thedas etched into the surface.

“What is this place?” she asked taking in the stone walls and the antique furniture.

“This is one of the rooms of the old archives,” Solas said as he turned to her. “It was built nearly one hundred years ago, and it was intended to hold old manuscripts that were too delicate to be handled by most students.”

She frowned as she looked at the shelves around the room – most of them bare. “But they’ve clearly been moved elsewhere.”

Solas nodded. “This place kept them safe a century ago, but it is much easier to keep such things preserved now.”

“So why have you brought me here?”

“The other night as I was dreaming, I felt a ripple in the Fade coming from this spot. After what you experienced in the Fade in Kirkwall, I felt it necessary to investigate. I came here the following day and I found something extraordinary.”

He stepped to the other side of the room to one of the sconces that actually had a torch resting inside it. She stepped closer as he took the fire in his hand and lit the torch. Green flames flickered to life. Her eyes widened.

“Veilfire,” Solas said.

“That’s fascinating,” she said. “But this means that the Veil is thin _here._ ”

“Correct.”

“But… why here? Did something happen to weaken it?” she said, looking around the room.

“I’m not sure,” he said, turning to her. “But whatever it is, it could mean danger.”

“Should we tell someone?” she frowned.

He chuckled. "I have already told Fiona. But she is convinced that nothing of note has happened in the last few years here that could have triggered such a weakness but…”

“The evidence would suggest otherwise,” Lana finished.

Solas nodded. “You and I are the only ones who have studied the Fade enough to know the potential danger this puts us in. The source of the weakness must be found before it ruptures, if it hasn’t already.”

“Are you asking me if I’ll help?” Lana asked.

“I am,” he said softly. “You have your own studies, but there may be a chance here to advance your own research as well, on top of potentially quelling the threat to everyone in the vicinity.”

She laughed. “You ask me that as if I could possibly refuse.”

He smiled down at her, and her breath hitched. There it was – the same look he had given her on Satinalia. The same look that seemed to carry so much weight that she was certain she was imagining it. But beneath the veilfire, the usual storms in his eyes were calm – warm. Her heart thundered in her chest, and she knew she was staring. She should stop, but his gaze held her the eye of a hurricane and she didn’t want to look away. 

And for a fraction of a second, she thought he might kiss her.

His throat bobbed and he turned back to the flames. “I have read studies on artifacts that were once used to strengthen the Veil. If we can find such an artifact and the source of the Veil’s weakness, we could find a way to restore it and keep it from being a further threat.”

She followed his gaze. “I will help you,” she said, reaffirming what she had said before. Her lips spread into a smile. “We’ll restore the Veil, and by the end, I imagine I’ll have plenty of research material for my thesis.”

He chuckled lightly.

“That, you will.”

Lana continued to gaze into the flames before she suddenly turned to him. “What made you so interested in studying the Veil and the Fade?”

He looked almost surprised. “I do not believe I’ve ever been asked that question.”

“Really?”

He let out a soft laugh. “I do believe most people are more interested in ending the conversation as quickly as possible rather than listen to me talk about such things. Except you, it seems.”

Her cheeks heated.

“But I suppose it started out as an interest in spirit magic,” he went on. “I’d always had an affinity for it, but when I was working toward my post-doctoral degree, I had a mentor who was a little more experimental than the others in the department. She introduced me to the subject - and encouraged me to continue my studies even after I graduated. She was far bolder than I could ever be.” His smile warmed as he spoke.

“In what way?” Lana asked.

“She was less interested in the opinions of others,” he explained. “She didn’t let the bounds of the academic field stop her from developing new and innovative techniques, or studying old ones that haven’t been practiced in centuries.”

“Like what?”

“Well,” he said, “like shapeshifting, for instance. No one studies it now, as it is technically more of the kind of magic a ‘hedge mage’ would study. It isn’t a suitable area of magic in most academic circles.”

“Shapeshifting? Like into animals?”

He nodded. “Indeed. She was brilliant. You would have liked her, I think,” he said, his words laced with a tone that sounded almost like despair.

“What happened to her?” Lana asked, wondering if she should even pry into something like that.

“She disappeared – years ago, now. There were rumors that she ran off to live in the wilds, or that she decided to leave her husband for another man, but…” his voice trailed off. “I knew her better than that.”

“What do you think happened to her?” Lana said without thinking. “Sorry, I shouldn’t pry.”

“It’s alright,” Solas smiled, resting against one of the wooden tables. “I admire that you care to ask questions, even if they are hard to answer. But to tell you the truth, I’m not sure what happened. But the person I knew would not simply abandon her life’s work to run off with a man, or to simply live in the woods. Most people would have, I imagine, with how she was ostracized by the magical community.”

“And she wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye,” Lana said softly.

The flicker of sadness in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.

“I’m sorry that happened,” Lana said, leaning on the table beside him, watching the flames flicker across from them.

“So am I,” he said. Then he chuckled. “That is something else I rarely share with other people.” 

“Well, you let me share much of what happened to me,” she replied, looking over at him. “It’s only fair that you can also talk to me as well.”

He smiled. “As your mentor, it is my duty to assist you in overcoming stressors that may prevent you from achieving your goals. You are under no such obligation with me.”

Lana swallowed. _Right._ “Even still,” she said anyway, “it isn’t as though we can’t be friends, right? We can still talk even though you are my mentor. It doesn’t make sense for it to be so one-sided.”

Dangerous territory. She knew she was pushing it, and she could almost see it in his eyes.

“No,” he said, standing up. “But I think it’s more important for you to have someone to help shoulder your burdens rather than give you more. Especially since you only have a few more months before you graduate.”

She pressed her lips together. “But I think after I graduate, I’d still like for us to be friends,” she said. “After all, who else am I going to talk to about the Fade?”

“I would like that,” he replied, smiling softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> Elven language note: Ir abelas - I'm sorry
> 
> Artwork is a commissioned piece by the lovely Kay Fine (kf1n3.tumblr.com) ❤❤❤


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas gets a visitor.

Solas stood at the window of his office, a cup of coffee in his hands as he gazed down at the early morning mist covering the courtyard.

_I’d still like for us to be friends._

He had been foolish – as usual. To share stories of the past, even if he hadn’t revealed every detail, was dangerous.

Yet he had wanted to share his stories with her – he had wanted to open up. It was wrong of him to do so, and he should have given her a more succinct answer to her question – but he couldn’t bring himself to. The veilfire had danced in her eyes, the light highlighting the various hues of her green irises – and it was like she saw right through him, down to his very bones.

He rubbed his eyes.

He had tried to deflect, turn it back into something more professional. Not just because of his position, or the fact that she was his research assistant, but because despite it all, she was in a relationship with someone else. Her text suggested that she was discontented with the relationship, but it was all still too complicated, and feeling the way he did would benefit neither of them.

He turned back to his desk and sat down. He had hours of work ahead of him still – and a headache had already started forming inside his skull. A knock came at his office door.

“Come in,” he said with a sigh.

The door clicked open, and Cullen stepped through. Solas straightened as he stood up. “Good morning, lieutenant. What can I do for you?” he said.

“Good morning. I’m here because I have a few questions for you,” Cullen said. “The police department is conducting an investigation to find the whereabouts of a fugitive mage. We’ve been given authorization by the board of trustees to talk to the faculty. We have reason to believe they are somewhere on campus. Is now a good time?”

Solas leaned against his desk casually. “Of course. What would you like to know?”

Cullen lifted his notebook, eyeing him carefully. “Thank you. I won’t take up too much of your time. But to start – how long have you worked here?”

“Three months,” Solas answered.

Cullen jotted down the notes. “Have you come across any individuals who were acting particularly unusual?”

“Not that I can recall.”

“As a member of the Department of Magic, what area of magic do you teach?”

“Theory of magic as well as Fade science,” Solas replied.

Cullen eyed him. “I understand you are also conducting research, so soon after your arrival. What area are you conducting research in?”

“Fade science,” he said, crossing his arms. “Although I imagine you are already aware of that.” 

Cullen’s lip twitched. “And what is the purpose of your research? What do you hope to gain?”

Solas frowned. “Is this really necessary for this investigation?”

“It is.”

“We are investigating the strength of the Veil and its connection to the Fade and the waking world.”

“Who are you working with on this research?” he said, still jotting down his previous response. 

“My research assistant, Lana, as I’m sure you are aware.” Something was definitely off. 

“Just the one research assistant?” Cullen’s eyes met his – and something icy lingered in his gaze.

“There aren’t that many students who find the subject interesting, I’m afraid,” he replied smoothly. 

“Would you say you have a particularly close relationship with your student, then?” He wasn’t writing anymore. 

Solas straightened. “I am afraid I cannot divulge any information regarding my student. If you have questions for her, you will need to contact her directly. Do you wish to ask anything else that is related to the investigation?”

“Do not presume to tell me how to do my job.”

Solas lifted himself off of the desk. “If there is anything more you wish to ask of me, I would prefer to do so with a lawyer present,” he said, his voice clipped.

“No, that is all I needed to know,” Cullen said before turning to leave the room. He turned as he opened the door. “But I do hope you realize that relationships between students and faculty members are against the code of conduct. So I hope, for your sake, that is not the case.”

Cullen smirked as he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Solas stood in place for a moment, attempting to process what had just happened.

It could have been the case that Cullen was particularly possessive. But it seemed deeper than that – like he was actually jealous, as though he had a reason to be. _Did something happen between them?_ She had spoken about her discontent with the relationship over the text, but…

Every part of him wanted to ask her if something had happened, but he knew it was none of his business.

And asking her would just make the line between professionalism and whatever was between them even more blurred.

He pulled his phone from his pocket. He supposed it would be fine to make sure that she was home safe… perhaps adding in an inquiry regarding a future meeting.

As he held his phone in his hand, looking at the last text she had sent, his heart sank. It would cost him everything if any of this came to light. All that he had worked for would be lost – and there was nothing he could do about it. Not while Cullen thought of him as a suspect.

Even if he wasn’t truly a suspect, he could imagine that a jealous boyfriend would be willing to go to any lengths to discover the worst.

He had to end it now. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas asks Lana to meet.

“Do you ever get used to this damned cold?” Revan said as she shivered in the large winter coat that she was practically drowning in. She and Lana were walking down the road from the train station to the café where she worked.

Lana could remember when she first left the airport and walked through the streets of Amaranthine. It had been autumn, but she was shivering so badly that Taelan had to dig out the spare blanket from their luggage and wrap it around her. She had spent her first paycheck on rent and a thick winter coat.

“Not really,” Lana said. “I’ve been cold since I moved here. The summers are better, though. Only _mildly_ cold.”

Revan groaned. “I knew I should have gone to Antiva instead.”

Lana laughed as they walked. There was a tightness in her chest as they walked on campus. She found herself looking around, her eyes darting around at everyone who passed by. It was just paranoia, she knew, but she felt like at any moment Cullen would appear out of nowhere and… she pushed the thought away. Thinking like that wasn’t going to get her anywhere.

They reached the café, and Revan sighed in relief as they walked into the warm building.

“I’ll get you a coffee,” Lana said as her friend plopped onto the couch nearest to the heating vent.

She walked to the back to grab her apron. As she opened the door, she was suddenly assaulted by a hug. After realizing it was just Bethany, she let out a breathy laugh.

“I’ve missed you so much!” Bethany said, pulling away. “When Flissa said you’d be out for a little while, I was worried something had happened to you.”

Lana smiled. “I’m fine, don’t worry. It was just some… family issues.”

Bethany nodded. “I’m glad you’re alright. The evening shifts are so boring without you.”

“What about Jana? Didn’t she move to evenings with you?”

“No,” Bethany sighed. “She joined up with some military program and left about a week ago.”

“Military program? Wasn’t she studying art or something?”

“Art history, but yeah,” Bethany shrugged. “She didn’t really give us much notice, either. So it’s just you, me, and Hannah.”

“Well, if we’re down a person, I think I know someone who could fill her spot.”

“Really? You should tell Flissa, she’s in her office,” Bethany said, motioning behind her. “Any help we can get at this point is welcome. Hannah and I have been doing our best, but you know how it gets this time of year.”

Lana nodded and started back toward the office. Suddenly, her phone buzzed in her pocket.

[If you have time today, would you be able to meet me in my office? - S]

She couldn’t help the slight blush growing on her cheeks.

[I get off work at 7… Is that too late?]

[No, that is perfect. We can meet after you are off work. - S]

[I’ll be there! :) ]

She cursed herself after she sent the last text. Too eager – she sounded much too eager. She rubbed her forehead and got to work, trying not to overthink it.

Flissa met with Revan while Lana worked. She missed the simplicity of working and worrying about coffee instead of demons and Cullen. Even still, her heart raced every time the door swung open.

When lockups finally started, Revan came up to the counter and beamed. “I guess we’ll be working together now.”

Lana grinned. “I knew Flissa would like you. Is she having you work mornings, then?”

Revan nodded. “I’ll also be covering when people are sick, too. I don’t go to school so, my schedule is pretty flexible.”

Lana paused. “Do you want to go to school?”

Her friend shrugged. “Maybe. I would like to study magic more, but I don’t know. Dalish magic is so different – was it hard for you when you started here?”

“At first,” Lana said. “But you get used to the _stuffy_ nature of it after a while.”

Revan hummed. “I’ll consider it. If I can afford it, anyway.”

“They have scholarships for Dalish elves,” Lana smiled. “That’s how I could afford it.”

“Well, then I should _definitely_ apply,” Revan laughed. “I haven’t seen a single Dalish elf since I arrived.”

“Hmm. There is Merrill, and I know of a few others,” Lana said. “But we’ll meet them all eventually. There’s a Dalish society here, but I never go.”

“How come?”

Lana pressed her lips together.

“Oh,” Revan said quietly. “It’s the vallaslin, isn’t it?”

Lana walked to one of the tables by the windows and started wiping it down. “Not that I really wanted it, after everything.”

As she turned to go back to the counter, Revan wrapped her in a hug. “If you want, we could do it ourselves. Taelan, too, if he wants.”

“I don’t know. It just doesn’t carry the same weight as it did before.”

Revan bit her lip. “Well – if you _did_ get vallaslin, which one would you get?”

“Mythal’s,” Lana replied.

“That makes sense for you,” Revan smiled. “I’ve done that one before. I’ve gotten better at drawing over the years, so the elders started having me do it.”

Lana smiled at the thought, but her heart still ached. It wouldn’t feel right. Not until justice had been served, and her name had been cleared.

She would proudly wear Mythal’s vallaslin after that.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Lana said. “I have to meet with my professor after my shift is over. Will you be okay getting back home? We could call Taelan to come pick you up?”

Revan shook her head. “I’ll be okay getting home. Just don’t stay out too late,” she said with a wink. “See you at home?”

“See you at home,” she beamed.

***

Lana walked through the empty halls of the magic building to Solas’ office. She stepped through the open doorway only to find him staring off into the darkened windows, as though lost in thought. She knocked on the door politely, and he looked over.

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Please, come sit,” he said, motioning to the seat in front of him.

Lana’s stomach twisted in knots. Something about this felt off.

“As you might be aware,” Solas said as she sat down, “the Department of Magic is under investigation due to the recent discovery of an unregistered mage on campus. They have isolated their investigation to all new faculty members and students.”

“So, you’re under investigation,” Lana said.

“I am,” he said. “Lieutenant Rutherford came by to question me himself. Though I doubt he was satisfied with my answers.”

Her mouth dried. “Cullen came by?”

“I do not believe he likes me,” Solas said with a dry laugh. “He seemed particularly… upset about our research.”

She was going to be sick. “I’m sorry.” 

“What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Cullen and I broke up recently, and he… well. He didn’t take it very well.”

Solas folded his hands in front of him. There was a pause before - “He also took the chance to remind me of the interpersonal relationship policy between students and faculty members.”

Her cheeks heated. _Fuck._ “Are you serious?”

“Lana,” he started. Questions seemed to linger behind his eyes, but she could tell he was holding them back. “I have to ask – are you safe? Do you feel threatened by him in any way?”

She swallowed. At this point, she wasn’t sure what Cullen was capable of.

He sat back, her silence an answer enough for him. “I believe it may be best to discontinue research until their investigation is complete. While what happened doesn’t have anything to do with you, I imagine they will continue to investigate me until they have a clearer lead. Once I am no longer a suspect, we can continue, but I do not wish to put any further stress on you.”

“But what about the weakened Veil? The artifacts?”

“I will continue the search on my own. But,” his voice quieted, “I would rather not put you at risk.”

Hot tears started welling up in her eyes. She was already nervous about running into Cullen after everything, and her nightmares weren’t getting any better. All she had now was her research, and he was taking that away, too. Just as he had wanted. She had half a mind to go down to the station and give him a piece of her mind. But that would definitely backfire, and come back on Solas again.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” she said, standing up and leaving his office.

She thought she heard him say her name when she closed the door, but her feet just kept walking down the hallway. She paused at the door to the labs. Sucking in a breath, she turned the handle and found herself making her way down the steps. Her head was spinning by the time she reached the research lab and stood in front of one of the sensory deprivation tanks.

It wasn’t a good idea to go into the Fade now, she knew. In fact, it was a _very_ bad idea. But she felt like she was going to explode. She didn’t want to be in the waking world. 

Cullen couldn’t take this part from her, no matter what. He could take away all the other parts, but this was _hers._ Her heritage, her magic, her dreams. She locked the door to the lab and peeled off her layers, and stepped into the bodysuit that was still hanging up in the closed. She opened the hatch and settled in the water, letting herself drift into dreaming.

***

Solas’ heart began to race as he listened to Lana walk down the hall, and heard the door to the labs open and close. _What is she…?_ He stood and followed after her. _I shouldn’t have mentioned any of it – I should have just…_ he sighed as he made his way down the steps. Nothing he said would have made this situation any better. But what pained him the most was how her expression had turned fearful when he’d mentioned Cullen. He wouldn’t have otherwise asked her about it, but against his better judgment, he had to know if she could be in danger. He reached the door to the lab and twisted the handle. She had locked it. _Shit._ He pulled his keys out and opened the door. He took in the room – her clothes folded beside the sensory deprivation tank. _She is going to get herself hurt with the state that she’s in._

She was already prone to running into demons – her emotions now would only make things worse. But trying to wake her up would be pointless. 

He undressed quickly, stepping into the tank and closing the hatch behind him.

He opened his eyes almost instantly to the skies in the Fade. He stood up quickly, the ground beneath his feet already feeling unsteady. Whatever power she wielded – it was only getting stronger, and harder to control. He had felt that way, once, he supposed.

But he would not let her face it alone.

He cursed himself as he fade-stepped forward, looking everywhere for her. He sped past every ruin, every memory that rippled through the Veil. He came to a familiar open field, the grass dancing gently in the breeze. In the center of the field, he could see the blades of grass parted ever so slightly.

_Of course she would come here._

He crossed the field to her slowly, trying his best not to startle her.

“Wolf?” she said, sitting up suddenly. She turned, her eyes locking onto him. Standing, she took a step back. “Solas? Why are you here?”

“I was worried,” he said. “When you left, I…”

The words died at his lips. Any clever explanation he could come up with had dissipated well before he arrived here. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. He was usually better about burying his emotions when he was in the Fade, but seeing her here, in the field where they had met – 

“How did you find me?” she asked.

“Luck,” he said simply.

She straightened, crossing over to him. Her green eyes studied his face. So many hues, especially in the Fade. Colors he sometimes wished to paint. He pushed the thought away.

“I know there are things you aren’t telling me,” she said suddenly. “A novice in the Fade cannot possibly be able to navigate it the way you do. Even if you have the same strange connection as I do to the Fade… it took me coming here every night, training myself, to be able to do half the things I’ve seen you do.”

The air around them thickened, the grass shifting as her power swirled around them. He looked down at her, his brows furrowed. She didn’t even realize that she was doing it.

He knew he should tell her. Of anyone he had met, she might have been the one person who would understand. But the risks…

A moment passed, and still, he couldn’t find the right words. She sighed. “Forget it,” she said, turning away.

“Wait,” he said, reaching out and catching her hand.

She turned back quickly, her cheeks red. “What?”

He was still holding her hand. He swallowed. If he did not pull away now, everything he had built would shatter.

But she didn’t pull away, either. She searched his eyes, waiting for him to speak. 

He took a deep breath. “I–”

A roar shattered through the silence of the meadow. He whirled to see a large demon, mere yards away, stepping towards them.

“What is that?” Lana said, stepping back.

“ _Pride_ ,” he hissed.

The demon held up its enormous claws and hurled lightning in their direction. The grass field ignited before them as the demon walked closer.

Gripping her hand tighter, he pulled her to him and launched them both forward. They hurtled through the Fade, past mountains and valleys, and deep into a dense forest. He lost his footing and held her tightly as they began to land. He threw a spell down around them before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate all of you, and your comments <3


	25. Chapter 25

The air was warm and thick with the scent of flowers and evergreen trees when Lana opened her eyes. Her gaze fell to the arms wrapped around her, holding her close as they rested against a moss-covered log in a small clearing in the forest. The body beside hers inhaled suddenly, as though waking. His arms loosened, but he did not release her. It was the safest she had felt in months.

She looked up at Solas, and his grey eyes met hers. Her skin prickled beneath the breeze that moved through the trees. Any moment now, he would get up and walk away from her. Any moment, the look that they shared would mean nothing. She memorized every feature along his face, every crease and freckle, trying to savor the way he was looking at her. 

Cool fingers brushed her hand and she felt like her heart had stopped altogether. Solas brought his hand to her face, and his thumb traced the edge of her jaw. Her breath hitched.

“Are you alright?” he murmured, as though demons would break loose around them if he spoke any louder. 

“I am,” she replied softly. He pulled away from her, as though realizing the intimacy of his actions.

“I’m… sorry,” he said, slowly sitting up. She sat up beside him.

“About what?”

He shook his head. “Everything. I shouldn’t have told you about what happened with Cullen and the investigation.”

“I’m not upset about that,” she said. “I’m upset that I lost everything – and now Cullen has decided that his revenge for me breaking up with him is to take you away, too.” She froze as the words left her lips.

Something unreadable flickered across his face. 

“I mean ‘you’ as in our research,” she amended.

He paused, as though trying to read her expression. “Of course,” he said finally. 

“The Fade is the only thing keeping me grounded,” she explained. “I don’t know where I would be without it.”

His eyes softened. “Of that, we are in agreement.”

“You… you never answered my question,” she said.

He looked down, as though trying to find the words. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you,” he admitted. “You see, what I told you before is true. All elves have the natural affinity to walk the Fade freely, but being a Dreamer in this world can be dangerous. It gives you an edge, and upper hand. It also means that you can be used by others – as a weapon, as leverage, or as a way to gather information. That knowledge – the knowledge that one can gain as a dreamer – puts a target on your back.”

“You already knew you were a Dreamer, then,” she replied.

“Yes,” he said. “I have always known it.”

“So why keep it hidden? Even after I told you everything?”

“For two reasons. First, we weren’t really alone when you told me. I could not risk your brother overhearing our conversation.”

“He would never tell anyone,” Lana said. “But… I suppose I can understand the fear.”

He nodded. “Second, I was worried that you would be upset that I didn’t tell you originally, despite all of our conversations. It was my own foolish assumption.”

“Honestly, you didn’t hide it very well if you were trying to keep it from me.”

He smirked. “I’ll be sure to hide my secret abilities better next time.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are there other abilities I don’t know about, then?”

He chuckled. “Of course. But where would the mystery be if I shared all of them right away?”

Blush crept up her cheeks and she looked up at the trees.

“Your abilities, however,” he said, his voice softening, “are another matter entirely.”

“My abilities? You mean the Fade magic?”

“Indeed,” he said. “As I mentioned before, such magic only develops when the Veil has been damaged. It is closest to that of spirit magic, but it pulls directly from the Fade. When I discovered the veilfire, it confirmed my suspicions that you have been exposed to Fade magic long enough to develop such a power. You are what is referred to as a ‘rift mage.’ As am I.”

She laughed. “So not only are you a Dreamer like me, but you’re also a rift mage? And here I thought the only thing we had in common was sleep problems.”

He smiled. “As I have said, that problem is common of most academics.”

She beamed at him until a realization hit her, and her smile dimmed. “But if what you’re saying is true – the veilfire was in the library of the university. Do we know where the rift might be coming from? And wouldn’t that mean that others may have also developed that same power?”

“We can’t be certain where the rift is coming from – it may have been created a long time ago and healed somehow, but the residual magic remains. And it is very likely that others have developed a stronger connection to the Fade,” he said, “but rift magic usually needs to be activated by the user on purpose – it’s not happened upon like other forms of magic. There are small signs of it beforehand – fragments of its potential – but it usually goes unnoticed. When you fought the demon, the magic was triggered, allowing you to access all of it.”

“So – what does rift magic entail? How is it different from spirit magic?”

“It is different in several ways,” he said. “The biggest difference is that while rift magic and spirit magic are both purer forms of magic, spirit is more focused on the individual. The mind, the body, and so on. You have already learned the basics, so you know that spirit is primarily used for healing. Alternatively, rift magic manipulates the space between people or objects. Pushing and pulling air and matter, while never being truly tangible the way elemental or other forms of magic are.”

“It’s like force magic, then?” she said, frowning.

“Force magic is a cheap attempt at rift magic,” he explained with a dry laugh. “It manipulates the space, but it will never be as powerful. Using the magic of the Fade allows you to do much more than just move objects as well. You can sense things around you, seeing with your magic instead of your eyes, or you can seek out and use ambient magic around you to form a shield. You can also use the magic to seek out other people and objects in the Fade.”

“So that’s how I was able to find Revan.”

“Precisely.”

“So, you knew that I was a rift mage?”

“I suspected – usually finding people you are connected to in the Fade is possible for any dreamer, but you took to it rather quickly.”

She bit her lip and thought for a moment, mulling over everything that had happened since their first trip together in the Fade. “Is that also why I can sometimes feel your magic?” she asked. “When we were first searching for Revan… I felt your magic calming me.”

He nodded. “You can create an aura to sense other people’s emotions or, in that case, reach out with your own emotions to help calm another.”

“But isn’t that manipulative?”

“The magic cannot change the mind or the emotions of another,” he explained. “Think of it more like spreading out your own aura – your own feelings. If one is unhappy and a person comforts them, is that a manipulation?”

“No, I suppose not,” she said. “But is it possible to manipulate someone in such a way?”

“Potentially,” he replied, looking off thoughtfully. “I have read of some rituals that can be used to alter another’s thoughts but it rarely works the way it should, and usually leaves the victim in a nearly tranquil state.”

She shivered. “Alright, so how do I use this… aura to feel things around me?”

“I can show you,” he said, holding out his hand. “As it is intangible like spirit magic, it is usually easier to feel how the magic works, first.”

Her heart raced as she took his hand.

“Close your eyes,” he said. She did.

She could feel his magic enveloping her, coaxing out the magic that felt as though it were deeply buried inside – and he pushed the magic out, towards the tree line. Their magic, much like tendrils of energy, wove together and brushed every inch of the clearing. She marveled at how she could suddenly feel them – the blades of grass, the flowers, and the gentle crack in the wood of the trees as the wind pushed past the branches above them. It was exhilarating. She could feel his magic pulling back, but she kept her own outstretched. It was weaker now, but she could still sense everything. 

She pulled the magic back to her center, and as she did, felt a brush of his magical aura. He was holding it so close to himself, shackled and silenced. She realized she hadn’t been able to feel it before. Maybe it was her newfound powers that connected her to the Fade, or maybe she had just never been able to notice it. Had he been holding back?

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

“You are a natural,” he said with a smile.

She kept her aura outstretched towards him, and she felt him reach out to her as well. As they held each other’s gaze, his aura became almost untethered, amplified, as though he didn’t have the strength to hold onto it anymore. She could feel the emotions turning over inside him – fear, worry, doubt – all emotions that almost mirrored her own.

_Oh._

Beneath it all, somewhere buried deep, she knew all at once that her feelings were not one-sided – and he was just as conflicted as she was.

Through her magic, she let her own buried emotions ripple from her, and something shifted in his expression. As if he suddenly understood.

“So, it isn’t just me,” she said. It wasn’t a question. 

“No,” he replied. “It isn’t just you.”

Blood rushed to her cheeks. He released her hand that she hadn’t realized he was still holding and stood up, folding his hands behind him.

Her mind was blank. There were so much that quelled within her – words that could not be shared, emotions that weren’t supposed to be felt. And now, here, they were bubbling up to the surface – and she knew that once the box was opened, she would not have the strength to close it again. She stood up and crossed the distance between them. Standing before him, she took his face in her hand.

But he didn’t pull away.

With one hand, he reached up and brushed his fingers along her jawline. She could feel his cool breath against her skin as he leaned down toward her, his lips hovering over her own. As though he were waiting – contemplating.

“We can’t,” he murmured, his brows furrowing with concern. “It isn’t right.”

She knew he was right. She knew she should take a step back – and he would let her. He would walk away, and pretend it never happened, pretend they were nothing to one another. Although that was the last thing she wanted, she would respect his wishes. 

Her shoulders sagged as she dropped her hands. He turned his back to her, and he looked up above them, the peach and pink hues that painted the sky, framed by the emerald trees.

“Do you remember when we first met?” he said, breaking the silence. “When we first truly met one another, in the café?” 

“Of course,” she said. “It was the first time I realized there was someone else out there who cared about the things I care about. Not just the Fade, but about discovery and the beauty of this world and all it has to offer.”

“You were so unsure of yourself at first, but in all our conversations since then, your passion for the Fade and finding the truth of everything outshined it all. In truth, I have also never met another who shares my love for the Fade, or uncovering the mysteries that have been buried for centuries.”

He turned back to her. “And I never imagined that I would meet someone who could draw my attention away from the Fade, as you have.”

He stepped closer to her, brushing away a strand of her hair from her face, and gently cupped her face. He paused, and she parted her lips. She and she swore she could hear the pounding of her own heart as she tilted her head up to him, and pressed her lips against his. The kiss was soft and gentle, and lingered on her skin as she pulled away.

He looked down at her, and suddenly he was surging forward, their lips colliding. He laced his fingers through her hair as she pressed herself against him. He gently pushed her backward, pressing her against a tree, his lips never leaving hers. His tongue swept across hers, and she gripped his shirt tightly, her mind spinning in circles. His hands roamed around her waist, pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying desperately to keep her balance.

When he pulled away, breath ragged and shallow, he looked down at her with a deep expression that made her heart shudder. He ran his thumb across her cheek and kissed her forehead, his lips lingering there.

“We should leave,” he murmured against her skin. “The waking world awaits us.” 

“Along with reality,” she said miserably.

He pressed his lips against hers once more. She reached up, her fingers brushing his jaw, and felt him begin to fade from existence. Her eyes flew open. His eyes were the last thing she could remember before she awoke to the darkness of the sensory deprivation tank.

Staring into the darkness, she was suddenly afraid to open the door. What were they to do now? They couldn’t openly be together – that would cause a scandal, especially with the investigation. But there was no way that things could go back to what they were. Her heart felt like it was going to leap from her chest. She stayed there for a few moments longer, afraid that leaving would make what happened between them disappear. Biting her lip, she pushed the door open and looked over to the tank where Solas was. But the door was already open.

He was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian corners Lana.

For the next week, after the day in the Fade, there was nothing but radio silence from Solas. Lana attended her classes, went to work, and studied in the library. As the week wore on, studying turned more and more into hours of periodically staring out the window.

Dorian texted her multiple times each day, to which she would reply in short sentences:

_[Yes, I’m alive.]  
[No, I don’t want to go to the bar.]  
[Yes, I’m busy studying.]  
[No, I haven’t talked to my brother yet.]  
[No, I don’t want a bottle of wine.]_

Friday rolled around, and she trudged up the stairs to the top floor to her usual study spot. The lights were dimmer, and students were few and far between, which helped her focus. She reached one of the small tables beside a window that looked over the courtyard and set her books and notes on the table. But by the time she sat down, she knew that there was no way she would be able to focus.

She sighed and stood back up to gather her books in her arms. She turned to leave and nearly dropped all of her books in a heap. Someone was standing in front of her.

“ _Dorian,_ ” she hissed, reeling from the shock. “What the _fuck_.”

He crossed his arms. “You, my dear, have been avoiding me. Even when you were at your lowest, you have never turned down a bottle of wine. Clearly, you must be having some kind of emergency.”

She bit her lip. “No, not really.” 

Dorian uncrossed his arms, and his voice lowered. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s… hard to explain.”

He put his arm around her and led her down the stairs. “Come, I’ll take you to my apartment. We can talk there.”

***

“Alright, spill,” Dorian said as he handed her an entire bottle of Nevarran wine when she sat on his couch.

She held up the bottle. “…Are you sure? This couch is _really_ nice,” Lana said with a smirk.

“Smartass,” he said, lounging on the rest of the couch beside her. “You’re not getting out of this that easily. No one practically _ghosts_ me and gets away with it.”

“I didn’t, I just…” she trailed off, rubbing her forehead. “I’ve just been dealing with stuff.”

“Yes, and that’s why we have _wine._ ”

When she didn’t say anything, he scooted closer to her. “Was it Cullen? Did he do something?”

“Yes… and no. It’s complicated.”

He stared at her expectantly.

“You really never let these things go, do you?”

“Not in the slightest.”

Lana looked at her friend, the laughter in his face just barely covering the concern lingering behind his eyes. She couldn’t tell him – it felt wrong to keep something like this from him, but the risks were too great, especially now. If she were being truly honest with herself, there was a part of her that wanted to keep what happened to herself. At least for a little while longer. It was all too possible that Solas would return and continue on as if nothing happened. It would hurt, but she would understand.

She wasn’t ready to let that be real. Not yet.

So, she sucked in a breath and said, “I’ve been trying to avoid Cullen,” she said. It wasn’t necessarily a lie. “He’s been investigating the fugitive mage that came on campus at the beginning of the year, so he’s been making his rounds in the department of magic. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding you. My mind has just been a little preoccupied.”

Dorian nodded. “Right - I ran into him yesterday when he was coming out of Fiona’s office. This whole investigation is so odd. Why are they just investigating now if the mage arrived months ago?”

“Cullen had said that the university’s administration was fighting them to even start looking into it, but I guess they finally got the approval.”

“And I assume they only fought the investigation to avoid alerting incoming and potential students from thinking there might be a threat?” Dorian said, shaking his head. “Putting the whole campus at risk to avoid bad publicity - bureaucracy at its finest.” 

She nodded. “But now they are investigating all students and faculty who started this year.”

He leaned back. “And Dr. Wolf is under investigation.”

She nodded. “So, our research together has been paused while they continue to investigate. It’s probably better since…” she dropped her face to the bottle she was still holding. “Cullen hated my research.”

Dorian shifted closer and put his arm around her shoulder. “I think Cullen was trying to come up with something to blame as to why your relationship wasn’t working – anything to ignore the fact that the two of you were just drifting apart.”

She bit her lip. It was the first time they’d really broached the topic since she told him they had broken up. “Well, now he gets what he wants. I’m stuck doing my research alone and…” she trailed off. “We had just found evidence of a fluctuation in the Veil and I was going to use it to gather data – and now I’m on my own until they can clear Dr. Wolf’s name.”

There was a pause before Dorian spoke. “You don’t think he’s the one they’re looking for, do you?”

She hesitated. “Anything is possible but… no, I don’t think so.”

“You’re probably right,” he said, taking a sip of his wine.

But something uneasy settled in her chest. 

“Lana, are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?” he said, breaking the silence.

“Isn’t that enough?” she laughed, and she felt a pang of pain in her heart. He was her best friend, of course he noticed that she wasn’t telling him everything. She sighed and looked down at her hand. “It’s not something I’m ready to talk about yet,” she said honestly.

He touched her shoulder. “Okay, I won’t press further.” He hugged her and as he pulled away, he gave her a grin. “Now, let’s get you out and do something _fun._ ”

“Dorian, I don’t…”

He clicked his tongue. “There’s no getting out of this, sweetheart. Come on, we can’t go out with you dressed like _that._ ”

***

Lana stepped through the front door of the club a little while later, feeling rigid as she balanced on the high heels that Dorian had made her wear. She was so used to loose-fitting clothes and comfortable shoes – the tight skirt paired with a corset-like top that showed off her nearly nonexistent breasts was not particularly what she’d had in mind for the night. Dorian was wearing tight black pants and a black top that was trimmed with gold to match the gold flakes dusted across his eyelids. Eyes from the crowd trailed over to her and Dorian, and he smirked at her.

“I told you it was a good idea,” he said in her ear. 

She rolled her eyes. 

The club was a fairly high-end establishment with blue and purple lights overhead. It hardly compared to _Bellanaris,_ but it was nice enough. It was one of Dorian’s favorite clubs, as they served good drinks and played “decent” music, in his opinion. The music was almost deafening, the pulse of the beat vibrating inside her chest. It wasn’t a song she recognized, but she figured it was probably a mix of a popular song, based on what they usually played.

Dorian linked his arm with hers and led her through the crowd to the bar.

The crowd became denser as they reached the bar, and there was barely enough room for them to squeeze through. When they finally pushed through to the front, they came face-to-face with a very large male Qunari, wearing a simple black t-shirt and an eyepatch. He was pouring two drinks at a time, tossing bottles over his shoulder, and catching them as he went. Lana felt mesmerized as he made drink after drink and almost didn’t notice when he turned to them.

“What can I get you?” he asked loudly over the music.

“Four shots of tequila,” Dorian said, leaning in.

“Four?” Lana cried incredulously.

“Two for each of us, of course!” he replied.

The bartender chuckled as he poured, his laugh a low rumble. He pushed the shots toward them, along with salt and lime, and gave Dorian a wink. “Stay safe, you two.” He left after Dorian handed him cash, attending to other customers.

Lana could see Dorian blush as he reached for the first shot glass.

“Does someone have a crush?” she said, lifting her own shot glass.

Dorian scoffed. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” He downed his shot and moved on to the second.

Lana smiled and followed suit, drinking both of her shots in succession. The liquid burned as it went down, and she winced as she bit the lime. “Tequila is not my favorite.”

“But it’s so very _fun,_ ” Dorian sang, taking her by both hands and pulling her to the dancefloor as a new song started playing, one that they both knew.

They danced with the beat, moving with the crowd. Lana twirled in place, careful not to fall, but felt like she was getting the hang of it. She felt like she was flowing with the waves of the song, pure joy filling her lungs as she laughed and sang along with the lyrics.

As she spun, she saw a glimmer of a familiar figure out of the corner of her eye. She slowly stopped spinning and danced in place, glancing back over to see Solas leaning up against the wall on the far side of the room. Her heart jolted. _What is he doing here?_

He didn’t see her – but he looked bored.

“I spy a set of elbow patches,” Dorian said in her ear. “And… is that Fiona?” He pointed to the table beside where Solas was standing. Fiona, along with other faculty members from the Magic Department were sitting there, laughing over drinks.

Lana turned back to Dorian. “Are you sure you want to stay here?” she said in his ear.

“What, you mean you _don’t_ your professors to see you drunk and scantily clad as you grind with random strangers?”

She raised her eyebrows and he let out a laugh. “Come on, it’s not so bad. They’re old, they probably won’t stay too long, anyway.”

She pressed her lips together as she looked back. Solas still couldn’t see her, which she was almost grateful for.

One thing was clear, though – he was actively avoiding her.

She swallowed. “I’m going to get another drink,” she told Dorian and she walked back to the bar and sat down, running her fingers through her hair.

“Rough night?” the qunari bartender said behind the counter.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Lana said.

“Guy problems?” he said with a sympathetic smile.

She laughed dryly. “How can you tell?”

“Been in the business awhile,” he said, sliding a glass with amber liquid to her. “Whiskey girl, right?”

She smiled. “You’re good, I’ll give you that.” She started pulling out cash but he waved it away.

“It’s on the house, kid.”

“Thanks,” she said.

“Don’t mention it. Anyone who hangs out with Dorian tends to be good people.”

“You do know Dorian, then?”

He shrugged. “On and off. He’s a complicated guy.”

She raised her eyebrows. “So that’s why he likes this place so much.”

He chuckled. “Maybe.”

“I’m Lana, by the way.”

“Iron Bull,” he said with a smile.

“Really? That’s your name?”

“Yep. Picked it when I moved here from Par Vollen.”

She smiled. “I picked Lana, too.”

“So, what’s your real name?” 

She took a long drink, warmth spreading to her cheeks. “Eir’melana Lavellan. But don’t tell anyone.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he nodded. “You’re Dalish, then?”

“Used to be,” she said. “A long time ago.”

“I’m sensing a longer story there,” he said with a smile and raised one hand. “I won’t pry.”

She smiled gratefully.

“So, this guy,” he started, “is it that he’s emotionally unavailable or just stupid?” 

She laughed. “He’s not stupid, so it must be the first one.”

“Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, emotionally unavailable people are complicated and it’s usually better to avoid them.”

“Usually being the operative word, then?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes they just need time. Time to get used to the idea of a relationship or even an emotional connection.”

She nodded. “It’s all really new, so that would make sense.”

He leaned forward and smiled. “Chin up, kid. I’m sure he’ll come around soon. If he doesn’t, then he’s obviously emotionally unavailable _and_ stupid to pass up on someone like you. Now go out there and have some fun.”

She smiled and drained her glass. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and nearly slammed into a tall body. Solas looked down at her, surprised. He had forgone his usual gray button-up shirt with a dark, tight-fitting long-sleeved shirt and she swallowed. _Why is always hot at the wrong times,_ she thought miserably. She suddenly felt very naked.

“Lana? What are you doing here?” he asked over the music.

Her heart was going to jump out of her chest, she was sure. “I could ask you the same,” she replied, leaning in so he could hear.

 _Bad idea,_ she realized. Even here she could still smell the scent of trees and embrium.

He replied but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. She shook her head and pointed at her ear. He looked back to the group across the room and motioned for her to follow him to a side hall, where it was a little quieter. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“This is their annual faculty outing,” he said, nodding in their direction. “They practically had to drag me here.”

“What, this isn’t the type of place you would go to regularly?” she joked a smirk.

“No,” he chuckled. “I assume you’re out with Dorian?”

She nodded. “He also dragged me here. Made me change my clothes and everything.”

“I can see that,” he noted – though it didn’t sound disapproving.

She blushed. “So, where have you been?” she asked casually.

He looked away, his smile fading slightly. “I was called out of town for a few days on business,” he said. “I apologize for not letting you know. I also needed… some time to think.”

She nodded and crossed her arms as she leaned on the opposite wall, and she felt a sinking in her stomach. “I see.” Perhaps Iron Bull had been right, and Solas was emotionally unavailable.

He stepped forward. “Will you meet me tonight? In the Fade?”

She looked up at him, and her heart clenched. _He’s going to end it._ She had seen this coming, after all. Then, as though he could see the fear in her eyes, he motioned for her to follow him again. She looked behind them cautiously and followed quickly down the dark hallway and around the corner.

Solas pulled her close to him, kissing her fiercely as she let out a surprised hum. The kiss in the Fade had been soft and warm, but while the Fade felt very similar to the waking world, it hadn’t felt like it was fully real. _This_ was real – raw, corporeal, intoxicating. She wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing him in. She pushed him against the wall and her fingers ran down his chest as she curled them around his waist. He cupped her face, and kissed her slowly one final time before pulling away, his hands still cupping her face.

“I’m not reconsidering this,” he said softly, his brows furrowed. “I am only considering the timing of it.”

Her heart nearly melted and she leaned forward to kiss him once more, before pulling herself away from him. “I’ll see you tonight, then,” she said with a smile. She started to walk away and he took her hand, pulling her back to kiss her on the forehead.

“I look forward to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are a couple songs that inspired this chapter:  
> Misery - Michigander  
> Graveyard - Halsey  
> Come On Out - The Airborne Toxic Event 
> 
> Note: Lana's full name was found on Project Elvhen: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4401050?view_full_work=true
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	27. Chapter 27

When Solas had returned to Amaranthine, he felt more conflicted than he had before their confessions in the Fade. His plan had been to end their research and do everything he could to avoid her. For her safety, and his, it was the wisest option. His impulsivity had gotten the better of him, and he couldn't let it happen again. So, he left with the only explanation to Fiona being that he needed to leave on business. One week. One week, and he would have the strength to turn her down.

His plan was to talk to her in person and explain that things could not go any further. He needed to be cold and convince her that it wasn’t worth it.

It seemed like a good plan, anyway.

But as soon as he returned, Fiona had cornered him in the hallway.

“We’re having the annual faculty outing tonight,” she said with a grin. “You have to join us, it’s tradition.”

“I’m not sure that would be best – I just got back from my trip and I’m rather exhausted,” he said.

“Nonsense, it’ll only be a few hours,” she said, waving away his excuse. “Besides, you should really speak with some of the other faculty members and get to know them.”

He sighed. She wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer. “Fine,” he agreed reluctantly. “But I won’t be able to stay long. I have an early class tomorrow morning.”

She beamed. “Here is the address of the place we are going to. It will be at eight o'clock. See you then!”

He took a slip of paper from her and rubbed his eyes as she walked away. It wasn’t the best idea – and if he remembered correctly, the venue they would be going to was a dance club, which was the last place he wanted to be right now.

Stepping into his office and closing the door, he looked down at his phone, pulling up the message she had sent him a few days prior.

_[Lana 09:53 PM: Can we talk?]_

It was all she had sent him – and it took everything he had not to call her, not to visit her in the Fade. But he could not afford to go down that road. He could not let himself. But he supposed now that he was back…

No. He would email her tomorrow and ask to meet in person. Sticking to the plan would lead to the best results.

But when he had arrived at the faculty gathering, he saw her dancing in the center of the dancefloor with Dorian, and a dull ache throbbed inside his chest. Her face light and carefree as she sang along with the lyrics, and he told himself it would be easy. Easy let her be happy.

As he had approached the bar to get a second drink, she had nearly crashed into him; and it was like all logic flew from his mind in a singular instant. Perhaps it was due to his growing inebriation, or the fact that her green eyes shifted from surprise to something like sadness. His heart had clenched, and he wanted nothing more than to tell her that he didn’t want to abandon her. Couldn’t abandon her.

He had pulled her away from it all, wrapped her in the darkness, and allowed himself to succumb to the emotions that rattled through him uneasily. She followed him so willingly, and for a moment he wanted to believe that the rest of the world could be forgotten. 

It was foolish – all of it was. 

Reckless.

But he could no longer find it in himself to care in that moment. 

And then he was standing in the Fade, feeling the pull of her aura as her magic led him through the trees of the forest. The ground was warm beneath feet as he stepped down the path. She had reshaped the Fade – the trees of the forest were different from the ones she had dreamed of before. They weren’t the fir trees of Ferelden, but ancient oak trees like the ones in the northern forests – almost like the Arlathan forest, he noted.

An opening in the tree line emptied out to a small bank on the edge of a lake. There, fireflies danced just above the water. The sky above was filled with brilliant stars – almost a perfect reflection of the lake below.

But on the small shore, she sat watching the fireflies, the stars, the eternal night around them. She had three jars beside her, each holding several fireflies that illuminated the ground beside her.

“This was one of my favorite places to visit when I was growing up,” she said without looking back at him. “It was the furthest north we’d ever traveled, and the days were so hot that we would eagerly wait for the night so we could lie under the stars.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many fireflies in one place before,” he noted. 

“There weren’t usually this many, it’s true,” she said, turning to look at him. A smile crept on her lips – a secret smile that always seemed like it was just for him. “But one night there were.”

She turned back to the lake, and he joined her on the soft blanket that she had laid out on the ground. It was a small touch that made it seem all the more real. The details were impressive; from the texture of the fabric to the expanse of stars above them. She had even remembered most of the constellations.

“It was the last night before my clan had to leave the lands we had occupied,” she went on. “It was also the night I discovered my magic.”

“How old were you?”

“Eleven,” she said. “I was the first one in my clan besides Deshanna to show signs of magic. But when I discovered it, I was here. Alone.”

“Were you afraid?”

“No,” she said. “I hear so many stories of children’s first spells involving catching barns on fire or shattering windows with ice. For me, it was quite different.”

“How so?”

She held out her hand, and soft spirit magic poured from her fingers, drifting along the water’s surface, waves rippling away as the tendrils made their way to the center of the lake. The magic suddenly lifted into the air curling and twisting into spirals. The fireflies drifted toward the magic, following it as it curved, their yellow light blending with the soft green of spirit magic.

“They are dancing,” was all Solas could muster up to say.

The magic was gracefully rising and falling around the lake, as though following a noiseless symphony. Lana’s fingers moved ever so slightly, as though such a spell took no effort at all. As though this was who she was at her core – a soul who saw a world filled with beauty. 

The magic slowed, the tendrils evening out and coming together as one, the fireflies slowly drifting apart from it and resuming their flutter above the lake. The magic dissipated, and Lana wrapped her arms around her knees. 

“It was a spell I learned about from an old story my mother told me once. Of course, in the story it was done with birds, but…” she trailed off, her eyes watching the dancing lights. “I just wanted to see the fireflies one last time. They were her favorite.”

He understood then. “What happened to her?”

“She had passed away a month before. She had been sick for a while, and then her body just stopped having the strength to fight.”

“I’m sorry,” Solas said.

“It’s alright,” she said. “She was in pain for years, and I’m glad she’s no longer suffering.”

There was a pause before, “My mother and Revan’s mother were in the hospital together a lot, too. It’s how she and I became such close friends.”

“And that was why you didn’t try to take her with you when you left,” he said.

She nodded. “I understood her need to stay with her mother. I just hope we can see her again. Maybe if I went to Arlathvhen…” she loosed a sigh. “If we could even get anyone in the clan to talk to us, anyway.”

“You are planning on going then?”

“Revan still wants to go, but we haven’t solidified any plans. We don’t exactly have a clan we can go with. Nethrien has to be stopped, but without influence, without a voice… it’s doubtful anyone would listen to us.”

“You shouldn’t count yourself out so soon,” he said.

“Why not? We have no evidence to support any claims.”

“Just because you do not have it now does not mean you could not find it later.”

“And how do you propose I find enough damning evidence to convince all the clans that he’s a lying snake?”

“By knowing the right people.”

She snorted. “I count the number of people who might know people on one hand. One finger, really.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, but I doubt Dorian knows much of anything about Dalish politics.” 

He pressed his lips together. “I have friends all over the world, Lana. If you would like, I can help you find the evidence you need.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she said. “Really, I don’t want to drag you into this more than I already have.”

“I may have a contact that could help you,” he said. “He’s a private investigator, and he owes me a favor. When we wake up, I could send you his information.”

She looked stunned. “If we can give the elders proof that he’s the blood mage…”

“You could return to your clan,” he said, barely masking the sadness in his voice. 

She sat back. “No. But Revan could – and Taelan, if he wanted to. I want to see them all again, but nothing would ever be the same. I don’t think I could really go back to that life.”

“No?”

She shrugged. “The Dalish way of life is how I grew up. It’s familiar, and I understand everything that there is to know about the culture, the magic…”

His heart warmed. “But you wouldn’t want to return to familiarity?”

She shook her head. “The world is too big, too mysterious for me to live in a box on the edge of civilization for the rest of my life. There’s so much to learn, and I wouldn’t want to give that up. And frankly, after everything that’s happened, I don’t feel like I would belong anymore.”

“Why is that?”

She laughed dryly. “I’m too much of a ‘flat-ear’ at this point. No vallaslin, no respect for the gods… save maybe Mythal, I suppose. But I don’t pray the way I used to. I don’t really see the point anymore.” 

“You are not wrong to find your own way in the world,” Solas said gently.

“I know,” she said.

Silence fell between them. Lana turned to him.

“Tell me something,” she said suddenly. 

“Like what?”

She shrugged. “Something you don’t normally tell people.”

He sat back, resting on the palms of his hands. “I suppose… I enjoy painting.”

“A scientist and an artist,” she said, a smile growing on her face. “Will you show me some of your work sometime?”

“I will.”

“What else?”

“Trying to dig up all my secrets, _lethallan_?”

Her eyes warmed at the last word. “Of course, _hahren._ How else would I exploit your weaknesses?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You could certainly try.”

“Someone thinks highly of themselves. It seems someone was named rather aptly.”

He laughed. “I suppose.”

He marveled at the way the light from the fireflies seemed to dance across her skin. Her eyes slid back to him, catching him. He tore away his gaze and looked up at the moons she had placed in the sky.

“You are very gifted at shaping the Fade around you,” he said.

She shrugged. “The stars are probably off a little bit.”

He chuckled. “Ever the perfectionist.”

She let out a soft laugh, and the air around them seemed to lighten. She turned to him, and her eyes warmed. With one hand he brushed her cheek before he leaned in to kiss her, her breath hitching as their lips met. She gently placed her hand around the back of his neck, urging him closer. Against his better judgment, he pushed her back against the soft fabric and kissed her deeply.

She wrapped her arms around him, their breaths intermingling as she caressed his tongue with hers. He was lost. Lost, found, freefalling in the moment. He could feel her aura wrapping around him, a soft brush against his skin. He released his own, willing it to kiss her skin. She hummed softly, and he pressed a kiss to her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and lifted her lips to the shell of his ear, her teeth grazing it softly. He shuddered and once more their lips met. He bit her lip gently and she smiled as she kissed him before he pulled back slightly to look down at her.

She gazed up at him sleepily, but her smile dimmed.

“Why did you leave?” she said softly.

And then it was like the ground came back to meet him, reality finally surfacing in his mind. 

It took all his strength to pull away fully. He rested on his elbows beside her and swallowed as he watched her fireflies. He thought about the way her eyes watched the world with wonder. If he were to corrupt that wonder, that goodness inside her that shone so brightly – he would never forgive himself. And he feared she wouldn’t, either.

“As I said before, I needed time to think,” he said slowly. “Being in the Fade makes things feel easier than they are in the waking world. But…”

“But?”

“The kiss was ill-considered, and I should not have…” he trailed off, trying to piece the words together in his mind. He pinched the bridge of his nose. His cowardice was getting the better of him, but he pressed on. “As your research advisor, I cannot ethically be involved with you. It’s not just that it’s against the university’s code.”

“But you’re not.”

“What do you mean?” he said, looking back at her.

“You discontinued our research. Therefore, you are no longer my research advisor.”

“But I am still your mentor.”

“Not if I decide otherwise, officially. I don’t have a class with you, and if we’re not doing research together…”

“Lana,” he sighed. “I can’t – with the investigation happening, it puts us both at great risk. It isn’t that I don’t want to, the timing just isn’t right.”

“Even if… even if it’s only here? Here, where we can go where we please, do as we please?”

He gave her a crooked smile. “As though I needed another reason to never return to the waking world.”

“I suppose you’re right,” she laughed, looking back up at the stars.

“Even if we were to have a relationship here, our actions would likely still affect our behavior in the waking world, which puts too much at risk.”

“So, you’re saying you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off of me?” she teased.

“Lana,” he warned. “You are missing the point.”

“Even if we woke up and tried to act like none of this ever happened, nothing would be as it was.”

“I know,” he replied.

She sat up, crossing her legs and resting her hands in her lap. “So, this is it, then?” she said, her voice softening. 

“For now, it has to be,” he said quietly. “Perhaps when the investigation is over and you have graduated, we can, but I don’t want you to feel forced to wait that long. If you decide that you want something or… someone else… that can give you what I cannot, then you should pursue that.”

Her eyes saddened. “I think it’s a little late for that.”

His heart clenched.

“Answer one question for me, though,” she said.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you have more questions?” he chuckled. He found that he loved that about her – always so inquisitive, so eager to learn. 

“Are you the one they are looking for?” she asked.

His laughter died and he stared at her for a moment, taken aback. “I am not,” he replied.

She nodded, believing him. “Good, I would hate for my favorite professor to go to jail.”

“I would rather dislike that myself,” he replied.

They looked at each other then, and in the light, her eyes reminded him of the forest of Arlathan – the light and dark greens blending together in a perfect harmony of colors. Impulse overcoming him, he dipped his head towards her, their lips meeting once more. It was more bittersweet than the ones they had shared before. He pulled away and ran his fingers across her cheek.

“You are going to make this impossible, aren’t you?” he said with a smirk.

Lana’s eyes grew mischievous. “Probably.”

He sat forward and kissed her, and she pulled him towards her, knocking him off balance. They rolled together, a mess of limbs, as he landed on the other side of her. She laughed, and he grinned despite himself, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Solas,” she said, the laughter still dancing in her eyes.

“Lana?” he replied.

“We’re doing a terrible job at this so far.”

He ran his thumb across her temple. “I fear you may be right.”

“Can we stay like this for a little bit longer?”

He nodded and kissed her forehead. 

_Just a little bit longer,_ he thought to himself. _When we wake up, we’ll maintain our distance._

He had a feeling it would be easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the angst 😭  
> everything i wanted by Billie Eilish inspired this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments - I love all of you! ❤


	28. Chapter 28

“Something’s up with you,” Revan said, sitting up from the floor, her thumb holding the place her book as she peered at Lana’s face. They were both sitting beside the coffee table, the afternoon sun streaming through the window in the living room as Lana studied for her seminar. Or, _tried_ to study.

“It’s nothing,” Lana said as she flipped through the pages of her textbook.

“And yet you’re flipping through that book without reading anything.”

“I’m reading it,” Lana said.

“Yeah? What are you currently reading about?”

Lana looked at the page and read the first header she saw. “Ambient magic redirection techniques and their significance in Tevinter-style spellcasting,” she said.

Revan raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.”

Lana closed her book and huffed. “Fine, I’m not reading any of it.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Lana shook her head. “No.”

Revan pressed her lips together.

“Maybe,” Lana sighed. “But not yet.”

Revan sat up beside her. “That bad, then?”

“No,” Lana said softly. “Just complicated.”

Her friend gave her a sad smile. Lana sighed and looked back at her book. “I should keep reading.”

There was a sudden knock at the door. Lana crossed the apartment and opened the door to see a delivery man holding a large box.

“Are you Lana Lavellan?” he asked.

“I am,” she replied.

“Package for you. Sign here?”

She frowned as she signed and took the package from him. It was _heavy._ Bringing it inside and all but dropping it on her table, she opened it and saw a note resting on the top of a mountain of packing paper.

_To help measure the Veil._

_\- S_

“What did you get?” Revan asked beside her.

Lana pulled out the packing paper and lifted a strange artifact out of the box. It was an obsidian globe with bits of metal jutting out from it to form large squares and had a sloping bronze base. She set it on the table and stared at it.

“What are you meant to do with it?”

“Measure the Veil, apparently,” Lana said.

Revan peered back into the box. “Oh, there’s something else in here…” she pulled out a large manila envelope that had been stuffed. Lana opened it up and pulled out a stack of papers.

“Oh good, they sent you a manual,” Revan said with a smile. “A… handwritten manual?”

Handwritten notes from Solas, detailing the complexities of the artifact, and how it could be used. He’d even included sketches. Though technical, they were still somehow beautiful.

She hoped one day he would show her his paintings.

“It’s for my research,” she explained. “From Solas.”

“Your professor?”

Lana nodded as she looked back at the artifact, brushing her fingers across it. The metal was smooth and… old. And elven, perhaps? Time had worn away the sharp edges, and yet it was still so beautiful. _Where did he even find something like this?_

“Well, then,” Lana sighed. “I had better get started.” 

***

Lana sighed and ran her fingers through her hair as she stared at the numbers on the screen. She had holed herself up in the magic lab to attempt to make headway on consolidating data.

She had set up the artifact in the lab and connected it to a voltmeter to measure the electrical currents in the areas as specified by the diagrams Solas had drawn. It recorded the fluctuations in the Veil both while she was dreaming and while she was not to establish a baseline understanding of the Veil. However, the limited amount of data that she and Solas had collected wasn’t going to be enough to show a strong enough correlation.

She sat back and rubbed her temples. She’d have to go back into the Fade alone again. She’d gone five times since she started using the artifact, but each time she hadn’t been able to stay long enough to gather the data she needed. Her head hurt from going in so much. 

_Why did Cullen have to make this so damn complicated?_

Though, she supposed she had no one to blame but herself. Her damn feelings got in the way of her studies and now she was in pain _and_ without a mentor. It had been a week since they had spent the night together in the Fade. One night was what they had allowed themselves. She closed her eyes. It would have to be enough, for now.

That’s what she told herself, anyway.

She looked back at the sensory deprivation tanks on the other side of the room. She wasn’t ready to go back, yet. With the emotions swirling inside her, she doubted she could avoid an encounter with a demon.

Turning back to her notes, she scrolled through the numbers once more. She frowned, looking at the timeline of measurements. She double-checked the baseline levels again. And again.

Maybe she didn’t have the numbers to create a direct correlation, but all at once, she realized something utterly terrifying.

Solas had been right – the Veil was weakening, and it was weakening faster than she had expected. 

_Perhaps the increased Dreaming is causing it to weaken._ She couldn’t be sure it was the exact cause, but it couldn’t be ruled out just yet. Solas had been right – they needed to find a way to strengthen it before it tore it open altogether. Based on her measurements, she theorized that they still had some time to repair it, but even then, she wouldn’t know where to begin. How exactly did one repair the Veil? 

And if the Dreaming was causing the Veil to weaken – should she even continue her research?

Picking up her phone, she stared at Solas’s number. He probably wouldn’t even answer her if she called – or he would, and they would fall back into the same pattern.

She wondered if this was as hard on him as it was for her.

But despite their feelings, there was very _real_ trouble happening, and this was information he would need if he was looking to strengthen the Veil on his own. She pressed her lips together as she attached the data to an email.

_Dr. Wolf,_

_I have attached some data that I think you may want to see, regarding the strength of the Veil._

_Best,_

_Lana_

There was no saying she couldn’t send him something that was purely academic, right? She held her breath as she hit _send._

“Your thesis is coming along well, I take it?” Dorian said in the doorway, and she nearly jumped out of her seat. She hadn’t even noticed him come in.

“Dorian, you really have to stop sneaking up on me.”

He chuckled. “How else am I going to keep you on your toes?”

She gave him a look. “My thesis is going as well as ever, though,” she said, sitting back in her seat. “I’m three months in and barely have anything to show for it.”

“That’s what you get for trying to plow your way through an obscure area of magic,” he said with a chuckle. “Not to say that I don’t admire your ambition, though.”

She laughed. “There is a part of me that is definitely regretting my decision. But still, I would rather do this than study the undead.”

He smirked. “It’s not so bad when you get used to the _otherworldly_ look in their eyes.”

She shivered. “No thanks. I don’t even do horror movies.”

“Remind me not to invite you to the next movie night, then. It’s Sera’s choice this time.”

Lana sighed. “She does like picking the goriest ones.”

“Oh!” he said, straightening. “I almost forgot why I came by in the first place. I wanted to tell you the good news. You remember the new head of school, right? Gereon Alexius?”

She nodded. “He’s hard to miss. He’s always walking around the magical department and butting into other people’s business.”

He’d asked her about the progress of her studies three times in the past week. She was one of the few students in the master’s program, so she supposed it made sense, but it didn’t make it any less obnoxious. 

“Yes, well, he’s actually my former mentor from back home, and he just offered me a job as a full-time researcher after I graduate. It requires me to work on the red lyrium project in the meantime, but after I graduate, I can work with him on an entirely _new_ area of magic.”

“That’s great, Dorian,” Lana said with a smile. “But… aren’t you worried about the dangers with red lyrium?”

“Of course, but honestly, the contact is going to be minimal. The facilities have greatly improved since the last time they tried to study it.” He sat in the chair beside her. “But Alexius also asked me to recommend someone else to help with the research and… well… I recommended you.”

Lana sighed. “Dorian, I don’t have the time to take on another project. Between this and work…”

“But that’s just it,” he said, cutting her off. “Not only is it paid, but you would also have the chance to be a full-time researcher after you graduate. You could quit the barista job if you wanted. Or keep it, I suppose – though I imagine you’d rather work in the area you want a career in.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Would I have to work on the same project as you and Alexius?”

“Yes, for a time, but once we’re published, you could be considered for a position as an adjunct professor. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Her heart felt light. It _was_ what she wanted. Even if red lyrium was dangerous… it could be worth the risk, she supposed.

“I’ll think about it,” she said.

“Well, don’t think about it for too long,” he said with a smile. “Alexius wants us to get started sometime next week.”

She nodded. “I’ll let you know by tomorrow.”

Dorian smiled as he exited the room, and she looked back at the screen. It would give her a small break from the Fade – and a chance to monitor if the weakened Veil was not being caused by the Dreaming. If there were no changes, she could likely isolate that as one of the main causes of its declining strength, if she could rule out other variables. If it continued to decline… she grimaced. She would cross that bridge when she got to it.

But even if she was taking a break from Dreaming – two research projects at once? She laughed to herself. She truly was a masochist for even _considering_ it.

Although, she could quit her job as a barista as Dorian had said – and it would open the door to her career. Something about it felt off, though. The deal seemed too good to be true.

Lana closed her laptop and stuffed it in her bag. Though it was likely not a good idea, she decided that she would take the research position. She was willing to do whatever it took to reach her goals – and have a good distraction. At this point, the less she thought about Solas, the better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ❤
> 
> Next up... more science and Solas's POV 😊


	29. Chapter 29

After much deliberation, Solas decided to agree to Alexius’s proposal and help them study red lyrium. It would give him a chance to learn what their plans were regarding the red lyrium; for whatever their reasoning was, it couldn’t be good. It didn’t help that the Veil was growing thinner based on the measurements Lana had sent him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if the increased amount of red lyrium was playing a part in the Veil’s weakening. He had never had the chance to test his theory, but being part of the project would allow him to do so.

If he were being honest with himself, though, it would also give him enough of a reason to separate himself from Lana. Despite what he wanted; it would be better this way. She didn’t need to get dragged into the mess that had been created, and he would never forgive himself if she was hurt by it.

Solas stepped into the lab that had been designated for the red lyrium. It was a large lab – larger than any he had used before. They were clearly sparing no expense for this project, which made him all the more nervous about their intentions. Across from the door, the red lyrium had been sectioned off into its own room behind a wall of thick glass, the only entrance being a door with a keypad to lock it.

Fiona stood near the cabinets along the wall adjacent to him, rifling through supplies. Suddenly realizing that she was no longer alone, she turned towards him and smiled. “Solas,” she said, her face lighting up. “Alexius told me you would be coming today. I know it was a difficult decision for you, but I’m glad you decided to join the project.”

“As the resident ‘expert’ of red lyrium, I didn’t have much of a choice,” Solas replied with a small smirk. “But Alexius was particularly persuasive when we spoke, so it was difficult to refuse.”

She laughed. “He will stop at nothing to get what he wants,” she said. “And the speed of my progress hasn’t exactly satisfied him.”

“Is he expecting the research to be completed by a specific date?”

“Not a specific date to complete it, no, but he wants us to have at least something to present within the next month.”

“He clearly has unrealistic expectations,” Solas said. “But I have brought data from my previous studies that will hopefully help the process move further along.”

He placed his briefcase on the table. “I won’t be able to leave these here, you understand, but I would be happy to share what I have learned.”

“Of course,” she said. “Whatever you are willing to contribute will help. I would like to avoid reinventing the proverbial wheel.”

“I can imagine, with the kind of deadline we’ll be working under,” he replied. “What have been your findings so far?”

She motioned for him to follow her to the thick glass in front of the red lyrium samples. The room – possibly once clean and sterile, had darkened, the red lyrium spreading from the trays it rested in, the crystals nearly enveloping the entire surface of the lab table.

“Our first observation, as you can clearly see, was that the red lyrium has a tendency to grow and spread and an incredible rate when it is left undisturbed. But it does more than that when it spreads. If it is able to latch onto anything it shares the characteristics of a disease. We saw this when our former student was infected a few years ago.”

“I remember you mentioning that she survived. How was she cured?” Solas asked, tilting his head. 

“It’s unclear,” Fiona admitted. “But I believe she survived because the exposure was very minimal. Small amounts will likely not kill a person, but… it affects the mind in ways that we cannot begin to understand yet.”

“Indeed,” Solas said. “Migraines, paranoia, delusional thinking are the early onset symptoms, I have found.”

Fiona’s face fell. “The symptoms your colleague experienced, correct?”

“Yes. So, it is good to keep it contained this way,” he replied, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. “If you are exposed to it, you will need to remove yourself from the room immediately and not return for several days to a week. Migraines are one of the surest signs of exposure.”

“I will be sure to monitor myself closely,” Fiona agreed. 

The door behind them opened suddenly, and Alexius stepped into the room.

“Ah, Dr. Wolf – I am glad to see you could make it today. Are you finding the facilities to your liking?”

“Indeed,” he said, folding his hands behind his back. “It should be sufficient.”

“Excellent,” Alexius smiled. “If you need anything, please let me know immediately. Now, I am here because I’ve been meaning to speak with the both of you concerning adding to our research team. As you know, there are certain time constraints on this study, and we will need to present something of note in the next month for continued funding.”

Fiona frowned. “I thought we were waiting to include students until we could do it in a safer environment?” 

“We were, and it is risky, you are right. But I believe that these particular students will do well, especially considering that they are already close enough to graduating as it is.”

She sighed. “I still don’t like adding students before we have a way to cure them properly, but who did you have in mind?”

“My former apprentice, Dorian Pavus, was an obvious choice. I convinced him to join the team, despite his reluctance. He is brilliant and has experience in all areas of magic, including studying magical artifacts. But we have enough funding for an additional student as well. Dr. Wolf, what do you think about your current research assistant?”

_No. No no no. He cannot truly mean to include her in this._

“I would not wish to overwhelm her, as she has decided to continue her research independently,” Solas replied smoothly, trying to hold his composure. He would not let what happened last time happen again to someone else he cared about.

“She doesn’t seem overly wary about overwhelming herself, then,” Alexius replied with a smile. “I recently offered the position to her and she accepted. She must be very ambitious.”

He stilled, but kept his face neutral. _What in the world is she thinking?_ “I do not think it is wise to put someone on the research team who cannot prioritize the study. If they cannot–”

There was a knock on the door behind Alexius and it creaked open as Lana stepped through.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, blushing as her eyes met his. “I didn’t realize – I can come back.”

“Nonsense, come in,” Alexius said. “Is Dorian with you?”

“He’ll be here in a few minutes,” Lana answered. 

Solas looked back to Alexius, his composure almost slipping. 

“Alexius, shouldn’t we have been given time to prepare before they started?” Fiona asked. She looked at Lana. “Not that I am opposed to having you here, dear. But we need to make sure that it is _safe_ first.”

Lana looked embarrassed as she stood there, still holding on to the door handle. “No, really, I can come back.”

“Fiona, as the coordinator of this research project, it is up to me who we include in this study and when they are included. I decided that it would be best for them both to start as soon as possible. Besides, they both have already signed the paperwork to take part in it.”

Solas tried hard not to sneer at the man. He was willing to put so much at risk – what was it all for? Why would they be pushing so hard that they needed to endanger students as well as faculty members? _Does the Ferelden military need their biological weapon so badly that the number of casualties doesn’t matter?_ A stupid question, he knew. Most in power didn’t care who suffered the consequences of that power. 

“Now,” Alexius continued. “I would stay longer, but I have another meeting to attend. Get yourselves settled in – I will check in at the end of the week to see how everything is going.”

Alexius smiled as he exited the room.

Lana stood there, her cheeks growing red as she examined the room – avoiding his gaze at all costs. She must have not known who would be involved in the project besides Fiona, he realized.

Fiona sighed. “I am going to go try to reason with him,” she said, exiting the room as well.

An awkward silence fell over the room. Lana continued to avoid looking at him as she set her books on one of the back counters.

“Lana,” Solas started, then stopped. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I cannot force you to abandon this project, but you should at least consider it. Red lyrium is dangerous. I do not want to see you get hurt.”

“I know,” she said, turning to face him finally. “I didn’t realize that you would also be involved. But I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this and I thought it would be a good distraction from…” she cut herself off and bit her lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It is my fault, after all.”

She looked up at him and laughed. “You know that’s not entirely true.”

Her laugh made him relax. A smile tugged at his lips and he could feel the weight of his worries lifting – she had that effect on him, it seemed. It would be easy, so very easy, to just let go of it all. To just be with her. There was a tug at his heart as he thought of the night they spent by the lake in the Fade. Some foolish part of him wanted to go back there again, forget everything else and just… Reality hit him like a brick wall as the door clicked open once more. Fiona stepped through and heaved a sigh.

“I tried, but he will not budge on the issue.” She turned to Lana. “You are, of course, welcome to stay. But I will warn you that there are risks to being a part of this study. Dr. Wolf and I were just discussing that if you feel any symptoms such as migraines, you need to leave the lab immediately and stay away for several days. I will not allow another student to go through what Marian Hawke went through.”

“Of course,” Lana replied. “I will be sure to monitor myself.”

“You are staying, then?” Solas asked, his voice colder than he intended.

Her eyes slid to him – an apology laced in her gaze. “Alexius has offered me a full-time job as a researcher once I graduate, and will consider me for an adjunct position for the undergraduate magic program.”

Alexius was manipulating all of them. If there was a guarantee of a job in her field after she graduated, she would be foolish not to at least consider it, despite the danger. 

Fiona shook her head in disbelief. “I suppose we should get started, then. Our first order of business it recreating an experiment to isolate the magic in the red lyrium.”

The door clicked open once more as Dorian slid into the room. “Started without me, I see?”

Lana turned and shot a glance at Dorian, and Solas swore he could see daggers flying from her eyes – a look that was not lost on her friend, who simply smirked. Whatever wordless conversation they had was over after a moment.

“Sorry I’m late,” Dorian said. “Please, continue.”

“It was unexpected that the two of you would be joining us, but welcome,” Fiona said. “We were just about to discuss the goals and methods of the research.”

“Alexius didn’t tell you that we were coming?” Dorian said, crossing his arms as he leaned against one of the tables. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Yes, he failed to mention that detail,” Fiona replied, “we didn’t even know he had selected the two of you for the project in the first place.”

“He does have a tendency to make decisions without consulting the parties involved,” Dorian said. “I apologize for his… inconsiderate nature.”

“It is not the fault of either of you. But we will make the most of it,” Fiona said with a smile. “While we had no choice, I do not want either of you to think that it has anything to do with your capabilities. You are both wonderful – we just would have preferred to keep students out of this particular study until it was safer. The risks are high enough as it is.”

“I am well aware of the danger, I assure you,” Dorian said. “It took Alexius some convincing to get me to agree to be a part of this project. No offense to any of you, of course.”

Fiona chuckled. “None taken.”

“So, from what Alexius has told me, we are researching red lyrium with the aim to neutralize the magic, correct?” Dorian asked, his brows furrowing.

“That is our first goal, yes. After that, we will need to study the properties more closely to see how it can be utilized,” Fiona said. 

“Naturally,” Dorian said, standing up. “But do we even know what we _could_ do with it? How much has been studied already?”

“Not very much,” Fiona admitted, “But it is believed that red lyrium is more powerful than regular lyrium, and thus can be used as a renewable resource, or perhaps more advanced research later. So, we need to learn its properties, how to neutralize it, and later how we can replicate it.”

Solas’s jaw clenched. Understanding how red lyrium worked and its potential was one thing – but creating more than they already had, and likely at a faster rate than lyrium could grow, was far more dangerous than he originally thought. Adding Lana into the mix just made it very clear to him that the project needed to be stopped soon.

“Replicate it?” Lana said, frowning. “And use it for renewable energy? Correct me if I’m wrong, but red lyrium is simply corrupted lyrium. Neutralizing makes perfect sense to me, but recreating the magic used to corrupt it? Could we ever even find a way to do that safely?”

Solas relaxed slightly. Her eyes met his briefly, and he looked at her with silent approval that he hoped she understood. Her face softened as she looked back to Fiona.

“I believe you are right,” Fiona said. “My hope is that we will find a way to neutralize it, and if it proves to be more harmful than Alexius deems it to be, we will have the evidence to support that. But even then, I am not certain that will halt his ambition with this project.”

Lana bit her lip and sat back. Solas could see the thoughts turning behind her eyes, but she said nothing. He knew it was foolish for him to expect her to immediately leave the project with that knowledge alone – her mind was curious and wanted answers for life’s questions. He admired it, however inconvenient it was at the moment.

“But despite what Alexius has said, there is pre-work that needs to be done – and perhaps it will give us enough time to prepare the equipment before we begin. So tonight, I would like you both to look over some of the preliminary research that we are using as a baseline understanding of what we should expect and look out for. Dr. Wolf – will you send your background research over to them this evening?”

“I will do so,” he said, trying to mask his reluctance.

“We should – adjourn for the day. We can meet back here on Thursday and begin setting up for the initial trials.”

Lana nodded, and her eyes landed on Solas for a brief moment before she and Dorian left the room.

“I am sorry,” Fiona said. “We will be careful.”

Solas nodded. “Thank you for trying to speak with him,” he said. “I need to return to my office, but I will send my transcribed notes to you and see you Thursday.”

He gathered up his briefcase and started for the door, but was stopped by Fiona touching his shoulder.

“I will not tell either of them everything from your past research if you do not wish for them to know,” Fiona said. “But if we are to all work together on something this dangerous, it may be better to tell them what can happen. It might convince them both to rethink their choice – and perhaps even leave the project.”

Solas touched the door handle. “Thank you for your insight. I will consider it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay - my perfectionism got the better of me. Annnd I spent way too much time figuring out exactly how one studies red lyrium by combining actual physics research methods with Dragon Age magic. Pretty sure my spouse thought I looked like Charlie from the 'Always Sunny' conspiracy meme. 😂 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! ❤❤❤


	30. Chapter 30

_Lana opened her eyes to the Fade, and sat up straight. The world was red around her, and she could feel sickly magic all around her, buzzing in her ears. Her vision focused as she stared through the red haze._

_She was surrounded by red lyrium._

_But there were enormous rocks of it, crystals growing on crystals. She stood, her stomach lurching as she turned in a circle, trying to find a way out. As she did, she saw that behind her stood the wolf._

_It looked at her with sympathy as she collapsed to her knees, trying hard not to throw up. She pushed out with her magic and formed a small barrier around them. Looking up at her wolf, she frowned._

_“You aren’t affected by it?”_

_The wolf stared at her, and realization struck._

_It wasn’t really red lyrium in the Fade – it was an image. A very believable image, but not real. She released her magic and took a deep breath. The sickly feeling dissipated, and the red haze all but vanished._

_“Are you trying to show me something?” she asked the wolf._

_The wolf turned and walked toward an opening in the crystals, and she followed._

_The Fade seemed to fall away, and she squinted as they stepped through a doorway and appeared in some kind of courtyard of a university. It was elegant, beautiful… elven._

_Was this the University of Arlathan?_

_They walked across the soft grass to the fountain in the center of the courtyard. A tall golden tree rose above it, the branches bent to form a circular globe. The university itself was enormous, with marble walls and pillars, with statues, flowers, and greenery decorating every inch of the place._

_The lilt of a woman’s laugh caught her attention. She turned and saw a young elven woman, maybe a few years older than she was. She had short, dark hair, and had a look about her that made her seem… warm. Comforting. She was sitting with a group of other elves in the grass – they looked about the same age. The woman stood up and waved to them as she gathered up her books and started off toward the main building._

_The wolf looked to Lana before following after the woman. Lana followed, and the world moved around them until they were in a library, the mahogany bookshelves towering over them. They walked past the walls of books and study tables until they reached the back of the library, where the same woman was reading._

_“Silea!” another student approached her, and she smiled. The other elf sat across from her. “Or should I call you doctor, now? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”_

_The woman laughed. “Just Silea is fine. I’ve just been wrapped up with preparing the finals for my classes and the new project they assigned to me,” she said, fidgeting with the pages of her book._

_“Well you should come out with us again soon,” the elf said. “It’ll be fun to get the whole group back together again.”_

_“Sure,” Silea said. “They’re putting a lot of pressure on us with this new project, but I might have a weekend off between now and then, I hope.”_

_“I see – well, let me know when you’re free and we’ll figure something out!” The elf waved as they left, and Silea turned back. She rubbed her temples and packed up her things into her bag and started out of the library._

_Lana followed her down the hallway. Suddenly, Silea staggered and caught herself against one of the walls. She held her forehead in her hand and leaned against the wall, as though waiting for it to pass._

_Someone stopped and asked her if she was okay, and she waved them off. “I’m fine, just a little woozy.” She stood up and continued on down a set of stairs._

_The Fade shifted around them and Lana found herself in a dark hallway. She looked behind them, and saw nothing but a dark void. She held her breath and moved forward to follow the wolf._

_He led her through a doorway into some kind of lab. It was barely lit – no windows, the only light source came from a few dim sun lamps over various plants that covered the long counter on the other side of the room. Silea set down her things and donned goggles, a mask, and gloves before walking over to a metal case and unlocked it, pulling open the drawer to reveal dozens of vials that radiated crimson._

_Red lyrium._

_Silea took a vial of red lyrium and emptied it into a small enclosed dish before placing it underneath a microscope. She opened a notebook beside the microscope and jotted down notes. Suddenly, she hissed in pain, clutching her head._

_The door on the other side of the lab opened, and an elven man with long, dark hair that was pulled back out of his face stepped into the room, already wearing goggles and a mask._

_Silea began rubbing her temples, barely noticing that he had entered the room._

_“Is your head still hurting?” he asked._

_“It’s nothing,” she replied. “I just haven’t been sleeping well.”_

_“You do not need to stay,” he said. “Perhaps the exposure is affecting you too much.”_

_“It is not,” she said, her tone getting aggressive. “I’m fine.”_

_“It would be wiser to go rest,” the man said gently._

_The woman sighed and. “Ugh, I can’t breathe in this.” She ripped off her mask._

_“What are you doing?” the man said, raising his voice as he crossed over to her and grabbed her mask._

_She stepped away from him and scowled. “It’s fine, Dr. Harel. None of our tests have shown that red lyrium particles are not airborne.”_

_Lana’s eyes widened. Dr. Harel – so they_ were _at the University of Arlathan._

_“Is he why you brought me here?” Lana whispered to the wolf. But the wolf didn’t even so much as acknowledge that she had spoken._

_“But we have not fully proven that,” the man said. “Until we have, you need to wear your protective gear.”_

_She removed her goggles instead. Her eyes were… red. Glowing, similarly to the red lyrium._

_The man froze. “You are sick. We need to get you to Dr. Asha.”_

_“I told_ _you, I’m fine.”_

_“You have absorbed the magic from the red lyrium,” he said, his voice shaking. “It is toxic. You know this.” He reached for her but she backed up further._

_“I’m_ fine _,” she repeated, her voice raised._

_He took another step forward and she slammed her magic into him. He was thrown back and hit the back wall, several plants falling from the countertop behind him and crashing on the floor._

_She looked down at her hands, pulling off one of the gloves. The veins in her hands had blackened, turning her skin gray. And then, as if she had a moment of clarity, her face almost crumpled. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to, I… I don’t know what’s happening to me.”_

_He stood slowly and approached her, hand outstretched as if she were going to lash out again. “It’s alright,” he said. “We just need to take you to the facility so they can stabilize you.”_

_And then the moment of clarity was gone. She let out a growl – an actual growl – and lunged at him, knocking him back. He threw a blast of magic… rift magic, she realized. The woman was thrown back, crashing against the wall behind her, then stood back up._

_It was like a horror movie. The woman kept running at him, the glass vials and plants and other equipment falling and shattering on the ground as he attempted to keep her at bay. The man threw another blast of something – a spell that Lana had never seen before – that made the woman sink to her knees. He stepped closer to her and restrained her with chains of electricity. She looked up at him, her eyes sorrowful and clear once more._

_“There is no coming back from this,” she said with a sob. “Even if you take me to see Dr. Asha – she isn’t going to be able to help. I’ve been tainted – tainted like those animals we found out in the wilderness.”_

_The man held his head in one hand, silent for several moments._

_“Please, falon,” she said, her voice in a whisper. “Make it end.”_

_“I can’t,” he said. “There must be a way.”_

_“None that can be found in time,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I can feel myself slipping. I’ve felt it for a week now, but it never…”_

_“Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“I didn’t want you to worry,” she said._

_He hung his head. “I don’t know if I can do what you ask.”_

_“You have to,” she said. “Do it before I lose myself forever. I’d rather die while I’m still me. Ma ghilana mir din'an.”_

_He hesitated before he spoke again. “Ma nuvenin.”_

_He reached out, magic springing to life. Her skin grayed, and she closed her eyes as his magic reduced her body to ash._

_He sat there for a moment before he finally stood, and walked over to the case of red lyrium. Standing there, he seemed to be contemplating something. He raised his palm and charged the crystals with a strange energy. The room began pulsing red, the lights flickering. He stepped out of the room and walked to the hallway. Lana followed, but he disappeared into the blackness. She turned around right as the red lyrium exploded, sending her flying back into the void._

_***_

Lana sat up with a start in her bed, her breaths shallow and uneven. Her skin was clammy from sweat, and she shivered as she looked around her dark room. The wolf was trying to warn her, she realized. The red lyrium was worse than she had feared and if they weren’t careful, they would suffer the same fate as Silea did.

She held her head in her hand and sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven translations:  
> Falon - Friend  
> Ma ghilana mir din'an - Guide me to death  
> Ma nuvenin - As you say 
> 
> Silea's name came from Project Elvhen, meaning "clear mind" or "wisdom."
> 
> By the way, I commissioned art for this fic! It's in Chapter 22 if you want to check it out ♥


	31. Chapter 31

When Lana arrived at the research lab the next day, she was well aware of the dark circles beneath her eyes that had been impossible to cover up. She had avoided sleep completely after she awoke from her dream, but this time she dealt with the aftermath on her own. The dead of night was lonelier now, and she wondered if Solas felt the same way. She set her things down and slipped her arms into one of the lab coats. Turning back to her bag, she saw Solas staring at her from the other side of the room. Giving him a weak smile, she pulled out her laptop. The screen lit up as she opened it, and she realized that she hadn’t closed the spreadsheet she had been working on the night before. It was a breakdown of the data she had collected from the artifact that measured the Veil, and she had noticed that the numbers were dropping steadily, reaching levels that she believed might be more dangerous than they appeared. If she hadn't missed the first train that morning she might have stopped off by her lab to check on the levels, but she hadn't wanted to be late to their meeting. 

“Are you feeling unwell?” Lana jumped as she realized Solas was beside her.

“I’m fine,” she said, closing her laptop. “I just... didn’t sleep well last night.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Bad dream?” 

“Something like that.”

He opened his mouth to speak right as Fiona stepped into the room, followed by Dorian. Solas clamped his mouth shut and turned away as Fiona spoke. “Good morning, everyone – I apologize for our tardiness, but I had to speak with Dorian about a few things." She donned one of the lab coats, Dorian following suit behind her. "Now, as we mentioned last time, it is Alexius’s belief that red lyrium could be utilized as a power source, and if we can neutralize it, we could also have a cure for those who fall ill from the magic. But we will need to work carefully to reach those goals. Understanding what magic possesses red lyrium and how to neutralize it will be our first task – especially if there is even a chance that one of us could be affected by it.”

Dorian smirked from behind her. “Well, now we know why we’re getting paid so much. The hospital bills will be expensive if things turn sour.” 

“We will try not to let anything happen,” Fiona said with a sigh. “Safety is of the utmost importance. We cannot afford _any_ risks. Though you likely do not need the reminder, protective gear will be worn at _all_ times when we are in contact with the material. I will not let what happened years ago happen again to either of you.”

The lights flickered and Dorian clicked his tongue. “Off to an ominous start, I see?” 

Fiona chuckled. “They’ve been doing that all day. They’re just tweaking some things with the electrical system across campus. Now, shall we begin?”

They spent the following thirty minutes going over the digital notation system, emergency procedures, and what the first trials would entail. Their first task would be crushing several samples of red lyrium into dust.

“The broken-down particles will make it easier for the material to expel the magic within it,” Solas explained. “And as magic is of the Fade, it will not be broken like materials of the waking world.”

“So how are we to extract the magic?” Lana asked.

“Heat,” he replied. “And a little spirit magic.”

“ _Of course_ ,” Dorian said with a smile. “Combining it with a neutral solution and heating it to expel the magic like a _gas_.”

“But wouldn’t using magic disrupt the properties and skew the data?” Lana asked.

“Spirit magic is the natural opposite of the magic inhabiting red lyrium,” Solas answered. “The magic reacts in such a way that, in theory, means that they will likely never touch.”

“We will then capture the gas and empty it into a canister so we can analyze the magic safely,” Fiona continued. “Lana, you and Solas both have mastery over spirit magic. We will need you both to assist with extracting the magic, and then analyzing it. Once we have a general understanding of the magic itself, we can begin trials to see what magic or materials we need to counteract it.”

Lana nodded as they put on their protective gear and started crushing the red crystals. The dust glimmered with a soft glow, and it was enchanting and terrifying all at once. But what was more – the magic from the crystals seemed to _sing._ As they broke down more of the crystal, the singing grew louder in her mind. Lana stopped and tilted her head to the side.

“What is it?” Solas said beside her.

“Do you hear it?” she asked, looking up at him. “The singing?”

His gray eyes searched hers. “Yes,” he said. “It is normal, but…”

“But the singing isn’t actually audible,” she said. “It’s a hum in my ears, but the singing is in my mind. Are we actually protected?”

“As long as we are not exposing ourselves too much to it, we should be fine,” Solas said quietly. “It is a side effect of the magic, but is ultimately harmless so long as you do not physically come into contact with it.”

Lana frowned. She found it hard to believe that something like this – something that could enter your mind – would not impact a person in some way, however small that effect was.

“But if you feel any headaches or nausea, you should step away,” he went on. “Those are a few of the early warning signs that you have come into contact with it.”

Lana pressed her lips together. Images from what she had seen the night before flashed in her mind, and her stomach turned.

She poured the dust into a glass flask, followed by the neutral solution, and sealed it. Bringing it out of the room and over to one of the burners, she secured a bag over the flask before switching on the flame. She sat on a stool beside the burner and waited.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Solas do the same thing with his flask, before sitting beside her.

“Do you believe we’re studying red lyrium for the reasons they say we are?” she asked.

“It is possible,” he replied. “But it is unclear if they are telling us everything.”

So he doubted what their true intentions were, as well.  
  
When she and Dorian had signed the paperwork before joining the research team, something about it seemed more official than just accepting the risks of the study. It also included a clause that they weren’t to share their findings with anyone outside of the research team. It made her wonder who would be using this research – they said that it was for creating a better power source, which she supposed would need to be kept under wraps if they planned on selling the information, but something about how they went about it felt… off. She supposed the red lyrium _could_ be used as a power source – but a material that turned someone’s mind, even an expert in the magical field, into a mindless beast? In the wrong hands, something like that could be easily be weaponized. The thought sent a shiver down her spine.

“It is time,” Solas said, pulling her from her thoughts. “It should be easier to separate the magic from the particles now.”

He approached the flask and called magic to his fingertips - but it wasn’t spirit magic. Instead, rift magic danced around his fingertips. _Perhaps he called it spirit to prevent Fiona from finding out?_ It seemed strange to hide such a thing – though she didn’t know anyone aside from Solas who had such magic. Maybe it was just easier to call it spirit magic? Lana bit her lip as she approached her own flask. She followed suit and called her own rift magic to her fingertips, letting it slowly cover the glass globe in front of her. She felt a flicker of approval from his aura – which startled her. She hadn’t felt his magic since they were in the Fade. As her magic moved, dark magic recoiled from the mixture. She jumped slightly, pulling her hand back.

“Relax,” Solas said. “It is contained, and it is not potent enough to cause any damage to the glass.”

“How do you know?” she asked.

“Previous research has suggested that it is not strong enough to perforate these materials,” he replied. “And I can feel the strength of the magic. It is fairly weak, as we collected only a small sample.”

The dark gas effervesced from the mixture, filling the bag. The mixture itself faded from red to blue. _Purified lyrium._ The swirls of magic above it sent a shiver down Lana’s spine. They walked over to Dorian and Fiona’s flasks as well, casting the same spell until there were only four flasks of pure lyrium left.

They collected their bags and brought them over to an apparatus that was attached to a large glass canister. They filled the canister with the magic that began swirling behind the round glass.

Dorian and Fiona filled a second canister with theirs as well. “Good,” Fiona said with a sigh. “Now, Dorian, while Dr. Wolf and Lana analyze the magic, we will need to take note of the size of each crystal so we can track their growth over time.”

“Good luck with the fun job,” Dorian muttered to Lana with a smirk. 

“We will be using spirit to analyze the magic, as Fiona mentioned,” Solas said as Dorian and Fiona returned to the red lyrium. “It should allow us to manipulate it in such a way that we can develop a deeper understanding of it.”

She nodded, and held her hand over the glass once more, letting her magic envelop the glass. The magic swirled, and her own magic braided around it, testing the way it moved and reacted. Her brows furrowed, and she closed her eyes.

“What is it?” Solas asked.

“I can hear it singing still,” she said. “But it’s different – softer, almost. It’s stronger when it’s fused with the lyrium, just as you said.”

“The lyrium amplifies its power,” he explained.

“This will make it easier to infuse it – somehow – to counteract the magic.”

“Precisely.”

“So, if ‘spirit’ is its natural opposite, what magic do you think will work to neutralize it?”

He chuckled. “A question we have yet to answer. This magic is… different. It may take a different type of magic than any of us are used to in order to alter it.”

“What do you mean?”

“This magic is more… physical than other magic. It will take magic that isn’t derived from the Fade.”

She pressed her lips together. “Blood magic,” she said quietly.

“It is very likely.”

“Does Fiona know?”

“Not yet,” he said. “Neither does Alexius, I imagine.”

“Solas,” she said, looking at him. “I can't do blood magic.”

“I know,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I would not ask you to.”

Something like sympathy – no, empathy – shone in his eyes. Solas didn’t pity her for her past, and she was grateful for it. Fear of pity from other people was what kept her from telling anyone else – she didn’t want them to see her as broken or vulnerable because of her past. The past still haunted her sometimes, and maybe someday the pain and fear would fade, but her heart warmed at the knowledge that he didn’t view her as weak. Instead, he had encouraged her to take control of her emotions, of the power at her fingertips. Maybe it wasn’t his intention to have that kind of effect on her – but she was grateful for it regardless. She realized then that she was staring at him, and quickly shifted her gaze back at the magic swirling behind the glass.

"Realistically," he went on, "none of us should be asked to, as it is against the law in Ferelden. But I doubt that will sway Alexius from achieving his goal." 

"He is rather focused on getting what he wants," Lana noted. 

“I will tell Fiona soon,” Solas said after a moment. 

“Do you think they’ll put a stop to it once you tell them?”

He shook his head. “No. They have invested too much in this project to end it, unless something drastic were to occur.”

“Like an explosion,” she said softly.

“What?” 

“Oh, sorry, I was just remembering… an article I was reading a while ago about Dr. Harel. It said he was allegedly conducting an experiment while analyzing the Veil and it caused a massive explosion in the lab. The article said that he was using blood magic and it went horribly wrong.”

He scoffed. “I think they may have gotten their facts from an unreliable source. One does not use blood magic to study the Veil.”

She pressed her lips together. “The article also mentioned that people got sick, after the fact, from the residual magic. Headaches, disorientation, and strange behavior were among the symptoms.”

“I did hear about that.”

“What if he was studying red lyrium, too?” she asked. “And he realized the danger that it posed?”

“It’s quite possible, however reckless his actions might have been,” he said, looking at her curiously. “What brought this on?”

She chewed on her lip. “A spirit showed me something last night. A memory, I think, of the explosion at the university.”

Solas was quiet for a moment. “What was in this memory?”

“I saw someone become infected with whatever magic is inside red lyrium. She…” Lana paused, a lump growing in her throat. “After what I saw – we can’t allow Alexius or anyone else to use the red lyrium, even if it’s for a power source.”

“I agree,” he replied.

“Then what do we do?”

“We find a way to nullify it,” he said. “Nullify it and purify it.”

“But he wants to use it as a power source.”

“That will require us to refine the red lyrium instead of nullifying it – which is difficult to accomplish.”

“But not impossible?”

“Not in theory. In practice, however, it may prove to be difficult, or even impossible to not remove the magic entirely – which would put a damper in Alexius’s plans,” he said, clearly trying to be careful about his wording. 

So they would need to learn how to nullify it, and then continue doing so until all of the red lyrium was purified - leaving none to be refined, if they could get away with it. “It would be far less dramatic than blowing up a lab,” she said softly.

“Indeed.”

They stood in silence for a moment. The lights flickered overhead, and Lana heard the door to the red lyrium room open and close.

“Are things going well over here?” Fiona asked as she appeared beside them, followed by Dorian. 

“They are,” Solas said, pulling back. “We may find a way to neutralize this magic yet. Miss Lavellan and I will record what we have found, but I believe that as long as we are monitoring this every day, we may discover new things about its properties and how long the magic lasts without its lyrium host.”

Fiona nodded. “Good. I suppose we can conclude our work for the day, then. Lana and Dorian, will the two of you be comfortable stopping by to check on the progress tomorrow?”

“I can do that,” Lana said, and Dorian nodded in agreement.

“If you see anything out of the ordinary, notify either me or Solas immediately. And please remember to always wear your safety equipment whenever you are in the lab.” 

They all began to pack up their things, and Lana supposed that now would be her best chance to talk to Solas about her abnormal data from studying the Veil – while it was still relatively appropriate for them to be seen together. She knew keeping their distance was what they had agreed upon, but there was a small nagging voice in the back of her head that wouldn’t let the thought go. The measurements had worried her, and she still wasn’t sure how serious it was.

Perhaps it was nothing and that was why he hadn’t responded. _Or maybe I’m just making up excuses to talk to him again._ She sighed – this was getting ridiculous. She should just handle it on her own. Yet it felt strange that he hadn’t even acknowledged it. Fiona waved as she left the room, and Dorian stood by as Lana slowly packed her bag.

“I’ll catch up with you,” she said to him quietly.

Dorian raised his eyebrow as he glanced at her and then Solas – who was thankfully unaware as he packed up his paperwork. Dorian raised an eyebrow at her and left the room, with the smallest hint of a knowing smile. “See you later, Lana,” he said in a teasing voice.

She pursed her lips and stuffed her laptop in her bag. Sucking in a breath, she turned back to Solas, who was pulling the strap of his bag over his head.

“Is there something you need?” he asked as he stepped closer to her – keeping a professional distance, even if they were alone. 

“Did you get the Veil measurements I sent you?” she asked.

“I did,” he said. “I apologize for not replying to your email.”

“It's alright, I understand – but since I sent that email, I’ve noticed that the readings are getting worse.”

He frowned. “How bad is it?”

“I can’t be certain, but there has been a significant drop since I first started tracking its strength, and it is steadily declining every day.”

“Show me.”

She led him over to her lab, where the device he gave her was still gathering data. She switched on the monitor and opened up the data collection program that was still running. She glanced at the numbers and her heart stopped.

“ _Shit,_ ” she said under her breath.

“What is it?”

“It’s worse than it was when I checked it last night,” she explained. “Take a look.”

She offered her chair to him and he scrolled through the data. His frown deepened.

“This… shouldn’t be possible,” he said. “Based on these readings, the Veil in this entire area is so thin, it’s a wonder that a rift hasn’t already appeared.”

“What if it has?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I have a hard time believing that. The rift would have to be large and, unless contained, would likely grow at an incredible rate.”

“In other words, we would know it was there.” 

“Precisely.”

“What do you think is causing it?” she asked.

“I do not know,” Solas said, shaking his head. “But I don't think this change is a natural occurrence.”

She thought for a moment. “If the rift is already here, I could look for where it's originating in the Fade. That might give us some clues as to how it was created in the first place." 

“Lana,” he said, turning to her, “if there is a rift this large, you must do all you can to stay away from it.”

“But if we could find out where it is coming from–” she started.

“It could kill you,” Solas said, cutting her off as he stood up. “If your dreaming form gets caught in the rift, it will damage your physical body. If you die in the Fade, there is a chance that your physical body will _also_ die.” 

She swallowed. “I can keep my distance,” she said. “But if we do nothing? If we just wait around for the rift to get bigger? What then?”

“We can attempt to find it in other ways.”

“And how long will those other ways take?” she challenged. “Everyone on this campus could be in danger, and as far as we know, we’re the only ones who can find the proof needed to do something about it.”

He rubbed his eyes with one hand. “I understand your point, but I still believe it to be dangerous to enter the Fade when we are in such close proximity.”

“I didn’t notice anything when I was in the Fade last night,” she said, crossing her arms. “It could be more contained than you think.”

He paused. “I did not either,” he said with a frown. Turning back to the monitor, he scrolled through the data, looking at the timeline. “Strange,” he whispered to himself.

“What?”

“The most significant drop in its strength happened at exactly eight o’clock this morning.”

She swallowed. “That’s… oddly specific.”

“Yes.”

“Could it be intentional?”

“If it is intentional, it would take a great deal of power.” 

Lana paused. “The lights,” she said, looking at him. “They’ve been flickering all day across campus, Fiona said.”

His jaw tightened as he stood again, crossing his arms. “I do not believe it would be wise for you to go alone,” he said, sighing. “But it is clear that we need to understand the danger that it poses before we can proceed, and finding its location could help us to determine its origin. So, I will come with you.”

She paused. “Do you think you live far enough away from it that you will also be unaffected?”

He looked back at the data – and how large the pull was. It spanned the entire campus at the very least, if not further out. “I can’t be certain,” he said, straightening. “But I cannot allow you to go alone.”

She bit her lip. It would be a bad idea, but… “I mean, we could always go to my apartment. It’s… far enough away that we probably wouldn’t be affected." Her voice was quieter than she had intended.

He contemplated it for a moment. “Lana,” he said softly. “I don’t think…” His voice trailed off as he looked away. 

“Do you know anywhere else that’s safe and far enough away that you won’t be affected by it?” she asked. 

He sighed. “It isn’t a good idea, but it would be worse to attempt to enter the Fade anywhere in the vicinity of the campus until we know for certain how large the rift is.”

An awkward silence fell over them.

“I have a lecture in fifteen minutes,” he said, checking his watch. “And a second one after that, so I will not be available until later tonight.”

“I can give you my address and you can just come by after, then,” she offered.

He stepped closer and looked down at her, and her breath hitched as the faint scent of his cologne filled her nostrils. _This is serious, Lana. Pull yourself together!_

As she tried desperately to rein in the hormones that were raging through her, there was a glint of something almost... _knowing_ in his eye. Like he knew the effect he had on her. Yet he had been the one who said they should be apart in the first place. 

Was he having a harder time staying away than she was?

“Alright,” he said in a low voice. “I will see you tonight, then.”

It was then that she could say with absolute certainty that this was a very, _very_ bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Science! That's what you all came here for, right? 
> 
> Also holy crap the new DA4 news! I don't know about you all, but the line from Gareth David-Lloyd gave me the CHILLS. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading ♥  
> Feel free to leave a comment! Any comments/critiques of my writing are greatly appreciated :) 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at oxygenforthewicked.tumblr.com


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly NSFW warning for some... um... steamy bits.  
> So there's that.

Lana felt like a gods-damned teenager. She flew like a hurricane around her apartment, frantically grabbing old teacups and stray books as Revan watched helplessly from the couch.

“Really trying to impress him, huh?” Revan said, getting up as she attempted to help Lana organize her bookshelf.

“I just don’t want him to think I live like a slob,” Lana said as she pulled out a sock that had somehow ended up crammed between the couch cushions. 

Revan laughed and took her by the shoulders. “It’s going to be fine.”

Lana bit her lip. “It’s one thing to be alone in the lab or the Fade but him being _here_ just feels… different.”

Though she supposed it wasn’t the first time they had been alone outside of being at the university. Lana remembered being alone with him in his apartment during Satinalia – it had been different when their relationship was nothing more than him being her research advisor and her being… a drunk, emotional wreck. She winced at the memory.

Revan searched her eyes and frowned. “Is there something that you’re not telling me?”

“No,” Lana replied, the lie feeling bitter on her tongue. “I just have a lot on my mind with our research.” 

She knew Revan didn’t believe her, but she dropped it and went back to organizing. Hiding what had happened between her and Solas was getting harder. It felt like a betrayal. Though Revan wouldn’t tell anyone, there was no point in telling her, Lana supposed. Her relationship with Solas was strictly professional, as it had been before. Purely academic.

She snorted internally. _Like you believe that anymore._

“Oh! I forgot to tell you, I’m going out with Merrill and a couple other people tonight.”

Lana froze. “Wait, what?” 

“We’re going to this art show tonight – there’s a Dalish painter getting featured and I really want to go support it.”

“That explains the makeup,” Lana said with a small laugh, trying to hide the surge of panic that was sweeping over her. “How long will you be out?”

“Well, the art show will be a few hours, but we were going to get drinks after so it’ll be pretty late. Although, I might just stay the night at Merrill’s. If you finish early, you could meet up with us? I’m sure Merrill wouldn’t mind.”

“I’ll think about it,” Lana replied.

_Fuck._

Revan looked at her phone. “Oh, shoot. Speaking of which, my train is leaving in twenty minutes. I should probably go; I don’t want to be late.”

She started to turn, but then turned back and touched Lana’s shoulder. “Let me know if you need me?”

Lana forced a smile. “Thanks. I’ll text you if I do.”

Revan waved as she bolted out the door.

This was a very, very, very bad idea. She should call Solas, tell him not to come over. Tell him that she was sick, or had a family emergency, or…

But the rift could be endangering everyone. They didn’t really have a choice in the matter. He wasn’t going to let her go into the Fade alone and she wasn’t going to let him endanger himself to help her.

She groaned and went into her bathroom mirror. Her hair was still damp from showering after she’d gotten home, so she ran her fingers through her hair to get it to at least look a little neater. There were still bags under her eyes, but they seemed to look a little less noticeable. She pressed her lips together, noting that she was still wearing her sweater and jeans from earlier. If they were going to attempt to get into the Fade, she would need to be as comfortable as possible.

A small, mischievous part of her flickered in the back of her mind.

Crossing the hallway to her room, she slipped into a pair of gym shorts and a thin, slouchy sweater. The fabric of the sweater slipped down one of her shoulders.

 _No, this is supposed to be strictly professional,_ she thought, trying to shove that small part of her away. Enticing him wasn’t her goal for the night. They had to maintain that boundary – at least for now. She walked back to her closet to change when a sharp knock came at her front door. Her heart jumped, and she grimaced. _Too late to change now._ She crossed her apartment and opened her door to see Solas standing there, wearing a casual sweater with his bag slung over one shoulder. Apparently he had _also_ gone home to change. 

“Hello,” he said with a small smile.

 _Yep, I knew this would be a bad idea._ “Come in,” she said, opening the door wider. She closed it behind him as he stepped further into her apartment, looking around as he politely removed his shoes. She took a deep breath and turned to him.

“Is Revan here?” he asked as he set his bag down.

“Well, she kind of waited until about ten minutes ago to tell me that she would be out tonight so, no. It’s just us.” Her cheeks warmed as she looked up at him.

He swallowed as he turned away. “That shouldn’t be an issue, I’m sure we will be able to manage.”

She knew he wasn’t talking about entering the Fade.

“Right,” she said, biting her lip. “Do you want anything? Tea?”

“No thank you,” he said. “I am… not a tea person.”

She laughed. “Alright, no tea.”

He looked around at the artwork that adorned her walls.

“You seem to prefer abstract art,” he said, moving his gaze from painting to painting.

“I prefer the emotional honesty of abstract art,” she said. He raised his eyebrows at her and she laughed. “These were my mom’s pieces.”

“She was a wonderful artist.” He looked at the last painting and stopped. “This one is of the lake,” he said, his voice growing softer.

Lana nodded. “It was one of her only naturalistic pieces. And it was her last one.”

“I apologize,” he said. “I did not mean to bring it up.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s nice to have someone appreciate her art aside from me.”

There was a brief moment of silence as Lana fidgeted with the rings on her fingers. He was _here_. In her home. Admiring her mother’s art.

 _Stop acting like a damn teenager._ “So,” she said abruptly. “Should we get started?”

“Of course,” he said. “As it may take a little longer for us to get into the Fade, we will need to be as comfortable as possible.”

She nodded. “I have a couch and a chair, and there are also pillows if you have need of it.”

“This should be fine,” he replied. “But I will bear that in mind. We will also need as much darkness as you are comfortable with. Additionally, when we enter the Fade, we will need to be cautious – there is a high likelihood that we will come across demons.”

She nodded. He walked over to her couch and sat down, crossing his legs. Lana sucked in her breath as she turned off most of the lights, save the dim light from her kitchen. Stepping towards the couch, she paused for a moment. _Should I sit away from him? Next to him?_

“Having trouble deciding?” Solas teased lightly.

“No, it’s just…”

“I would recommend sitting where you are most comfortable,” he said with a smile.

She bit her lip as she sat beside him, crossing her legs as well. She could feel a small flicker of amusement from his aura. She eyed him curiously.

“Why is it that I can only sometimes feel your aura in the waking world?”

“It is not as easy to feel another’s magic in the waking world,” Solas replied.

“I know, but most of the time it’s like it’s not even there, and then sometimes I can feel it so easily. Is it intentional?”

“Perhaps,” he said with a smirk.

She shook her head. “You’re impossible.”

He chuckled softly and closed his eyes. She smiled to herself as she closed her own eyes, and started by concentrating on her breathing – but the anxious butterflies in her stomach would not stop fluttering. She found herself fidgeting with her rings. Sighing, she removed the rings and placed them on the table before returning back to her position. Her hands started fidgeting with a loose piece of thread on her leggings.

_This is going to be impossible._

Solas’s warm hand covered hers, and he wrapped his fingers around hers. She froze, and her cheeks heated. And all at once, her nervousness calmed.

Lana swallowed and tightened her fingers around his. She expected him to move his hand, but she was grateful when he didn’t.

Relaxing her muscles, she felt herself slipping into dreaming.

***

They appeared in the Fade mere seconds apart from one another. As Lana stood up, she took in the air around her. The air around her felt different. Darker, somehow. Rawer. “I wonder how far we’ll have to travel to see it,” she said.

“Lana,” Solas breathed beside her.

“What?” she asked as she turned around. Her heart stopped.

In the distance, they could see an enormous rift in the sky, sickly emerald magic spiraling around it. 

“Shit,” she hissed. “Can we even pinpoint its epicenter? It’s huge.”

Solas clenched his teeth. “We need to try. But we also need to be careful. If you feel strange in any capacity, tell me and we will leave.”

Lana nodded, and he held out his hand to her. He gave her a small smile. “So we can get there a little faster.”

She took his hand and they stepped through the Fade, practically flying toward the rift. She could feel a sickening feeling in her stomach.

“Wait,” she said, and Solas slowed.

“Are you alright?”

She nodded. “It’s just… it’s hard to be close to.”

“I know,” he said. “Do you wish to leave?”

“No, it’s manageable,” she said.

He gripped her hand tighter. “Very well.”

They continued on foot toward Amaranthine, and Lana grimaced at how the air gradually grew thicker with energy. A shriek pierced the air around them and Lana flinched, readying ice at her fingertips. Solas took her by the hand.

“This way,” Solas said, and they fade-stepped to a ruined old shack a short distance away. He pulled her inside by the hand, and they watched through the cracks of the wooden shutters as a pack of shadowy demons passed by where they had been walking. One of the demons turned its head toward the shack, baring its grotesque gray teeth, and Lana sucked in a breath.

“The rift is drawing them in, as I suspected,” Solas said softly as the demons drifted further away from the shack.

When they were out of sight, they exited the shack and Lana looked back toward the rift. Her gaze fell to the ground below it, now just barely visible.

“They’re not just being drawn in closer,” she observed. “They are swarming around the rift.”

Solas nodded as they started forward one more. “And it appears they are not able to cross over to the other side.”

“Something is blocking it in the waking world, then?”

“That must be it, but…” he sighed as they approached a rocky hill.

“But what?”

He shook his head. “It would take an enormous amount of energy to contain it in such a way that the entirety of the Fade does not spill out.”

“How could they even harness that much energy?” Lana asked as Solas helped her up one of the larger rocks. “You would think that it would cause more chaos than just lights flickering.”

“You are right,” he said as they made it to the ridge that overlooked the rift, a flat expanse of rock surrounding it. It looked almost like a twister – green energy circling around where the city of Amaranthine was.

“What could they be hoping to accomplish?” he said. His voice was almost – angry. Then he looked at her. “You will need to try to use your magic to find the epicenter. If we get any closer we will be sucked into it.”

“Can I even do that?”

“It is the same way you found Revan and the book,” he explained. “Reach out and see if you can place where it is.”

“I’ll try,” she said. “But I’m more familiar with finding people or objects, not… rifts.”

“Just remember, it is not a matter of the object itself, but rather the energy it gives off. If the energy is localized enough in a central point, you should be able to find it.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. Reaching out with a tendril of magic, she flung it towards the rift, trying to find the central point of energy, as Solas had said. The energy was overwhelming, in a word. Her eyebrows furrowed as she concentrated.

The tendril of magic felt like it was being sucked into the rift. It became harder to hold steady – painful. She hissed as she pulled the tendril back to herself. The magic snapped against her, causing her knees to start to buckle. Solas caught her and pulled her back up as she rubbed her forehead.

“Are you hurt?”

“No,” she said. “It was just… painful. I hadn’t been expecting that. It was like it was pulling me in.”

“The sympathetic magic of the rift must have drawn yours in, as though you were a part of it,” he noted. “But were you able to see its point of origin?”

“It’s… it’s in the center of the campus,” Lana said. “In… Crestwood Hall, I think.”

“But where would they be hiding it there?” he said, looking toward the rift.

“It has to be underground,” Lana said. “There’s no way any room in that building could hold something like that and go unnoticed.”

“I believe you are correct,” Solas agreed.

“How are we going to close that thing?”

Solas shook his head. “We will have to find something powerful enough to close it.”

“Or just cut the power of whatever managed to open it in the first place.”

“Cutting the power would make it lose control of the rift,” he said. “We need to close it, then cut the power.”

“And destroy whatever caused this to happen in the first place.”

“One thing at a time,” he said with a chuckle.

Lana heard a growl somewhere close by. “Solas,” she said, and then an invisible force flung her forward – _far_ forward. She fell down the hill, rocks rolling with her as she hit the base of the hill. She heard Solas shout as she caught herself, looking back up to see a giant, gangly demon swipe its claws at him. 

Pulling herself up, she tried to run toward them but she found that it was hard to move. It was as if the rift had found the magic within her, and was pulling her closer.

 _“Solas!”_ she shouted.

He looked at her, and she felt herself getting dragged back. She sucked in a breath and used her magic to pull the ground up behind her to brace herself as Solas turned back to the demon. He threw a blast of rift magic that wrapped the demon in a golden light and the demon disintegrated. He looked down at her, then to the rift.

He wouldn’t be able to get out if he moved closer.

She swallowed. Using a blast of fire magic, she tried to push against the pull of the rift – but only jolted forward a couple feet. She took a deep breath and did it once more, but this time it was harder – and she only moved about a foot forward. Looking back at the rift, her heart began to sink.

She pushed once more, only moving a few inches this time. She fell to the ground and her heart leapt when Solas pulled her up. He had made some kind of barrier around him and pulled her up into his arms before fade-stepping forward.

When they were out of the pull of the rift, she collapsed on the ground. “Lana,” Solas said, kneeling down. Her breathing was sharp and heavy. 

“Wake up,” he said in her ear, his words like a shove as she tumbled out of the Fade.

***

When she opened her eyes to the dimly-lit room, she gasped as though she hadn’t been breathing. Solas was crouched down in front of her, a worried expression on his face.

“Do you feel injured at all?” he asked.

She swallowed. “No, just a little shaken up,” she said, her voice hoarse.

He took her hands in his, and she realized that her fingers were trembling. He moved to sit beside her, this time close enough that his knee was touching her leg as he faced her. 

“You did well,” he said gently. “I, however, should have been more careful.”

She laughed softly. “It’s not your fault there’s a giant hole in the Veil.”

“No, but I should have been more aware of our surroundings instead of focusing solely on the breach.”

“What matters is we made it out,” she replied. “Mostly unscathed, at least.” 

He lifted his hand to brush a lock of hair out of her face. She held her breath as his fingers drifted down her cheek. She lifted her hand to touch his and was surprised when he didn’t pull away. The silence hung heavily in the air around them as neither of them moved.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. As he pulled away, he stopped short as she turned her face up to his, her lips parting. His throat bobbed, as though he realized that he had made a mistake. 

Their eyes were locked, and her heart pounded heavily in her chest as the last bit of resolve in him broke. Weeks of withholding and fighting their emotions were released as their lips crashed together. His lips coaxed hers open, and she gratefully let him in. The scent of him, the taste of him – it was almost too much for her to bear. His hand ran up the side of her neck, his thumb tracing her jaw as he gently angled her face to deepen the kiss. She leaned into him, wrapping her hand around the back of his neck. She wasn’t sure whose idea it was, but she was being lifted and was straddling him, his hands at her thighs, her waist, her ass. Her mind was spinning as she lost herself in the heated touches of his hands, his long fingers running across the bare skin of her thighs.

She kissed along his jaw and found her way to his neck, grazing his skin with her teeth. A small moan escaped his lips, and he pulled her lips back to his, consuming her. Heat pooled at her core, and she could feel him begin to stir beneath her. Her hands strayed to his waist, lifting his sweater just enough to bring her fingers across his abs. In a smooth motion, he picked her up and laid her back against the couch, resting on top of her, their lips almost never parting. She could feel him harden against her now, and she wrapped her legs around him.

It had been so long – _so_ long – since she had wanted someone this way. She wanted him, every single part that he was willing to give. She sighed against his skin as he softly moved against her, and she rolled her hips against his. Her fingers drifted up beneath his sweater once more, and she found that he was surprisingly… fit. He slowed to a stop, kissing her gently as pulled his face away from hers, his eyelids heavy as he looked down at her.

“We’re both really terrible about this,” she said with a breathy laugh. 

He laughed softly. “We should, um… probably discuss what we saw,” he said.

Though her body whined at the idea of stopping, she knew he was right. 

He slowly untangled himself from her and sat on the other end of the couch. Her heart was still pounding, and she shivered at the sudden lack of heat. They both were silent for a long moment, and Lana tried desperately to collect her thoughts.

“So… we know now that the rift is probably not a natural occurrence,” Lana said, breaking the silence.

“Regardless of the reason behind its creation,” Solas said slowly, “it poses a very real threat to the school, and the entire city, if it is not contained.”

“We’ll have to figure out who all is behind it, then,” she said. “Though I already have a few guesses.”

“Even if Alexius is behind it, we need to find the documentation on how it was created so we can close it.”

“How are we going to find the information we need?” she asked.

He thought for a moment. “We are now aware that the general location of the rift is somewhere on the campus property. But finding it should not be our primary goal when we know very little about how to close it. Finding out what caused it and how without engaging ourselves with the rift would be ideal, as well as finding out who is behind it.”

“It has to be Alexius,” Lana said.

“Possibly,” he said. “But we cannot be sure of that yet.”

“But what would he have to gain by opening a rift?” she asked.

“It could be used to summon spirits,” he said, his expression darkening. “Or they could be planning on entering the Fade, physically.”

“Physically,” Lana said softly. “I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”

“It is dangerous either way,” he said. “And whoever is behind this is likely after power. Alexius would certainly have the right motive for it – and the ability to find out how it is done and lack the ability to understand the potential consequences for his actions.”

“Alexius has to be the key, then.” She thought for a moment. “I might be able to ask Dorian if he can help me get into Alexius’s office – see if he has anything of note there?”

“Do you think Dorian will be understanding of you trying to gather information from his mentor?”

“If I tell him about the rift, he might.”

“And what if he doesn’t? Do you think he will not tell his mentor what your plans are?”

“Dorian wouldn’t do that,” she replied. “He may have a history with his mentor, but he is a reasonable person… most days.”

He looked skeptical, but he nodded.

She paused. “It… might be better if we continue to work together on finding out what’s going on. We can be discreet, but… it’s clear that working apart isn’t exactly in the cards for us.”

“I know,” he replied. He stood up and walked slowly toward the door. “I should probably…” he looked back at her and she slowly stood.

Some small, daring part of her spoke up. “You could stay, if you wanted to.”

He hesitated. “I shouldn’t.”

“But you do want to.”

“Lana,” he said, looking away. “That isn’t the point. It is dangerous.”

“It would be dangerous if we were open about it,” she said, slowly walking toward him. “But it’s not as though they can track us in the Fade, or follow you all the way out here to my apartment. There are ways for it to work.”

He looked down at her for a long moment, considering. “You would rather be in a relationship with someone you can only see in secret?”

“No,” she said, “but I would rather be with you.”

He hesitated before he brushed a lock of hair from her face. “I don’t like the idea of seeing you in secret, as though I am ashamed of you.”

Her smiled dimmed.

“But, evidently it is harder to stay away from you than I had originally thought,” he continued.

“I know the feeling.” 

“Are you comfortable not telling anyone – even Dorian?” he asked.

She nodded. “Revan should be the only exception, though. I would trust her with any secret.”

“It would be risky,” he said warily.

“Yes, but she lives with me. If I tell her to keep it a secret, she’s going to be less likely to reveal details that we don’t want to be shared with other people.”

He pondered for a moment. “I suppose I concede to your point.”

She smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him, expecting it to be a peck when he pressed himself closer to her again, wrapping her in his arms. It was gentler this time, less frantic. She relished in it, letting herself get drawn in deeper until he slowly broke away. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. “I should go, however. I have an early class tomorrow morning.”

She nodded and followed him as he walked to the door, picking up his bag and pulling it over his shoulder. He looked back at her as he opened the door, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that leaving was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Good night, Lana,” he said softly.

As the door shut, she felt like her heart was going to explode. She flopped onto her bed and giggled, her lips spreading from ear to ear.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up, expecting a text from Revan. Revan would probably judge her _harshly_ for her decision, but she couldn’t seem to care. The light from her phone blinked on as she read the snippet of the text. Her smile died, and all of the joy felt like it had blown out the window, leaving only the frigid cold in its wake. 

[Cullen 10:58 PM: I miss you. Can we meet tomorrow?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Sorry I'm a week late - the wildfires in my state have kind of made it hard to focus. My family and I are all okay, but it's been a bit of a difficult time. My hope is that I'll be able to post a chapter later this week - so fingers crossed! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments, and being such wonderful people ♥


	33. Chapter 33

The following day, the clouds opened and a torrential downpour painted the world gray outside Solas’s office window. He enjoyed days like this – it filled him with a sense of comfort to watch the rain from inside. Though he would have much preferred to be reading a book instead of grading essays – many of which were poorly regurgitated facts stitched together like uneven patchwork with barely coherent arguments clearly derived from Andrastian views on magic. He knew the theory of magic wasn’t everyone’s favorite subject, but he wished someone would have at least attempted to write their midterm essay on a topic other than the difference between what they often referred to as ‘normal’ magic versus blood magic.

Setting down the current essay he had finished grading and rubbed his temples. He had hardly slept the night before, mostly because he needed to attempt to stay out of the Fade. There were herbs to prevent someone from dreaming entirely, but he had found his stock entirely depleted when he had arrived back home from Lana’s apartment. If he had known he would be out of the herbs and unable to purchase more, he might have accepted her offer to stay if only to sleep peacefully, but he knew it would have been unwise to do so.

But wisdom seemed to be lost on him at this point. He found himself wishing he could just forget everything else and let himself become completely lost in her.

It had been so long since he felt as he did. He was in far too deep now to turn back, despite every danger that lurked around the corner. But if they moved too quickly – he didn’t want that for her. He wanted to at least give her the chance to walk away before it was too late. Before things became more serious for them both.

He looked out his office window once more and looked down at the courtyard. Two figures in uniform were standing out in the rain having a conversation beneath their large black umbrellas. One of them shifted their umbrella slightly, and he realized that it was Cullen, standing with a person who appeared to be a detective, judging by their uniform.

Lana was working in the lab today, and would be meeting with Dorian – and after they would be meeting discreetly in the library to discuss their next steps. But Cullen’s presence would complicate things. He would need to warn her.

***

Lana tapped her pen on her notebook nervously. Dorian would be arriving soon, and she wasn’t sure what to expect from this conversation. Dorian was a reasonable person, critical even of those he liked, but Alexius was still his mentor – one of the few people in Tevinter that he connected with. She would have to be careful and let him draw his own conclusions if possible. Outright accusing his mentor wouldn’t be the best course of action – and he may even have other clues as to who is behind the rift.

The door clicked open. “So, what is this mysterious conversation that you need to have with me somewhere so private?” Dorian said as he closed the door behind him. She turned to him. There were terrible bags under his eyes, and he looked unusually disheveled. Largely unhurt, but… Lana realized her error in not at least warning him last night.

“Are you alright? You look like shit,” she said, standing up.

“Thank you for pointing it out,” he grumbled. “I didn’t sleep particularly well last night.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. I haven’t had this much issue with, well… _demons_ since before I left Tevinter.”

“I think I may know why,” she said, “and it’s why I brought you here.”

“Oh? Studying dream _interpretation_ now, I see?”

“Not exactly,” she said. “Come take a look at this.”

He crossed over and she showed him the Veil measurements.

“So what are we looking at, exactly?”

“The Veil has weakened greatly, to the point of causing an actual tear.”

He frowned. “But wouldn’t we see such a thing?” 

“Theoretically, yes,” she replied. “But as we clearly cannot see the rift itself, I decided to go into the Fade last night to see if there was any evidence of a rift.”

“You went alone?” Dorian asked incredulously.

“Y-yes,” she stammered. _Fenedhis, I’m such a bad liar._

Dorian sighed. “We will return to the fact that you getting involved in such things alone is incredibly dangerous. In the meantime, however, were you able to find a rift?”

“Yes,” she said. “And I believe it to be in Crestwood Hall – that’s where the energy traces back to.”

“Peculiar,” he noted. “I have heard rumors of a series of underground tunnels running through there, but it’s been closed off for nearly a decade.”

“Why was it closed off?”

“I heard it was structurally unstable in areas of the tunnels and there was a particularly large earthquake that caused a cave-in.”

“But what was down there?” she asked.

“Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. It was the first building on campus so I would imagine there were classrooms, storerooms, labs, that sort of thing. But ever since they converted it to the administrative building it hasn’t needed any of those rooms.”

She thought for a moment. “When I was in the Fade, the rift was so large, but none of the demons could get through to the other side. Like it was… blocked somehow.”

“How is that even possible?” he frowned.

“An exorbitant amount of power from this side, I assume,” she sighed. “How anyone would find the means to control such a thing is beyond me, but even if they have that power…”

“They’re only going to need more of it,” Dorian finished. He chuckled. “And what is the one thing we have found that repels the magic from the Fade?”

She pressed her lips together.

“If red lyrium is what is being used to control the rift, then our little experiment with Fiona and Dr. Wolf is far more extensive than I previously thought,” Dorian said. “But that does beg the question – was the rift created by someone or did it just appear?”

“The evidence shows that the Veil was particularly stable for a while, up until recently,” Lana replied. “Right around the time when we started working with the red lyrium.”

He nodded. “It would explain why we’re on such a tight schedule with the red lyrium.” Realization dawned on him and he shook his head. “That _also_ implies that Alexius is involved in all this.”

He looked at her and chuckled. “But you have already drawn that conclusion, I see.”

“I’m not accusing anyone yet,” she said. “Besides, we don’t even know what they’re doing with the rift.”

“It can’t be good,” he said. “I admire my mentor, but he has… changed in recent years. Ever since his son, Felix, became sick.”

“Sick?”

He nodded. “It started about a year ago. Felix is incredibly weak and has frequent…” he trailed off.

“What?”

“Migraines,” he finished. “It must be a coincidence. Felix couldn’t have been exposed to red lyrium. He’s perfectly sane. I spoke to him recently.”

“Maybe it manifests in different ways?” Lana offered.

“It would explain why he wants a cure first,” he said. “But Alexius can’t be acting alone – there’s more to this.”

Lana bit her lip. “Do you think we might find any documentation in his office? Maybe about who he’s working with?”

“I highly doubt Alexius would be foolish enough to leave any incriminating evidence in his office,” Dorian said. “But if what you say about the rift being beneath Crestwood Hall is true, then we are more likely to find evidence in those tunnels. Or, at least, evidence that they’ve opened them up again.”

“We?”

“You don’t think I’m letting you go alone, do you?”

“It will be incredibly dangerous,” Lana grimaced.

“Oh incredibly dangerous,” he laughed. “If it were anyone else I would wish them well and carry on with my business. You, on the other hand… well, let’s just say I like having you around.”

“I suppose that’s good,” she said with a smirk. “But, do you think we should tell Fiona? And… Dr. Wolf?”

“If we find anything, yes,” he said. “But we don’t know how either will react. They aren’t supportive of Alexius’s decisions, but they did still agree to go along with the experiment.”

“As did we,” Lana pointed out.

“True, but telling the wrong person could have disastrous results.”

She sighed. Of that, he was correct. But Dorian not knowing of Solas’s involvement made things a lot trickier than she would have liked. “So, when should we go?”

He stood. “We will need to go when we know that there is no chance Alexius will be going down there. We’ll also need a key to the lower levels – and probably a map.”

“Know anyone in janitorial?”

“No, and I’m willing to bet that any staff that has clearance to go down there has been paid quite a lot to keep quiet,” he said, touching his chin contemplatively. “But I do know someone who might be willing to help.”

“Alright. So when should we go?”

“There is a black-tie event for faculty members happening this Saturday that he will be attending,” Dorian replied. “If we can find a way down there by then, it may be our best shot.”

“Then we will have to make it work.”

***

Lana hugged her textbooks to her chest as she pushed open the door out of the magical department building. Heavy rain poured down on the courtyard in front of her. She sighed.

She could feel the smallest crackle of magic against her skin, like static. She’d felt it earlier, too, but it almost felt like it was getting worse. Which was not a good sign. The door opened from behind her, and she nearly jumped as Alexius stepped out, smiling down at her.

“Good afternoon, my dear,” he said with an almost warm smile. “Forgot your umbrella, I see?”

She nodded, trying to school her expression as much as possible.

“Here, I just happened to remember my own this morning,” he said, opening it over the both of them. “Where are you headed?”

“Just the library,” she said, returning his smile politely. _Don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic._

“Lead the way,” he said, gesturing toward the courtyard.

She hugged herself tightly beneath the umbrella.

“So, I have it on good authority that you recently decided to conduct your research on the Fade by yourself,” he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“That is correct,” she replied. Fear curled up her spine.

“I do hope that I did not steal your mentor away from you,” he said with a chuckle.

“Our schedules just didn’t match up very well, anyway.”

“Isn’t that always the way of things,” he said with a nod. “But studying the Veil on your own? Quite impressive.”

“It’s not so impressive,” she laughed. “It mostly consists of trying to make sense of data no one understands very well.”

“Being a pioneer of a new area of magic is no small feat,” he replied. “It’s no wonder you and my former apprentice get along so well.”

“How long have you known Dorian?”

“A long time,” he said with a smile. “He was always quite advanced for his age. Before he left Tevinter he was my apprentice for a few years – the only one I ever took on.” He quieted for a moment. “But, after my son fell ill, I didn’t have the time to fully commit to being his mentor. I sometimes blame myself for him deciding to come down here to study.”

“I think he did it more for himself than anyone else,” Lana said.

“And he, no doubt, enjoys the freedom he is now allowed away from his family,” he said with a laugh. “His father’s political career always did weigh heavily on him. But what about you? Where is it you’re from?”

“The Free Marches,” she answered plainly.

“Traveled around a lot, I take it?”

“A little bit,” she said. “Never really felt home until I came here, though.”

He nodded. “You can travel the world and never find yourself feeling at home. You are lucky to have experienced such a thing. Oh, good afternoon, Agent Pentaghast,” Alexius stopped and Lana turned and saw Cassandra standing in front of them holding her own umbrella. Beside her, to Lana’s horror, was Cullen. They turned and Cullen’s eyes locked on to hers.

She swallowed. She wanted to run, hide, climb under a rock, or be almost _literally_ anywhere else. Panicking, she looked to Cassandra whose eyes flicked between her and Cullen to her before speaking to Alexius.

“Good afternoon, Alexius,” she replied. “And Lana.”

She looked at Cassandra, trying desperately to communicate her panic in a single look. _Please, Cass, get me the Void out of here._

“And Lieutenant – Cullen, is that right?”

“It’s Captain now, actually,” Cullen replied, tearing his gaze from Lana to Alexius. Lana stole a small glance at him. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his usual sun-kissed skin had faded to a sickly pallor.

He was using lyrium again. Despite the anger and fear she felt, she pitied him. She hoped Cassandra was able to see the signs as easily as she could.

“Well, congratulations on the promotion, Captain! Everything is going well with the investigation, I presume?” he asked with a smile. 

Cassandra nodded. “We are doing what we can. We appreciate your cooperation with our efforts.”

“Naturally,” Alexius replied. Above them, the rain began to finally slow to a softer drizzle. _Oh now it lets up._ “Actually, I have been meaning to speak with you, Agent Pentaghast.” He turned to Lana. “Please, take my umbrella to walk the rest of the way, it appears to be clearing up. I believe I will be just fine from here.”

She nodded. “Thank you. I’ll return it to you later.” She took the umbrella and moved around them as Alexius began asking Cassandra more questions.

She walked toward the library and her heart nearly stopped as she heard footsteps on the wet pavement behind her before a hand touched her shoulder.

Whipping around, she stepped back as Cullen looked down at her. “Wait,” he said. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to talk to you. I tried to text you last night, but you never replied.”

She sighed. “Fine, talk.”

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so…” he stopped, looking down at the ground between them. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“Are you?” she asked coldly.

“Yes,” he said. “I behaved appallingly, and… I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“Cullen you can’t just…” she huffed. “This isn’t something you can just apologize for.”

“Lana, I know my jealousy might have gotten a little out of hand, but…”

“A _little_ out of hand?” she repeated. “You think it was just you being jealous? You have insulted my culture, my studies, my magic, you… No. I can’t have this conversation right now.”

She turned around, but he stepped in front of her. “Please, Lana,” he said, taking her arm.

His touch sent white-hot rage across her skin.

“Is there a problem here?”

Lana swallowed as she heard Solas walk up behind her. _What are you doing?_ Cullen looked over at Solas, and whatever sadness had been in his expression faded. He looked back at Lana, his eyes almost furious, and pulled away.

“We can talk about this later,” he said, before walking back toward Cassandra and Alexius.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Solas spoke in a soft voice. “Come with me.”

She swallowed as they walked casually into the library. They walked towards the back of the library and down the stairs, to where they had seen the veilfire.

Solas shut the door behind them. “Are you alright?” he asked gently.

“What were you thinking?” she hissed. “I thought the whole point of discontinuing our research was so we could _not_ be seen around each other as much?”

Solas frowned deeply. “As it stands, he was behaving threateningly in public, and on school grounds no less. I am a professor here, thus it falls to me to help ensure the safety of the students. Stepping in during a hostile interaction between a student and an aggressive individual hardly garners enough evidence to draw conclusions about our relationship.”

She sighed. “It was still risky.”

“Risky or not, you do not deserve to be treated in such a way. By anyone.”

“I hadn’t expected to see him,” she said. “He… texted me last night after you left, but I never replied back. I assumed he would take the hint. A silly assumption, now that I think about it.”

“I attempted to send you a message to warn you that he was here, but it appears you didn’t receive it,” he said as he brushed a lock of hair from her face. “I am sorry.”

“I just hope this investigation is resolved soon,” she said.

“I know,” he replied. “Did your meeting with Dorian go well?”

She nodded. “It did. He agreed to help. He doesn’t believe that Alexius would leave any evidence behind in his office, but rather near the place where the rift is located. He told me about tunnels deep beneath Crestwood Hall where they might be keeping it, and any clues as to why it was created in the first place. He’s going to help me access them.”

He sighed. “It would not be my first choice to bring him – Dorian is very capable but his experience does not exactly lie in that of rift magic.”

“No, but mine does.”

“You are just beginning your training as a rift mage,” he said. “While you are already quite skilled, it would be wiser to have another rift mage.”

“Or it could cause the complication that it did last night, in that the magic of the rift reacted too strongly and pulled me in,” she countered. “Dorian is not a rift mage, but he is quite capable and will not be quick to take risks. If there is anyone else on this campus that I would trust, it’s him.”

Solas’s lips formed a hard line. “And what happens if you find others involved in the operation down there? While there is a risk in all three of us going together, it will be better – especially considering we may find the information more quickly.”

She crossed her arms. “Dorian will suspect something. He already does.”

“There are greater things at stake,” he said.

He was right, of course. Even if Dorian did suspect something, putting themselves in danger would only further the chance that the rift became unstable – which would have far more dire consequences. “Okay,” she conceded. 

“When do you plan on finding the rift?”

“This Saturday night.”

“During the black-tie event for the faculty, then,” he said. “When everyone will be clear across campus.”

She nodded.

“Very well. I will have to make a brief appearance at the event, but I can join you shortly after.” 

“Then it’s settled,” she said.

He gave her a crooked smile. “It appears you have made a habit of involving yourself in situations that require subterfuge. I am starting to wonder if you enjoy it.”

“It does keep you on your toes,” she said with a smirk.

He sighed and leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and whispered something softly in Elvish.

“What did you say?” Lana said, pulling away.

Solas laughed. “I said, ‘you will be the death of me.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plotplotplot! I find that I really enjoy writing Alexius's dialogue - he's a really interesting character. 
> 
> Also sorry about the delay again - this chapter was really hard to write for some reason. I try to get these in once a week if I can but my brain doesn't always want to cooperate. 
> 
> I appreciate you all for your patience, and thanks for reading! ♥


	34. Chapter 34

Soft yellow light illuminated the room, the dull roar of conversation just barely masking the music subtly playing in the background as Solas leaned against the wall, observing everyone around the room. There was no sign of Alexius yet. He could see several faculty members from the Magic department mingling with other groups, Fiona flitting from group to group as she made her way across the room. He was grateful that no one particularly took notice of him – once he knew where Alexius was he would be able to slip away.

Their plan was a risky one. But despite his better judgement, finding out how the rift had been opened in the first place and how they could close it was more important. So much hung in the balance.

Alexius stepped into the room, a tall human woman at his side. She had long, blonde hair and wore a black evening gown. Their body language told him that their relationship was strictly professional – but they were comfortable around one another. He’d never seen her before.

Alexius stood at the front of the room and one of the staff brought over a microphone. He raised his glass, and everyone quieted so he could speak.

“With the new year just around the corner, I wanted to end this semester by thanking all of you for your dedication and the incredible effort that you put into the success of this institution. If you had asked me a year ago where I thought I would be, I never would have imagined myself in my position at one of the greatest universities in Ferelden.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure step beside him and lean against the wall.

“He certainly seems to enjoy the sound of his own voice,” a woman said quietly beside him. “One could wonder if his praises are intended for the university or himself.”

He turned to see a dark-haired woman in a backless red dress. Her golden eyes shifted to him. “You seem as unimpressed with him as I am.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed?”

“Of course. Who would dare doubt our fearless leader?” she smirked.

“I do not believe we have met before,” he said.

“I am Morrigan,” she replied. “Professor of History. I started just this year, and I hear that you did as well, Dr. Wolf.”

“Interesting that should be a topic for gossip,” he said.

She chuckled. “Naturally. What else would be worth talking about?”

“Several things come to mind.” He wasn’t certain why this woman was speaking with him, but he did not want to startle anyone by leaving abruptly. They had little time, but he couldn’t risk the smallest potential of being suspected.

She hummed. “Do you see that woman up there, the blonde who arrived here with Alexius?” 

“What of her?”

“Her name is Calpernia. She is a recent addition to the History department as well, formerly of the great city of Minrathous.”

So she was from Tevinter as well. _This may be a person worth looking into._

“I find it odd,” Morrigan said, crossing her arms, “that the recent investigations have only examined the people from the Department of Magic, but not the mages from other departments.”

A mage, then. But why would she come to him with this information? Her words seemed too pointed for them to not be deliberate.

“You were one of the ones they were investigating, were you not?” she asked, pulling him from his thoughts. “It may be useful information to have in the days to come.”

It could be possible that she was attempting to frame Calpernia for bringing the magical artifact in order to distract from herself – but what made him uneasy was that it was quite clear that she knew more than she let on.

And yet, she did not know that half of it. If she did, she would not be bringing this information to him. 

***

Lana stood at the foot of the stairs on the lower level of Crestwood Hall in the shadows, fidgeting with the strap of the messenger bag slung across her. _Where are they?_ Soft footsteps came from above, and she hid behind a pillar as she waited. Dorian appeared in the room and she stepped out.

“You’re here,” she said. “Good.”

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Getting the key was more difficult than I thought. Shall we?”

“Wait,” she said. “Sol- Dr. Wolf should be here any moment.”

“We don’t have much time to wait,” he said. “The longer we do, the more likely we are to be caught.”

She looked back at the staircase, her stomach twisting. He wouldn’t just abandon this out of nowhere… right?

She sighed. “Alright, let’s go.”

Dorian nodded and used the key to open the door to the elevator. “Let’s just hope this isn’t the start to a horror movie,” he said with a smirk as they closed the door.

Lana let out an exasperated sigh. “Great, thanks for that.”

“It was my pleasure.”

As they reached the bottom, Lana shivered as they entered a dark corridor. Dorian conjured fire in his palm, lighting up the space around them, and Lana followed suit.

“Well,” he said. “Let’s get this over with so we can leave.”

“Yeah, I would rather we didn’t stay too long,” she agreed. “The air feels wrong here.”

They stepped carefully down the hall, passing by darkened old classrooms and the chipped paint of aging walls. They stopped at the end of the hallway that broke into a T shape.

“I think I feel something coming from that direction,” she said.

“You feel it?” Dorian asked.

“Don’t you?”

“No,” he admitted. “Other than a feeling of dread, I feel nothing.”

It must be the rift magic, then. Which was frightening.

“The… rift must be that way, then,” she said.

“Lead the way,” he said.

She led him down the corridor to the right, following the feeling down another hallway.

“Wait,” Dorian said. “Lana, look.”

He crouched down, holding his fire toward the floor.

“What is it?” she asked.

“The floor and walls are different. Newer. This area was recently renovated.”

“Why?” she asked. “What would be the purpose of that?”

He sighed. “Your guess is as good as mine. Unless, of course, the people who had it renovated are particular about their workspace. Which, knowing Alexius, is entirely possible.”

“But I doubt the school would allow this to be renovated,” Lana pointed out. “Would he fund something so frivolous himself?”

“I doubt it,” Dorian sighed, standing up. “But there are two things that are for certain. One, this suggests that the area has likely been changed to accommodate whatever project they are working on.”

“And the second?”

“We must be very close, now.”

He peered around. “I’ve been keeping an eye out for cameras, but so far I have seen none. If they spent this much on renovating the area, you would think they would have installed some kind of security system.”

“Unless they were trying to avoid any evidence of their operation and who is involved,” Lana suggested.

Dorian nodded. “That is true. Still, we should be careful.”

Further down the corridor, they stopped in front of a set of double doors.

“It’s here,” she said in nearly a whisper.

“I can feel it now,” Dorian said. “Whatever it is, it feels like it’s bending reality around us.”

He was right. But what she felt wasn’t just a bending of reality – it felt like a siren’s call. The rift wanted her to come closer, somehow. Her fingers hovered over the door handle. The pull was so strong. _Perhaps this was a mistake, me coming here._

But who else would have gone? Fade magic and the Veil weren’t Dorian’s expertise, though he likely knew more than many of the other magic students. Solas would likely face the same problem she did.

“Lana,” Dorian said, and she turned to see him peering through a window on a door to the side. “This looks to be some kind of observation room. Might be better to keep our distance for now.”

He tried the handle, but it was locked. He pulled out the set of keys and tried each one. Footsteps echoed from down the corridor, and Lana’s blood ran cold.

She tapped Dorian on the arm. He froze as he listened and she looked around frantically. A closet on the other side of the hall caught her eye, and she stepped lightly over to it, trying the handle.

Locked.

_Fuck._

She looked back to Dorian, who was fiddling with the keys, trying another as the footsteps grew closer. Panic surged around her as the footsteps were close to the corner before their hallway. Lana snuffed out her fire and they stood silently in the pitch black. The footsteps stopped.

Lana waited and listened as the footsteps resumed.

_There’s no light – maybe it’s a demon?_

She swallowed as the footsteps of whatever it was were nearly in front of them and Lana conjured fire, ready to throw it, and Solas’s hand came down to hers, ice snuffing out the fire in her palm.

He conjured a flame in his other hand.

“You scared the _shit_ out of us,” she exclaimed, batting his arm. “How were you walking around in the dark like that?”

“It’s an old elven spell,” he said with a smirk.

“Seeing in the dark?”

“More or less.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, we are glad to see you, Dr. Wolf,” Dorian said.

“I apologize for my tardiness,” he said, pulling his hand away from hers before turning to Dorian. “I was held up at the faculty event.”

“Alexius is preoccupied I assume?” Lana asked.

“Yes,” he said. “He is busy posturing and giving speeches for now.”

“But we still do not have enough time,” Dorian said. “This room is presumably some kind of observation room from what I can see on the inside. However, we are having difficulty finding a way in.”

“May I?” Solas asked. Dorian nodded and stepped aside as Solas conjured rift magic. The magic slipped through the slit between the door and the frame, and it ran down the side until it clicked open.

“Did you just use force magic like a credit card to break in?” Dorian asked. 

“Indeed,” Solas said. “It is a useful trick now and again.”

Dorian chuckled. “You’ll have to teach me that one.”

Solas said nothing as they entered the room, and switched on the light. There was some kind of control panel, filing cabinets around the room, and a single desk. Two chairs were set up in front of the control panel, and before it, there was a large, darkened window.

Lana stepped closer to the control panel, peering at the window. “There’s some kind of metal blocking the window,” she observed.

Solas stepped beside her, glancing over the different buttons and levers.

“Before we start pushing buttons, I think I may have found a manual,” Dorian said, flipping through a book. “This must be very new for them to still have a manual lying around in the open.”

“They only recently opened the rift,” Lana said.

“Even still, whatever they created must have at least been months in the making,” Solas noted.

“Here,” Dorian said, punching in a code in the dashboard and pulling a large black lever.

The metal in front of the window groaned open, and Lana’s throat dried.

The concrete room on the other side of the window was enormous, with metal bridges crossing to each side of the room and on either side of a large structure that rose up from the floor to the ceiling, curving up at the top. In the center of the structure, a whirlpool of sickening emerald light swirled in an eternal circle.

But, as they suspected, it was not nearly as wild or as large as the one in the Fade. Lana tore her gaze from the rift. At the center of the room, there was some kind of large device with thick wires running across the floor to the structure. In the center of the device, there was a round object. She squinted at it.

“Look there,” she said, pointing at the device. “That must be what’s containing the Fade. I’ve… seen it before.”

“What is it?” Dorian asked.

“Some kind of… orb, I guess.”

“A magical artifact,” Solas said. “I have seen such things in the Fade.”

“If we remove it…?”

“It will destabilize the rift and cause this entire place to be destroyed,” Solas replied. “We will need to shut it down properly, if possible.”

“It’s not,” Dorian said. In his hand, he was holding a stack of papers with formulas and other notes. “In fact, not even the people who opened the rift can close it. The artifact they used to open it isn’t strong enough to close the gate or open it from this side enough to prevent demons from flooding this place. It seems they miscalculated when they opened it in the first place.”

“Which is why it’s been open since the other morning,” Lana said. “So how _can_ we close it?”

“It says here that they need a great deal of power to theoretically seal it.”

“Do you think that’s what they plan on using the red lyrium for?” Lana asked.

“No,” Solas replied. “The red lyrium itself is only so powerful. I have researched artifacts like the one they used to open the rift. It is far more powerful than refined red lyrium. However, the red lyrium may be intended to provide sustained power for the gate itself.”

“What about the current power source?” Lana asked. “Would it not be enough to sustain the gate?”

“It might be enough to sustain it until the deadline Alexius gave us,” Dorian said. “In which case, that is how much time we have to close the damned thing before it overpowers the gate itself.”

“A month,” Solas said. “That is how much time we have to find a way to close it.”

“So how do we find something as powerful as that artifact?”

Dorian let out an exasperated sigh. “There’s no more information in these notes. They must be storing it somewhere in here.”

They searched through the cabinets and filing drawers for anything to help. Lana thumbed through one of the filing cabinets and pulled out one of the documents.

“Nothing but financial records,” she huffed. As she started to put it away, she stopped. A name caught her eye.

_Anaris._

“Wait,” she said.

“Find something useful?” Dorian asked.

“I know this person,” Lana said, showing Dorian and Solas. “I met him at _Bellanaris_ in Kirkwall. Briala said he was some kind of benefactor of the club.” 

“He seems to have invested quite a bit in this project,” Dorian observed.

“But why would he care about something like this?” she sighed. Looking around the room once more, she sifted through paperwork that had been laid out on the desk. Her hand hit something hard.

She pushed the papers back. “I think I may have found something more useful than financial records.”

“What is it?” Solas asked.

“A laptop,” she said, opening it and tapping the spacebar twice. The screen lit up to a login page. _Crap._ “Though I suppose it was too much to hope it was unlocked.”

“Perhaps they left a password on a sticky note,” Dorian said.

“A sticky note with a password to all their dark secrets?”

Dorian shrugged. “They _were_ the ones who built all this beneath a school instead of out in the wilderness where no one would find them. You know, like normal people.”

“Well, let’s not waste time, then,” she said, flipping through the papers on the desk.

“Shh,” Solas said, and Lana looked to see him standing by the door, listening.

She froze, listening as well.

Footsteps.

“Quickly,” Solas whispered. 

Frantic, Lana shoved what she could into her bag, laptop included, and Solas led them out the door into the darkness. Solas turned abruptly and Lana could barely see him tracing some kind of rune in the air in front of her face.

And then the darkness faded. It was still clear that it was dark, but she could see everything around them. She watched as he did the same spell for Dorian and motioned for them to follow him. They shut the door behind them, and Lana winced as it clicked into place, the noise echoing off the walls. 

They followed the wall until they reached the corner that led into the next hallway, and Solas peered around the corner. The footsteps were still distant, but they were too close for comfort.

Solas motioned for them to go forward and they followed closely behind him. They stepped lightly down the corridor until Lana could see the slightest shift of light ahead of her.

Light. Actual light, from someone who was closing in on them. Light that was near the corner. About to turn.

Solas took Lana’s hand and motioned for her to take Dorian’s as well.

Realizing what he was planning on doing, she swallowed hard. This was not going to work. Or, if by some miracle it did, it wasn’t going to work well.

Lana winced as she and Solas took a step forward, and fade-stepped around the person holding the light. She barely caught a glimpse of the person as they passed, but one thing she knew for certain – their presence did not go unnoticed.

 _“Stop!”_ the person shouted as they landed.

They did not stay to see who it was. The three of them took off running down the corridor. Lana’s heart beat heavily in her chest as she sprinted after Solas. Her lungs burned, and she could hear footsteps coming after them.

“One more,” Solas said, taking her hand again, and she took Dorian’s. She expected to feel relief in giving her legs a small break as they shot forward, but when they landed her legs were still crying out in pain.

 _I really need to start going to the gym more._

They made it out of the renovated section of the tunnels, and Solas skidded to a stop. Lana looked forward and realized that more footsteps were coming down the hallway in front of them. Dorian motioned for them to follow him down the hallway to the side of the main corridor, and they found a large stack of old boxes to hide behind.

They waited silently as they listened for the footsteps. A set of steps was still running, while the other pairs slowly sped up until they reached the small intersection. Lana’s throat was dry as she listened. She didn’t want to have to fight anyone, but there was no way that she was letting them get caught down here. Swallowing, she started to lift her hand, calling ice magic, when Solas placed his hand on hers, shaking his head. She gave him a confused look, and she felt her skin grow cold as the three people stepped closer.

She could barely see it as one of them raised their fist, fire erupting from their skin. “You all are not supposed to be down here,” he called to them.

Lana felt cool air at her side and watched as Solas fade-stepped around the first person, his hand touching their forehead, their body crumpling to the floor. As he reached out to the two other people she jumped out from their cover.

“What are you doing?” she cried as she watched the two others fall to the ground as well.

“Do not worry,” he said, folding his hands behind him. “They are just asleep. I would have preferred to avoid this if possible, but it was necessary. Come.”

She huffed as she and Dorian followed Solas through the hallways and toward the stairs to the upper levels.

They made their way to the back of the building, leaving discreetly through the back door, and Lana sighed in relief as the cool night air brushed her skin. They made their way towards the Magic Department.

“Well,” Dorian said, “That was certainly enlightening. What’s the plan now?”

“I’ll need to bring the laptop to Taelan tomorrow,” Lana said. “He might be able to unlock it, and I know he’ll be discreet.”

Dorian sighed. “I wish the two of you luck. If you find anything, do let me know. I would rather we all not die before graduation.”

“I believe we all would prefer that,” Solas agreed.

“In any event, I believe I have had enough fun for one evening,” Dorian said. “We will certainly need to never do anything like this again. At least not soon. Lana, dear, do you need me to walk you to the train?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” she said with a smile.

Dorian’s eyes flicked between her and Solas, and his gaze shifted fully to Solas. “Well, professor, it has been so good to see you out of your element. I will see you both on Monday?”

“Indeed, Mr. Pavus,” Solas replied. 

“See you, Dorian,” Lana said.

They watched as Dorian walked away from the building.

“Well, then,” she said, turning to Solas. “I have at least a small bit of evidence to work with, and I would really enjoy being as far from this place as possible. So… I guess this is good night.”

“Would you like me to take you home?” he asked. “It is getting rather late.”

She pressed her lips together. “You don’t have to do that,” she said.

“It wasn’t a question regarding what I feel obligated to do or not,” he said.

She felt slightly guilty, but the chance to spend more time with him in person? “I guess I would feel a little safer not traveling home on my own.”

He nodded. “I should imagine so.”

Lana looked back the way they came. “You don’t think they’ll try to come after us?”

“They did not see our faces, and it will be at least an hour before they wake,” he said.

“So it was a _potent_ sleeping spell you used.”

“Indeed,” he said starting to walk toward the faculty parking lot.

“Wait, should I be following you out in the open like this?” she asked, hesitating.

“Should anyone ask, I will inform them that it is late and you required a ride to the train station.”

She nodded. They got into his car and started down the road, and the silence settled around them, the only sound being the soft music that played on the stereo. Classical, by the sound of it. 

Once they had made it to the highway, Lana broke the silence. “You seem to be… worrying significantly less about this,” she noted. “Our relationship, I mean.”

“Perhaps,” he said. “But I find it difficult to believe that if Alexius will pursue any investigation that hinders the progression of his current goal, and neither would Fiona.”

She laughed. “I still don’t think being this reckless about this is wise.”

“Neither was sneaking into a secret facility beneath the school,” he countered.

“But there is a difference between doing something reckless because it is your duty and doing something reckless because of your desires.”

He became quiet for a moment, and she looked over at him. All light and laughter had gone from his face, and for a moment, he looked almost… older.

“I’m sorry,” she amended. “I only meant that…”

“I know,” he said, his expression warm as he glanced at her. “I am grateful for the reminder. I have a tendency to get ahead of myself.”

She worried that her words had made him realize that all of this was too risky – she had convinced him to be with her and now he could be realizing it might be a mistake.

“I wish recklessness was something I could do with you,” he said lightly. “But we will just have to wait.”

Her heart calmed and she smiled. “Well, now that we are out of the city we can be as reckless as we like,” she said playfully.

“I did not realize the city limits was where your carefulness ended. Though, after my last visit to your home, I suppose I’m not surprised.”

“Yet you were the one who kissed me first,” she replied.

And then his car was turning and he parked on the side of the highway. Within seconds he was pulling her face to his, kissing her in earnest. His hand moved around to the back of her neck, cradling her head as his teeth lightly grazed her bottom lip. She leaned into him, running her fingers across his jawline. But she couldn’t get close enough to him.

Fumbling with her seatbelt, she unhooked herself and climbed into his lap. His lips drifted to her neck, and she brought her lips to the shell of his ear, nibbling it softly. He shuddered and pulled back slightly, letting out a breathless laugh.

“We should get you home before we’re caught like a pair of teenagers.”

“Fine,” she sighed as she reluctantly slid off of him and back into the passenger seat.

He sat back, buckling himself back in before he merged back onto the highway. She tried to calm the heat that had curled around her, bringing a fierce blush to her cheeks.

She didn’t know if she would ever get used to kissing him.

As they reached her apartment, he parked in front of the stairs. They sat in silence for a moment, the snow falling softly around them, slowly covering the windows in white.

“Come up with me,” she said suddenly. “It can be for just a little bit if you want. We could look over the documents that we found. Or, since it’s so late you could always stay over,” her voice trailed off. Silence filled the car and she almost regretted the words. She dared a glance over at him.

“I shouldn’t,” he said. “Besides, isn’t Revan home?”

“Not tonight. She’s out with Merrill again.”

“Again?”

“I’m fairly certain they’re dating at this point,” Lana replied. 

He contemplated it for a moment. “Yes,” he said softly, as though he almost didn’t let the word escape him. “Yes, I think I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am, apparently, at the mercy of my brain. I love you all and I'm sorry I've been so terrible at updating lately. The stress of everything that's going on in the world has drained most of my creative juices. 
> 
> I appreciate you all reading my nonsense ❤
> 
> But NaNoWriMo is starting! Fingers crossed that I can do it this year 🤞


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW ahead!
> 
> Also TW for slight trauma mention.

Lana led Solas up the stairs, hot air rushing out to meet them as she opened the door. She flipped on the lights as she stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind them.

“Well, we’re alone aga- ah!” she started to say as his hands were pulling her back to him, and his lips were seizing hers once more as though none of the heat from their earlier tryst in the car had faded. She wrapped her arms around him, a soft sound escaping her lips. He pushed her back against the wall nipping at her lip and holding her close as he pressed himself against her.

Panic suddenly gripped her throat. She pressed her hands on his chest and pushed him back slightly. He pulled away instantly and looked down at her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

She took a deep breath. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s not you, it’s just… a trigger is all.”

“I’m sorry, I did not realize. What sparked it?”

“Feeling trapped,” she said.

“I’ll remember that in the future,” he said. “I want you to feel safe with me.”

He kissed her forehead.

“Do you want me to leave and give you some space?” he asked.

“No,” she said, taking his hand in hers. “No, I like having you here. And, I do feel safe with you.”

“I’m glad,” he said, though there was a small hint of sadness in his voice.

The lights overhead flickered, and Lana could hear the wind begin to howl outside.

“That’s not a good sign,” she said.

“There were reports that a winter storm was headed this way,” Solas said.

“I’m sure it’ll pass soon,” Lana said. “We get them all the time.”

The lights flickered again as if in response.

She sighed. “Hopefully, anyway. Do you want anything to drink? I have a red wine I’ve been holding on to since… well. For a few months.” She’d been holding on to it since her birthday. Her brother had sent a bottle to her from Antiva, but she hadn’t found a good enough occasion to consider opening it. _Now is as good a time as any,_ she thought. With the danger of the rift and a corrupt operation lingering around them, she didn’t know when she would have a night like this again soon.

“You do not have to open it now if it is special,” Solas said as she reached up to the highest shelf of her cabinet to retrieve the bottle. It was just out of reach of her fingertips. Solas’s arm reached over her and pulled the bottle down, handing it to her gently.

“Thank you.” She paused. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re particularly tall for an elf?”

He chuckled. “They have, though I have met taller elves before.”

“Taller than you?” she asked. “Hm. They must grow them tall where you’re from, then.”

He looked down at the bottle. “Antivan wine – are you certain you do not want to wait for a holiday or something more special?”

“No,” she said, looking up at him. "Tonight feels special enough for me." 

His eyes met hers and a warmth grew in them. _There’s that look again._

“What does that look mean?” she asked curiously.

“It means you are beautiful,” he replied. 

She blushed and looked back down at the bottle. “Oh.”

With one hooked finger, he tilted her chin back up and kissed her softly. As he pulled away he smiled. “A fact that you need to be told more often, it seems.”

Her heart beat quickly as she gripped the bottle of wine for dear life. “Maybe,” she said softly.

“I shall bear that in mind.”

“I should… um… open this, then,” she stammered.

“Here, let me,” he said. She handed him the bottle and the bottle opener and watched his long fingers uncork the bottle. She’d truly never felt jealous of a bottle opener before.

She handed him two wine glasses and he expertly filled each of them, twisting the bottle at the last moment. He handed her a glass.

“We should allow it to breath first,” he said.

“Life is too short for that,” she said, taking a sip.

“Indeed,” he laughed. 

They took the bottle to the living room and Lana sat on the couch. She still felt like such a nervous wreck around him – as though part of her couldn’t believe that he was here, or that he cared about her the way she did about him. Sometimes she still wondered if it was all just a dream, and he was just a Desire demon in the Fade. _They would have gotten my type down right this time, at least._

“I haven’t had Antivan wine in a very long time,” Lana said. “I think the last time I did I was actually _in_ Antiva.”

“What were you doing there?”

“Visiting,” she said. “It was right before I left my clan. My brother and I went to one of the smaller cities where they’re more tolerant of elves and stayed the night at one of the hotels. It was our mother’s birthday, so we decided to celebrate for her by visiting the place where she was born. And then we proceeded to get incredibly drunk and partied until the early hours of the morning. The elders were… less than pleased with us when we got back.” Particularly Nethrien. But Lana chose to leave that part out. “Have you ever been to Antiva?”

“Yes,” he replied. “A few times. I did not stay long enough to enjoy the nightlife.”

“It's worth it to experience at least once,” she said. “Going out dancing there is so much better than it is in Ferelden. It’s quite boring here, if I’m being honest.”

“That is quite true of Amaranthine,” Solas agreed. “Although I have heard the nightlife in Denerim isn’t too dull.”

She laughed. “You couldn’t pay me to go to Denerim. I know how they treat elves there.”

“True,” he replied.

She sipped her wine. “Have you traveled a lot? Beyond the Fade, I mean.”

“I have,” he said. “My work has taken me to many different places.”

“Do you have a favorite place?”

He thought for a moment. “You remember the pictures from my office? The ones from the Frostback Mountains?”

“I do,” she said.

“There is an old ruin high in the mountains nearby that you can see even if you aren’t in the Fade. The ruins hold many dreams from ages past – centuries of memories from the people who had once lived there. It used to be a castle, changing hands every few decades, offering shelter to the lost and the weary. It is peaceful there, now, but that wasn’t always the case.”

“Were there wars fought in the mountains?”

“There were occasional skirmishes and battles at times," he explained, "but primarily it was a place where many would go to heal their wounds after years of never finding sanctuary. It once belonged to the elves, before the fall of Arlathan.”

“Incredible. Would you ever…?” she said, and stopped herself. “Sorry, never mind.”

He tilted his head to the side. “What is it?”

“Would you ever want to take me there? I would love to see it.”

He smiled warmly at her. “I would like that.”

She smiled, but it faded as she heard the wind outside howling louder than before and the lights flickered again.

And then they went out.

Lana groaned. “Perfect,” she said. She conjured flames in her hand and stood up. “I’ll see if I can find some candles.”

She made her way to the closet near her bedroom and pulled out two large candles.

“Sorry about all this, hopefully the power will be on soon,” she said as she brought the other two candles to the coffee table and lit them. The small flames cast a dim light around the room, the shadows dancing as they flickered. “I didn’t intend on trapping you here.”

“Of course not,” he said with a chuckle. “It is not as though you control the weather.”

“For now,” she smirked.

“Your next project then?”

“If we find a way to save the city from being swallowed up by the Fade? I think anything would be possible after that.”

“Indeed,” he replied. “I believe there is a chance, though.”

“I hope you’re right,” she said. “Once we find a way to unlock the laptop we found, we may find something to go off of. If not, then…”

“We’ll find a way to close it,” Solas said. “There may be answers in the Fade as well, if their device does not hold anything useful.”

Lana shivered. “What I wouldn’t give to have a fireplace.”

“It is a shame you do not,” Solas said. “One would think that given how far away you live from any sort of town, you would have one in case this sort of situation occurs.”

“You would think,” Lana agreed. “But this place would have probably been far more expensive if it did have one.”

“Possibly.” He pulled the blanket that was folded on the back of the couch. “For now, we could share body heat.”

She laughed. “Is this part of your clever plan, then?”

“I suppose that depends on what you believe my plan to be.”

She raised an eyebrow. “First the power goes out and then it goes from ‘sharing body heat’ on the couch to…” she stopped, realizing all at once where that road led. She blushed slightly.

“To...?” he said, daring her to finish her sentence.

“That is the question, I suppose."

He took her hand and pulled her to him. “I have no expectations, if that’s what you are asking,” he said gently.

He wrapped the blanket around them and she let herself nestle into his chest, her heart pounding. _Creators he smells amazing._ His arms wrapped around her, the warmth of them chasing the cold away. 

His fingers dragged softly up and down her upper arm, and she found herself tracing the buttons down his shirt.

“I have a question,” she asked.

“I may have an answer," he replied. 

She laughed. “It’s not a very important question, and you don’t have to answer but... when did you start having feelings for me?”

His fingers slowed for a moment and he was quiet. “I do not know when it started precisely,” he admitted. “But I realized it on Satinalia.”

“Before or after you found me wasted and crying in the snow?” 

He chuckled. “Finding you inebriated and crying did not change any part of it, but if you wish to know it was when you arrived at the department party.”

“So it _was_ before my makeup smeared all over my face. I suppose that’s fair.”

“As I said, finding you later did not change how I knew I felt.”

She hummed.

“What about you?” he asked.

She pressed her lips together. “It’s complicated.”

“Oh?”

She sighed, laying her head down on his chest, the rhythm of his heart giving her a sense of peace. “There wasn’t a singular moment, I don’t think. It was more of a… gradual realization.”

He ran his fingers along her neck, his thumb tracing the edge of her jaw as he looked down at her. "I see," he said softly. 

She blushed beneath his gaze and buried her face in his neck. The scent of him was intoxicating, and she found herself pressing her lips against the curve of his neck. She could feel his heart pounding in time with her own. He kissed her brow and his fingers ran along the curve of her waist, pulling her closer to him. She lifted her head and kissed him gently as she pushed herself up over him, wrapping her thighs around him. The wanting that she’d felt, the voracious need to let herself be consumed by his every touch, grew so strong as she pressed herself against him.

She hadn’t realized how desperate for contact she’d truly been until the previous night he'd been there. Starved for passion and spending far too long feeling devoid of all feeling, it was like something in her had broken free. And something in his touch told her that he, too, had felt touch-starved and lonely. His fingers drifted beneath the fabric of her shirt, gripping her waist as he drew her in as though he couldn’t get close enough to her.

Cupping his face, she reveled in the sound of their ragged breaths, the heat of it all spreading through her like wildfire. She felt him harden against her and she paused, pulling back slightly.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” she said with a soft smile. “In fact, it’s the exact opposite.”

Her lips captured his as she let herself move against him, and he responded in kind. And then it was his turn to pull back. “Do you want to slow down?”

“No” she replied a little too quickly. “Do you?”

“No,” he said, his voice softening.

“Well, I suppose that’s settled then,” she said, and their lips met again, and the heat had not dissipated in the slightest. She wrapped her arms around him and shifted slightly, the blanket tangling around them –

And then they were falling off the edge of the couch. Solas landed on top of her, his eyes wide with surprise. She burst out laughing as they laid there, wrapped up in the blanket that had slightly cushioned the fall. Solas’s face lightened, and their predicament elicited a soft chuckle from him.

“You are enjoying this,” he said.

“Maybe a little,” she said. “Of course my couch isn’t the most spacious, so I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“And I suppose the floor is better?”

“No, but there is always the bed,” she said cheekily.

He smirked. “So all of this has been _your_ plan all along. Trapping me here was all an elaborate ploy to get _me_ into bed.”

She feigned offense. “I would do no such thing.”

“I am beginning to find that hard to believe,” he teased as he untangled them from the blanket.

He helped her up. “Believe me, you would know if I were trying to seduce you.”

“You would not need to try,” he replied, looking down at her.

Her heart thundered in her chest as he brushed his knuckles against her cheek. She supposed it wasn’t new information but to hear it out loud… she could melt. 

She swallowed. “I’m glad to see it’s working, then.”

Something in his eyes changed. “You do not need to feel pressured to do anything.”

“I don’t,” she said. “Come with me.”

***

The curtains of her room were pulled back, the winter storm raging beyond the glass. There was a nervousness that was slowly bubbling in the back of Lana’s mind, quelled only by the burning heat she still felt as he pulled the fabric back from the skin of her shoulder to plant a soft kiss there. She pushed him back until he was seated on her bed, and pulled her shirt up over her head. _No use in being shy now._

Solas’s eyes roved over her body as she slipped out of her jeans. She reached down to tug at the top button of his shirt softly. There was a glimmer of something unreadable behind his eyes, like uncertainty and surety were battling within him. Surety seemed to win out, and he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, revealing the pale skin beneath. Pushing the fabric away from his shoulders, she leaned down to kiss him, and her heart fluttered. He pulled her close and flipped them, and her back hit the soft mattress beneath them. He straddled her, nibbling her lower lip.

She laughed. “I can’t be the only one not wearing pants.”

“Oh, can’t you?” he said with a devious smile. He lowered himself to a kneeling position at the end of the bed, his fingers tugging lightly at her smalls. He made eye contact. A question. She nodded, and he pulled her smalls down to her ankles before slipping them off completely. He gripped her thighs, lifting her legs over his shoulders before placing a searing kiss against her left inner thigh. Each touch of his lips felt like an imprint on her skin, a brand, as though his mouth were laying claim to every inch of her. It drove every nerve in her wild as he kissed inward, trailing up until he reached her center. Parting her folds with his fingers, he dragged his hot tongue across the core of her, and she closed her eyes and sighed.

The heavy, languid strokes of his hot tongue sent a shiver through her, the heat of him contrasting with the cooler air of the room. As though he had read her thoughts, she felt warm magic spreading across her skin, and she relaxed in the gentle heat. His tongue found the small bead at her core and flicked against it. She let out a soft gasp, and he began concentrating on it – circling and twisting strokes around it. She bit back a soft sound as he gripped her thighs tighter. She felt a single long finger slip into her, hooking as he stroked her inside and out.

And then she felt it. Tendrils of magic curling around her as the sensations grew within her – echoing and amplifying every feeling. She neared the edge over and over, but something kept pulling her back. Another finger slipped into her, and she moaned softly. Panting, her fingers gripped his head as he continued. She dared a glance down at him to find his eyes watching her, seeming to revel in this torture.

“Please,” she murmured softly, and she could feel him smirked against her. He pulled away, sucking her juices from his fingers as he rose up, meeting her lips with his own. Her essence still lingered on his tongue, and her hands found the button of his trousers, desperately fumbling to unhook it.

A low laugh rumbled in his throat. “Patience,” he said against her lips. “We have all night.”

She bit his bottom lip in response, the skin reddening. _That_ got his attention. He captured her lips with his own, their tongues battling for dominance as his hands found her hips, her breasts, her ass – as though they couldn’t decide which to explore first. His mouth found her neck, sucking lightly on it as her fingers finally unhooked the stubborn button. He hastily kicked them away, now in nothing but his boxers, and he pressed his impressively hard erection against her center. She wrapped her legs around him as she ground against him, and his lips found hers again. The tendrils of magic that had been keeping her near the edge were almost erratic now. She drew out the magic from deep within her, and though it felt strange, she willed it to mimic the feeling as she wrapped it around him.

He pulled away, his breath heavy as he smiled. “You are a fast learner,” he said breathlessly.

Her fingers roved across his hips, slipping under the band of his boxers as she slowly edged them down. He helped her the rest of the way before kicking them off to the side. Her fingers slid across the smooth skin of his hips and his ass. She moved her hands down to his length, running a singular finger across the smooth skin. The head of his cock brushed her entrance.

“Contraception?” he asked softly.

“I’m on the pill,” she answered.

He kissed her gently. “You can say ‘no’ at any time,” he said. “No questions asked.”

He brushed a thumb across her cheek and she felt her heart swell. She couldn’t find the words to say so she nodded and brought her lips back to his. He kissed her slowly, gently, as though her lips alone were enough to sate him. She welcomed the careful gentleness of his touch, and it felt as though he were giving her the time to decide – but she had long since made up her mind.

The feelings that swelled within her were nearly overwhelming, and she sent them through the tendrils of magic that were still wrapped around him. He held her tighter to him, and she broke for a moment.

“I want to,” she said softly.

He brushed her hair from her face. “Is this alright? Do you need to be in a different position?”

She shook her head. “This is fine.”

His hand dropped to her thigh, holding her steady as he _slowly_ slid into her, filling her to the brim. Her heart pounded in her chest as he lingered for a moment and began to move at a leisurely pace. His own tendrils of magic sent waves of pleasure through her once more, and she wrapped her legs around him, rolling her hips against him with each thrust. She wanted every part of him – every bit that he had to offer. Her mind slowly began to numb as his pace quickened, and she surrendered to the heat of pleasure that was wrapping itself around her once more.

She clamped her mouth shut as a moan grew in her throat. He dropped his lips to her ear. “I want to hear you,” he said in a breathy whisper.

She’d never been particularly… vocal… before. Yet she reveled in the idea that he _wanted_ to hear her. And then his fingers were at her core, the tips circling her clit as he kissed her neck. A soft moan escaped her, and she felt a flicker of approval through his magic. She was closing in at the edge once more, and she could feel herself tightening but she lingered there, dangling over the precipice. He still moved slowly against her, as though truly trying to take his sweet time.

Growing tired of waiting, she wrapped her thighs tightly around him and flipped them so he was on his back. Surprise and something like delight shone in his eyes as she quickened the pace.

“Impatient, are we?” he teased.

“Maybe a little,” she admitted as she ran her fingers across his slight, but sculpted chest. His thumb circled around her clit and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. She moaned as the feeling grew – it was strong and deep and rushed toward her like a tidal wave; the wave crashed and she shattered, her cry echoing off the walls of the room. He rose to a sitting position as she continued to ride him, soft, sweet gasps leaving his lips as he gripped her ass, urging her to quicken her pace. He held her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder as he gave three final thrusts, his cock throbbing inside her.

He held her there for a moment, and she kissed his damp temple. The tendrils of magic grew soft, wrapping her in something calm and warm. As his ragged breaths slowed, he picked her up and laid her back softly on the bed, kissing her gently as he laid beside her.

He ran his thumb across her cheekbone and kissed her forehead.

When they had cleaned themselves off, Solas left the room to get water for them both. Lana curled under her blankets, not even the heat from the spell keeping her entirely warm. When he returned, he chuckled softly as he slid beneath the blankets beside her. “You still aren’t used to the cold, even after living here for years?”

“I don’t think I ever will be,” she replied. Her eyes met his for a moment, and for a moment she wondered if he didn’t like cuddling after sex. She was used to it, she supposed, but she didn’t want to be.

To her surprise, Solas pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. She held him tightly to her, smiling to herself. His fingers guided her chin up toward him, and he kissed her softly.

 _“Ar lath ma, vhenan,”_ he said as he pulled back.

At first, she blinked, so sure for a moment that she had misheard. But everything in his gaze told her that he had said it, and meant it.

“Please don’t feel obligated to say it back,” he said softly. “I don’t mean to–”

“Solas,” she said, cutting him off. “I love you, too. It feels… fast, but it’s true.”

“I know what you mean,” he said. “I never expected for this to happen.”

“Neither of us did.”

He kissed her forehead and wrapped her tightly against him.

None of this had been anything like what she expected. She hadn’t expected to love him the way she did, or that he would feel the same way. Nothing about their situation was normal, and yet she hadn’t trusted many people the way she trusted him. Even at the beginning of her relationship with Cullen, she hadn’t come close to feeling this way.

It was utterly terrifying. And exhilarating.

“The power should go out more often,” she murmured.

He chuckled softly. “If it means I get to fall asleep with you in my arms, I heartily agree.”

She smiled. “Sweet talker.”

The snowstorm raged on outside the walls, but here in his arms, she had never felt so warm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted smut in a while so I hope it was okay (and I'm definitely going to go hide under a rock now). Any comments/critiques are welcome, as usual! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! ❤❤❤
> 
> And a special thanks to my beta for this chapter, Noire12! You're the best and I appreciate you ❤❤❤


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter has some elements of trauma, including slight familial trauma and attempted assault. As I've said before, please take care of yourselves and skip any parts that might be distressing. ❤
> 
> Also special thanks to aymayzing for being my beta for this chapter ❤❤❤

The bass vibrated the ground beneath Lana’s feet, the blue light seeming to offset the lively music that lilted in the warm air of the packed room. Dorian hadn’t had one of these types of parties in a while, and she found herself smiling as she sat beside Varric and Sera on the couch. Sera was telling Varric some wild story about a prank she’d pulled earlier that day while he sat silently, his lips pursed. The music was so loud that Lana could barely make out a word, save “bees” and “breeches.” She couldn’t tell if he was unamused or trying not to be.

Lana leaned back, her eyes drifting to the darkened windows. Snow had caked around the base of the outer windowsill, and she watched the cars slowly driving down the street. The reflection of twinkle lights danced across the glass of the window shields, and she felt a sense of calm wash over her. It had been so long since she hadn’t felt the sense of dread over graduation hanging over her shoulders along with everything else. Letting loose wasn’t something that she did very well, and often had to be forced into it. But this – this felt so easy. 

Down in the street, she saw a flash of something white passing along the street. She peered into the darkness, but whatever it was, it was gone.

She drained the rest of the red wine in her glass and stood up to fill it once more. Walking through the apartment, she smiled at several people who greeted her. The apartment was more crowded than most of Dorian’s normal parties. Faces of people she had barely spoken to, unfamiliar eyes watched her. The front door opened, and Josephine stepped into the room. Her dark hair pulled back and elegant, her dark makeup offset by the brightness of her red lipstick. She handed her red peacoat to Dorian, who had materialized from the crowd to greet her. She glanced up at Lana, and her brown eyes lit up.

“It’s been far too long since I’ve seen you!” she said, taking Lana’s hand in hers. “How have you been? How is school?”

“I’m just ready for this year to be over,” Lana smiled.

Josephine’s laugh bubbled up through the air. “I believe that is most students’ sentiment in springtime.”

Her gaze caught someone else and she waved politely. “I should probably go greet our host. But catch up with me later? I want to hear all about what’s going on with you since we last spoke.”

“Of course,” Lana said as Josephine made her way to the other side of the room with Dorian, who was already standing beside Taelan. At least Dorian was making progress. She wondered if Dorian had made a move yet. Or if he was hung up on a certain Qunari that he had failed to ever mention to her.

She supposed it was fair – right now her love life was just as secretive as his. 

Lana walked past several people she didn’t know, who looked down at her with something like scrutiny. She frowned, trying to ignore it until she reached the kitchen. _Who are all these people? Did Dorian invite random people off of the street?_ She sighed as she searched the crowded countertops for the bottle of wine she had started already, but most of the bottles she found were empty. After checking nearly fifteen different bottles, she gave up and opened a new one.

“Please don’t tell me we’re in need of more wine already,” Dorian suddenly said beside her, causing her to start.

“No,” she said, twisting the corkscrew. “I think there are several more in your cabinet.”

“Oh thank goodness,” he said. “Now, where is your date? Is he planning on arriving fashionably late?”

She stopped, startled. “Date? Who said I was bringing a date?”

He frowned. “You did, earlier today. Did he decide not to come?”

She blinked. “Oh, right, sorry. He’s not really my date, he’s just a friend.”

Dorian smirked. “You keep saying that, but with how much you’ve been keeping one another company lately, I find it _very_ hard to believe.”

She blushed. She was supposed to be keeping him a secret, but Dorian would continue to be absolutely relentless if he suspected anything. She needed to keep up the charade for as long as possible. “It’s not like that,” she said, pulling the cork from the bottle and pouring the wine in her glass.

“Even so, I can tell you’re smitten already,” he said. “I’m your best friend. It’s in my job description to know these things. And to know that you have spent far too long focusing on just your studies. You need to have fun every once in a while.”

She snorted. “You’re one to talk. Even when you're 'having fun' you're stressed out.”

“Giving advice is my specialty, my dear.”

“And taking it?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“Now we’re just getting off-topic.” 

She hummed knowingly.

There was a knock at the door, and Dorian took the opportunity to escape the conversation. Lana shook her head. He threw parties and put on a face for the world, but deep down she knew how much he struggled with himself after everything he’d been through with his father. When they had met several years prior, they both were recluses who would rather spend their weekends with their noses buried in books instead of interacting with the outside world. Dorian being from Tevinter and Lana being Dalish made it much harder to feel like they fit in. They’d had several classes together, but largely ignored one another until one day they were sitting across the table from each other in the library.

“You’re Lana, right?” Dorian had asked, closing his book slightly. “From Advanced Magical Theory?”

“I am,” she had said.

He’d smiled. “Dorian Pavus. I loved your presentation last week, by the way. Dalish theories on magic aren’t really taught in Tevinter schools. It was quite fascinating.”

She’d smiled. “I don’t really think any schools teach Dalish magic. It’s mostly taught by the Keepers of clans.”

“Fair enough,” he’d said. “Even still, it was much more interesting than anyone else’s. It’s good to have a new perspective every now and then.”

After that night, they’d sat together in every class, and slowly Dorian seemed to come out of his shell, branching out until he’d made new friends and developed what now was a rather intricate social circle. Lana had never been quite as outgoing as him, but it felt nice to finally feel accepted.

“He’s finally arrived!” Dorian sang, coming back into the kitchen.

Lana’s blood ran cold as Cullen stepped into the kitchen behind him, his mouth turned up into a grin.

_Wait. No. This isn’t… what is this?_

Her brows furrowed as she set her glass down. This had already happened. This had already…

As the realization settled, the lights started to change from the soft blue to an almost sickly green. Dorian’s face shifted in confusion.

“Lana, what’s wrong?”

But his voice was distorted. Cullen’s face had darkened, his eyes fixed on her in a way that made her skin crawl.

_This isn’t real._

_Right?_

“Why are you here?” she asked Cullen. “Dorian, you know we broke up.”

“What are you talking about?” Cullen asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Are you feeling unwell, Lana?” Dorian asked, stepping toward her.

She took a step back. “No.”

She could practically hear Solas’s voice in her mind. _Focus on the differences. Focus – you are in control._

She had to get out of there. Turning away, she stepped toward the door to the kitchen, and the world darkened around her. She kept walking, her feet suddenly stepping across wet grass. She stopped and turned around, nothing but a dark forest behind her. The darkness rippled, edging toward her to push her forward.

_It’s not real. Focus, Lana._

Turning back, she saw a yellow glow a short distance away from her. She jolted as a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. But looking around in the darkness, she saw nothing. She continued on through the trees and toward what now appeared to be a bonfire. She saw her clan sitting around a fire, laughing, and a familiar voice lifted through the air. She stilled. _Deshanna._

She edged closer to the campfire and caught a glimpse of Revan and Taelan, who were listening to Deshanna tell a story. She was telling the story of the trickster, Fen’Harel. _An odd choice,_ she thought. The cool night air touched her shoulder, and she shivered. Walking closer to the bonfire, she saw Deshanna and her heart began to ache. Until her eyes drifted to the person sitting beside her.

Her father.

Her throat tightened, her thoughts spinning wildly.

The world around her changed, and she was back there – standing before everyone as they decided her fate after the blood magic ritual had summoned the envy demon. The knife used in the ritual was resting on a table in between her and the elders. The knife that clearly wasn’t hers but… it was Antivan. An Antivan knife that they were convinced she had brought back with her after her night in the city. Her father stood beside them. He was staring at her, his lips thin and rage burning behind his eyes.

“I taught you better than this. Your _grandmother_ taught you better than this. And now you disrespect her memory and everyone here by resorting to _blood magic._ ”

 _“Babae,_ you don’t understand. You know I would never…”

“Enough, Eir’melana,” he snapped. “You have disgraced yourself enough.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Taelan said beside her. “She doesn’t even have a _reason_ to use blood magic.”

“We all know that she has been vying for the position as the Keeper,” Eolas said as he stepped beside her father. His gray eyes burned with scrutiny.

“Because I was the _First_ ,” Lana cried. “Deshanna herself _chose_ me. It’s not vying if it’s something I’ve been training for!”

“Nethrien has proven himself capable of the position,” Eolas said. “You were _both_ her apprentices. But clearly Nethrien is more level-headed than you are.” He turned to her father. “Do you have a recommendation for how we should deal with this?”

She looked to her father, her eyes pleading. Pleading for sympathy. Mercy. _Believe me. You know I would never do something like that._

“If I might make a suggestion,” Nethrien cut in. They turned to him – looking to him as though he would be the only voice of reason. “Our usual way of dealing with such things is to allow the authorities to handle it. However, I find that to go against all of our beliefs. We should never submit to the shemlen – not even the lowest of us.” He looked at Lana then, his eyes sharp. Light. Victorious.

“What do you think, Sahren?” Eolas asked. “She is your daughter.”

“I agree with Nethrien. She must be brought to justice, but not shemlen justice,” her father said. The rest of the elders nodded in agreement. He turned back to her. “Gather your things.”

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Taelan said, stepping between her and their father.

“Taelan,” their father said, his tone a warning. “Careful, or you will share her fate.”

Her brother laughed bitterly. “Don’t even bother with your threats. If she goes, I go.”

Their father stepped closer to him. “Then leave,” he said, his voice low.

Taelan spat on the ground in front of him and led Lana away.

The images faded, and she was back in the forest. Alone.

“Taelan?” she called.

_Wait, no, this isn’t real. These are just memories – the demon must be here somewhere._

She walked forward, pressing her magic out toward the oppressive darkness. The darkness bit at her tendrils, and she pulled back. A howl echoed through the air in the distance, and she froze, her heart pounding in her ears.

Fingers grasped her wrist and yanked her back into the shadows. She cried out as she was shoved against the rough bark of a tree, a hand grasped around her neck. She gasped as dark eyes glared down at her, their centers like violent pits as a downturned mouth hissed at her.

“You’re nothing,” Nethrien said. “Nothing at all.”

She clenched her teeth. “Fuck off,” she spat.

His fingers squeezed her neck as his hot breath burned her ears.

“You will learn respect _, da’len_.”

She pushed him with the palms of her hands, but it seemed to do nothing. He grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head, his face twisted with fury.

Her head was spinning. _No. No, this isn’t real. This isn’t…_ She called magic, but it sputtered at her fingertips.

 _This isn’t real,_ she tried to say out loud. _Make it stop._

The air around her cracked as thunder clapped overhead – or something like thunder. A violent tempest raged around them, the branches of the trees bending wildly, and the colors in the sky rushing past as the forest melted away to reveal the barren landscape of the Fade.

Nethrien morphed into a creature with sickly gray skin and elongated limbs, and terrible eyes stared down at her, a toothy grin spreading across its grotesque face as it readied its enormous claws to attack. A fear demon.

She heard a low growl. The low rumble of it shook her bones. Then a flash of white fur came, and enormous teeth ripped away her assailant.

_Wolf._

The demon looked up at her wolf, and hissed, swiping at him anyway. Foolish move. The wolf bared its teeth, its hackles rising down its spine. The demon did not back down, and the wolf lunged, teeth grabbing the demon and throwing it. The demon landed a good distance away. It started to get up and move toward them. The wolf snarled, growing taller. The demon vanished in a cloud of smoke. 

The thunder in the distance erupted once more. In the distance, she could see the rift – more powerful than ever. The wolf looked back at her. His eyes were… red. Glowing with anger. He stepped closer, towering over her.

His fur started to darken from gray…

To black.

It was then that she realized what, or _who_ , stood before her. She knew him – knew him in her bones. Knew him from every Dalish story Deshanna had told her as a child.

“Fen’Harel,” she whispered.

The voice of the wolf entered her mind, low. Soft, somehow.

_Wake up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a monster so I had to split it up. I'll be posting the second part of it shortly. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Elven language/naming credit goes to FenxShiral (Project Elvhen) 
> 
> Translations:  
> Babae - Father
> 
> Also check out this fanart of Lana by ib-gomes! ❤  
> https://oxygenforthewicked.tumblr.com/post/635084545927135232/my-inquisitor-lana-lavellan-thank-you-so-so


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter! NSFW ahead.

“Lana, wake up.”

Lana gasped as she started awake, sitting up. Her breath was still heavy, her heart pounding as she took in the room around her, dimly lit by the soft morning light. She tested the air with the tethers of her magic to determine if it was real. It felt real. But so had the Fade, and the wolf. Her wolf. _Fen’Harel._

_But why? Why had he saved her?_

Were the stories wrong? Or was he simply trying to convince her he was harmless before tricking her to do his bidding?

No. If he had wanted that, he could have done it so long ago. None of it made any sense. What was more surprising was that he had… _spoken_ to her. Forced her from the Fade. Or, at least, that's what it felt like. Part of her wondered if she had just imagined it. 

Slender fingers touched her shoulder, and she jumped. Solas looked at her, his face full of worry. “It’s alright. You are safe now.”

She swallowed, nodding.

“What happened?” Solas said. “I looked for you in the Fade, but…” his voice trailed off. 

She tried to steady her breaths as she looked at him. “There was a demon,” she said, her voice cracking. “Fear demon. I think something may have made the rift stronger. Thankfully Fen – erm. My spirit helped me, again.”

“Your spirit?” he asked.

She nodded. “The spirit takes the shape of a wolf, and he has been guarding me in the Fade ever since I realized I could walk the Fade.”

“You trust this spirit,” he observed. 

“With my life,” she said without hesitation, surprising herself. But she supposed it was true. Fen’Harel or not, he’d saved her time and time again, and had never given her a reason to doubt his intentions. Something in Solas’s eyes softened. She continued. “He was different this time, though. Larger, more… sinister, I suppose. As though the rift had started to corrupt him.”

“The rift has changed many things about the Fade in this area,” Solas replied. “It could be possible that some spirits who have chosen to remain have found ways to adapt to the new environment.”

"True." Lana laid back down, and she felt Solas curl up behind her, his arms wrapping around her as he pulled her close, nestling his face into the back of her neck. She felt his magic curl around her, gently soothing her as they laid in silence. Her muscles relaxed after a moment, her heart returning to a normal rhythm.

“I don’t know if I can go back to sleep,” she said. “Or want to, if I’m being honest.”

“We are of agreeance on that.”

“The demons found you, too?” she asked, twisting around to face him.

“Yes. I was able to fend them off, but I’m more exhausted than I was before I fell asleep.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, lifting her hand to softly stroke his cheek.

He thought for a moment. “No,” he admitted. “Do you?” 

“Not really,” she said, pushing the reemerging images to the back of her mind. Telling him would only bring all of it tumbling back – and she didn’t want to put all of her baggage on him. “It was just… things from my past. Things I’d really rather not remember.”

He kissed her forehead, and she laid her face against his bare chest. “If you ever wish to talk about it, I am here.”

“Thank you,” she murmured.

His fingers gently stroked her skin, soothing the tremors of fear that still lingered.

“We will likely need an herbal remedy to be able to sleep for the foreseeable future,” he said. “I have some, but we will need to go to my apartment in the city.”

She smirked. “Are you inviting me over, professor?”

He chuckled. “If you would like.”

“I’ve only seen your apartment once,” she said. “It’s only fair.”

“It could put us in a precarious position to bring you there, but I do have the necessary ingredients for breakfast.”

“Do you cook?” she asked.

“I’ve taken a few classes.”

She raised her eyebrows. “A professional, then.”

“I would hardly say that.”

She laughed and leaned up to kiss the dimple on his chin. He dipped lower to kiss her softly, his fingers caressing her back. It was so easy to forget about everything else when she was with him. The fears slipped away as he wrapped her in his warmth. He kissed her temple, and she turned her face to look at him.

She took in his features. Despite the bags beneath his eyes, there was a brightness to him, a youthful aura. But there was a darkness there, too. An inescapable sadness. Something that most people wouldn’t notice, unless they had their own darkness buried deep inside.

“What does that look mean?” he asked.

Lana tried to find the right words, but none came easily. Nothing that felt right, at least. So she pulled him close and kissed him deeply. _Love._ That’s what the look meant. But even now, even after she had said it, the words still stuck on the tip of her tongue, afraid to leave her lips. Afraid that if she spoke it too much out loud, reality would shatter all of it like an illusion. So she let her magic reach out to him and wrap him in wordless coils of everything she was afraid to say.

His lips broke away from hers and he let out a breathy chuckle. “I am glad to know the feeling is mutual."

She blushed. “Sorry… this is still just all so new. It hasn’t entirely sunk in yet.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said. “I know exactly what you mean.” 

He looked at her for a moment and smirked. “Although, you should probably know that you are excelling at your usage of rift magic.”

“Am I?” she said with a grin. “Should we test it more?”

“Only if I can return the favor,” he said, his voice sending a ripple of excitement through her. 

He rolled them until he was above her, kissing her as he stroked her hips and pressed his hardening length against her. She wrapped her thighs around him, beckoning him closer. He reached down to slip his hand toward her center, and his fingers stroked her folds. She sighed against his lips.

“Ready already?” he murmured.

She smiled as she kissed him, urging him more. He slid inside her, rocking his hips slowly. Willing her magic to curl around him, caressing everywhere it touched, she reveled in the way he tightened around her. She kissed his neck, biting his skin.

“Ah – careful,” he chuckled. “You don’t want to leave a mark.”

“Don’t I?” she said mischievously.

“It may raise too many questions if people can see it on me.” He kissed down her jaw, trailing kisses down to her neck. “You, however…”

She moaned as lips and teeth grazed her neck, a soft bite sending shockwaves through her nerves. She giggled softly until she felt the tendrils of magic once more, and she felt her mind slip, becoming blank as they moved together. He groaned against her neck, his pace quickening, and she shivered at the sound. His lips were on hers again, and Lana ran her fingers across his back. The magic caressed her, and she felt the heat rising, filling her until she shattered. She cried out into his lips and he held her tightly to him as he came apart. 

He kissed her slowly, his magic becoming soothing once more. 

He pulled back to look down at her. His gaze was filling her, breaking her, curing her. Everything from her dream had been banished from her mind, and she felt at ease once more. He kissed her temple as he pulled away. Leaving the bed, Lana let her eyes wander over the sculpted glory of his naked body. 

“Would you mind if I borrowed your shower before we went anywhere today?” he asked, clearly not minding her gaze. 

She smiled. “Want company?”

“Of course,” he said with a smile.

She bit her lip as she followed him to the shower.

***

Once they were clean, they dressed. Or tried to, anyway. Lana found herself dragging him down to kiss her every chance she could. Half-dressed, she was straddling him and trapped in a heated kiss when a knock came at the door.

“You should probably go see who it is,” Solas said with a chuckle.

She sighed and pulled away. “You’re right. It’s probably Revan, she must have forgotten her key.”

There had been several nights where Lana had found Revan waiting on the steps outside their front door, shivering in the cold. Lana pulled a loose shirt over her, not bothering to do much with her hair as she made her way to the door. She would have to explain the situation to Revan, though she still wasn’t sure how she was going to explain it, or how Revan would react. She was sure it would be fine, but… Revan could be a wildcard sometimes when it came to that sort of thing.

Another knock. Harder, this time.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she called as she reached the door and pulled it open.

Her heart stopped. 

Cullen stood in her doorway, something like worry in his eyes as he exhaled a heavy sigh.

“Thank the Maker you’re here,” he said, pulling her into a tight embrace.

She blinked, utterly confused.

“Wait, stop,” she said, pushing him away roughly. “What is this, why are you here?”

He paused. “You don’t know yet,” he said.

She crossed her arms. “Stop being so cryptic. What’s going on?”

“There was an explosion at the university this morning. I tried to call you a few times, but when you didn’t pick up I had to make sure that you weren’t… Maker, I was so worried.”

She stilled, her throat dry. “An explosion?”

He nodded. “Most people believe it’s of magical origin, but we’re still not sure how it happened. The entire campus has been evacuated, and most of the area around it. But anyone who was in the vicinity… we haven’t recovered anyone yet, but it doesn’t look good.”

It had to be the rift. Which meant their hypothesis that they had enough time to contain it had been very, _very_ wrong. She felt sick.

“How bad was it?” she asked, collecting herself.

“They’re not sure yet, they were having a hard time getting close enough to it to know for sure. They’ve called in the National Guard to secure the area. Whatever happened, it caused some kind of rift.”

Lana rubbed her forehead. It was a lot to take in, but it would explain the explosion she felt in the Fade. _But what caused it to destabilize?_

“There’s more,” he said. “Do you mind if I come in?”

Uneasiness rose up. “Actually, now isn’t really a good time,” she said slowly. “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t think…”

His gaze dropped to her neck and she froze. He scanned the rest of her – unkempt hair, haphazardly thrown on clothes. Realization flooded his expression.

“Someone else is here,” he said with something like quiet rage.

 _Creators, not this again._

“It’s been _three weeks,_ Lana, and you’ve already…” he shook his head, his lip curling up. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

She was not going to have this conversation. Not now. “Cullen, stop. What I do in my spare time is none of your business and, frankly, we have other things to worry about.”

“You’re right, it isn’t my business,” he said with venom. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to the city. This was a waste of bloody time.”

He stormed down the stairs and she closed the door, resting her forehead on the door. Even now he still acted like he had some kind of claim on her. She was so tired. Gentle hands pulled her away from the door, and she found herself curling into Solas’s warm chest.

“Did you hear everything?” she asked quietly.

“Yes,” he said.

“What are we going to do? I thought… I thought we had more time.” She pulled away, wiping a stray tear.

“We will do what we can,” he said, brushing a lock of hair from her face. “Finding more information is our first priority.”

She pressed her lips together. “I’ll need to call my brother and see if he can take a look at what we found.”

“Yes, that may be the best place to start.”

She bit her lip. “I’m sorry he keeps coming around,” she said.

“There is no need to apologize,” he said, cupping her cheek. “We will deal with him once we find a way to close the rift.” 

They would find a way to close it. They had to. Lana didn’t want to think about the alternative. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ❤
> 
> 11/19: For everyone who read Ch. 38, I'll be reposting it soon - I have to revamp things a little bit and then I'll upload it. Sorry about that!


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I posted this last night and realized that I needed to make some major changes, and ended up making it almost twice as long. I was going to split it up but... oh well. 
> 
> Sorry about the confusion! Enjoy 😊

After they’d received the news about the explosion, Solas began to quickly gather his things so he could return to the city.

“They have begun evacuating the area around the university,” he said. “I will need to get back before they close all the roads.”

“It’s going to be a madhouse,” Lana said, handing him his coat.

“It will be,” he agreed. “I will let you know when I am on my way back. And then we can go see your brother.” He cupped her face and kissed her forehead before leaving, a gust of cold wind rushing through the door as it shut.

Lana stood by the door for a moment, the silence of her empty apartment settling over her. It was louder than she remembered. Now all she had to do was wait.

She ran her fingers through her hair and walked to her living room window. The snow had stopped sometime in the night, and the power had returned before they woke up. Different emotions spun tumultuously through her. The emotional whiplash of the last twenty-four hours made her head ache. She tried not to think of the rift or Cullen – which left too much space for her dreams to come crawling back into her mind. She huffed, fidgeting with the rings on her fingers.

Revan would be home soon. She hoped. Thankfully she and Merrill had been far away from everything, but she was glad to have her away from it all. With the rift open, it would mean the likelihood of demons.

_Creators._

Part of her felt guilty – they had seen so much, and hadn’t said anything. Not to anyone. But if they told the police, there was a very real chance that it could come back on them from whoever was behind the rift’s creation. Telling Alexius was obviously out of the question.

But they needed to find a way to close it. Once they had that, they could bring it to the authorities and maybe, just maybe, they could fix everything.

She rubbed her forehead and walked to the kitchen, busying herself with cleaning. Once they unlocked the laptop, they could start trying to find answers. There was a very real possibility that they wouldn’t even find anything on the laptop, which would bring them back to square one. She thought about the orb inside the facility – the one that had opened it in the first place. She wondered if maybe it was similar to the one she had found in the Fade all those months ago. The feeling had been so similar.

Fen’Harel had brought her there, showed her the orb. _But why? Why had he done that?_ Had he been trying to warn her? What was his game?

The front door opened suddenly, and Revan walked through the threshold, brushing the cold off of her. Merrill followed behind her.

“You’re back,” Lana said.

“Sorry, it was terrible trying to get here,” Revan said, setting her bag down. “I hope you don’t mind, I invited Merrill to come over. Being close to the city isn’t safe right now.”

“Your home is so lovely,” Merrill said, looking around. “I really do hope I’m not intruding. I can find another place to stay if you would prefer.”

“It’s fine,” Lana said. In truth, she didn’t mind Merrill. But she’d largely avoided her ever since they met – she reminded her too much of everything she’d lost. “You’re welcome here, _lethallan_.”

Merrill brightened, a smile spreading across her face. “I promise I won’t get in the way.”

Revan stopped by the table, frowning. And picked up a set of gloves. Solas’s gloves.

_Dammit._

“Are these yours?” Revan asked. “They look a little big for you.”

Lana blushed and got busy stacking her textbooks. “No, I was just… borrowing them. It was cold last night.”

“Borrowing them from who?” Revan asked, amusement in her tone.

“Dorian,” Lana lied.

“Okay, then,” Revan said, dropping it as she left down the hall. Lana mentally sighed in relief.

Merrill walked around the apartment, stopping in front of the tapestry behind the couch.

The tapestry that her mother had kept in their home – and the one thing that she’d stolen from her father before leaving the clan.

“It’s beautiful,” Merrill said, running her fingers across the woven tree branches. The branches formed an intricate design that vaguely depicted a dragon, honoring Mythal. Merrill hummed and looked back at her. “Forgive me if this is rude, but why haven’t you joined the Dalish society? We would love to have you, especially with your field of study. We could talk about our culture and…”

“I don’t think I would fit in very well,” Lana said.

“Just because you don’t have vallaslin?” Merrill said, tilting her head to the side. “That’s nothing a little ink can’t fix. We could speak to my Keeper. I may not be… accepted… by my clan, but she still sends me letters from time to time since I left. I’m sure she would be happy to help you reclaim that part of yourself.”

“You left your clan, too?” Lana asked.

“Well, sort of,” Merrill said, folding her arms across her chest. “It is a long story. We had a few… ideologically differences.

Perhaps she and Merrill had more in common than she originally thought.

Lana shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I have no clan. It would feel… wrong, somehow.”

Merrill looked at her sadly. “I’m sorry, _lethallan._ It is not easy to lose your clan. It is a shame the three of you lost yours.” She looked back at the tapestry. “At least you are not alone.”

Lana’s heart saddened. Merrill had been alone, but she was so eager to uphold everything that she had learned as a First. She hadn’t given up on her culture, or their history. Lana found herself admiring that about her.

“Maybe one day I will,” Lana said quietly. “I think… I think it would help me to remember everything I left behind. The good parts, anyway.”

Merrill smiled at her.

“Lana!” Revan called from her bedroom. Lana walked down the hall and found Revan sitting on the bed, her arms crossed.

“What is it?”

“I think you’re hiding something from me,” she said.

Lana blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You _never_ make your bed,” she said. “I found random gloves that definitely are not Dorian’s. And this.” She stood up and held out a silver watch. Solas’s watch. “This is all after noticing the mark on your neck that you barely hid with makeup. I thought I taught you better than that.”

Lana pressed her lips together. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that you had someone over here,” she said. “When were you going to tell me?”

“When Merrill wasn’t here,” Lana said quietly.

Revan raised her eyebrows. “It’s a secret, then?”

Lana bit her lip, and her phone buzzed. Revan pressed her lips together as Lana pulled it out of her pocket.

[Solas 10:13 AM: I am on my way back.]

[Lana 10:13 AM: That was fast. Wait for me outside?]

[Solas 10:14 AM: Why?]

[Lana 10:14 AM: Merrill is here.]

[Solas 10:15 AM: I see. I will send you a message when I arrive.]

“Texting your mystery lover?” Revan asked.

“He’s coming to pick me up,” she said.

Revan frowned. “I hardly think now is the best time for a date.”

“No,” Lana sighed. “It’s not like that. He and I are going to see Taelan.”

“Taelan gets to meet him before me?” Revan exclaimed.

“Taelan has already met him,” Lana said.

“That’s even _worse._ Can’t he just stop by for a second?”

“Not with Merrill here,” Lana said.

“Why would you care if…” Revan paused. “Oh, El, you can’t be serious. Really? Him?”

Lana rubbed her forehead. “I can explain more later.”

“You’d better,” she said. “And don’t tell Taelan yet.”

“Why?”

“You know how he’s always been with the guys you like,” she said with a laugh.

“It’ll be fine,” Lana said. “Besides, we’re going there to get his help with the laptop we found. We’re hoping it has some answers.”

“You’re still going to try to close the rift?”

“Hopefully,” Lana said firmly.

Revan bit her lip. “You’re going to need more help.”

“Maybe,” she said, turning to leave the room. “But for now, stay here and stay safe.”

“I wish you would take your own damn advice,” Revan grumbled as she followed her.

And if Lana were being honest, she wished that too. 

***

A little while later, Solas arrived to pick Lana up. She climbed into his car, a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. She looked more exhausted than she had earlier that morning.

“How was the city?” she asked.

“It was as expected,” he said, pulling out of the parking lot and starting down the road to the highway. “I am grateful I was able to leave when I did.”

“Me too,” she said. She paused. “Merrill is planning to stay with us.”

“It is probably safer for her here,” he said.

“Right. I just wanted to tell you, in case…”

“I was not planning on overstaying my welcome,” he said. “I have already booked a hotel nearby.”

She bit her lip, not replying. 

“You wanted me to stay with you?" he asked. 

“Not if you didn’t want to,” she said.

“It isn’t as though I do not wish to, _vhenan,_ ” he said. “I simply understand that you and your friend share a one-bedroom apartment. I would prefer not to impose.”

“I did like sleeping next to you,” she admitted, “minus the nightmares part, of course.”

“You are welcome to visit me, if you like.”

“I just might,” she said with a small smile. 

The lighthearted conversation kept Solas calm as he drove down the snow-covered highway toward Lana’s brother’s home. The explosion threw a wrench in everything. There was still a chance they could salvage the situation. But first, they needed information on how the orb was unlocked in the first place, and how they could potentially use that same magic to reverse the spell. There were ways he knew about, but none would work if they did not possess the orb.

Lana became quiet, staring out the window as she fidgeting with her scarf. She had become more soft-spoken after Cullen had left, and he could tell by the change in her aura that everything was weighing heavily on her. The man wouldn’t leave her alone, and he felt almost powerless to stop it. What was worse, the captain would likely draw conclusions that were less than ideal. He hoped that with the current events, his possessive nature would be placed on the backburner – but he highly doubted it. The man was quite obviously a lyrium addict and firmly gripped by his paranoia. 

However, he knew it wasn't just the explosion or Cullen that was behind her change in mood. But that would have to be a topic for another day. Whenever she was ready. 

“Are you sure about me coming with you to see your brother?” Solas asked. 

“Taelan is one of the few people I trust more than anyone,” she said, pulling her gaze from the window. “And it’s not as though we need to tell him anything. We’ve all worked together before, after all.”

“You may be right,” he said. “However, that was before certain… things came to light.”

“Even so,” she said, "I imagine he will be happier knowing I'm not doing this on my own.”

They turned into her brother’s driveway, and Solas remembered the last time they had been there – on Satinalia, after she had first opened up to him about her past. When he had realized that, despite everything, he cared for her a great deal. A great deal more than he should.

But it wasn’t until she had left that night that he’d realized that he had been alone for far too long.

They got out of the car and he followed Lana to the door. Taelan opened the door before she could knock, and her brother’s eyes instantly landed on him. Taelan had known Solas would be accompanying Lana, but that didn’t prepare him for the look that her brother gave him. Like he was assessing him far too closely. 

It wasn’t a stretch for him to draw conclusions. He’d given him a similar look back on the day after Satinalia. His gaze was like a warning. Her brother was quite protective, but Solas was beginning to understand why.

“Come in,” Taelan said, pushing the door open for the both of them. “Make yourselves at home.”

He followed Lana to the living room. It was a well-kept space, but sparse. Lana’s apartment was covered in art and tapestries with books sprawled across nearly every surface – Taelan’s house looked almost too pristine. Something floral mixed with herbs hung in the air. It was peaceful, and he noticed that even Lana began to relax. 

She sat on the couch and pulled out the laptop from her bag, handing it to Taelan, who sat beside her.

“You know, we really need to talk about your choice of hobby,” her brother said. He looked up at Solas, humor dancing in his eyes. “I’m starting to think this is your doing, _hahren_.”

“ _Taelan_ ,” Lana scolded him. “Be nice.”

He smirked at Solas, a knowing expression on his face. Solas wasn’t quite sure what to make of him yet. Their interaction before had been brief, too brief for him to get a proper read on him.

“Believe me, it is not my influence,” Solas said, sitting in the chair adjacent to them. “If I could influence her, she wouldn’t be putting herself in danger so often.”

“That does sound like her,” Taelan said, playfully jabbing her ribs with his elbow.

Lana shot a look at both of them. “Really? Ganging up on me already?”

“You make it easy, El,” Taelan said, plugging a USB drive into the side of the laptop. He looked back at her. "It's really warm in here, you sure you want to keep that scarf on?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she said quickly. 

"Suit yourself," Taelan said with a smirk. 

She let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m going to make coffee,” she said, getting up and disappearing into the kitchen.

“So,” Taelan said, not looking up from the screen. “Is that your doing?”

“Pardon?”

“You know, the hickey she’s hiding so poorly.” 

Solas blinked at the bluntness, but kept his face neutral – his silence was answer enough for Taelan.

The elf laughed. “Don't worry, you won’t get any judgment from me. She’s an adult and can make her own choices.”

“Do either of you want coffee?” Lana said as she popped her head back into the room.

Taelan gave her a curt wave, and she nodded, bringing a steaming mug of black coffee to him before looking back at Solas. Her brows furrowed. “Are you alright?” she asked quietly.

“He’s fine,” Taelan said, sipping his coffee. “He's just nervous about meeting 'the family' for the first time. Well, the second time. Different context.”

Color bloomed on her cheeks as she whirled around. “Taelan, what are you–”

“It’s alright,” Solas said. “He knows.”

She blinked, relaxing.

“Have you told Revan yet?” her brother asked, sitting back and looking up at her. “She’s going to be so pissed if I found out before her.”

“No, she knows,” she said, and looked back at Solas shyly. “She’s mad that Taelan got to meet you first, though.”

Taelan said. “That’s strike one, _hahren_. You better be careful with Revan, she’s worse than I am.”

“She is not,” Lana argued. 

He gave her an amused smile as he resumed working. “Clearly you don’t remember the summer Mahanon turned you down.”

Lana paused. “Are you telling me _she_ was the one dyed his hair that ugly orange color in his sleep?”

“Oh no, that one was me. She was the one who booby-trapped his room and tied all of his clothes up in a tree.”

Lana laughed. “I remember now. That was when we all learned that he sleeps in the nude.”

“Like I said,” Taelan said to Solas, “you’d better be careful. It’s been ten years. I don’t want to know what she’s come up with since then.”

“I will bear that in mind,” he said.

“He’s kidding,” Lana said, blushing.

“I’m really not,” Taelan whispered to him.

Lana shook her head and Solas watched as she disappeared back into the kitchen. Despite her annoyance, her spirit seemed lighter. Solas glanced back at her brother, whose expression had changed entirely as he focused his attention on the laptop.

So that was his game. From the few interactions that he’d had with her brother, he assumed that Taelan was arrogant and crass. But both times, Lana was under a great amount of stress and her brother spent the majority of the time teasing her. Distracting her from the things that weighed too heavily on her shoulders.

“You watch her very carefully, as though you are expecting the worst to happen,” Solas observed.

Taelan paused. “We all need someone who will be there to pull us back from the edge,” he said. 

His words hit Solas harder than he expected. He’d had that once, a long time ago. Too long ago to remember what it feels like to have someone like that in his life. He had since made his home on that edge – the precipice between wisdom and pride.

“You can go,” Taelan said, nodding toward the kitchen. “Just keep it off the counter.”

With that, his growing affection for her brother faded.

“What are you impl–? I–” Solas sputtered.

Taelan laughed. “I’m just giving you a hard time, _hahren,_ ” Taelan said with a wink.

Solas rubbed his face and followed Lana into the kitchen. He found her resting against the counter, seeming lost in thought. He crossed over toward her and she jumped as her eyes landed on him. “Sorry," she said. "Taelan’s coffee pot only holds enough for one cup. I’ll have another one ready in a second.”

“It’s alright,” he said, leaning against the counter beside her.

She bit her lip and looked back up at him. “I’m also sorry about my brother. This is probably isn’t what you signed up for.”

“A matter of debate,” he said. “Though based on my previous interactions with him, I shouldn’t be surprised. I should have prepared myself better.”

She laughed. “He really likes to push people’s buttons.”

“So I’ve noticed,” he said. He turned to her and pushed a lock of hair from her face, kissing her forehead. “Don’t worry, _vhenan_. I’m not going anywhere.”

Her eyes warmed and she lifted herself up to kiss his cheek softly.

“Lana,” Taelan said, stepping into the kitchen. She pulled away, her cheeks reddening again, despite Taelan barely acknowledging their closeness. “It’s ready.”

They followed her brother into the living room and all sat around the laptop.

Files of data, various measurements, and complex notes on their progress littered the computer. Some of it just looked like insignificant technological details. Lana opened one of the files on the desktop and scrolled through the pages and pages of notes before she stopped on a picture. A diagram of the orb.

“This is the artifact,” she said. “I couldn’t see it very well from inside the control room, but I know this is it. It says it’s made by a company called _Evanuris Technological Enterprises._ Do either of you know what that is?”

Solas's lips thinned.

But Taelan spoke first. “It’s a very old company that went under several years ago. They used to make and sell military-grade weapons to different countries, and occasionally private groups. They used a lot of magic – powerful magic – to produce their weapons. Anything they made was highly sought after.”

Solas looked over at him curiously. _Interesting that he should know so much about it._

“But I thought it was an ancient artifact?” Lana asked, turning to Solas.

“It is,” Solas said. “However, it appears that the organization likely took artifacts of power and shaped them to serve whatever purpose they required of it.”

“Do you think they would have made another one like this?” she asked, looking back at the diagram.

“Probably,” Taelan said. “They tended to mass-produce most of their technology.”

“How do you know all this?” she asked him with a frown.

“Came across their files once when I was doing some investigative work for the company I work for," he replied. "Apparently there were dozens of lawsuits against them after one of their top scientists blew up their labs.”

“Was it an experiment gone wrong?” Lana asked.

He sighed. “No. From what I’ve read, the person was part of some organization and worked their way inside and orchestrated the explosions. Granted, they found out later that they were testing some kind of bioweapon, which is probably why they did it.”

“It wasn’t… red lyrium, by chance?”

Solas stilled.

Taelan frowned. “It was. How did you know?”

“The scientist who wrote the papers that Solas and I based our research off of blew up a lab at the University of Arlathan. They were studying red lyrium, too.”

He shrugged. “Interesting. Maybe the person was a part of it."

“Either way,” Solas said, “we will need to find one of these artifacts. Perhaps more, depending on the strength of each.”

Lana ran her fingers through her hair. “So how do we do that?”

Solas tilted his head to the side. “You possess an ability that allows you to find objects in the Fade and pinpoint their location. It is particularly rare, from what I have read. But an object this powerful will likely make a large enough imprint in the Fade for you to find.”

Taelan groaned. “More Fade bullshit,” he said. “Can’t we just search for it the normal way for once?”

“If you wish to go spend months tracking down such an artifact in the waking world, that is your prerogative. However, we are under a bit of a time constraint,” Solas said. “Using the Fade will be faster.”

“And more dangerous,” Taelan said. “Last time she went in the Fade when I was around, she fought a demon alone.”

“She won’t be alone this time, but I can assure you that she can handle herself quite while in the Fade.”

Taelan looked between them. “Is that supposed to be a euphemism?”

Lana groaned, covering her face. “ _Taelan_ , for Creator’s sake, are you done?”

He beamed. “Not in the slightest. This is the first boyfriend of yours that I’ve met, I have to milk it for what it’s worth.”

“He is not the first one you’ve met,” she said.

Taelan raised an eyebrow. “In the two years you dated the blond asshole, you never brought him over to meet me once.”

She shrugged. “You were busy.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, turning back to the laptop and scrolling further. “Wait a minute, look at this,” he said.

He had pulled open another document that had been left on the desktop. Lana frowned. “The Orb of Fen’Harel,” she said softly. She made the image larger, studying it. “I’ve seen this before. In the Fade, with…” she cut herself off. “I had a hunch that the orb in the facility was the same, but now I’m fairly positive it is the same.”

“It looks like there are others in this one,” Taelan said, scrolling down. “Apparently they did a whole line of them, but they weren’t for sale. There’s one named after each of the Creators.”

“If they weren’t for sale, what were they using them for?” Lana wondered out loud.

“The artifacts were used as foci in ancient times,” Solas said. “So it was likely to amplify their own magic, or harness it in a way.”

“So one of these would likely be able to help us close the rift, since they likely hold the same amount of power,” she said. 

“Theoretically.”

“Could they each carry different magic?” Lana asked. “Or would any one of them work to close the rift?”

“It’s quite possible that they would be different,” Solas said. “But you and I would likely be able to examine it and sense if the magic could be used. After all, it is similar magic to the one that opened the rift in the first place.”

She nodded. “So we know now what we’re after. We’ll have to look for them in the Fade, and then find them in the real world. Wherever they might be.” She pressed her lips together. “It’s probably too much to hope that they’re close by.”

“First we’ll find them,” Solas said, standing up, “and then we’ll discuss what to do moving forward.”

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I need to check in to my room at the hotel,” he said. “I will need to change into something more comfortable, especially if we are planning on going into the Fade for an extended period of time.”

Taelan frowned. “A hotel? You two aren’t staying together?”

“No,” Lana said. “Our friend Merrill is staying with us. She goes to school with us, so…”

Taelan looked at Solas. “You could always stay here. I have an extra room.”

Solas shook his head. “While I appreciate the offer, I would not wish to impose. Besides, I have already paid for my room.”

Taelan shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Solas turned to Lana. “Would you like a ride?”

Taelan opened his mouth and Lana clamped her hand over his mouth. “Not a word out of you,” she said in a threatening tone. She looked back at Solas. “Sure.”

She released her hand from Taelan’s face and he scowled at her. “Come on, El, he practically _walked_ into that one!”

“Thanks for the help,” she said to her brother, ignoring his protests.

He sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Just tell me when you two decide to go into the Fade. If you don’t mind, I’d like to help.”

An uneasy feeling settled inside Solas. He was sure Taelan meant well, but with how much he knew… he knew it would be better to be careful for now.

***

Taelan stuck his hands in his pockets as he watched Lana and Solas climb into the car. They backed out of the driveway, and he waved as they started down the road. When they were out of view, he sighed and pulled out his phone and typed in a number.

The phone rang once. Twice.

_“Yes?”_

“Hey, I think I might have found what you’ve been looking for.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I named my chapters, this one would be called "The time Taelan roasted Solas more in one hour than Blackwall did in two years." 😂
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


	39. Chapter 39

It hadn’t been until they were driving away from her brother’s apartment that reality had started to slowly set in again. Lana watched the sky as Solas drove, and even though they were miles from the city, she was able to see the eerie green glow. Guilt rattled through her once more, stifled only by the growing numbness in the back of her mind. Taelan had kept their conversation light and energetic – and she hadn’t even realized that he’d been doing it on purpose.

That’s what he’d always done. When they left the clan, he’d spent every day talking about absolute nonsense. Even when they were hitchhiking through the Free Marches he did it – they were homeless, broke, and had nowhere to go, no family or friends to turn to. But they kept going, and whenever Lana could feel the horrid claws of what had happened curl around her, he had yanked her out with some irritating joke or playful jab.

It was effective, she admitted to herself. It reminded her that she had fight left in her.

“So,” Lana said awkwardly, “when do you think we’ll get started on going into the Fade?”

“Truthfully, it may be best if we get some sleep before going into the Fade,” Solas replied. “We will want to be well-rested, and since we were unable to rest properly last night.”

“Right,” she said. “So you’re planning on just dropping me off at home, then?”

“If you like,” he said. “Though you are welcome to stay with me, I would understand preferring to sleep in your own bed.”

“I don’t mind coming with you.” She blushed instantly at the innuendo, rubbing her face. “I mean… go with you. To the hotel.” _Creators, woman._

He chuckled. “Then I will take you home so that you can collect whatever you need for the night. I did bring the herbs with me so that we can sleep through the night without the disturbance of the Fade.”

“Probably a good idea.”

He brought her to her apartment, where she quickly packed her things. She was grabbing her toothbrush when she noticed Revan standing in the door, her arms crossed.

“So, you’re going to stay with your boyfriend, then?”

‘Boyfriend’ almost felt like a weird title for him. _Vhenan_ fit better, but even that made her blush fiercely. She hadn’t even called Cullen that – it was far more intimate in the Elvhen culture, a fact she was almost certain Solas was aware of. It was often reserved for lovers and spouses, but it referred mostly to the deep connection that two people shared. She had shared more with him than most anyone else, so she supposed the term was the most appropriate. Not that Revan needed to know that, though.

“Lana?” Revan said. “Are you in there?”

“Sorry,” Lana replied. “Yes, I am. We’ve started working on finding a way to close the rift, so it will be easier if I stay with him. Oh, speaking of which – he gave me some herbs to give you and Merrill.” Lana brushed past her friend and plucked the small container from her bed to hand it to her.

Revan took it, but looked at Lana, her brows furrowed.

“What is it?” Lana asked.

“I just think you should be careful is all,” Revan sighed. “All of this feels really dangerous. You don’t even know who’s behind the explosion. If you put yourself in harm’s way… I don’t want to even think about it. And I don’t like that your professor is encouraging it.”

“He’s not, trust me,” Lana replied. “He just knows that I would be doing this even if he weren’t helping me.”

Revan laughed. “Well that’s good, at least.”

Lana finished packing and zipped up her bag.

“So when do I get to meet him?”

“Soon,” Lana replied. “I promise.”

“I’m still mad Taelan met him first.”

“I know.”

Revan pulled her into a hug. “Be safe out there, El.”

“I will,” Lana said, hugging her tightly.

***

The hotel that Solas had chosen to stay in just happened to be the fanciest one in the area. Lana raised her eyebrows as they pulled up to the front door. She began to wonder how much a person could make as a professor that would cause him to be able to afford to stay in such a place for several days – or longer, depending on how long it took to find another orb. They got out of the car so the valet could take it to the parking lot. Solas handed their suitcases to the bellman before leading her inside to check in.

They made their way up the elevator, and Lana fidgeted with her rings. It felt strange, going to a hotel with him. She supposed being far away from Amaranthine meant that it wouldn’t matter if anyone saw them together, but her stomach still churned as they walked down the hall to his room.

He opened the door to let them inside, where the bellman had already dropped off their suitcases. _Well that was fast._

The door clicked shut, and Solas took her hand, pulling her close to kiss her forehead.

“Something appears to be troubling you,” he said.

“It’s nothing,” she said. “It just feels… weird being in a hotel with you, I guess. I’m nervous someone might see us.”

He smiled, brushing a lock of hair from her face. “We will be careful,” he said. “But I highly doubt that anyone will come here of all places. It is rather out of the way, even if they are staying outside the city.”

“Fair enough,” she said. She smiled and rose up on her toes to kiss his cheek. He pulled her close and kissed her temple, then her cheek, and finally pressed his lips against hers. It was slow and unhurried, and his fingers traced along her cheek, cupped her jaw as their lips parted, and she sighed deeply.

He ran his fingers across her waist, and she pulled him close, pushing him back until they reached the bed. She turned him and pushed him back onto the bed, and he chuckled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her down with him, capturing her lips once more. She straddled him, running her hands across his abdomen.

He pulled away and laughed.

“The things you do to me, _vhenan,_ ” he murmured.

She smiled as she lifted her lips to his earlobe, nibbling softly. He sighed and kissed her neck, where he had left the hickey from earlier.

“I apologize for complicating things by marking you,” he said. “Though I’m almost ashamed to say I don’t particularly regret it. Especially if it means that the captain now knows you are no longer available for him to pursue.”

She laughed. “Honestly, it’s fine. Despite his reaction, I’m hoping this means he’ll leave me alone.”

“I am more sorry that your brother noticed,” he said. “I would have preferred that he found out a different way.”

“Me too,” she said, laying down beside him. “Though I don’t know if he would have reacted any differently.”

“I’m sure,” he chuckled.

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Images from the night before flashed in her mind, and she rubbed her face.

“Something else is bothering you,” Solas noted.

“Not really, it’s just… my dream,” she said. "I'm having a hard time getting my mind off of it." 

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me about it?” he asked.

She chewed on her lip. “It’s alright. I don’t want to burden you with it.”

He lifted himself, resting on his elbow. “It is not a burden, Lana,” he replied. “I will not force you to speak of it, but if it will help to speak of it I am willing to listen.”

She looked up at him – there was such concern in his eyes.

She sighed. “The Fear demon just showed me images of my past. Things that happened that I really wish I could forget. I thought I was over all the nightmares, but every time I think I’m okay, they come back to haunt me. But the worst part of it was even when I realized it was just the Fear demon, I was powerless to stop it or fight it off. It reminded me of how weak I had felt at the time.”

“Fear demons often bring out the worst memories,” he said gently. “And no matter how much you prepare, it can be disarming. But you are not weak, Lana. If you like, I can show you techniques to help you be more prepared, should it happen again.”

She smiled. “I suppose it would be useful, considering that we’ll be going into the Fade for extended periods of time.”

“Indeed,” he said. “While you may not need to worry as much when we are together, it would be better for you to be prepared, should the worst happen.”

“You’re probably right,” she said. She bit her lip. “Solas, I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Do you believe in the Elvhen gods?” she asked.

His expression changed slightly. “Why do you ask?”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “You remember the spirit I told you about?”

“I do,” he replied.

“I told you about how he… changed last night. But the form he took… he looked like Fen’Harel, from Elvhen legend. He was tall, with black fur and red eyes. And the way he looked at me,” she paused, shivering. 

He lifted himself slowly. “And you believe him to be Fen’Harel?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “It felt like that but… the scientist in me is skeptical. Yet everything I was taught by my Keeper tells me otherwise.”

He sat up fully, looking away. “I don’t believe in the Elvhen gods,” he said. “Or, at least, I do not believe them to be gods. Legends, perhaps, passed on for generations. But not gods.”

“Hmm,” she said, looking up at the ceiling. It wasn't the first time she was with someone who didn't share her beliefs, so she supposed it didn't bother her much that he didn't believe in them. “What do you think it could have been, then?” 

“I couldn’t be sure without seeing for myself, I suppose,” he said. “But it could be possible that your spirit simply changed his form. Perhaps he was corrupted.”

“If he had been corrupted, I think he would have tried to hurt me,” she said. “But he was protecting me.”

“Then perhaps he was changing his form to ward off potential threats,” he offered. 

She hadn’t thought of that. “Can spirits change their form like that at will?”

“Desire demons and Fear demons change their form at will, can they not?” he replied. “Whatever your spirit is, it could be a similar transformation.”

She sat up. “That would make more sense,” she said. “It still made me nervous, though.”

“I can imagine so. And yet, you still trust him, even though his form changed?”

She nodded. “It’s such a strange feeling. Like I know him, even if we’ve never actually spoken.” She laughed. “I probably sound ridiculous.”

“Not at all,” he said. “Spirits are often benevolent, and are more pure-hearted than people in the waking world.”

“Thanks for not thinking I’m completely crazy," she said. 

“You are never crazy to me, _vhenan,_ ” he said, kissing her forehead.

Her stomach growled and she laughed. “We should probably get food,” she said.

He nodded. “Yes, let’s.”

***

Later that evening, Solas prepared the herbal tea for them. The smell was quite potent, but not entirely unpleasant, and he handed her a mug as she sat with her legs crossed on the bed.

She blew on the steam, sipping it slowly. The tea warmed her instantly, and she smiled.

“You added honey,” she noted.

“Ah, yes,” he said. “I apologize, I should have asked. I prefer mine with honey – not that I prefer it at all, but it helps me stomach it.”

“No, it’s fine,” she said. “I like it.”

He chuckled as he leaned against the headboard of the bed. “That makes one of us.”

She took another sip, and noticed a small black book on one of the end tables.

“What’s that?” she asked, motioning to the book.

“It is my sketchbook,” he said. “I like to sketch late at night when I can’t sleep.”

“Do you mind if I look through it?” she asked.

“Not at all,” he said, plucking the book from the table and handing it to her.

She opened the book and flipped through the pages. Her jaw nearly dropped.

“Solas, these are beautiful,” she said, running her fingers along the edge of the pages. Some of the sketches were of coffee shops and libraries, others were old ruins and mountain scenes. The shading was masterful, and blended perfectly. 

“I like to take photographs and sketch them later,” he said. “It keeps my mind busy.”

She flipped another page and stopped. It was a portrait of an elven woman with short dark hair and kind eyes. She was looking up from a book as she sat beside a tree, her delicate fingers in the middle of lifting a page.

She was… familiar, Lana realized. _Is that…?_

“Oh, apologies,” he said, pulling the book from her lap. “I didn’t intend for you to…” his ears turned pink as he closed the book and tucked it away in his bag beside the bed.

“It’s okay, Solas,” she said. “Was she an old girlfriend?”

“No,” he said. “Just an old friend.” His voice had saddened.

“Did something happen?” she asked.

“She passed away,” he said. “That’s all I wish to say about it, if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” she said, pulling herself up to sit beside him. She took his hand, slipping her fingers in between his. “Whatever happened, though, I am sorry.”

“Thank you,” he said softly.

She smiled and sipped her tea. When they had both finished, Solas set the teacups to the side and curled into bed beside her, pulling her close as he kissed the top of her head. They turned the lights off and she nestled into his chest, feeling content. But even in that moment, in the back of her mind, she couldn’t help wondering about how it was that Solas knew the woman from her dreams named Silea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws fluff your way* I can't help it, sorry. I love these nerds too much. 
> 
> Also I should probably say to expect a chapter every two weeks - I'm going to try post every week but my job has been really stressful lately so I haven't had the energy to post once a week. Hopefully I can back into the groove of things soon. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and thank you everyone who has commented and left kudos - you all keep me going! ❤


	40. Chapter 40

Lana groggily awoke the next morning, rubbing her eyes as she lifted her head. The space beside her was empty, and she sat up, looking around at the empty hotel room. She heard Solas’s voice coming from the other room, slightly hushed as though he were trying not to wake her up.

“Indeed,” she heard him say. “I have already emailed my students.”

There was a pause.

“I understand. The implications alone… I sincerely hope the labs are not affected. If that much red lyrium were to destabilize, it would be far more catastrophic.”

Lana grimaced. He was right, of course. After what she had seen in her dream, it was worrisome to know that it wouldn’t take very much for things to go south quickly.

The person on the other line spoke for a while, until finally, “I will do so. Thank you.”

Solas stepped out from the other room and his eyes lifted to hers.

“I apologize if I woke you,” he said. “That was Fiona. They are resorting to keeping classes online as to not prevent anyone from not being able to graduate on time.”

“I don’t think you could have woken me if you tried,” she said with a laugh. “The tea you gave me was rather strong.”

“It did its job properly, then,” he said with a smirk. 

She bit her lip. “I should probably check my email at some point.” She would likely have assignments due soon, but she doubted it would be too comprehensive. _Probably just an enormous amount of reading._

“You should,” he agreed. “See if you have anything due soon. After that, we can work on finding the orb.”

She laughed. “Typical professor. Schoolwork comes before the end of the world, I see?”

He chuckled. “You raise a fair point. In any event, we should get ready. We have a long day ahead of us.”

***

They departed from the hotel and drove to Taelan’s house once more. Her brother had insisted on making sure they had a safe place for them to enter the Fade.

When they arrived at his house, however, it was Revan who opened the door. Lana’s eyes widened.

“Revan? What are you doing here?”

Her friend’s eyes were fixed on Solas for a moment before she turned back to Lana. “I wanted to come help. You shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

Lana rubbed her forehead. “And how, exactly, are you planning on helping?”

Revan crossed her arms. “Is Taelan a mage? No. He told me what the two of you are planning on doing, and if anyone is going to be able to help you outside of the Fade, it’s _a mage_. Now, before you go ballistic, Merrill is here as well, but all she knows is that since the two of you have been working on the same research and can’t go to the lab like you normally would, you are continuing your experiment here as it’s a safe environment. She doesn’t know anything else, she suspects nothing, and she wants to help.”

“You don’t think she will find it odd that I wasn’t home last night?” 

She shrugged. “I told her that you went to go see your friend Dorian.”

Lana ran her fingers through her hair and turned to Solas. “We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“It is not ideal, but as I have said, we have more important things to worry about,” he replied.

Lana sighed. “Fine. Let’s just… get this over with.”

As they entered the living room, Merrill bounced up from the couch where she had been sitting next to Taelan. Taelan looked almost as annoyed as Lana felt.

“Oh, Dr. Wolf, I’m so glad you’re alright,” Merrill said. “I was worried, since the rift is so close to the department. Don’t you live close to campus, too?”

Lana kept her expression calm, though she could feel the heat on her cheeks. She decided then to retreat to the kitchen, where she started the water for tea. She needed to keep her hands busy.

“I do,” he said, she heard Solas say smoothly. “But I was able to stay elsewhere in the meantime.”

 _Creators, this day just got more complicated._

Revan walked into the kitchen, and Lana turned to her. “What the _fuck_ , Revan?” she hissed. 

Revan frowned. “Do you really think I’m going to let you just go off and do all this alone? Taelan is only _sometimes_ reliable with things like this, and I don’t know Solas well enough to trust him to keep you safe yet.” She pulled out cups for tea. Her hand touched a fifth cup.

“We don’t need five, Solas doesn’t drink tea,” Lana commented.

Revan made a face and got out the bags of tea.

“Isn’t enough that I trust him?” Lana asked.

“No,” Revan replied. “You don’t exactly have a good track record for keeping yourself safe. So, I’m doing it for you. That, and I’m not sure I trust anyone who doesn’t drink tea.” 

Lana sighed as she poured hot water into each cup. “You really are infuriating sometimes.”

“Mhmm,” Revan said. “You can complain all you want, but I’m not going to stand by and watch you end up being eaten by some kind of demon.”

“That’s not how… oh, never mind,” Lana huffed as they brought the tea out to everyone else.

Taelan looked up at Lana as she returned and mouthed _I’m sorry_. Her jaw tightened. Taelan had probably been ambushed by Revan, which she didn’t find entirely surprising. Lana sat on the couch beside her brother, trying to keep as much distance from Solas as possible. She didn’t like going back to pretending again. Getting through the next few months was probably going to be a lot harder than she’d imagined.

“So, what’s the plan?” Revan asked as she sat down.

“Dr. Wolf and I are going to be entering the Fade. We are going to be searching for an artifact that might just be powerful enough to close the rift,” Lana explained. 

“That sounds quite dangerous,” Merrill said. “Do you know exactly what you’re looking for? And where to find it?”

“Kind of,” Lana said, gripping her cup tightly. She’d been trying not to think about it too much – she didn’t know what they would do if she failed.

“El is going to sniff out one of the artifacts like a bloodhound,” Taelan said.

“Wait, can you really do that?” Merrill asked, tilting her head to the side. 

“That’s not really what it is, but… in sense, sure,” Lana said.

“Her gifts involve being able to sense certain objects or people in the Fade,” Solas explained. “But I am sure she would appreciate your discretion on the matter. It is a rare gift.”

“Of course,” Merrill said. “I would never tell anyone. But it sounds like it will be dangerous.”

“Yes,” Solas said. “Which is why I am here as well.”

Merrill nodded. “Good thing, too. I wouldn’t want Lana going in alone.”

“So, what will we need to watch for?” Taelan asked. “Last time you had devices strapped to you to sense demons.”

“There isn’t necessarily anything you can look for,” Solas replied. “However, should we be attacked and severely injured, the injuries may appear on us as well.”

“So we watch for injuries and wake you up if you are injured?” Revan said.

“Indeed,” Solas said. “We will also likely require healing.”

“And this is why you needed mages,” Revan said, looking pointedly at Lana.

Lana bit her tongue to keep from yelling at her friend. “Anyway,” she said, “we should get started soon.”

“Agreed,” Solas said. “We don’t have much time.”

“So,” Taelan said, standing up. “Whenever the two of you are ready, we can set this room up however you need.”

“Honestly, we don’t need very much,” Lana said. “Just quiet – and probably darkness.”

Taelan nodded. “We can get that ready,” he said, looking up at Revan, his face turning stony. He was clearly mad at Revan as well, but she seemed not to pay either of them any mind. The three of them closed the curtains, darkening the room as best they could. Solas sat beside Lana on the couch, still keeping space between them. 

“Do you need anything before we leave the room?” Taelan asked.

“No, this is fine,” Lana said.

Taelan nodded. “We’ll check on the two of you every now and then to make sure you’re not hurt.” He watched as Merrill and Revan left the room, and looked back at them. “I really tried to kick them out, I swear,” he said, keeping his voice low.

“It’s okay, Taelan,” Lana said.

He gave them a sympathetic smile before leaving the room as well.

“Well, this will be interesting,” she muttered.

“It will be fine,” Solas said gently.

She felt him curl his aura around her, the wave of calm brushing against her skin. She relaxed beneath the feeling of it.

“You don’t always have to do that, you know,” she murmured.

“I don’t do it out of obligation, Lana,” he replied. “Unless you would prefer that I didn’t?”

“No,” she said, looking over at him. “I don’t mind it, I just wanted you to know.”

A tendril of his magic brushed her cheek affectionately, and she laughed softly. “Okay, let’s just go.” She took a deep breath, releasing the tension in her shoulders as she closed her eyes.

***

The Fade looked barren. Lana stepped forward, looking out at the strand valley of rocks and silence. Even the air felt sickly. She looked over her shoulder, the Black City off in the distance, suspended in the air. Fear creeped up her spine. 

“I wouldn’t stare at it for too long,” Solas said beside her.

She swallowed and tore her gaze away. “I don’t even know where to begin with this.”

“Perhaps focusing on just _one_ of the artifacts will help,” he said. “Each of the artifacts was named after one of the elven gods, a connection that may be easier for you to draw from. Mythal's, for instance, could be a good start."

“And I’m just supposed to search the _entirety_ of the Fade to find it?” she asked.

“Do you remember how you found the book in Kirkwall?” Solas asked.

“Yes, but that was much closer than I assume any of the artifacts are,” she said.

“Indeed,” he replied. “But these artifacts are far more powerful, and thus generate a greater amount of energy than a simple desire demon.”

“Really?” she asked. “More than a demon?”

“One artifact opened a rift in the Fade, did it not?”

“True,” she replied. She looked out at the Fade around them, a lump growing in her throat. “I don’t know if I like having everything hinge on whether or not I can find the artifacts.”

Solas stepped forward and took her hand. “I know, _vhenan._ We have time in the Fade. We will take as long as you need.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay. So, I just picture the image, just like before?”

“Yes. Once you have the image in your mind, you must reach out with your magic, as you did before.”

She closed her eyes, imagining Mythal’s orb in her mind. Reaching out with her magic, she concentrated, pushing out as far as she could.

She felt nothing.

Releasing a breath, she moved on to the next one she remembered – Elgar’nan’s. She thought of the divots in the orb that formed the shape of a sun. She reached out once more, trying to push even further.

Again, nothing.

“Dammit!” she exclaimed, pulling her hand from Solas’ and running her fingers through her hair.

“Lana, it’s alright,” Solas said. “It will take time.”

“But I feel _nothing,_ " she exclaimed. "I don’t even have an inkling of which direction any of them would be in.”

Solas stepped in front of her. “It is alright if it doesn’t come as easily. You are still learning how to use this skill.”

“That won’t help us close the rift faster,” she said. “If I can’t do it, then…”

“Then we will find them another way,” Solas interjected gently. “It is not all hinging on you. If we need to search for them the slower way, we can. This way is just the quickest.”

She sighed, relaxing slightly.

“Do you want to leave?” Solas asked. “We can leave at any time and come back.”

“No,” she sighed. “I want to make more of an effort before we give up.”

He nodded, looking off towards the rift. “Perhaps if we leave this area, we may have a better chance.”

“You’re probably right,” she said.

Solas held out his hand and she took it. He pulled her close and fade-stepped forward, the cool air around them sending a shiver down her spine. She saw blurred landscapes pass them by, the barren Fade suddenly getting warmer as they moved.

They slowed, and Solas gently lowered them to the ground as they stepped into an open field. It looked different from her field, but felt safe enough.

“Let’s try it here,” he said.

He led her to the center of the field, where they sat cross-legged. She felt his calm wash over her again like a gentle caress. She closed her eyes and thought of the orbs once again. She reached out with her tendrils of magic, stretching them out beyond the field. She focused once more on Mythal’s orb, but felt nothing again. Elgar’nan’s, nothing. _Perhaps I could try thinking about the others._ Andruil, Sylaise, June, Ghilan'nain, Dirthamen - she went through the list until finally, she landed on Falon’Din.

She felt a sharp pull from her magic, and her eyes flew open.

“Where?” Solas asked.

She pointed, and Solas pulled her up into his arms, fade-stepping in that direction. They flew, and she felt it getting closer and closer until –

“Stop,” she said. 

Solas lowered them, and she looked out. They were in some kind of deep forest. She could feel the hum of the orb in the distance, calling her closer.

“But where… where are we?” she asked.

“Orlais, I believe,” Solas said, looking up. “The Emerald Graves, from the looks of the trees.”

She nodded stepping forward. Climbing over tangles of vines and thick roots, she felt as though the trees were only growing closer and closer together as she pressed forward. But she could _feel_ it. The humming grew until it was a dull roar in her ears. 

“Lana,” Solas called from behind her.

“It’s here,” she said, pulling herself over another root.

She could hear him calling out to her, but she felt the magic beckoning to her, pulling her in. This artifact was much stronger than the one that opened the rift, she realized. The canopy above her had shrouded most of the light from the sky, painting the area a dim green. It became harder and harder for her to see as she climbed down a large root.

As she reached the forest floor again, she felt the magic like a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see nothing but blank space. The orb was there, but it wasn’t. She _knew_ it was there, and perhaps the current shape of the Fade was shrouding it. She wouldn’t be able to shape the area with her mind to paint a clearer picture like she did in Kirkwall, either – she didn’t even have a vague idea of what existed around here. But she stepped forward toward where the magic was humming. If she could reach out and touch the magic, maybe…

“Lana, stop!” Solas said, suddenly pulling her back.

She blinked, rubbing her head. “Sorry I don’t… I don’t know what came over me.”

“The magic is active,” he said, “which is why its signature was so strong. But if you touch it, there’s no telling what will happen. We will have to find a way here in the waking world.”

She sighed. “Because that will be easy,” she muttered.

“It’s a start, at least,” he said. “Come, we should return.”

As they moved to leave, a voice echoed through the air.

“It actually worked,” a soft, masculine voice said. “Are you sure it’s going to work on the mirror?” 

“We can’t waste time on speculation,” another voice answered. “We only have one chance to do it. There can be no mistakes.”

Lana’s blood ran cold, her hands beginning to shake.

The first voice let out a huff. “Well let’s just turn the damn thing off, it’s hurting my head.”

The low chuckle that Lana remembered all too well rumbled through the forest, and the humming ceased. The magical energy was still there, but much dimmer. Even still, Lana felt like the world was closing in around her.

Solas watched her face. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

“I know who has the orb,” she said quietly. “And I know where we will find it.”

“What do you mean? Who has it?” he asked.

“Nethrien.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot! They couldn't stay in the fluffy cocoon forever, no matter how much I wish they could. 😭 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! ❤❤❤


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for panic attack at the beginning until the asterisks, if you would prefer to skip ❤

The world came rushing back around Lana as she opened her eyes. There was a roaring in her ears as she tried to settle back into the waking world. Her hands shook as she stood up, not able to sit still anymore. Solas reached for her, and she flinched away from him. Worry filled his expression.

“I need a second,” she said, her mouth dry.

The walls felt like they were closing around her. She needed to get _out._ Her legs carried her out of the living room and out of the front door. She felt like she was suffocating, even as the cold winter air brushed against her skin. Leaning against the wall of the garage, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ease the air back into her lungs. 

Her thoughts were spinning, his voice was echoing in her ears and she tried to push it away, shove it back down into the darkest recesses of her mind. _It’s over. He’s not here. He can’t hurt you._ She repeated the words in her mind again. And again. _It’s over._

Deep breaths.

Terror was replaced with anger. Of _all_ the people who could have had the orb, why _him?_ Beyond that, what in the Void was he planning on doing with the orb? They would have to get the orb from him, which meant finding him. But she knew where he would be, and where he would be using the orb.

_What had he meant by a mirror?_

She frowned. A mirror… like the one she had seen in Kirkwall? She remembered the strange humming of magic that had emanated from it. There were so many questions, too many variables, too much that wouldn’t be solved until they found him.

There was no way she could do it without breaking.

The door beside her opened, and Solas stepped down off the doorstep to stand beside her. He reached for her, pausing as though waiting for her to pull away. When she didn’t flinch, he ran his fingers across her cheek. She stepped into his arms hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her protectively and kissed the top of her head.

“Are you alright, _vhenan?_ ” he murmured.

“I will be in a minute,” she said, burying her face in his chest.

“Take all the time you need.”

She could feel him pulling his calming aura around her again. Letting out a soft laugh, she pulled away. “Thank you,” she said, leaning back against the wall. “Sorry, his voice just… startled me.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said. 

She bit her lip. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she said.

“It is alright,” he said softly. “You will not be forced to do anything. There are other orbs we could search for.”

She pulled away and looked up at him. “You don’t understand. He means to use that thing at the Arlathvhen.” she shook her head. “His plan, the one that Revan almost exposed – this has to be part of it.”

Solas sighed. “I worry that this may complicate our situation more so than is necessary, but I understand your concern. Anyone in possession of such a powerful artifact is dangerous, considering the damage it can cause. When is the Arlathvhen?”

“In two weeks,” Lana realized. She rubbed her forehead. _Too soon. I don’t even have time to properly prepare myself for this._

He lifted her chin with one finger. “He won’t hurt you again,” he said, a quiet fury in his voice.

Something behind his eyes gave her pause. He was always so gentle, so kind, but in that moment she could see someone else entirely. Someone she didn’t quite recognize, and yet…

The front door opened, and Solas quickly pulled away as Revan stepped out of the house.

“It’s only me,” she said, crossing over toward them. “What happened?”

Lana bit her lip. 

"We can explain more inside," Solas replied. "It appears it is more complicated than we originally thought." 

Revan nodded. "Alright, well, when you're ready Lana, come inside. I have something that I think will help." 

***

Lana curled her fingers around the mug of hot chocolate as she sat back down on the couch, seeming to calm.

"Better?" Revan asked. 

Lana laughed softly. "A little bit." 

Solas tried to calm his uneasiness as well as he stood on the other side of the room. What they had seen changed everything, and even now, he wasn't sure how to process it. He assumed that this Nethrien and whoever he was working with were dealing with things well beyond their knowledge. He hoped, at least. If they truly knew what they were dealing with, that made things far more complicated - and far more dangerous. 

Taelan was watching Lana carefully. “What happened?” he asked after a while. “Did you find one of the orbs?”

“We were able to find one of the orbs, yes,” Solas explained. “It appears your Keeper is in possession of one.” 

Revan paled. “So, what, he’s planning on opening another rift?”

“Not exactly,” Solas replied. “Or, at least, we suspect that it might not be his plan. Whether or not it inadvertently opens a rift is another matter entirely.”

“A mirror,” Lana said quietly, her brows furrowed. “They said something about using it on a mirror.”

“A mirror? Could they possibly be talking about an eluvian?” Merrill asked.

“What’s an eluvian?” Taelan asked.

“An old elvhen artifact. The eluvians once allowed long-distance communication in the time of Elvhenan,” Merrill explained. “But… where did they get it? The eluvians are gone or in disrepair – or, at least, there aren’t that many left. Are they attempting to fix one?”

“That is possible,” Solas replied.

“Well _,_ what are they planning to do with it?” Merrill frowned.

“I highly doubt Nethrien is planning on using it just to communicate with someone,” Revan said.

“I believe you are correct,” Solas agreed. “Communication was not exactly the primary function of eluvians. In my studies, I have found that those in Elvhenan used them to travel great distances. But that would require access to another eluvian.”

“So they’re fixing one to just… travel nowhere?” Revan asked. “If there are no other active eluvians…”

“There are,” Lana said abruptly.

“There are?” Merrill asked.

“I didn’t know that’s what it was, but I found an eluvian when we were at the museum in Kirkwall. It looked like a mirror but it felt…” she sighed. “It wasn’t in disrepair. That much I know.”

“So, what, they’re trying to get to the museum again?” Taelan said, crossing his arms. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Unless they took that eluvian,” Lana replied. “Do you remember the woman we saw when we were trying to leave? The one with the red hair? She might be a part of it, too.”

“Maybe,” he said slowly. “Though I’m assuming these eluvians are kind of big, right? Enough for a person to walk through? If so, I highly doubt she would have hauled the thing out by herself quickly enough to avoid being discovered.”

“We have no way of knowing if she was actually by herself,” Lana replied.

“True,” Taelan replied. “So, if that’s the one that Nethrien has, that still doesn’t answer the question of where they’re trying to go, or how they’re going to do it, much less why they need some powerful orb to do it.”

“I’ve read that some eluvians require some kind of key – a secret code or something,” Merrill said. “Maybe that’s it – the orb is some kind of key.”

“That’s some powerful key,” Taelan noted.

“Therefore a powerful lock,” Solas agreed, and the idea settled in him uneasily. If the orb _was_ truly the key, then whatever the eluvian led to was far more than a doorway across the continent – and made the next course of action very, _very_ clear. “Which means whatever lay beyond the doorway is likely powerful as well, if not dangerous. Likely more powerful than merely being a doorway.”

“Knowing Nethrien, it’s probably also a way for him to grab at more power,” Revan noted.

“We need more information,” Lana said, crossing her arms. “We know that Nethrien is working with another person, but he also seemed unsure as to whether or not the orb would actually open the eluvian. He’s probably working for someone – someone powerful enough to know about the eluvian and the orbs.” 

“So, do you think Alexius is behind this?” Taelan asked.

“Maybe,” Lana said, “but from what we’ve discovered, not even he is pulling the strings of this operation. If he were, we likely would have been pushed to find a cure for the effects of red lyrium. Dorian and I think it could be possible that his son is sick due to the taint in red lyrium, and that was why he was pushing for us to find a cure and not just refine it.”

“That is likely true,” Solas replied. “I find that many organizations care little for the health of their people where power is concerned.”

“Great – so what do we do, just march over to the school and demand to know who he’s working for and if he’s connected to Nethrien?” Revan asked.

“We don’t have time for an interrogation,” Merrill said. “The Arlathvhen is happening in two weeks.”

“Shit. That came fast,” Taelan said, rubbing his forehead. He let out a sigh. “So, we go after Nethrien first. Any ideas where he is?”

“The Emerald Graves was where we found the magical signature,” Solas replied.

“Near Halamshiral, then,” Merrill said. “A little ways away, but it would make sense. That’s where they’re holding the Arlathvhen this year.”

“So, the easiest way to find him is to go to the Arlathvhen,” Taelan said. “But… none of us are actually a part of a clan, except Merrill.”

“I will talk to my Keeper,” Merrill said. “I may not be on the best terms with my clan, but given the circumstances, I’m sure they can make an exception, at least for the three of you.” Merrill looked to Solas. “I apologize, Dr. Wolf, I don’t believe they would make an exception for you to attend.”

“We’ll need someone who can properly handle the orb,” Lana said. “I can do my best, but…”

“I’m sure I can stay close by,” Solas said. “When you have obtained the orb, I can bring the proper materials to contain it.”

“It’s settled then,” Lana sighed.

“No one’s going to make you go, El,” Taelan said to her, resting his forearms on his knees. “But… you are the one who knows how to find it.”

“I know.” She bit her lip. “If Merrill’s Keeper can help us get in, then I’ll go. I’m not about to let him get away with this, too.”

Self-sacrificing, protective of those around her, determined to seek justice for those who had been wronged – she reminded him so much of his mentor sometimes. Solas admired that part of her and yet the thought thoroughly terrified him.

“Then it’s settled,” Revan said. “We’ll go to Orlais and find Nethrien and the orb before he can do anything at the Arlathvhen. That solves both of our problems at once.”

Taelan sighed. “Let’s hope, anyway.”

***

That night, Lana returned home with Revan and Merrill. As much as she wanted to spend the night with Solas again, she needed some sense of normalcy. She’d gone to bed much earlier than she normally did, needing to be alone. Revan had tried to convince her to try to get her mind off of things, and she’d made a solid effort to try, but in the end, she couldn’t shake the feeling. Lana stared at the soft light that was streaming through her bedroom window as she laid in her bed. Steam curled up from the cup of herbal tea on her nightstand.

Needing something else to focus on, her thoughts drifted back to her wolf. Was he truly Fen’Harel? Was she just being superstitious? Part of her wanted answers, but going back into the Fade now… it would be foolish. After the last two times being in the Fade, going back in felt like a recipe for disaster.

No. She shouldn’t go back in. Not when she would be easy prey for demons. Yet she couldn't help but want answers to why he had changed and who or what he really was. The insatiable curiosity gnawed at her. Her wolf could clearly speak, and even though his transformation had been terrifying, she knew deep down that she had no reason to be afraid. But should she trust her gut? Was it really worth the risk?

She sighed and sat up, picking up the tea. The questions would have to wait until after the rift was closed. Lifting the cup to her lips, she remembered the look in her wolf’s eyes. There was anger, yes, but also something like… terror?

Was he afraid of the form he’d taken? Had he simply been corrupted, like Solas had suggested?

He’d been there for her every time she’d needed someone – but she’d never considered that maybe he needed her, too. Maybe when it was all over she would find him again and finally get some answers. But if he was turning into some kind of demon, he would need someone to bring him back. _What if the longer I wait, the less likely it is that he can remain a spirit?_

She swallowed. She didn’t want to risk losing her friend like that. Even if… even if he was Fen’Harel. All of Deshanna's teachings told her not to trust him, that he would only ever try to trick her. But if he truly was trying to trick her, he would have done so already. He’d had so many opportunities to do so. He could have let that desire demon take her, or caught her off-guard when she was at her most vulnerable. She rubbed her forehead. Going back now wasn’t a good idea, but she supposed if she had her guard up she would be able to protect herself. Lana looked down at her tea and set it on her nightstand. She laid back down and closed her eyes.

_I’m going to regret this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a great holiday! My new year's resolution is to finish this fic 😅 This chapter was a little harder for me to write, but I have more content coming your way soon ❤❤❤
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	42. Chapter 42

The wind howled around her as she sat up in the Fade. The eerie green hue that had painted the sky of Amaranthine had stretched its reach to what was once her peaceful field, now replaced by dust and rocks. The forest behind her was still standing, though the once-emerald leaves were now shriveled and brown, and only gnarled branches and roots stuck out from the shadows. Lana stretched the tendrils of her magic out, acting as a shield.

She wasn’t even sure where to begin looking for her wolf – he was always somewhere nearby, but now… 

She bit her lip and walked into the forest. It was quieter than she remembered - emptied of wind and spirits, devoid of life and color. The spirits had likely left when the rift had formed. She pulled her magic tighter around her and took a step forward.

Solas had said she could pull others into her dreams – would it work on her wolf as well? Closing her eyes, she thought of him – trying to use her magic to pull him towards her. She stood there for a moment, but nothing happened. Opening her eyes once more, she found herself still alone.

_Strange. Maybe it doesn’t work that way with… well… gods._

She continued through the forest, carefully allowing several tendrils to reach out from her. Holding on to the thought of him, she tried to find any trace of him around her. Even if he were just a spirit, she would be able to find him that way, right? Or, at the very least, she could find the general area he was in.

Dry twigs snapped beneath her feet and she winced at the way it echoed in the silence. The trees loomed over her menacingly, but she kept moving.

Suddenly, she felt a chill down her spine. She turned to where the feeling was coming from, pulling her magic around herself and preparing to cast an offensive spell.

But there, in the distance, she saw a place where the forest had darkened – the shadows danced like fire, a ghostly aura around what looked to be some kind of pit of darkness. She knew she should leave. She should run, find a way out before whatever was inside that pit found her.

The cloud of darkness began to move, drifting through the trees away from her. Despite her better judgment, she followed it. Keeping her distance, she moved quietly through the trees. Whatever it was that was moving was almost as tall as the trees themselves. As she crept closer to it, she realized that the shadow was walking on four paws.

Was this what had become of her wolf?

She followed closer now, her heart thundering in her chest. The air around her grew icier, and she shivered.

The shadow stopped. It turned, the darkness rippling as it moved, and seven bloodred eyes looked down at her. The shadows were vaguely in the shape of her wolf, but it was as though he couldn’t quite hold on to the shape itself.

 _“You should not be here,”_ her wolf said. The timbre of his voice echoed through the air, sending a shiver down her spine.

“What… what happened to you?” she asked quietly.

 _“You need to leave,”_ he said, his tone almost pleading.

“Did that demon corrupt you?” she asked, taking a step closer.

Her wolf stepped back, looking away from her. _“It does not concern you.”_

“It does if it’s my fault,” she said, reaching toward him.

He snarled at her, and she jumped back, steadying herself against a tree. The reaction seemed to startle even him, and he took another step back.

“Or is this your true form?” she asked. “Are you really Fen’Harel?”

 _“Were it so simple,”_ he said, his voice softening.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “It’s a simple enough question.”

 _“I…”_ he started, and then turned away. _“You should leave, it is dangerous here.”_

“It’s dangerous everywhere,” she countered. “I can protect myself.” 

“ _Arrogance is not the same as courage, lethallan._ ”

“I’m not leaving until I know how to help you,” she said, following after him as he walked.

He whirled back to her. _“And what makes you think I need to be helped?”_ he said, his voice rising.

She didn’t even flinch as she stared up at him, her face hard. “Because this isn’t you,” she said. “The wolf I know – Fen’Harel or not – is my friend. Whatever happened when the demon attacked changed you. I don’t think corrupted spirits are beyond help. They can’t be.”

 _“It was not the demon that did this, lethallan,”_ he replied.

“Then what did?”

He paused for a moment. _“Pride.”_

She frowned as he continued on through the trees.

“Wait,” she said. “I still have questions.”

 _“I have no more answers for you,”_ he replied. _“Wake up.”_

She could feel the Fade shoving her away, but she fought back, keeping her feet steady. The wolf watched her, and she could sense his confusion.

“You can’t send me away,” she said firmly.

 _“Very well,”_ he said. He continued on, his form dissipating until all that remained was the empty wood.

She swallowed hard. She couldn’t feel him anymore – he was just gone. She closed her eyes and willed herself to return to the waking world.

***

“You look like shit,” Revan said the next morning as she poured Lana a cup of coffee. “Did the tea not work?”

“It worked,” she replied. She had gratefully downed her tea after returning from the Fade, eager to have a night of dreamless sleep. What had happened with her wolf was far worse than she thought – and she didn’t even have time to help him. There was so much more to be worried about and yet she couldn’t get it out of her mind.

“Merrill’s Keeper, Marethari, is going to be meeting with us later today,” Revan said. “She agreed to meet with all of us to get a better sense of the situation. If all goes well, we’ll be set to go to the Arlathvhen.”

Lana nodded.

Revan peered at her. “You seem like you’re really far away today,” she said. “Are you still… are you still coming down from yesterday?”

“No,” Lana said. “I’m fine.”

Revan snorted. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a shit liar?”

“All the time,” Lana smirked.

Her friend sighed. “Alright, well. Whenever you want to talk about what’s eating at you, I’m here.”

“Thanks,” Lana said as Revan left the table and joined Merrill on the couch.

Lana rubbed her forehead and pulled out her phone to text Solas. 

[Lana 9:34 AM: Are you awake?]

She stared at the text for a moment before putting her phone away. He usually texted back right away, but he was probably busy. She retreated to the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. The scalding water warmed her skin that had been much colder than she realized. The eyes of her wolf were branded on the back of her eyelids, and she couldn’t shake the complete and utter fear she had for him. 

_Pride._ Pride had turned him into what he was. What did that even mean? Was it a Pride demon? Or was it something else entirely?

Perhaps going into the Fade had been a bad idea, but she couldn’t help believe that he wasn’t beyond saving. He had seemed guilty for snapping at her, and she could still sense a kernel of kindness in him. _Maybe I should ask Solas for help._ She sighed as she shut off the water and dried herself. Solas would not have approved of her going into the Fade at all. It hadn’t been the wisest course of action, but she had done it to help her friend – even if he deemed himself beyond help.

She went to her room to dress and checked her phone. Solas still hadn’t texted her back. _Maybe he’s still asleep?_ He was likely as tired as she was.

***

Lana, Revan, and Merrill arrived at the restaurant where they had agreed to meet Keeper Marethari. It was close to their apartment, but out of the way enough that it likely wouldn’t have too much traffic. Marethari smiled at the three of them as they approached her table.

“ _Aneth ara_ ,” she said to them as they sat at the table. “I am glad you could meet with me today. And Merrill, it’s been too long, I’m glad to see you in person this time.”

“It’s good to see you, too, Keeper,” Merrill said, leaning down to give her a tight hug before sitting beside her.

Marethari looked at Lana and Revan and frowned. “Is Taelan not with you?”

“He had something unexpected come up at work,” Lana explained. “He sends his apologies.”

Marethari nodded. “It’s no matter – I am sure the two of you can explain the situation well enough. Merrill has told me that you wish to attend the Arlathvhen this year, but due to the three of you being banished, it has put you in a bit of a predicament.”

“It’s just me who was banished,” Lana corrected. “Revan and Taelan left of their own volition.”

“I see,” she said. “I must say, I have never met the current Keeper of the Lavellan clan, but from what I have heard, he is rather… ambitious.”

“That’s a word for it,” Revan muttered.

Marethari nodded. “Merrill has informed me that Keeper Nethrien may be involved in something that would endanger everyone at the Arlathvhen. Is this true?”

“It is,” Lana said. “We don’t know his exact plans, but we know he is in possession of an artifact similar to the one that caused the rift in the Veil at the University of Amaranthine. He mentioned… he mentioned using it on a mirror.”

Marethari blinked. “He means to use it on the eluvian they are bringing in this year, then.” 

“We think he is using the object as a sort of key to open the eluvian,” Lana explained. “But we’re not entirely sure if it will work or just cause more destruction.”

“And you witnessed him admitting to this?”

Lana nodded slowly. “I did.”

“The other Keepers will want to hear of this,” Marethari sighed, “but I do not know if they will believe your word on the matter. Not unless the accusations against you can be formally revoked. With the Arlathvhen in only a few weeks, it will be difficult, but not impossible. If you can present evidence of Keeper Nethrien’s corruption to the other Keepers, they may step in to overrule him – and potentially meet with the ha’hrens of the Lavellan clan to determine if he is still fit to be Keeper.”

“Can they actually do that?” Revan asked.

“Indeed,” Marethari said. “The Keepers are tasked with the preservation of our people and our culture – and it is our duty to prevent corruption. After what happened with Keeper Zathrian…” she shook her head. “We decided it was best to step in during extreme situations – such as this one, it seems.”

Lana rubbed her head. “Do you know when the eluvian will be there, Keeper?”

Marethari shook her head. “I do not, but I imagine it will arrive on the first day of the Arlathvhen.”

“We will need to work fast, then,” Revan said. “But where do we even start?”

“A private investigator, maybe?” Lana offered. “I was referred to one by… someone. I can reach out to them and see if they would be willing to help.”

“Very well. I will speak with the other Keepers,” Marethari said. “They will likely want to hold the meeting the day before the Arlathvhen begins, if you can manage it. Creators willing, they will finally see him for what he is.”

“What made you dislike him so much?” Lana asked.

Marethari smiled. “Keeper Deshanna and I were quite close before she passed away. She spoke of you often – and Nethrien. I suppose I don’t need to tell you how much she disliked him.”

“That is true,” Lana said with a laugh. “Thank you for helping us with this.”

“I do not believe your grandmother would approve if I refused to help,” she laughed. “But do not thank me yet, this battle has only just begun.”

***

When they returned to the apartment, Lana tried to call Solas to tell him what had happened. She listened to the ringing until it went to voicemail.

“It’s Lana,” she said into the recording. “I have news – call me when you get the chance.”

She hung up and frowned at the phone.

Perhaps he was really busy, then? She pulled out her laptop to type up an email to the private investigator Solas had told her about. When she had gone to the man’s website, it said that he was located in Denerim and preferred to do consultations in person. _Not exactly convenient given the circumstances, but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers._ She began to type.

[Hello,

My name is Lana Lavellan, and I was referred to you by Dr. Solas Wolf. There is someone from my past that I am attempting to build a case against. Would you be willing to meet me for a consultation sometime this week?

Thank you,

Lana Lavellan]

All that was left now was to sit and wait. She laid back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She wondered what she would even do if they overruled her banishment and removed Nethrien from his position as Keeper. Would she go back? Face everyone else who had backed Nethrien’s claims? There had been several people who had spoken out against Nethrien, but most members of her clan were too shocked to lean one way or the other.

The past few days, being with Revan, Merrill, and Taelan – even Keeper Marethari – made her realize how much she missed it. She _missed_ being with her people, and some forgotten, buried part of her had begun to ache.

Maybe she wouldn’t have to give up her career – there were plenty of Dalish elves who started careers outside of their clans. And maybe if Revan were made Keeper, things would be different. Better.

But in truth, what scared her the most was facing her father again. He’d had almost as much of a hand in banishing her as Nethrien did. He was Deshanna’s son, and everyone looked to him when she died for guidance. If he’d been a mage, he would have been made Keeper.

Perhaps that’s why he’d reacted the way he did. If he had gone against Nethrien, it would have caused a divide in the clan – and that was something they couldn’t afford. Her father was a logical man, after all.

It didn’t make it hurt any less, though.

Maybe if he knew the truth…

 _There’s no point in worrying about that now,_ she thought to herself.

Lana sighed and looked back at her phone. Solas still hadn’t texted her. Lana looked at the time. 6:47 PM. Worry gripped her and she sent another text.

[Lana 6:47 PM: Are you doing okay?]

She waited for a few minutes. Still nothing. She sucked in a breath and pressed _Call._

It rang once. Twice. It kept ringing until it reached voicemail again.

She bit her lip and got off of her bed. He would have texted her and told her if he were busy. Right?

No, this didn't make sense. Something was wrong, and she could feel it.

Pulling her coat around her and slipping on her shoes, she made for the door. “I’m going out to meet with Dorian, I’ll be back in a bit,” she said to Revan and Merrill. Revan waved as she walked outside, closing the door behind her.

This was one of the few times she wished she had a car. She dialed a number on her phone and waited. The operator on the other end answer.

“Yes, I’d like to hire a cab.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, comments and critiques are welcome ❤❤❤


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to mywitchcultblr and aymayzing for being my wonderful betas for this chapter ❤❤❤❤

When Solas returned to the hotel after leaving Taelan’s house, he rubbed his temples to soothe the growing headache. Hanging up his coat in the closet, his phone began to ring. He frowned as he looked at the caller ID. _Blocked Number._

He stared at it for a moment before sending it to voicemail.

Letting out a sigh, he looked at the empty room. Loneliness crept around him – it was foolish to miss her already, he supposed. He thought of the way her laughter had bubbled through the air, or the way she would steal glances at him when she thought he wasn’t looking. He shook his head. _Reckless._ That’s what he was being. So reckless that sometimes he would forget when to be cautious. He touched the sketchbook on his desk and opened it, flipping to the page where he had drawn his friend. It still hurt, even now.

The sketch had been his way of reminding himself of what had been lost – and the weakness he would never allow himself to feel again. Yet here he was again, attached to someone he was afraid to lose.

But Lana was not Silea. Silea had been an idealist, viewing the world through a pure lens. Lana saw the world for what it was, its darkness and beauty, and actively fought to protect those she cared about. He wasn’t quite sure yet if that made the situation better or worse.

Some foolish, prideful part of him wanted to believe that he would never allow anything like what happened with Silea to happen to Lana. He wanted that to be the case. 

His head continued to pound, and he closed the sketchbook. There would be no working with this headache. He changed out of his clothes and turned on the electric kettle to brew tea. He would sleep it off and then…

His phone rang a second time. He looked at the caller ID.

_Blocked Number_

He sent it to voicemail again. _Perhaps I will answer if you reveal yourself._

Pouring the hot water over the herbal tea and stirring in the honey, he set his phone on his desk and switched off the light. Walking to his bed, he rubbed his forehead. Exhaustion washed over him and the world began to spin. The sound of the cup clattering on the ground was the last thing he heard before the world disappeared.

***

The cab drove past snowbanks packed high on the side of the road, the still night of the suburbs doing nothing to calm Lana’s mind. Maybe she was being paranoid, or overthinking it – but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. When the cab driver pulled up to the hotel, she thanked her and stepped out, her head buzzing. She made her way through the main doors, glad that it seemed to be a particularly busy night that she could get by unnoticed.

She fidgeted with her rings as the elevator slowly rode up to his floor. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself. _It’s probably nothing._ _I’m just overreacting._

The elevator dinged, the doors taking their sweet time opening before she hurried out and down the hall toward his room, a _Do Not Disturb_ sign on the door handle. As she reached the door, something uneasy crawled across her skin. But it did not feel like her anxiety – the air felt like it had become almost… sickly. Dark. Cold.

She stood in front of his door and knocked. Nothing happened.

She knocked again. Still nothing.

Maybe he wasn’t even home? And yet, if something had happened to him… She looked around to make sure she was alone. _Now how did Solas do that trick with the lock?_

She willed her rift magic to slip through the crack of the door, feeling around and pushing until it clicked open. The room was dark as she entered.

“Solas?” she called.

There was no answer. Lana stepped inside, and her eyes fell to his sleeping form on the bed, laying at a strange angle. She realized instantly that this sickness in the air had been coming from _him_. Closing the door behind her, she crossed the room to his bed and shook him lightly.

“Solas?” she said.

Nothing happened.

Calling her spirit magic, she quickly assessed his body for illness or injury – and found nothing. He was physically fine, save his deathly stillness.

Switching on the light, she looked around for any sign of what might have happened. Her foot lightly kicked something hard. Kneeling down, she picked up the cup that smelled faintly of old herbal tea. Realization struck.

He was in the Fade. But… was it not on purpose?

She swallowed as she turned back to him. “Solas, please wake up,” she said, shaking him again. His skin was hot to the touch.

“Fuck,” she hissed. If her theory was correct, she would need to wake him up from the Fade. She kicked off her shoes and sat on the bed beside him. Closing her eyes, she willed herself into the Fade.

***

Appearing once more in the roaring wasteland of the Raw Fade, she was still very much alone. She was going to have to somehow pull herself into his dreams. She didn’t exactly know _how,_ per se, but she had to try.

Lana swallowed and closed her eyes, trying to will herself to find him. Hot air whipped around her and she felt the ground disappear from under her. She was freefalling, but barely had enough time to scream before she slammed into the hard ground. Groaning, she clutched her abdomen. Pulling herself off the ground, she sat up and looked at her surroundings.

The world around her was on fire. She was sitting atop a tall hill looking out at a burning forest. There was no doubt in her mind, now – a demon was holding him in this nightmare. _What in the Void kind of demon would cause this?_

She reached out with her magic, trying to feel for him. But she couldn’t feel anything beyond the burning forest. Sucking in a breath, she made her way to the edge of the forest, the flames blocking off the tree line. She thought for a moment. A Dreamer could alter what they saw and experienced in the Fade – she could try doing the same here. She focused her energy on putting out the fire.

In front of her, the fires from a small section of trees died until all that remained were embers. She did not have nearly enough power over this dream to do it to the entire forest. But she would need to make do. 

She stepped through the forest, the smoke curling around her as she moved, finding that she could only maintain a bubble of control around herself. As soon as she left an area, the flames would reignite and roar in defiance.

And all at once, she could feel him – he was distant still, but not entirely out of reach.

Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she whirled. She saw nothing, but she knew trusting her eyes at this point over her instincts was a bad move. Starting in that direction, she pushed her way through the fire. She could sense him more clearly now, and she began to move faster.

“Solas?” she called.

Lana climbed over fallen trees and through smoldering brush, ash covering her legs and feet as she jogged forward. Reaching a clearing in the forest, she paused.

He was nowhere to be seen.

She raked her fingers through her hair and continued forward, her stomach winding into a knot. A prickle came in the back of her spine. She whirled, and a large figure stepped through the fire on the other side of the clearing. The creature had grey skin, sharp claws, and enormous horns. As it neared, it towered above her with seven black eyes and a terrifying sneer.

A Pride demon.

This is what had been holding him here. She swallowed and took a step back as the demon took a step forward. She pulled the energy from the Fade, concentrating it around herself. The demon reached forward, a ball of electricity forming in its hand. As the magic flew from its claws, she fade-stepped forward out of the way. She landed hard on the ground, hissing at the pain. The demon let out a wicked laugh.

The magic around her was too erratic and unpredictable here. Whether it was because she was in Solas’ dream or because of the demon, she couldn’t be sure. But this was not going to be easy.

 _Maybe I could use the environment,_ she thought. Construct of the Fade or not, the demon had made all of this quite real. The demon clearly had a strong hold over the dream, but she could try. She looked from the demon to the forest. It would be risky, but if she was going to stand a chance at banishing it…

She fade-stepped to the forest and past the trees. She could hear the demon growling as it followed behind her. She waited until it had gone past the tree line and pushed out with her magic. The burning trees responded to her magic and fell around the demon, landing hard on its back and pinning it to the ground. The demon let out a roar and began to lift itself up. She swallowed and kept going as the demon began to run after her. Tree after tree she brought down, but after the first few times it started learning her pattern, blocking the trees and knocking them away with ease. She was going to need to think of something else.

Electricity ripple through the air and she turned around to see a blast of light. It threw her back against a tree. She could feel the cuts on her arms and legs, but she didn’t have time to pay them any mind. She fade-stepped forward. _Solas, where are you?_

She clenched her teeth. Running constantly was only going to tire her out – not the demon. She turned back and threw a blast of rift magic toward the demon. She wrapped it around the demon, crushing it with her magic. It stilled, and for a moment she got a sense that her magic might affect it. And then it ripped a tree out of the ground and threw it at her. She dropped her magic and fade-stepped out of the way.

Crashing into the dirt, she scrambled up. She needed to find Solas, now. Maybe finding him and getting him out would be enough – but there was no way she could fight this demon off.

Lana fade-stepped again, racing through the forest. She tried to get a sense of where he was, but he was just… nowhere. When she had made it far enough away from the demon she collapsed on the ground. She was exhausted – even here.

And then she felt it. A flicker – so small, so weak. She could feel him. She swallowed and picked herself back up, following the feeling.

 _There_.

She saw him walking through the forest, his hands behind his back. She ran up to him and touched his shoulder. He whirled, and she gasped as she saw his eyes – smoke seemed to pour from them as he gritted his teeth, seeming ready to attack her, and then…

His eyes cleared, and his face relaxed as he took her in.

“ _Vhenan_ ,” he breathed.

She took his face in her hands. _“Wake up,”_ she said.

Magic shoved him away, the world around her scattering to the wind as the Raw Fade appeared around her. She closed her eyes and willed herself from the Fade.

She opened her eyes and saw Solas stirring awake. He sat up, covering his face with one hand. He looked up at her, his face looking almost hollow. She reached for him and pulled him into her arms. He buried his face in the curved of her neck, holding her tightly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” she said softly.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “You didn’t know.”

Lana willed a wave of calm around him, trying to be gentle with her magic. He curled his arms tighter around her, but she could feel him beginning to calm down.

She pulled away and took his face in her hands. “What happened?” she asked.

He was quiet for a moment. “I am not sure,” he answered. He looked down at her arm.

“You’re hurt,” he said.

She looked down, several cuts along her upper arm and thighs. He called magic to his fingers and healed her wounds.

“You tried to fight it,” he said.

“I thought it was the demon that was holding you there,” she said.

He swallowed. “Perhaps you are right.”

“But you were able to leave without banishing it – will it come back?” she asked.

“We will not give it the opportunity to,” he said. “Not yet, anyway.”

He pulled himself fully onto the bed and laid back down, rubbing his eyes. She laid down beside him, watching him as he stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought. He was more shaken than she’d ever seen him before.

They laid in silence, and she let her magic wash over him more. He turned to her and curled his arms around her.

“I do not deserve you, _vhenan,_ ” he said softly, kissing her temple.

“I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily true,” she said, running her fingers across his cheek. “I’ve been told I’m a handful.”

He chuckled as he reached up and touched her hand, running his thumb across hers before turning and kissing her palm. She started to pull her hand away when something caught her eye – four long scars across his outer forearm. They looked fairly new.

“What are these from?” she asked.

He followed her gaze. “Ah, yes. That,” he said as she gently touched one of them. “Another misadventure in the Fade, I suppose.”

“Another powerful demon, I take it?”

“It took me by surprise,” he replied, pulling away and sitting up. “Were you able to talk to Merrill’s keeper today?”

The abrupt switch in topics threw her off, but she imagined he didn’t want to think about demons anymore. Which was understandable, she supposed.

“Yes,” she said, sitting up. “We’ll need to appeal to the _ha’hrens_ at the Arlathvhen with evidence that shows them who Nethrien is. Once we have that, we may be allowed to attend and stop him.”

Solas’ jaw locked. “And if they do not accept your evidence?”

“Then we do it the messy way,” she said. “Which I would like to avoid.”

“Sometimes getting your hands dirty is necessary,” he said, pulling himself off the bed as he began to pace. “We cannot allow him to gain access to the eluvian, or keep the orb. There is too much at stake.”

He sounded frustrated. Far more frustrated than she’d heard before.

She stood up and touched his arm. “I know,” she said. “We all know what’s at stake, but without the support of the _ha’hrens_ we will be on our own, and more people could get hurt in the crossfire.”

He opened his mouth as if to protest and stopped himself. He looked away, seemingly lost in thought for a moment before he looked back at her. “Very well, _vhenan_ ,” he sighed. “I trust that you know what you’re doing.”

She brushed her fingers against his cheek. “I suppose this might be a silly question, but are you alright?”

He seemed to relax beneath her touch. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“I will be,” he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, pride demons have always freaked me out in the games 😅 Though I preferred them more in DAO and DA2 where they were less common (looking at you, DAI, with your endless rifts spitting out pride demons like they're on a conveyor belt). DAI kind of cheapened them a little bit, which sucks because they've always been so interesting. 
> 
> And... oddly Dread Wolf-like 😅😉
> 
> Thanks for reading! ❤❤❤


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to mywitchcultblr for being my lovely beta for this chapter 🥰

When Lana had finally fallen asleep, Solas pulled himself from the bed.

She stirred slightly, her eyes opening slightly as she touched his arm. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss her temple.

“Go back to sleep,” he murmured. “I just need to get some fresh air.”

She nodded as sleep pulled her back under, and he pushed the hair from her face and brushed his knuckles against her cheek.

He slipped on his coat and quietly left the room, making his way down to the lobby and into the cold night. He needed to clear his head after what had happened. He walked along the snow-covered pavement away from the hotel. The snow had finally stopped falling, the skies clear enough to reveal the sea of stars overhead.

The dreams were getting worse – much worse than he had imagined. They had been bad ever since before he had arrived in Amaranthine, but it was not as frequent. And even then, he was more in control of them and would be able to will himself to leave the Fade easily. But with the Veil torn open and more demons being drawn to the area, it felt harder to keep them at bay, and harder still to pull himself from dreaming.

Yet he believed that it wasn’t the demons that were hunting him. Years ago, he would have been able to seek guidance from his mentor, but he doubted even she would know the answers. It was like something dark was stalking him, and there were times when he would feel as though he would forget himself and get lost in the Fade.

But never had he been locked in the Fade for an entire day. And he had certainly never been pulled into the Fade against his will.

If it had not been for Lana, he was convinced that the demon hunting him would have never let him escape. What it wanted he could never be quite sure. It didn’t seem bent on possessing him. Or, at least, that was his assumption.

What had become abundantly clear, however, was that he needed to find his mentor. He would not be able to do this on his own, and he could not bring Lana into this. If he asked her now, he knew she would help him without a second thought. But it would feel like a manipulation on his part – unless he told her everything.

He wanted to tell her. He wanted to explain everything that had happened, why he had come to Amaranthine in the first place. But it was unnecessary and would likely cause more complications than he was ready for, and would likely give her more to worry about. She didn’t need that – not until the rift was closed.

Even then, he didn’t even know how she would react to it all. Would she despise him for omitting that part of his past? Would she understand?

Perhaps one day – one day when he had answers for what was happening, and he was not at risk of being possessed – he would be able to tell her.

That was assuming that he could find his mentor in the first place, or a way to be rid of the dreams. It felt like a stalemate, an impossible problem without a plausible solution that wouldn’t cost him something he wasn’t willing to give up.

But he needed to stay focused on the task at hand – and he would need to drink much more of the tea than he usually did. It was irritating that he would need to keep a steady supply of it in his system to avoid being pulled into the Fade, but the sooner they closed the rift and potentially strengthen the Veil in the area, the sooner he would be able to focus his energies on retrieving the orb and finding his mentor.

***

[Miss Lavellan,

We can meet for a consultation so you can explain your situation more. Are you free this Friday evening? We can meet at The Blue Griffon, 7:00 pm.

Best,

Felassan, Private Investigator]

Lana didn’t particularly like the idea of going to Denerim – and she definitely didn’t like the idea of waiting around for answers while Nethrien was out there with the orb. But she thought about everyone who would be attending the Arlathvhen; her clan, and Merrill’s… her father. Despite what he did, she didn’t want him hurt. Or worse. If they were to have any chance of convincing the other Keepers of Nethrien’s corruption, they would need all the help they could get.

She had done some research on Felassan – he seemed fairly reputable, if the information she found was reliable. Solas trusted him, which was promising enough for her.

The road to Denerim was long. Solas was being quiet, which was understandable. He’d been through a lot in the last week. Lana still didn’t quite understand what happened, and she assumed that Solas would likely explain when he was ready. She still couldn’t get the image of how different he’d been in the Fade when she had found him. It was like he had become a completely different person. If she were being honest, it scared her and she still wasn’t quite sure how to process it.

After her experience with the terror demon, she could understand how people would forget that they were in the Fade and none of it was real – but Solas had always seemed so collected in the Fade.

Yet she had never gone into _his_ dreams before. They were quite close, but he still seemed like a private person. Going into his dream had felt invasive, yet it had opened her eyes to the fact that there was more troubling him than he cared to admit. Questions were burning in the back of her mind, but she knew better than to ask. If he wanted to keep parts of himself private – like his friendship with Silea – then she wanted to respect that. She’d had her fair number of people try to pry into things she would rather not talk about when she wasn’t ready.

She didn’t like sharing her past with people she didn’t fully trust. There were few people she trusted enough to be vulnerable – which was why talking with the investigator had her on edge so much. Honestly, this whole thing felt like a nightmare. Not her usual nightmares, but it felt like she was a step away from walking back into the Fear demon’s grasp.

She took a deep breath, willing the thoughts to go away – if that was even possible at this point. It was like the box in the back of her mind had opened wide, never to be closed again. A sudden wave of calming magic washed over her.

“It’s going to be alright,” Solas said. “You don’t have to give any more information than you are able to give.”

Lana realized that he was reaching out with his magic. Apparently she hadn’t been so subtle with her emotions after all. Lately, his magic felt so natural she barely noticed it as much.

“I know,” she said.

***

The Blue Griffon looked to be some kind of high-end bar run by elves, which Lana appreciated. She wore a dark green dress and high-heeled shoes, which still didn’t make her quite as tall as Solas, much to her dismay. He led her inside, his hand touching her back, and there was a small part of her that enjoyed being able to be in public with him without worrying.

The hostess led them to where Felassan was already sitting.

When they arrived at his table, he stood up, a warm smile on his face. Lana blinked in surprise. Felassan was _Dalish._ He had Mythal’s vallaslin etched across his forehead, cheekbones, and chin.

“You must be Miss Lavellan,” he said, reaching out to shake her hand. “I’m Felassan.”

She smiled as she reached out to shake his hand.

Felassan’s eyes moved to Solas and he gave him a tight-lipped smile. “It’s been a while, my friend,” he said.

“It has,” Solas replied smoothly. Lana looked between them – there was clearly a story there but she didn’t have the courage to ask.

“Drinks?” Felassan asked. “You both look like you could use one.”

Solas looked to Lana. “I’m fine,” she said. “I’ll be alright.”

He shrugged. “Well, let’s get to it, shall we?” Felassan said. “You mentioned it was someone who you are looking to discredit, yes?”

“Right,” Lana said, folding her hands in front of her, trying desperately not to fidget.

“Tell me about him,” he said.

She took a deep breath. “His name is Nethrien. He joined my clan when I was fifteen years old, he was from Antiva City but he decided to rejoin the Dalish even after his parents had denounced them.”

“Them?” he asked.

“Er… us, I guess,” she said, fidgeting with her rings. She flattened her hands and took a deep breath. “Anyway, he’s a mage, so my Keeper took him under her wing. I was the First, but he wanted that position as well. My Keeper denied him that and he tried to…” she shook her head. “Sorry. He wanted to become the Keeper after she died, and framed me for doing blood magic so I would be banished and he could become Keeper.”

Felassan’s face fell slightly. “How old were you?” She could see him assessing her bare face.

“Seventeen,” she said.

He shook his head in disbelief. “So you are trying to rejoin the Lavellan clan, then?”

She chewed her lip. “No… and yes. Maybe, I’m not sure yet. My banishment was complicated. More than anything, I want the other Keepers to realize that he’s not what he seems. I need evidence. I know he’s a blood mage, and I know he’s trying to hurt people at the Arlathvhen.”

Felassan’s eyebrows rose, his gaze flickering between her and Solas. “Well, color me intrigued,” he said with a lighthearted smile. “I’ll take the case, and…” he paused. “I’ll do it pro-bono. One, because I owe _this_ one a debt, and two, because I personally would prefer that nothing happen to anyone at the Arlathvhen.”

“You and me both,” she said.

“It’s settled then,” he said, leaning back. "Is there anything else you can tell me about him?" 

She swallowed. "Nothing that would really help the investigation." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes," she said, crossing her arms. 

Felassan studied her for a moment and nodded. “Very well. I’ll find what I can on the man, and get back to you soon. We will be in touch.” He stood up, eyeing Solas as he left the table.

That was faster than she'd expected. But regardless, she was glad it was over quickly.

Lana frowned. “So, are you going to tell me why the two of you were acting weird around each other?”

“It’s complicated,” Solas said, getting up and sitting across from her.

“How cryptic,” she said.

He chuckled. “It’s a long story for another time.”

She pressed her lips together but decided against pressing the issue. “So – are we planning to get drinks, or…?”

“Well, seeing as this is technically our first date, I was considering ordering dinner,” he said.

“Our first date? You don’t count when we were in the Fade?”

“Call me old-fashioned,” he smirked.

She laughed. “Fine, but I’m still counting our Fade dates.”

“You are free to do as you like.”

“Is that so?”

His eye lightened at the playfulness in her tone. “Within reason, I suppose.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you assuming I’m referring to something dirty?”

He smirked. “It is not an assumption if I know for a fact that it is true.”

She bit her lip. “Fair point, I suppose.”

He chuckled as he looked back down at the menu, and she smiled to herself. She was glad to see him more relaxed – she supposed getting out of town had helped him clear his head as well. But she couldn’t shake the nervousness in the back of her mind. It was starting to become a trend that the longer she knew him, the more she realized that there was so much about him that he wouldn’t talk about. Perhaps it didn’t matter – if it were important he would tell her.

Maybe when this was all over, she would ask him about Silea and Felassan and he would trust her enough to tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that I love Felassan? Because I do, quite a bit. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! ❤❤❤


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There is a discussion of trauma in the last section of this chapter, after the second set of asterisks. ***

Lana chewed on her lip. Waiting around helplessly for Felassan to gather information did nothing for her anxiety over the situation. The probability that Nethrien had gone through the trouble to cover up his past was too likely – if there was even a record of anything. He’d come from Antiva with nothing but a bag and the clothes on his back. That much she remembered. Deshanna and the others agreed to let him join the Lavellan clan, but it wasn’t like anyone had done a background check on him to make sure he wasn’t a wanted murderer. But nothing said that he _was_ a murderer, either. She had been going on a hunch based on her own past with him, but a hunch wasn’t going to convince the Keepers that he was a liar and she wasn’t a blood mage. And it most certainly wouldn’t convince them that she was telling the truth when she said that he was planning something dangerous. He was a Keeper, and the title garnered more respect than an ex-First who had been found with a knife and a demon. 

She felt like the walls of her apartment were closing in around her, the nervousness slowly eating away at her mind. It didn’t help that she was alone, either. Revan and Merrill were out again, and Solas would be working well into the night on grading final exams. She’d never been more grateful for the winter break. It didn’t really feel like a break with the crisis that was happening on campus, but it was much-needed. If they could manage to get their hands on the orb, there was a small chance that things could return to normal.

Maybe.

Letting out a huff, Lana realized it would probably be better if she occupied her mind with something – anything else – to hold on to some semblance of her sanity. She picked up her phone from the table and dialed.

***

It seemed like it had been forever since she had been to the tavern near her apartment. It was more packed than usual, which made Lana feel slightly on edge. She found a seat in the back and ordered a drink. When she was here last, she was with all her friends and Cullen on her birthday. It had seemed like a simpler time. It was before she’d gone into the Fade for the first time – and before she’d met Solas.

Somehow, it felt like ages had passed since then.

The waitress set Lana’s drink in front of her, pulling her back to reality. She thanked her politely and gripped her glass tightly, as though it were her only anchor to the world.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Dorian said as he slid into the seat across from her, drink already in hand. “I will admit I was surprised when you called, considering everything that’s going on.”

Lana bit her lip. “Yeah – sorry I’ve been a bit MIA for the last week.”

“I imagine you’ve been working on a solution?” he asked. “Knowing you, you’ve thought about it at least a few times.”

“We have a potential solution,” Lana said, running the tip of her finger around the rim of the glass. “We’ll be going to Orlais next week.”

“What’s in Orlais?” he asked.

“Another orb,” she said.

“What?” he asked. “How in blazes is _another_ orb going to help?”

“The theory is that the orb will be powerful enough to help at least stabilize the rift so we can close it,” she explained.

“Or tear the hole wider,” Dorian replied.

Lana raked her fingers through her hair. “I don’t suppose you have a better idea?”

Dorian thought for a moment as he swirled his drink. “No,” he admitted. “But from what I’ve heard, the police don’t have a better idea either. They’ve been working with the military to keep the demons from overrunning the campus, but it’s not exactly a long-term solution.”

“I’m assuming Cullen has been giving you updates, then?” she asked.

He nodded. “He said that Meredith is at her wit’s end. I don’t suppose you’re planning on telling them of your plan to use this other orb?”

“Not yet,” she said. “There’s no point in bringing them in before we even have a potential solution, and I’d really rather avoid getting them involved before that time anyway.”

Dorian gave her a knowing look. “I take it it’s not your issue with authority that’s preventing you from speaking with them about it.” It wasn’t exactly a question.

She bit her lip. “If Cullen wouldn’t understand or condone this solution, I imagine Meredith wouldn’t either.”

“You don’t know that he wouldn’t,” Dorian countered. “They are fairly desperate. And from what I’ve heard, they’ve been scrambling trying to reach out to anyone who might have a solution. Including your professor, if I recall.”

“Wait, what?” she said.

“Apparently they’ve been trying to reach Dr. Wolf since he is the professor with the most experience with the Veil, but they haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”

Lana looked down at her drink. “Interesting.”

“Actually, that is part of the reason I’m here,” Dorian said. “Cullen… he seems to think you will know the whereabouts of Dr. Wolf. I told him that it’s unlikely, but he made a comment that made me wonder if there is some truth behind it.”

Her eyes snapped back up to him. “What comment?”

Dorian searched her face. “He seems to think that the two of you are in some sort of… relationship. Normally, I would pass it off as him being a jealous ex-boyfriend – that was until he mentioned that he visited you the other day and discovered that you were with someone. I told him that I didn’t even know you had started dating anyone, but after what you told me about how you felt about him…” he sighed. “I’m not here to judge you, and you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. But if you know where he is, or how they can contact him – he might be able to help them close the rift.” 

She looked at her friend, her mouth dry. She _wanted_ to tell him everything. Hiding something this big and hearing about it from Cullen of all people – she imagined it felt like a slap in the face of their friendship. But she had made an agreement with Solas that she would not tell anyone outside of Revan. Taelan had guessed as well and Solas was aware of it, but… Dorian was a different story.

“I can try to get a message to him,” she said. Why Solas hadn’t mentioned that they were trying to contact him she didn’t know – she would need to ask him about it.

Dorian’s eyes saddened.

“I wish I could tell you more,” she said softly.

He sighed. “I don’t understand all the secrecy, but I know you – you wouldn’t keep something from me unless you had a good reason. Just answer me this – are you safe? Happy?”

She gave him a small smile. “I am.”

Dorian’s face relaxed into a smile as well. “That is good to hear, at least. But you will tell me? Someday soon?”

She nodded. “Someday soon.”

***

A week passed before they finally heard from Felassan. Lana’s phone rang and she quickly answered it when she saw the caller ID.

“This is Lana,” she answered, trying not to sound too eager. Or perhaps trying not to seem so hopeful. Though she didn’t know if it was for her own benefit or his.

“Lana! I was able to find some information on Nethrien – it wasn’t as much as I would have liked, though. He was quite thorough in scrubbing his past clean.”

Naturally. Her stomach twisted. “But you were able to find something useful?”

“Possibly. I found out that he used to go by a different name, at the very least, and his past life was quite… colorful.”

“What did you find?”

“It seems Nethrien comes from a particularly wealthy family in Antiva,” Felassan explained. “But he was disowned after they learned about his ties to an underground smuggling ring.”

She frowned. “Smuggling what, exactly?

“Lyrium,” he replied. “He was caught during one of their heists and did time in jail. It was a huge scandal and was all over the news. His father bailed him out, but later disowned him and stripped him of his inheritance. That was roughly ten years ago.”

“So, around the same time he joined my clan,” Lana said.

“Indeed,” he said. “In order for him to be released, he made a deal to sell out other members of the smuggling ring, which didn’t earn him any favors. So he likely didn’t have anywhere to turn and didn’t want to remain homeless.”

Lana sighed. “That might be helpful to show that he’s a shitty person, but that tells us nothing about blood magic or a connection to… anything.”

“I know,” he said. “He’s been living off the grid ever since he joined the clan, so there’s no record of him even sneezing for the last ten years.”

So they were back to square one.

“I’m sorry,” Felassan went on. “But I’ll also be going to the Arlathvhen this year, so I will see if there is anything I can do to help. If the Keepers don't accept all this as evidence of his character, we may have a better chance of collecting information when we’re there so we can change their mind.”

"Okay," Lana sighed. "Thank you for helping us with this."

“Stay safe, Lana,” Felassan said.

As the phone call ended, she flopped back on her bed.

_Great._

She looked over at her half-packed suitcase. Two days. Two more days until they flew out to Orlais and she was going to have to face everything that she’d left behind. She huffed and closed her suitcase, as though it would somehow banish the fear that was creeping back around her. There was a part of her that felt like she could handle it, but in truth, she didn’t know how she would react. When she’d heard Nethrien’s voice in the Fade – it was like no time had passed. She was back in those woods, alone and afraid.

Swallowing, she tried to push the thoughts away. 'Tried' being the operative word. She stood up and began to pace, her throat closing as she tried to find a steady rhythm in her steps to keep her steady. Lana wished that they could just go and be done with it so that she would never need to see him again.

 _This is ridiculous,_ she thought as tears sprung up in her eyes.

A knock came at her door and she quickly wiped her tears and opened it.

Revan opened her mouth to speak, and faltered. “El? Why are you crying?”

Lana swallowed and crossed her arms. “It’s nothing.”

“Okay, enough,” she said, pulling her into the room and closing the door. Revan sat on her bed, her green eyes locked on her expectantly. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Lana hugged herself tighter as she sat down beside her friend. “Felassan called,” she said. “He found out that Nethrien used to be involved in smuggling lyrium and that his rich father disowned him, but it won’t be enough to convince the other Keepers.”

Revan shook her head. “Of course there’s nothing else on him,” she said. She looked back at Lana. “So what do we do now?”

Lana bit her lip. “Unless we can find something related to his operation in Halamshiral, we’re screwed.”

Revan touched her shoulder. “We’ll figure it out,” she said with a smile. “But… that’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?”

Lana took a deep breath before she dropped her arms, her shoulders sagging. “No.”

Her friend didn’t say a word – she just waited.

“I can’t face him,” Lana said. “I heard his voice in the Fade and I fell apart. Seeing him in person? I can’t do that. And I’m so _angry._ I’m angry about what he did, and I’m even angrier that he got away with it. He took everything from me, and then on top of that, he accused me of doing blood magic and forced me away from my family, my home, and my culture. But the worst part is that all of this was so long ago and I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I should be over it by now.”

She was fully crying now – and quite honestly, she didn’t care anymore.

Revan took her hand. “I know you don’t talk about what happened – and I won’t pry. If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. But… what happened is not your fault. And you’re allowed to feel angry and upset about it, for however long you feel that way.” She squeezed her hand. “And whatever happens, you’ve survived this. You’ve made a life for yourself and you haven’t lost yourself along the way.

“As for facing him… we’ll go at your pace, as much as we can. He’ll be excluded from the meeting the Keepers because he’s a biased party. Finding dirt on him while we’re in the city might be a little harder. But if he does show up – Tae and I will be there. And if you want to leave at any point, we’ll respect your decision. You’re not alone in this.”

Lana wiped the tears from her cheeks. Revan pulled her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms tightly around her friend.

“I’m sorry Rev,” Lana said as she pulled away.

“Why are _you_ sorry?” Revan frowned.

She laughed softly. “Here I am, griping about what happened to me, but he hurt you, too.”

“It’s okay, El,” she said. “I’m angry, too, but… you and I have different experiences with him, and you don’t have to feel bad for talking about it with me. Honestly, I’m glad you’re talking about it with me.”

“I am, too,” Lana said. “You’re probably the only other person who could possibly understand what he’s like. And I feel guilty that I wasn’t able to protect you from him.”

“No,” Revan said. “That isn’t your fault. What happened to us is _his_ fault. You’re not responsible for what happened to me.”

“But if I’d been there…” Lana’s voice trailed off.

“No one knows what would have happened,” Revan said. “But what could have happened – it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters now is that we survived, and we’re here together. All three of us. And he’s not going to tear us apart again.”

They were together. They had been through the fire and had come out on the other side alive. And in that moment, Lana decided that she would do whatever it took to make sure that never happened again. Even if it meant… even if it meant facing Nethrien again.

“We can do this,” Lana said.

Revan smiled. “We can do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you may have noticed - I have figured out how many chapters are left. So buckle up, it's going to be a wild ride 😅 
> 
> I also appreciate you all for your patience with this chapter. It was hard for me to write for personal reasons, but it needed to happen for the story and the characters. Anyway, thanks for bearing with me, and as always, thank you for reading ❤


End file.
